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pervy co workers
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Hey fabbers I am looking for opinions from men on this one
X Emily X
I have a work colleague who is married who I get along with we have a bit of banter ect. Now this guy is known as the perv of the office although there is no Actual proof of him starying from his relationship there is plenty or rumour, and I won't pretend half the things he says to me wouldnt be classed as fair grounds for a sexual harassment lawsuit but as I have made it clear I'd never "stray" I take it all as a bit of banter. But the last few years his comments and gestures have been getting more full on, to a point where I'd be uncomfortable with the conversation/situation, and I wonder what's going on his head? Is he trying his best to break me down so we can have some naughty fun in the warehouse(never gonna happen for far too many reasons!!). Or is he just stepping up the banter after years of a working/friend relationship? Would u take offense if it were u and I asked u to take it down a notch or ten? Or should I carry on as normal and not worry that he might get too inappropriate in the future???
Opinions encouraged and welcomed x |
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I'd like to think so or maybe he jus not reasonable? I have made it clear he has crossed the line on a number of occasions while keeping the friendly chat going but I think it requires more of a telling off that a friendly requests.
Now to be clear I am not afraid to be alone with him as I trust he would never force himself on me to any regard!!! I do feel if I offered it he would take it but as I'll never offer it he shall never be in a position to take it. I'm just wondering what's going on in his head and maybe by taking his comments as banter I am encouraging him? And if so how do I discourage him without damaging a friendship or working relationship? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Or maybe do u think he found out I'm on fab?  "
Very possible .some local people found out we were on here .and when out for a drink at Christmas one guy started to tell Laura what he would and wouldn't do to her while I was in the toilet . Laura told him if she won him in a raffle she wouldn't admit to having bought a ticket . That sorted that |
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"Or maybe do u think he found out I'm on fab?
Very possible .some local people found out we were on here .and when out for a drink at Christmas one guy started to tell Laura what he would and wouldn't do to her while I was in the toilet . Laura told him if she won him in a raffle she wouldn't admit to having bought a ticket . That sorted that"
Pmsl I love it!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He has probably stepped it up a gear over the years as he's let away with it - in the sense that you haven't told him off, some people don't get it when you ask politely to quit it. I would doubt he knows your on here as by the sounds of it he sounds brazen and would probably have made an actual move on you or hinted that he knows ur here. Sometimes you need to take a firmer stance and tell him to give it over or the friendship will be ruined |
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By *j47Man
over a year ago
limerick |
Jayus not a nice place to be in u like his friendship but the advances are just to much. Time to sit him down and have a chat and tell him that there is a fine line between banter and harassment which he is tittering across. Explain that ur up for the craic while still jovial things being said or suggested need to step down a step as u feel things have gone a little far lately.tell him u value his friendship and banter to cheer up ur working day but that's it nothing worse or messy as having to go to management to sort out a work relationship with other employees
Hope this helps and u succeed in retaining his friendship and banter on a lighter note  |
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By *j47Man
over a year ago
limerick |
That's it be proactive and take the bull by the horns (not literally) before it gets messy ( you know what I mean)hopefully he will see the wood from the trees and an amibical solution can be found
I just give up anything I say has a double meaning horns,wood,messy,solution its so easy for something to escalate time to nip it in the bud |
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"Hey fabbers I am looking for opinions from men on this one
X Emily X
I have a work colleague who is married who I get along with we have a bit of banter ect. Now this guy is known as the perv of the office although there is no Actual proof of him starying from his relationship there is plenty or rumour, and I won't pretend half the things he says to me wouldnt be classed as fair grounds for a sexual harassment lawsuit but as I have made it clear I'd never "stray" I take it all as a bit of banter. But the last few years his comments and gestures have been getting more full on, to a point where I'd be uncomfortable with the conversation/situation, and I wonder what's going on his head? Is he trying his best to break me down so we can have some naughty fun in the warehouse(never gonna happen for far too many reasons!!). Or is he just stepping up the banter after years of a working/friend relationship? Would u take offense if it were u and I asked u to take it down a notch or ten? Or should I carry on as normal and not worry that he might get too inappropriate in the future???
Opinions encouraged and welcomed x "
Next time laugh and say "when mark finds out what you just said to me he's going to beat seven shades of shite out of you", smile and walk away.
If he says anything just reply "sure it's all a bit if banter isn't it?"
He will get the message |
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Thanks for Ur messages peeps !!! Phase one complete told him we can have the banter but there is a line and he is gonna have to refrain from crossing it going forward!! Said in a more clear stern manner than usual, before any banter was had!
Now it's a case of maintaining it until it becomes the norm.
He then proceeded to tell me about his neighbours gangbang not his first swinging reference!! He seems to always be in the vicinity of naughty carry ons!! |
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By *j47Man
over a year ago
limerick |
"Thanks for Ur messages peeps !!! Phase one complete told him we can have the banter but there is a line and he is gonna have to refrain from crossing it going forward!! Said in a more clear stern manner than usual, before any banter was had!
Now it's a case of maintaining it until it becomes the norm.
He then proceeded to tell me about his neighbours gangbang not his first swinging reference!! He seems to always be in the vicinity of naughty carry ons!! "
Hes chancing his arm see how forceful u are going to be the min he mentioned a gangbang was the time to put the hand up and say stop u don't want to know |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for Ur messages peeps !!! Phase one complete told him we can have the banter but there is a line and he is gonna have to refrain from crossing it going forward!! Said in a more clear stern manner than usual, before any banter was had!
Now it's a case of maintaining it until it becomes the norm.
He then proceeded to tell me about his neighbours gangbang not his first swinging reference!! He seems to always be in the vicinity of naughty carry ons!!
Hes chancing his arm see how forceful u are going to be the min he mentioned a gangbang was the time to put the hand up and say stop u don't want to know "
Completely agree. Hes pushing his limits to see what he can and can't say |
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He can say pretty much what he wants once I'm not involved the equation lol!! I don't divulge in any details about my sex life or anything of the sort nor would I comment on anything he says of a sexual referenace but let's be honest if someone was to tell u story about their neighbour getting up to all sorts we'd all want to hear the rest of the story |
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Normally after a discussiuon of anything sexual he would proceed to insinuate that I'd enjoy or possible partake in such antics followed by a suggestion that we demonstrate (in a joking manner) so I reckon he has probably taken onboard what I said bout crossing a li e. |
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By *j47Man
over a year ago
limerick |
"He can say pretty much what he wants once I'm not involved the equation lol!! I don't divulge in any details about my sex life or anything of the sort nor would I comment on anything he says of a sexual referenace but let's be honest if someone was to tell u story about their neighbour getting up to all sorts we'd all want to hear the rest of the story "
Yes we do but timing is every thing u just asked to respect a boundarie and straight away he pushed it OK not involving u but still he pushed just my opinion tell me feck off if u like |
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Good point I suppose I didn't take Into account possible hidden agenda. Ok so another reminder maybe and reject anything said that could be perceived as sexual ?
Why so many mind games lol!! All I want is an easy life  lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He can say pretty much what he wants once I'm not involved the equation lol!! I don't divulge in any details about my sex life or anything of the sort nor would I comment on anything he says of a sexual referenace but let's be honest if someone was to tell u story about their neighbour getting up to all sorts we'd all want to hear the rest of the story
Yes we do but timing is every thing u just asked to respect a boundarie and straight away he pushed it OK not involving u but still he pushed just my opinion tell me feck off if u like "
Feck off!!  |
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By *j47Man
over a year ago
limerick |
"He can say pretty much what he wants once I'm not involved the equation lol!! I don't divulge in any details about my sex life or anything of the sort nor would I comment on anything he says of a sexual referenace but let's be honest if someone was to tell u story about their neighbour getting up to all sorts we'd all want to hear the rest of the story
Yes we do but timing is every thing u just asked to respect a boundarie and straight away he pushed it OK not involving u but still he pushed just my opinion tell me feck off if u like
Feck off!! "
I am watching u Missy |
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By *j47Man
over a year ago
limerick |
"Good point I suppose I didn't take Into account possible hidden agenda. Ok so another reminder maybe and reject anything said that could be perceived as sexual ?
Why so many mind games lol!! All I want is an easy life lol"
That's how he gets his trill mind games |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Totally agree with lollipop, keeps doing it cause he's getting away with it, take shit you'll get shit tell him where to go and b clear about it, good luck  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He can say pretty much what he wants once I'm not involved the equation lol!! I don't divulge in any details about my sex life or anything of the sort nor would I comment on anything he says of a sexual referenace but let's be honest if someone was to tell u story about their neighbour getting up to all sorts we'd all want to hear the rest of the story
Yes we do but timing is every thing u just asked to respect a boundarie and straight away he pushed it OK not involving u but still he pushed just my opinion tell me feck off if u like
Feck off!!
I am watching u Missy "
ha ha ha!!! I couldn't resist!! |
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Tell him straight that you have no sexual interest him that you only have eyes for your partner and he has absolutely no chance of getting in your knickers ever he might lay off then I think he feels he has a chance too get you into bed so you need too make that clear too him |
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He has already crossed the line. Your employer is obligated to protect its workers and this includes preventing them where reasonable from being exposed to any sexual harrassment etc. It doesnt have to be physical at all.
In any reasonable company he should be spoken to by the person responsible for HR matters. You could speak to them in private and they in turn on a no names basis can speak to him to cease this harassment immediately.
the company is obligated to do so as they are then leaving themselves open to a civil action where you could sue as they didnt provide a safe working environment.
If he doesnt stop and you report it (and others affected may have done so or may do so in the future anyhow) then he can be dismissed. the longer you put off addressing this the more stress you bring on yourself. Also the likelihood he will become more determined and not necessarily with just you.
Best of luck |
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By *ilderMan
over a year ago
dublin |
Emily having met you and seeing how sexy and friendly you are I'm not surprised this has arose (so to speak)  
I think what you are doing sounds correct. Warm him about the line that can't be crossed. Have a laugh with him but if its crossed don't be afraid to be stern with him and give him the cold shoulder for a day or two. If he sees you annoyed he might be less likely to try it again. He's clearly enjoying the banter as well as fantasising about what he'd love to be doing to/with you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hey Em maybe take a step back from the banter abit and see what happens after that and how he reacts i always had great craic when i worked but knew where the line was and never over the stepped the mark maybe hes just comfortable having a laugh and a joke with yea. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Take a note of whats said and when do if you do have to report it to hr you have prove that your not over reacting to an isolated incident. Hopefully it won't come to that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a tough one. In one way you enjoy the banter and the sexual innuendos but then the other party sees this as encouragement and keeps pushing the boundaries.
I have a few male colleagues I get along really well with. The banter is hilarious and the sexual innuendos are flying. Now I'm single and available so it's a bit different but we don't fancy each other so it's just silly talk.
One of the guys brought up gangbangs as well and made a joke that I participate in them. I just said yeah sure, used to be like 12 guys, now I'm getting old and can only handle about 6.
So this is really borderline and I know I have to be careful and probably have to step back soon as well before I start feeling uncomfortable. But then I have no problem telling someone if they make me feel that way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well there has been no inappropriate banter at all today for probably the first day in 10 years!!!"
Very good!! Long may it last! Whatever you said to him worked! |
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