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Man enough to handle an assertive woman
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Nothing wrong with the dom sub scenario, and I know loads look for it, women looking for the strong male taking the lead and men enjoying a sub woman.
I'm no domina but I prefer a balanced play where both take control alternately. I find it slowly but surely frustrating getting the dom stuff as a reaction to my persona. It takes more of a man to accept a strong partner than bullying your way through.
Am I a strange animal or are there others out there feeling the same? Or maybe I'm attracting/going for the wrong ones?
Is porn doing the lads head in thinking they've to suppress the woman when it comes down to sex? | |||
Like yourself I am a strong independent woman, both here and in the vanilla world.
Fairly outspoken but only because I truly believe that one should stand by their principles and be honest...
I respect that women like strong men and prefer to be in their control..
However, I sizzle by shared mutual play, asking guys what turns them on, telling them my likes and needs..
But.....
See guys who would even dare call women sluts either here or me during sex, go wank!!! | |||
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"Is it an age thing ? Younger guys being arrogant. Thought there would be a more well rounded man on here seeing as real swinging is women in control all the time and at the centre of attention or am I really naive? I never watch Any porn that isn't relatively traditional , if you get me , so can't give an opinion on that" Older guys like subs too though.. I see lots of posts and get mails from guys,looking me to be a sub... In the past during play it was guys same age who used the slut word and ended up alone.. | |||
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I think some of it is down to them being bullies and having to get their own way.
But unfortunately I do believe a lot of men still have a caveman attitude and treat ladies accordingly 
Personally I would love to find someone to take control.... But at the very least I want you to tell me what you want & like, but more importantly I want you to correct me if I'm doing it wrong. I'd hate to think you hadn't enjoyed our time together...
Sorry for the book  | |||
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"Great post
Like yourself I am a strong independent woman, both here and in the vanilla world.
Fairly outspoken but only because I truly believe that one should stand by their principles and be honest...
I respect that women like strong men and prefer to be in their control..
However, I sizzle by shared mutual play, asking guys what turns them on, telling them my likes and needs..
But.....
See guys who would even dare call women sluts either here or me during sex, go wank!!!"I couldn't agree more! I'm all up for a bit of dirty talk but call me a slut and my blood runs cold. I have a fab friend who has done it and when I pulled him he says he means it in the nicest possible way....(and he is a nice guy!) But it doesn't make me wanna give out the best blow job of my life lol Also I kinda hate the are you Dom/sub question. I'm both just depends on my partner. | |||
" Am I a strange animal or are there others out there feeling the same? Or maybe I'm attracting/going for the wrong ones? Is porn doing the lads head in thinking they've to suppress the woman when it comes down to sex?" I think the answer is a bit of everything tbh. I would say that on balance most women like the man to take the lead (without necessarily being submissive per se) and again I think the majority the mainstream porn would have men as domineering, POV, cum sluts, bang bros, milf hunter etc etc Now, personally I love to give pleasure and while I'm nobody's slave I enjoy when the female is asking for... And getting... What she wants... | |||
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I love getting a guy so excited and worked up he looses himself in the moment calling me his durteeeee slut, bitch, whore and whatever grabs his fancy.... | |||
"Being rather outspoken and knowing what I want, I find loads of blokes can't deal with it. All they come back with is a full on bull approach thinking the woman needs to be tamed. You can't tame a wild animal!
Nothing wrong with the dom sub scenario, and I know loads look for it, women looking for the strong male taking the lead and men enjoying a sub woman.
I'm no domina but I prefer a balanced play where both take control alternately. I find it slowly but surely frustrating getting the dom stuff as a reaction to my persona. It takes more of a man to accept a strong partner than bullying your way through.
Am I a strange animal or are there others out there feeling the same? Or maybe I'm attracting/going for the wrong ones?
Is porn doing the lads head in thinking they've to suppress the woman when it comes down to sex?"I feel exactly like this, great post | |||
"Great post
Like yourself I am a strong independent woman, both here and in the vanilla world.
Fairly outspoken but only because I truly believe that one should stand by their principles and be honest...
I respect that women like strong men and prefer to be in their control..
However, I sizzle by shared mutual play, asking guys what turns them on, telling them my likes and needs..
But.....
See guys who would even dare call women sluts either here or me during sex, go wank!!!
I couldn't agree more! I'm all up for a bit of dirty talk but call me a slut and my blood runs cold. I have a fab friend who has done it and when I pulled him he says he means it in the nicest possible way....(and he is a nice guy!) But it doesn't make me wanna give out the best blow job of my life lol
Also I kinda hate the are you Dom/sub question. I'm both just depends on my partner. "I can see ur points the slut word is similar to the c u next Tues one some like it some don't but again if that I'd said before a meet it should be clear, also the sub dom question sometimes doesn't have to be asked if it's referred to in a profile but other times it can clear up alot of other questions. I think there's a bigger issue here as in a man not being able to accept that a woman that knows what she wants and expresses her idea of a good meet puts him on the whole u think ur mightier than me cloud when he should be saying mmm this could be a whole new experience Again only my take on it | |||
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"Can't understand the name calling thingy....
I love getting a guy so excited and worked up he looses himself in the moment calling me his durteeeee slut, bitch, whore and whatever grabs his fancy.... "Be still my beating heart. I think I've just fallen in love 
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"Anyone call me a dirty c u next Tuesday I'd pull there tongue out of there head. ... is that strong enough awful word "Oddly enough if you said that someone was a dirty c-nut.... I'd assume you were referring to a bloke not a woman... | |||
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"I don't think Porn is the issue because if someone thinks Porn is real then they have a problem. It's no more real than Corrie or Fair City (Much more enjoyable to watch though )
"Unfortunately I think a lot of people actually kinda struggle with this  I think all kinds of media (porn/tv/film) do influence people, even in little ways. Especially in a country suffering from a huge catholic hangover, where sex education doesn't really exist, or at least didn't when I was in school. People get their cues from wherever they can, and unfortunately for a lotta young fellas that's porn. Not saying it's entirely down to that, but I wouldn't count out the influence.
Back to the point, I love being told what to do, turns me on and focuses me  Happy either way really as long as communication is really clear | |||
"Fantastic post I have to say. Personally speaking if I make contact with someone I'm confident enough not to change my approach to suit someones needs. It's a strong/dominant woman wants to assert herself that's brilliant but it's doesn't mean we have to butt heads like to bulls as a mating ritual. A strong woman is attractive but no more attractive than a quiet and subdued woman who could melt you with her eyes instead of her behaviour. Both are dependent on so many personal factors besides the sub/dom role. On the age thing, frankly it's bullshit. As many of you know some of the guY's and girls who have age on their side can be just as ummm stupefying for want of a better word when it comes to their approach. You have to embrace someone's personality not match or tame it" What they said!!!! | |||
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"You can't blame porn for everything!!! E.L. James has a lot to answer for too, in so much as, opening up the vanilla world to Dom/sub play, but you won't hear me complaining. I personally have always been turned on by a submissive slut fantasy, I'll make no excuses for that. It's not for everyone, I'll be the first to admit, but more and more women (I find) are experimenting if not enjoying it. So thank you porn and thank you E.L. James. " El James is a creep and a shite writer whom made millions on selling crap books about a sexual offender/ victim,through the medium of the BDSM world , which the book is way off the mark, and incorrect in so many ways . Im no BDSM orthourity what so ever but everyone I know that knows what that world entails says and thinks the same . She was just a clever , very clever hack and a creep. But she did make millions on her ruse.Fair play to her for that and only that. | |||
"Excuse the above typos. Sneaky work fabbing "
You can't beat sneaky work fabbing | |||
"You can't blame porn for everything!!! E.L. James has a lot to answer for too, in so much as, opening up the vanilla world to Dom/sub play, but you won't hear me complaining. I personally have always been turned on by a submissive slut fantasy, I'll make no excuses for that. It's not for everyone, I'll be the first to admit, but more and more women (I find) are experimenting if not enjoying it. So thank you porn and thank you E.L. James. El James is a creep and a shite writer whom made millions on selling crap books about a sexual offender/ victim,through the medium of the BDSM world , which the book is way off the mark, and incorrect in so many ways . Im no BDSM orthourity what so ever but everyone I know that knows what that world entails says and thinks the same . She was just a clever , very clever hack and a creep. But she did make millions on her ruse.Fair play to her for that and only that." She actually didnt base her books on sexual offender/ victim. Her books were a response to the Twilight books by Stephanie Meyer and after reading the twilight series several times, her mind turned to BDSM. She herself had no idea what was involved and spent months researching the books and used her husband as a " guinea pig" for a male point of view. She was catapulted onto the world stage from the public response to her writing. Im not exactly a fan of the books or movies but think she deserves credit where its due.She opened the door for others to see inside what was for some,just thoughts in their head. | |||
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"Can't understand the name calling thingy....
I love getting a guy so excited and worked up he looses himself in the moment calling me his durteeeee slut, bitch, whore and whatever grabs his fancy....
Be still my beating heart. I think I've just fallen in love
"Haha | |||
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"You can't blame porn for everything!!! E.L. James has a lot to answer for too, in so much as, opening up the vanilla world to Dom/sub play, but you won't hear me complaining. I personally have always been turned on by a submissive slut fantasy, I'll make no excuses for that. It's not for everyone, I'll be the first to admit, but more and more women (I find) are experimenting if not enjoying it. So thank you porn and thank you E.L. James. El James is a creep and a shite writer whom made millions on selling crap books about a sexual offender/ victim,through the medium of the BDSM world , which the book is way off the mark, and incorrect in so many ways . Im no BDSM orthourity what so ever but everyone I know that knows what that world entails says and thinks the same . She was just a clever , very clever hack and a creep. But she did make millions on her ruse.Fair play to her for that and only that. She actually didnt base her books on sexual offender/ victim. Her books were a response to the Twilight books by Stephanie Meyer and after reading the twilight series several times, her mind turned to BDSM. She herself had no idea what was involved and spent months researching the books and used her husband as a " guinea pig" for a male point of view. She was catapulted onto the world stage from the public response to her writing. Im not exactly a fan of the books or movies but think she deserves credit where its due.She opened the door for others to see inside what was for some,just thoughts in their head. " That's a fair point truly and you have a point about opening doors and the public response to her writing , But you do agree with me her books are far from classics, they are indeed shite , that has in my experience pissed of the BDSM community.It is also very easy to argue that the central characters are very flawed sexually, and that show all the signs (red flags)of being victims and in Greys case a victim/survivor /turned abuser he has gone full circle ,in herself its not clear but the seeds of doubt as to wheter she is tainted by sexual abuse are still present.You actually know more about the book than me to be fair Id say , but I cant have help having my own opinion on it from only one reading .Credit to her surely as a successful/ professional writer, but I wont ever withdraw my sentiments on her as a creep. I detest sexual abuse in its every form , and the nearest smell of it sickens me .Sadly for me I have had to deal with this in my own life , although I was never abused, through a loved one .I went through 5 different forms of counselling they all said the same thing, so I can and know what it smells and tastes like ,and these books are full of it. It is arguably the undercurrent the very fibre that pushes the books and its central characters along/on.Whom I have pity for. Apologies if that's a bit strong. | |||
"Can't understand the name calling thingy....
I love getting a guy so excited and worked up he looses himself in the moment calling me his durteeeee slut, bitch, whore and whatever grabs his fancy.... "I mentioned the slut wird so will explain. I do not like the word anywhere or the c word, so when a guy tells me to get down on my knees and be his slut I get turned off.. You do not mind it, I understand that, it is about personal choice during sex.. | |||
"I take each situation as it comes. If a woman is naturally submissive then i'll become a bit more dominant. if she's not shy about asking (or taking) what she wants then i'm happy to give. You must judge the ebb and flow of it, but I must say I like there to be level playing fields myself. Usually if you meet in the middle both parties are happy. Spanish and Doghunter, I'd happily play with ye!" | |||
"Couldn't agree with you more Ms.Hunter! Excellent post... I'm outspoken too some don't like that too much not that I care! But I love it when a man CAN be a man!!!!! Growllllllll.... "Came back quickly, ???I meant to pick up on something Annie said.. When a,man can be a, man.. For centuries,men were told to be real men and women to behave like women. So not surprising a lot of men and women enjoy the Dom/Sub, I like to tie guys,up it takes a,strong guy to let a,strong woman do this.. | |||
"You can't blame porn for everything!!! E.L. James has a lot to answer for too, in so much as, opening up the vanilla world to Dom/sub play, but you won't hear me complaining. I personally have always been turned on by a submissive slut fantasy, I'll make no excuses for that. It's not for everyone, I'll be the first to admit, but more and more women (I find) are experimenting if not enjoying it. So thank you porn and thank you E.L. James. El James is a creep and a shite writer whom made millions on selling crap books about a sexual offender/ victim,through the medium of the BDSM world , which the book is way off the mark, and incorrect in so many ways . Im no BDSM orthourity what so ever but everyone I know that knows what that world entails says and thinks the same . She was just a clever , very clever hack and a creep. But she did make millions on her ruse.Fair play to her for that and only that. She actually didnt base her books on sexual offender/ victim. Her books were a response to the Twilight books by Stephanie Meyer and after reading the twilight series several times, her mind turned to BDSM. She herself had no idea what was involved and spent months researching the books and used her husband as a " guinea pig" for a male point of view. She was catapulted onto the world stage from the public response to her writing. Im not exactly a fan of the books or movies but think she deserves credit where its due.She opened the door for others to see inside what was for some,just thoughts in their head. That's a fair point truly and you have a point about opening doors and the public response to her writing , But you do agree with me her books are far from classics, they are indeed shite , that has in my experience pissed of the BDSM community.It is also very easy to argue that the central characters are very flawed sexually, and that show all the signs (red flags)of being victims and in Greys case a victim/survivor /turned abuser he has gone full circle ,in herself its not clear but the seeds of doubt as to wheter she is tainted by sexual abuse are still present.You actually know more about the book than me to be fair Id say , but I cant have help having my own opinion on it from only one reading .Credit to her surely as a successful/ professional writer, but I wont ever withdraw my sentiments on her as a creep. I detest sexual abuse in its every form , and the nearest smell of it sickens me .Sadly for me I have had to deal with this in my own life , although I was never abused, through a loved one .I went through 5 different forms of counselling they all said the same thing, so I can and know what it smells and tastes like ,and these books are full of it. It is arguably the undercurrent the very fibre that pushes the books and its central characters along/on.Whom I have pity for. Apologies if that's a bit strong. " No i understand where youre coming from and will agree that the books arent the most amazing read ive come across. The books hadnt the intention of being about abuse, the aim of the books were initially about trust and respect which eventually turned to love.They were mirrored on the back of Twilight , a story about vampire and human love and the outcome of a forbidden mix of animal and humans. ( a must read i have to say or watch the Twilight Saga).I dont disregard your opinion in any way, its quite refreshing really ,that my take on the books and your takes on knowledge through friends etc is different, but we are in a roundabout way agreeing with each other. | |||
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"A BDSM dynamic needs to be discussed and agreed up front well before anyone takes any clothes off. It a male partner is trying to impose a Dom/sub dynamic without agreement and discussion then that is bullying/abuse. I suspect a misunderstanding of the Dom/sub relationship is the cause, and porn plays a part in that. Personally I wouldnt assume any kind of power exchange in a meet unless it's agreed. An equal partnership is the 'default' dynamic." I think that best sums it up Agreed being the important word | |||
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"Being rather outspoken and knowing what I want, I find loads of blokes can't deal with it. All they come back with is a full on bull approach thinking the woman needs to be tamed. You can't tame a wild animal!
Nothing wrong with the dom sub scenario, and I know loads look for it, women looking for the strong male taking the lead and men enjoying a sub woman.
I'm no domina but I prefer a balanced play where both take control alternately. I find it slowly but surely frustrating getting the dom stuff as a reaction to my persona. It takes more of a man to accept a strong partner than bullying your way through.
Am I a strange animal or are there others out there feeling the same? Or maybe I'm attracting/going for the wrong ones?
Is porn doing the lads head in thinking they've to suppress the woman when it comes down to sex?"dominant over a woman with her very submissive if very hot | |||
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"A BDSM dynamic needs to be discussed and agreed up front well before anyone takes any clothes off. It a male partner is trying to impose a Dom/sub dynamic without agreement and discussion then that is bullying/abuse. I suspect a misunderstanding of the Dom/sub relationship is the cause, and porn plays a part in that. Personally I wouldnt assume any kind of power exchange in a meet unless it's agreed. An equal partnership is the 'default' dynamic." I think you're spot on with your last paragraph. Equal play-partnership is the crucial term. The assumption that there always has to be a sub and dom is just all wrong. If both agree and are into that happy days, if not it becomes one sided | |||
"With me there has to be a balance I can be very submissive if I choose to be but not a hope of me giving up control and enjoying it. Just not in my nature. " A sub never gives up control. A sub is in charge and has the power to stop it when they want to. Has more power than the dom | |||
"Can't understand the name calling thingy....
I love getting a guy so excited and worked up he looses himself in the moment calling me his durteeeee slut, bitch, whore and whatever grabs his fancy.... "This.  | |||
"Sometimes I'm submissive and sometimes I'm dominant, there's only one thing you can be sure of with me....immense satisfaction ;- "I can keep the suit on and be the boss or you can order me out of it  | |||
" Is porn doing the lads head in thinking they've to suppress the woman when it comes down to sex?" Can't understand why any guy would want to suppress a woman in any way in the bedroom. If the lady is taking control and "into it" it means she's happy to be there. More preferable than the lady lying there staring at the ceiling thinking of Ireland.. | |||
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"Couldn't agree with you more Ms.Hunter! Excellent post... I'm outspoken too some don't like that too much not that I care! But I love it when a man CAN be a man!!!!! Growllllllll....
Came back quickly, ???I meant to pick up on something Annie said..
When a,man can be a,
man..
For centuries,men were told to be real men and women to behave like women.
So not surprising a lot of men and women enjoy the Dom/Sub, I like to tie guys,up it takes a,strong guy to let a,strong woman do this.."I like a man to be assertive to know what he wants and likes but knows I'm enjoying myself and love to play the game then of course for him......... To take control and make me his dirty little fuck toy... | |||
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"Outspoken, isn't that just PC language for "gobby," "mouthy," or "opinionated." I'm not trying to offend anyone here as I don't know any of you, but when someone tells me they are outspoken then a flag raises." For me, outspoken is saying it straight regardless of what others think. If you think thats gobby then fair enough. Id agree with Op of having no fear in saying what i want or need. It saves all the faffing about. You men might be good at multi tasking but mind readers, you lot are not. | |||
"Sometimes I'm submissive and sometimes I'm dominant, there's only one thing you can be sure of with me....immense satisfaction ;-
I can keep the suit on and be the boss or you can order me out of it "Be careful what you wish for sweetie,I may blindfold you with your tie, rip open your shirt drip candle wax over your chest, insert an icecube into my pussy and let it slowly drip onto the hot wax while I suck your hard cock...and that's just the nice me | |||
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"Being rather outspoken and knowing what I want, I find loads of blokes can't deal with it. All they come back with is a full on bull approach thinking the woman needs to be tamed. You can't tame a wild animal!
Nothing wrong with the dom sub scenario, and I know loads look for it, women looking for the strong male taking the lead and men enjoying a sub woman.
I'm no domina but I prefer a balanced play where both take control alternately. I find it slowly but surely frustrating getting the dom stuff as a reaction to my persona. It takes more of a man to accept a strong partner than bullying your way through.
Am I a strange animal or are there others out there feeling the same? Or maybe I'm attracting/going for the wrong ones?
Is porn doing the lads head in thinking they've to suppress the woman when it comes down to sex?" well said | |||
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"Sometimes I'm submissive and sometimes I'm dominant, there's only one thing you can be sure of with me....immense satisfaction ;-
I can keep the suit on and be the boss or you can order me out of it
Be careful what you wish for sweetie,I may blindfold you with your tie, rip open your shirt drip candle wax over your chest, insert an icecube into my pussy and let it slowly drip onto the hot wax while I suck your hard cock...and that's just the nice me "I am In favour of trying everything once, or twice to be sure. Please miss! | |||
"You can't blame porn for everything!!! E.L. James has a lot to answer for too, in so much as, opening up the vanilla world to Dom/sub play, but you won't hear me complaining. I personally have always been turned on by a submissive slut fantasy, I'll make no excuses for that. It's not for everyone, I'll be the first to admit, but more and more women (I find) are experimenting if not enjoying it. So thank you porn and thank you E.L. James. El James is a creep and a shite writer whom made millions on selling crap books about a sexual offender/ victim,through the medium of the BDSM world , which the book is way off the mark, and incorrect in so many ways . Im no BDSM orthourity what so ever but everyone I know that knows what that world entails says and thinks the same . She was just a clever , very clever hack and a creep. But she did make millions on her ruse.Fair play to her for that and only that. She actually didnt base her books on sexual offender/ victim. Her books were a response to the Twilight books by Stephanie Meyer and after reading the twilight series several times, her mind turned to BDSM. She herself had no idea what was involved and spent months researching the books and used her husband as a " guinea pig" for a male point of view. She was catapulted onto the world stage from the public response to her writing. Im not exactly a fan of the books or movies but think she deserves credit where its due.She opened the door for others to see inside what was for some,just thoughts in their head. That's a fair point truly and you have a point about opening doors and the public response to her writing , But you do agree with me her books are far from classics, they are indeed shite , that has in my experience pissed of the BDSM community.It is also very easy to argue that the central characters are very flawed sexually, and that show all the signs (red flags)of being victims and in Greys case a victim/survivor /turned abuser he has gone full circle ,in herself its not clear but the seeds of doubt as to wheter she is tainted by sexual abuse are still present.You actually know more about the book than me to be fair Id say , but I cant have help having my own opinion on it from only one reading .Credit to her surely as a successful/ professional writer, but I wont ever withdraw my sentiments on her as a creep. I detest sexual abuse in its every form , and the nearest smell of it sickens me .Sadly for me I have had to deal with this in my own life , although I was never abused, through a loved one .I went through 5 different forms of counselling they all said the same thing, so I can and know what it smells and tastes like ,and these books are full of it. It is arguably the undercurrent the very fibre that pushes the books and its central characters along/on.Whom I have pity for. Apologies if that's a bit strong. No i understand where youre coming from and will agree that the books arent the most amazing read ive come across. The books hadnt the intention of being about abuse, the aim of the books were initially about trust and respect which eventually turned to love.They were mirrored on the back of Twilight , a story about vampire and human love and the outcome of a forbidden mix of animal and humans. ( a must read i have to say or watch the Twilight Saga).I dont disregard your opinion in any way, its quite refreshing really ,that my take on the books and your takes on knowledge through friends etc is different, but we are in a roundabout way agreeing with each other. "Youre very right we are actually agreeing in the main , I wish I had youre knowledge of the twilight saga, it would help me greatly, I do bow to youre superior knowledge in this respect.The abuse I spoke about earlier to my mind levelled out in 50 shades is not so much purely sexual to my mind its more psycho sexual , psychological abuse. The whole world of control of an other human being, which is very at odds with natural/healthy human behaviour.That is why Grey is a creep and that is why I feel James is a creep for promoting this very flawed slightly sick character to be socially or otherwise accepted.It is not acceptable to totally psychologically dominate another human being any more than it is to rape them or have them to do anything against their will pathologically or otherwise .I feel James has left the ball in the air and not taken the story to a satisfactory conclusion, from a human point of view .Its poorly written and she is either unable to finish what she started or she chickens out , doesn't have the where with all to take us where we should be taken its a cop out at the very least.Mills and Boon on steroids in a dungeon with a little bit of slap and tickle thrown in for good measure. Well if that's all it was it would be ok but asking us to accept Grey as normal and healthy , Im sorry no way. | |||
"You can't blame porn for everything!!! E.L. James has a lot to answer for too, in so much as, opening up the vanilla world to Dom/sub play, but you won't hear me complaining. I personally have always been turned on by a submissive slut fantasy, I'll make no excuses for that. It's not for everyone, I'll be the first to admit, but more and more women (I find) are experimenting if not enjoying it. So thank you porn and thank you E.L. James. El James is a creep and a shite writer whom made millions on selling crap books about a sexual offender/ victim,through the medium of the BDSM world , which the book is way off the mark, and incorrect in so many ways . Im no BDSM orthourity what so ever but everyone I know that knows what that world entails says and thinks the same . She was just a clever , very clever hack and a creep. But she did make millions on her ruse.Fair play to her for that and only that. She actually didnt base her books on sexual offender/ victim. Her books were a response to the Twilight books by Stephanie Meyer and after reading the twilight series several times, her mind turned to BDSM. She herself had no idea what was involved and spent months researching the books and used her husband as a " guinea pig" for a male point of view. She was catapulted onto the world stage from the public response to her writing. Im not exactly a fan of the books or movies but think she deserves credit where its due.She opened the door for others to see inside what was for some,just thoughts in their head. That's a fair point truly and you have a point about opening doors and the public response to her writing , But you do agree with me her books are far from classics, they are indeed shite , that has in my experience pissed of the BDSM community.It is also very easy to argue that the central characters are very flawed sexually, and that show all the signs (red flags)of being victims and in Greys case a victim/survivor /turned abuser he has gone full circle ,in herself its not clear but the seeds of doubt as to wheter she is tainted by sexual abuse are still present.You actually know more about the book than me to be fair Id say , but I cant have help having my own opinion on it from only one reading .Credit to her surely as a successful/ professional writer, but I wont ever withdraw my sentiments on her as a creep. I detest sexual abuse in its every form , and the nearest smell of it sickens me .Sadly for me I have had to deal with this in my own life , although I was never abused, through a loved one .I went through 5 different forms of counselling they all said the same thing, so I can and know what it smells and tastes like ,and these books are full of it. It is arguably the undercurrent the very fibre that pushes the books and its central characters along/on.Whom I have pity for. Apologies if that's a bit strong. No i understand where youre coming from and will agree that the books arent the most amazing read ive come across. The books hadnt the intention of being about abuse, the aim of the books were initially about trust and respect which eventually turned to love.They were mirrored on the back of Twilight , a story about vampire and human love and the outcome of a forbidden mix of animal and humans. ( a must read i have to say or watch the Twilight Saga).I dont disregard your opinion in any way, its quite refreshing really ,that my take on the books and your takes on knowledge through friends etc is different, but we are in a roundabout way agreeing with each other.
Youre very right we are actually agreeing in the main , I wish I had youre knowledge of the twilight saga, it would help me greatly, I do bow to youre superior knowledge in this respect.The abuse I spoke about earlier to my mind levelled out in 50 shades is not so much purely sexual to my mind its more psycho sexual , psychological abuse. The whole world of control of an other human being, which is very at odds with natural/healthy human behaviour.That is why Grey is a creep and that is why I feel James is a creep for promoting this very flawed slightly sick character to be socially or otherwise accepted.It is not acceptable to totally psychologically dominate another human being any more than it is to rape them or have them to do anything against their will pathologically or otherwise .I feel James has left the ball in the air and not taken the story to a satisfactory conclusion, from a human point of view .Its poorly written and she is either unable to finish what she started or she chickens out , doesn't have the where with all to take us where we should be taken its a cop out at the very least.Mills and Boon on steroids in a dungeon with a little bit of slap and tickle thrown in for good measure. Well if that's all it was it would be ok but asking us to accept Grey as normal and healthy , Im sorry no way."No no no youve got it wrong.. Ana..(the female in the book) discussed and communicated to Christian(the male) of the yes and no go areas... so much so a contract was drawn up between them. To me , that was him ,not allowing himself to love anyone because of his abuse and not inflict it on her. He had been an almost used rag by the time he was 26 so in his mind,he felt love for Anatasia which shocked and appalled him.Christian did not abuse Ana in an abusive way. He upset her at how much she enjoyed being spanked ,and she cried and was angered by the new beginning in her life with the red room of pain. They both were totally aware through of what was happening. They both agreed which is the basis of the topic DH originally posted. | |||
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"You can't blame porn for everything!!! E.L. James has a lot to answer for too, in so much as, opening up the vanilla world to Dom/sub play, but you won't hear me complaining. I personally have always been turned on by a submissive slut fantasy, I'll make no excuses for that. It's not for everyone, I'll be the first to admit, but more and more women (I find) are experimenting if not enjoying it. So thank you porn and thank you E.L. James. " Does that turn you on DoubleUB??? Who woulda thought | |||
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"Great post
Like yourself I am a strong independent woman, both here and in the vanilla world.
Fairly outspoken but only because I truly believe that one should stand by their principles and be honest...
I respect that women like strong men and prefer to be in their control..
However, I sizzle by shared mutual play, asking guys what turns them on, telling them my likes and needs..
But.....
See guys who would even dare call women sluts either here or me during sex, go wank!!!" | |||
""Christian did not abuse Ana in an abusive way" Really???? He's a total fucking creep. He stalks Ana. He tracks her on her mobile. Follows her to her mother's without consent. Buys where she works. He isolates her from friends and family. Decides who she can and cannot see. Picks what she should wear. Controls her food intake. He belittles her, threatens her and blames her. She is coerced or forced to have sex a few times too so add rape into his crimes too. Threatens her physically more than once. She's constantly afraid to make him angry or upset him. All he DOES is abuse her throughout the books. He's one sick fuck. " Sorry if thats your take on it.. she allowed it, he gave her the " get out clause" in the contract and before the relationship became physical... all women have the power to say no. Ana in this case married her "abuser" cos she loved him and the story unfolded that they had 2 children. Its just another take on what people call abusive relationships. Some enjoy the dominant side and others dont.I dont for one minute think Ana was afraid of him, at first maybe, quite the opposite as the story unfolds!! | |||
""Christian did not abuse Ana in an abusive way" Really???? He's a total fucking creep. He stalks Ana. He tracks her on her mobile. Follows her to her mother's without consent. Buys where she works. He isolates her from friends and family. Decides who she can and cannot see. Picks what she should wear. Controls her food intake. He belittles her, threatens her and blames her. She is coerced or forced to have sex a few times too so add rape into his crimes too. Threatens her physically more than once. She's constantly afraid to make him angry or upset him. All he DOES is abuse her throughout the books. He's one sick fuck. " | |||
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 .. it was a fooking book!
Sorry DH.. i apologise for answering a previous posters comnents and it to evolve to this. I still agree with your outspoken, straight talking, 3 headed dragon comments | |||
""Christian did not abuse Ana in an abusive way" Really???? He's a total fucking creep. He stalks Ana. He tracks her on her mobile. Follows her to her mother's without consent. Buys where she works. He isolates her from friends and family. Decides who she can and cannot see. Picks what she should wear. Controls her food intake. He belittles her, threatens her and blames her. She is coerced or forced to have sex a few times too so add rape into his crimes too. Threatens her physically more than once. She's constantly afraid to make him angry or upset him. All he DOES is abuse her throughout the books. He's one sick fuck. " What more can I say, and E.L James wants us the reader to accept this and normalize it .Grey is red flag city, victim /survivor/abuser the cycle goes on. | |||
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"Being rather outspoken and knowing what I want, I find loads of blokes can't deal with it. All they come back with is a full on bull approach thinking the woman needs to be tamed. You can't tame a wild animal!
Nothing wrong with the dom sub scenario, and I know loads look for it, women looking for the strong male taking the lead and men enjoying a sub woman.
I'm no domina but I prefer a balanced play where both take control alternately. I find it slowly but surely frustrating getting the dom stuff as a reaction to my persona. It takes more of a man to accept a strong partner than bullying your way through.
Am I a strange animal or are there others out there feeling the same? Or maybe I'm attracting/going for the wrong ones?
Is porn doing the lads head in thinking they've to suppress the woman when it comes down to sex?"Knowing what you want,need and desire from a meet long before you actually do meet leaves no doubt in both your minds what you both expect. When you chat with someone for a while you know if it's going to be what you expect and leads to a sexual tension and build up that only adds to the pleasure. | |||
"Being rather outspoken and knowing what I want, I find loads of blokes can't deal with it. All they come back with is a full on bull approach thinking the woman needs to be tamed. You can't tame a wild animal!
Nothing wrong with the dom sub scenario, and I know loads look for it, women looking for the strong male taking the lead and men enjoying a sub woman.
I'm no domina but I prefer a balanced play where both take control alternately. I find it slowly but surely frustrating getting the dom stuff as a reaction to my persona. It takes more of a man to accept a strong partner than bullying your way through.
Am I a strange animal or are there others out there feeling the same? Or maybe I'm attracting/going for the wrong ones?
Is porn doing the lads head in thinking they've to suppress the woman when it comes down to sex?"And the common factor is you. Has your choices in picking play mates any bearing on this? | |||
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"Whatever happens between people and is consensual, it isn't something that others should comment on. If a women enjoys being fully dominated and she finds the right guy for it, it's their business. If one doesn't want it, one doesn't need to engage in such relationship. It's all down to correct communication, so you know who you go to bed with. People have the full right to decide who they slip with and have zero rights to comment on others choices." Nobody commented on choices. If someone is into the sub-dom scenario and is enjoying it that's perfectly fine. Maybe you should re-read the thread | |||
"You can't blame porn for everything!!! E.L. James has a lot to answer for too, in so much as, opening up the vanilla world to Dom/sub play, but you won't hear me complaining. I personally have always been turned on by a submissive slut fantasy, I'll make no excuses for that. It's not for everyone, I'll be the first to admit, but more and more women (I find) are experimenting if not enjoying it. So thank you porn and thank you E.L. James. El James is a creep and a shite writer whom made millions on selling crap books about a sexual offender/ victim,through the medium of the BDSM world , which the book is way off the mark, and incorrect in so many ways . Im no BDSM orthourity what so ever but everyone I know that knows what that world entails says and thinks the same . She was just a clever , very clever hack and a creep. But she did make millions on her ruse.Fair play to her for that and only that. She actually didnt base her books on sexual offender/ victim. Her books were a response to the Twilight books by Stephanie Meyer and after reading the twilight series several times, her mind turned to BDSM. She herself had no idea what was involved and spent months researching the books and used her husband as a " guinea pig" for a male point of view. She was catapulted onto the world stage from the public response to her writing. Im not exactly a fan of the books or movies but think she deserves credit where its due.She opened the door for others to see inside what was for some,just thoughts in their head. That's a fair point truly and you have a point about opening doors and the public response to her writing , But you do agree with me her books are far from classics, they are indeed shite , that has in my experience pissed of the BDSM community.It is also very easy to argue that the central characters are very flawed sexually, and that show all the signs (red flags)of being victims and in Greys case a victim/survivor /turned abuser he has gone full circle ,in herself its not clear but the seeds of doubt as to wheter she is tainted by sexual abuse are still present.You actually know more about the book than me to be fair Id say , but I cant have help having my own opinion on it from only one reading .Credit to her surely as a successful/ professional writer, but I wont ever withdraw my sentiments on her as a creep. I detest sexual abuse in its every form , and the nearest smell of it sickens me .Sadly for me I have had to deal with this in my own life , although I was never abused, through a loved one .I went through 5 different forms of counselling they all said the same thing, so I can and know what it smells and tastes like ,and these books are full of it. It is arguably the undercurrent the very fibre that pushes the books and its central characters along/on.Whom I have pity for. Apologies if that's a bit strong. No i understand where youre coming from and will agree that the books arent the most amazing read ive come across. The books hadnt the intention of being about abuse, the aim of the books were initially about trust and respect which eventually turned to love.They were mirrored on the back of Twilight , a story about vampire and human love and the outcome of a forbidden mix of animal and humans. ( a must read i have to say or watch the Twilight Saga).I dont disregard your opinion in any way, its quite refreshing really ,that my take on the books and your takes on knowledge through friends etc is different, but we are in a roundabout way agreeing with each other.
Youre very right we are actually agreeing in the main , I wish I had youre knowledge of the twilight saga, it would help me greatly, I do bow to youre superior knowledge in this respect.The abuse I spoke about earlier to my mind levelled out in 50 shades is not so much purely sexual to my mind its more psycho sexual , psychological abuse. The whole world of control of an other human being, which is very at odds with natural/healthy human behaviour.That is why Grey is a creep and that is why I feel James is a creep for promoting this very flawed slightly sick character to be socially or otherwise accepted.It is not acceptable to totally psychologically dominate another human being any more than it is to rape them or have them to do anything against their will pathologically or otherwise .I feel James has left the ball in the air and not taken the story to a satisfactory conclusion, from a human point of view .Its poorly written and she is either unable to finish what she started or she chickens out , doesn't have the where with all to take us where we should be taken its a cop out at the very least.Mills and Boon on steroids in a dungeon with a little bit of slap and tickle thrown in for good measure. Well if that's all it was it would be ok but asking us to accept Grey as normal and healthy , Im sorry no way.
No no no youve got it wrong.. Ana..(the female in the book) discussed and communicated to Christian(the male) of the yes and no go areas... so much so a contract was drawn up between them. To me , that was him ,not allowing himself to love anyone because of his abuse and not inflict it on her. He had been an almost used rag by the time he was 26 so in his mind,he felt love for Anatasia which shocked and appalled him.Christian did not abuse Ana in an abusive way. He upset her at how much she enjoyed being spanked ,and she cried and was angered by the new beginning in her life with the red room of pain. They both were totally aware through of what was happening. They both agreed which is the basis of the topic DH originally posted. "Fair points made Dirty girl , pity I didn't read up on it as much as you have, I might be able to over a better argument, but thanks for banter anyways, shite world if we all thought the same wouldn't it . Sorry OP if we wandered. | |||
