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how do u know ur a swinger
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Thought id dig this out from a few years ago... top 100 ways u know ur a swinger (c/o lovelybum OP
Tunbridge Wells)
still a great read even after all the recycling of it I dare u not to laugh.
1. You are wearing wristbands in most of your vacation photos.
2. Half of the numbers on your cell phone are listed only by screen names.
3. You are running out of reasons to tell your coworkers why you can’t go out with them this weekend.
4. You have over 50,000 frequent flyer miles on Air Jamaica.
5. You know most of your friends’ by their first names (Rich & Jen, Frank & Beth) but you don’t know their last names.
6. You have more lingerie than a hooker.
7. You had already seen pictures of your friends naked before you ever met them in person.
8. You position the computer screen in such a way your children can’t sneak up on you.
9. You can’t remember the last time you had pubic hair.
10. Before traveling somewhere, you look up couples in that area.
11. You worry about explaining to the neighbors why 10 couples show up on a Saturday night carrying over night bags and don’t leave until Sunday afternoon.
12. Your spouse asks you if you want to have sex, and your first thought is”With who?”
13. Your gynecologist wonders why you’re asking for birth control when he knows that your husband has had a vasectomy.
14. Your hot tub has never had a bathing suit worn in it.
15. Your sex toy collection costs more than your china set.
16. Your wife has a shirt that says: “I Like Girls Too.”
17. You have a stripper’s pole in the middle of your den.
18. You giggle at the golf course when someone asks if they can join you for a foursome.
19. The last thing you typically do at a party is search for your wife’s thong.
20. You’ve hugged your friends goodnight while naked.
21. You hear the word “Playmate” and your first thought is NOT “Playboy”
22. The word “slut” has become a term of endearment.
23. You remember to bring lube before you remember to bring lipstick.
24. Your choice in new carpeting is heavily based on which type won’t give you rug burns.
25. You’ve taken your Liberator with you to a dinner party.
26. The term Vanilla isn’t just a flavor to you.
27. You bet your wife who can score first with that cute girl.
28. You are constantly encouraging your kids to spend the weekend at friends’ houses.
29. You don’t think twice about wearing a short skirt, high heels and fishnets when it’s freezing outside.
30. Your wedding reception has an after party.
31. You get dressed for a party and don’t worry about comfort because your clothes won’t be on for very long.
32. You panic when your friend’s digital camera goes missing.
33. You’ve invited friends over and watched porn.
34. You’ve invited friends over and made porn.
35. You’ve watched someone do a tequila shot off of your wife’s breasts.
36. Your friends know what brand of condom you prefer.
37. You wake up in the morning and find that half of the cloths on the floor don’t fit you or your wife.
38. Your kids think it’s normal for adults to have sleepovers.
39. A hot tub is considered a necessity not a luxury.
40. You believe in Unicorns… Because you’ve actually ridden one.
41. You leave the kids at home when you go to the toy store.
42. You take photos of yourself with your head out of the frames, on purpose.
43. You can’t decide which of your three naughty schoolgirl outfits you should wear tonight.
44. You always keep a supply of condoms, lube and clean hand towels by your bed… And your guest bed… And your couch in the living room.
45. Every day is “Hump Day”, not just Wednesday.
46. You frequently use the term “Friends of friends” when explaining how you know certain people.
47. You know which of your outfits looks best under a black light.
48. You have an entire closet devoted just to themed outfits.
49. You place a ad that reads: “Wanted: Reliable babysitter who is willing to stay till sunrise and doesn’t ask any questions.”
50. You choose furniture based on which best repels semen stains.
51. The staffs at Hedo and Desire send you birthday cards.
52. You come home with that, “There’s Something About Mary” hairstyle.
53. The babysitter wonders why you are always already wearing your full-length coat when she arrives, even in summer.
54. In the gym shower you’re the only guy with shaved balls.
55. You know the most flattering angle at which to photograph your genitals.
56. All of your vacation photos were taken inside your hotel room.
57. You have free places to stay in almost all the fifty states and several cities in Europe.
58. You’ve ended e-mails with “Bi-Bi”.
59. You can expertly identify the differences between every type of breast implants.
60. On Christmas, there are certain presents that can’t be opened in front of your family.
61. You know exactly which of your friends are allergic to latex.
62. Your vanilla friends ask why they are never invited to your parties.
63. The movie “Swingers” was a huge disappointment to you.
64. It’s an unwritten law that you can’t call any of your friends on Saturday or Sunday until at least 3 p.m. so you don’t wake them up.
65. You’ve become especially good at operating your digital camera with one hand.
66. You actually installed a lock on a bedroom closet door that holds your sex-swing and other fun stuff.
67. You’re constantly afraid that visiting relatives will turn on one of your home videos you forgot to hide.
68. You make bets about how long it will take to “convert” your vanilla friend.
69. You’re in a public place and you swear you hear someone shout your screen name.
70. Before introducing them to your visiting family, you pull your friends aside and decide …” Here’s how we know each other…”
71. You start having withdrawals if the swinger’s web site is down.
72. When someone asks where you’re staying on your trip to Cancun, you pretend that you can’t remember the name of the resort.
73. You ask a guy to teach you “That thing you do with your fingers that my wife enjoys so much.”
74. In the middle of sex with your spouse, you ask someone else to take over for a minute while you go to the restroom.
75. You are more concerned about a pimple on your privates than on your face.
76. You come back from vacation and you have a tan, but no tan lines.
77. The first thing you do checking into a hotel is to ask for a lot of extra towels.
78. All the men bring their wives to your bachelor party.
79. Making it an early night means getting home before 3 a.m.
80. You’ve handed out business cards that have nothing to do with your occupation.
81. Your sexual fantasies never last very long… Because they keep coming true!
82. You are hanging around vanilla friends and you absentmindedly squeeze their butts.
83. You erase your computer’s browser history and cache every time you leave your office.
84. You buy lap dances for your wife… And vice versa.
85. You own a double-headed dildo.
86. You’re still smiling on Monday morning about something you did on Saturday night.
87. You’re at the market, and the only things in your basket are condoms, lube and Red Bull.
88. On vacation you set aside time to take pictures that are actually acceptable to show to your family.
89. After 25 years, people still ask if you’re newlyweds.
90. You’ve had sex with more people since you’ve been married than you did when you were single.
91. Going to vanilla bars ranks right up there with a root canal.
92. The only time you go out with your vanilla friends is when you’re on your period.
93. Your husband has lipstick on his collar and he smells like another woman’s perfume and it brings a smile to your face.
94. On Monday morning you are glad to go back to work so you can get some rest.
95. You tell your friends not to call while your parents are in town.
96. You never make it to the drive-thru before they quit serving breakfast, on your way home.
97. You have an entire external hard-drive devoted to nothing but your party photos.
98. You spouse is having an orgasm, while you are busy in the other room discussing the stock market.
99. You spent twice as long on your profile than you did on your resume.
100. You laughed out loud at 25 or more of these!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You know ur a swinger when u ask ur neighbours wife if she fancies a 69 and he replies let her go on top  "
You are Str8, but think nothing of getting head from a TV cause the wife thinks its Hot! |
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By *j47 OP Man
over a year ago
limerick |
"You know ur a swinger when u ask ur neighbours wife if she fancies a 69 and he replies let her go on top
You are Str8, but think nothing of getting head from a TV cause the wife thinks its Hot! "
Spec savers I think db I asked his wife he requested she go on top  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You know your a swinger when your looking for a pen in your bag and find spare knickers a toothbrush and compact deodorant... 
& condoms lol!!  "
My daughter is at that age where she is becoming sexual active she is on the pill but I keep hammering into her to have condom always in her Wallet just in case as safe sex is a must
One day she asked me could she borrow some of my make up I keep it in a a lille cary case that I take with me on fab meets
She took the bag and came back half hour later with 17 condoms in a wide range of flavours
Handed me the condoms and just shook her head
Me in a fluster said ...
Well I like to practice what I preach  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You know your a swinger when your looking for a pen in your bag and find spare knickers a toothbrush and compact deodorant...
& condoms lol!!
My daughter is at that age where she is becoming sexual active she is on the pill but I keep hammering into her to have condom always in her Wallet just in case as safe sex is a must
One day she asked me could she borrow some of my make up I keep it in a a lille cary case that I take with me on fab meets
She took the bag and came back half hour later with 17 condoms in a wide range of flavours
Handed me the condoms and just shook her head
Me in a fluster said ...
Well I like to practice chat I preach "
Lmao  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You know your a swinger when your looking for a pen in your bag and find spare knickers a toothbrush and compact deodorant...
& condoms lol!!
My daughter is at that age where she is becoming sexual active she is on the pill but I keep hammering into her to have condom always in her Wallet just in case as safe sex is a must
One day she asked me could she borrow some of my make up I keep it in a a lille cary case that I take with me on fab meets
She took the bag and came back half hour later with 17 condoms in a wide range of flavours
Handed me the condoms and just shook her head
Me in a fluster said ...
Well I like to practice what I preach "
lol that's a great one!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
kids: where ye going tonight then
Me: out
Kids: out where?
Me: haven't decided yet
Kids: Who with?
Me: uh uh ye know joe Soap, remember Your da used to work with?
Kids: never heard of them
Me: course you do! We that's where we're going anyway
Kid to sibling: haha I think they've started swinging ye know!
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"kids: where ye going tonight then
Me: out
Kids: out where?
Me: haven't decided yet
Kids: Who with?
Me: uh uh ye know joe Soap, remember Your da used to work with?
Kids: never heard of them
Me: course you do! We that's where we're going anyway
Kid to sibling: haha I think they've started swinging ye know!
"
This made me chuckle!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"kids: where ye going tonight then
Me: out
Kids: out where?
Me: haven't decided yet
Kids: Who with?
Me: uh uh ye know joe Soap, remember Your da used to work with?
Kids: never heard of them
Me: course you do! We that's where we're going anyway
Kid to sibling: haha I think they've started swinging ye know!
This made me chuckle!! "
It's completely true tho lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Question! I'll admit I'm not a true swinger! Does that mean people who are not true swingers shouldn't be here?
In what way, 'not a true swinger'?"
i class a true swinger as been a person actively into the social swinging circle and into partner swapping or joining another couple |
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you know your a swinger when you go away for a few days to Germany with a group of your mates (all men)who are all happily married,allegedly. And all they want to do is go to brothels and strip clubs. while you would rather see the sights and do normal touristy things.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Question! I'll admit I'm not a true swinger! Does that mean people who are not true swingers shouldn't be here?
In what way, 'not a true swinger'?i class a true swinger as been a person actively into the social swinging circle and into partner swapping or joining another couple "
And do you not partake at all?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Question! I'll admit I'm not a true swinger! Does that mean people who are not true swingers shouldn't be here?
In what way, 'not a true swinger'?i class a true swinger as been a person actively into the social swinging circle and into partner swapping or joining another couple
And do you not partake at all?
"
Not actively |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Then can I ask why your on fab if you've no intention of participating?
I'm not being cheeky just genuinely curious why other people be on fab "
I'm purely on fab as it's an easy to use free of charge site for casual fun |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Then can I ask why your on fab if you've no intention of participating?
I'm not being cheeky just genuinely curious why other people be on fab I'm purely on fab as it's an easy to use free of charge site for casual fun "
But you've stayed on your profile that you can travel, implying that you do in fact intend to meet?!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Then can I ask why your on fab if you've no intention of participating?
I'm not being cheeky just genuinely curious why other people be on fab I'm purely on fab as it's an easy to use free of charge site for casual fun
But you've stayed on your profile that you can travel, implying that you do in fact intend to meet?! "
yes meet singles not partake in a 3sum |
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By *j47 OP Man
over a year ago
limerick |
"Then can I ask why your on fab if you've no intention of participating?
I'm not being cheeky just genuinely curious why other people be on fab I'm purely on fab as it's an easy to use free of charge site for casual fun "
Is that u snickers |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Then can I ask why your on fab if you've no intention of participating?
I'm not being cheeky just genuinely curious why other people be on fab I'm purely on fab as it's an easy to use free of charge site for casual fun
But you've stayed on your profile that you can travel, implying that you do in fact intend to meet?! "
in other words certain people here are mad into the social swinging scene I'm not! I'm also not into a 3sum with a husband and wife or bf n gf |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Then can I ask why your on fab if you've no intention of participating?
I'm not being cheeky just genuinely curious why other people be on fab I'm purely on fab as it's an easy to use free of charge site for casual fun
Is that u snickers "
casual fun is what the site is about |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Then can I ask why your on fab if you've no intention of participating?
I'm not being cheeky just genuinely curious why other people be on fab I'm purely on fab as it's an easy to use free of charge site for casual fun
Is that u snickers casual fun is what the site is about "
NSF?  |
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