FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Too polite?!
Too polite?!
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
Just curious how other people deal with turning people down?
I always try to be polite and thoughtful in my responses but there are some occasions when that hasn't worked too easily.
Sometimes there is just no spark or attraction and even when we decline nicely some people can be very pushy and keep trying.
Would we be as well off to be blunt?! I know we wouldn't mind hearing from someone that we just weren't for them but how do others feel about it?
Miss Mcjoy  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it especially difficult when I have met them for coffee and then saying no. It takes a lot for me to block someone so I sometimes just start ignoring the continued messages |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I feel no attraction towards the lady (single or part of a couple), I always thank for the interest, however I state that I must decline. We are adults and I understand that I am not for everyone and not everyone is for me.
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I'd be polite the first time. If they go on to question you on it, be blunt my all means.
The phrase "Sorry but you're not my flavour" seems to be a neutral way to decline...
Of course, "fook off" is perfectly usable if they continue to ask "why not?" |
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"I find it especially difficult when I have met them for coffee and then saying no. It takes a lot for me to block someone so I sometimes just start ignoring the continued messages"
I don't think we have really had to block anyone so it's never gotten out of hand or anything. I guess it's just difficult to tell someone that they aren't attractive to you. Can't imagine having to do it after actually meeting 
Miss Mcjoy |
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"I usually just say 'no thanks' occasionally might throw in a  . Might sound harsh but it works, most are nice about it anyway "
Yeah we've been very lucky in that regard too
Miss Mcjoy |
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"If I feel no attraction towards the lady (single or part of a couple), I always thank for the interest, however I state that I must decline. We are adults and I understand that I am not for everyone and not everyone is for me.
"
Yes I get that too, I just find it difficult to say
Miss Mcjoy |
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"I'd be polite the first time. If they go on to question you on it, be blunt my all means.
The phrase "Sorry but you're not my flavour" seems to be a neutral way to decline...
Of course, "fook off" is perfectly usable if they continue to ask "why not?""
'Why not'
'Ah go on go on go on......'
Hahaha
Miss Mcjoy  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it especially difficult when I have met them for coffee and then saying no. It takes a lot for me to block someone so I sometimes just start ignoring the continued messages
I don't think we have really had to block anyone so it's never gotten out of hand or anything. I guess it's just difficult to tell someone that they aren't attractive to you. Can't imagine having to do it after actually meeting
Miss Mcjoy "
I know. But some ask you straight out at the meet. Awkward  |
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"That may sound wrong. I do tell them that I'm not interested but if they continue to ask to meet up I would ignore the messages instead of blocking them"
No it doesn't sound wrong at all, if it works for you then it's a winner
Miss Mcjoy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always try to be polite as I would like them to be polite to me.. its nice to be nice I think..
But then if it gets abusive that's a different story..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I feel no attraction towards the lady (single or part of a couple), I always thank for the interest, however I state that I must decline. We are adults and I understand that I am not for everyone and not everyone is for me.
Yes I get that too, I just find it difficult to say
Miss Mcjoy "
I was terrified the first time I had to say that to the first couple. However, I see no better way of approaching the matter. If someone says it to be in that way, it is so much easier to receive the message and just move on.
There is no point of sugar coating it, as the message must be clear and polite, so there is no confusion about what is the communicate about. |
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"I find it especially difficult when I have met them for coffee and then saying no. It takes a lot for me to block someone so I sometimes just start ignoring the continued messages
I don't think we have really had to block anyone so it's never gotten out of hand or anything. I guess it's just difficult to tell someone that they aren't attractive to you. Can't imagine having to do it after actually meeting
Miss Mcjoy
I know. But some ask you straight out at the meet. Awkward "
Ahhhhhhh Worst nightmare !!!
Miss Mcjoy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont think there is a hard and fast rule. For some messages where its obvious there was no real effort made our reply can be blunt,ie not for us thanks
but when we receive a message where someone has actually made an effort to write a half decent message and possibly has attached a pic we always make the effort to reply with the same consideration. Usually we try to outline our reasons for the letdown it may be something as simple as ms innocent finds the guy too short for her tastes.
Different strokes for different folks I guess |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it especially difficult when I have met them for coffee and then saying no. It takes a lot for me to block someone so I sometimes just start ignoring the continued messages
I don't think we have really had to block anyone so it's never gotten out of hand or anything. I guess it's just difficult to tell someone that they aren't attractive to you. Can't imagine having to do it after actually meeting
Miss Mcjoy
I know. But some ask you straight out at the meet. Awkward "
lol ive had that when I was on as a single fem. To say he was shocked when I turned him down to his face is an understatement lol. |
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"I always try to be polite as I would like them to be polite to me.. its nice to be nice I think..
But then if it gets abusive that's a different story..
"
I've often said it here before, we have never ever received any abuse here (I know not everyone is that lucky) but if we did It wouldn't take me long to become blunt 
Miss Mcjoy |
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"I dont think there is a hard and fast rule. For some messages where its obvious there was no real effort made our reply can be blunt,ie not for us thanks
but when we receive a message where someone has actually made an effort to write a half decent message and possibly has attached a pic we always make the effort to reply with the same consideration. Usually we try to outline our reasons for the letdown it may be something as simple as ms innocent finds the guy too short for her tastes.
Different strokes for different folks I guess"
Well same as that, we always try to give a reason but without being insulting or anything.
Miss Mcjoy |
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"Just curious how other people deal with turning people down?
I always try to be polite and thoughtful in my responses but there are some occasions when that hasn't worked too easily.
Sometimes there is just no spark or attraction and even when we decline nicely some people can be very pushy and keep trying.
Would we be as well off to be blunt?! I know we wouldn't mind hearing from someone that we just weren't for them but how do others feel about it?
Miss Mcjoy "
. Sometimes it might be best not to reply at all. Common sense means no reply means no interest so a reply may be unnecessary in the first place . Only a fool would think that everyone is attrracted to them. If members cannot handle rejection , they should not be on this site . |
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"I'm the very same as you a big old softie.Hate having to do it but better than leading someone up the garden path I suppose.We have been very lucky & not one abusive mail thank goodness."
Oh I'm so glad I'm not the only softy here
Miss Mcjoy |
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I'm always really soft wen it comes down to this I hate sayin no but it has to be done I normally just say ur not what I'm looking for right now if they turn nasty tho I hav no trouble giving them a load of shit back drives me mad wen they do that cause your been polite enough answering some of them need a good kick in the bollox the way they go on |
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"Just curious how other people deal with turning people down?
I always try to be polite and thoughtful in my responses but there are some occasions when that hasn't worked too easily.
Sometimes there is just no spark or attraction and even when we decline nicely some people can be very pushy and keep trying.
Would we be as well off to be blunt?! I know we wouldn't mind hearing from someone that we just weren't for them but how do others feel about it?
Miss Mcjoy . Sometimes it might be best not to reply at all. Common sense means no reply means no interest so a reply may be unnecessary in the first place . Only a fool would think that everyone is attrracted to them. If members cannot handle rejection , they should not be on this site ."
I can honestly say that I have never not replied to any message that had some thought put into it.
I have ignored the messages that outline what someone would do to my ass if they got the opportunity
Miss Mcjoy |
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"I'm always really soft wen it comes down to this I hate sayin no but it has to be done I normally just say ur not what I'm looking for right now if they turn nasty tho I hav no trouble giving them a load of shit back drives me mad wen they do that cause your been polite enough answering some of them need a good kick in the bollox the way they go on "
Hahaha that's for sure
Miss Mcjoy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always try to be polite as I would like them to be polite to me.. its nice to be nice I think..
But then if it gets abusive that's a different story..
I've often said it here before, we have never ever received any abuse here (I know not everyone is that lucky) but if we did It wouldn't take me long to become blunt
Miss Mcjoy "
Iv got 1 so I call that lucky but I'm not one to shy away lol. .
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"I always try to be polite as I would like them to be polite to me.. its nice to be nice I think..
But then if it gets abusive that's a different story..
I've often said it here before, we have never ever received any abuse here (I know not everyone is that lucky) but if we did It wouldn't take me long to become blunt
Miss Mcjoy
Iv got 1 so I call that lucky but I'm not one to shy away lol. .
"
And nor should you!! Take no crap from anyone!
Miss Mcjoy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been quite lucky as well and have received very few abusive messages.
It's the nice ones which don't give up which can make it awkward and hard to keep on saying no to in the nicest way possible.
I'm probably too nice too  |
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"I've been quite lucky as well and have received very few abusive messages.
It's the nice ones which don't give up which can make it awkward and hard to keep on saying no to in the nicest way possible.
I'm probably too nice too "
That's exactly the problem, people you genuinely have no reason to be blunt with but need to say no thanks. 
Miss Mcjoy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always try to be polite as I would like them to be polite to me.. its nice to be nice I think..
But then if it gets abusive that's a different story..
I've often said it here before, we have never ever received any abuse here (I know not everyone is that lucky) but if we did It wouldn't take me long to become blunt
Miss Mcjoy
Iv got 1 so I call that lucky but I'm not one to shy away lol. .
And nor should you!! Take no crap from anyone!
Miss Mcjoy "
Miss Mcjoy
Now you said it..xxx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess you just have to call it as you see it. . . Politely saying no is fine provided the person can accept it . . Then you just gotta be blunt . . Saying no at meeting would possibly be more difficult because some form of mutual attraction must have been there beforehand but should be taken graciously all the same . . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just curious how other people deal with turning people down?
I always try to be polite and thoughtful in my responses but there are some occasions when that hasn't worked too easily.
Sometimes there is just no spark or attraction and even when we decline nicely some people can be very pushy and keep trying.
Would we be as well off to be blunt?! I know we wouldn't mind hearing from someone that we just weren't for them but how do others feel about it?
Miss Mcjoy "
I know exactly what you mean!!! I have tried several different approaches! I have been polite to one guy and told him the spark wasn't there, he became verbally abusive and then deleted his profile.... I am also a softie so that upset and shocked me then made me angry, there is another guy I have told him several times but he keeps asking me to give him another chance..... What's that all about!!! I have known from several guys that we wouldn't be meeting again by their body language and that's fine with me I realise I am not everyone's cup of tea!!  |
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"Just curious how other people deal with turning people down?
I always try to be polite and thoughtful in my responses but there are some occasions when that hasn't worked too easily.
Sometimes there is just no spark or attraction and even when we decline nicely some people can be very pushy and keep trying.
Would we be as well off to be blunt?! I know we wouldn't mind hearing from someone that we just weren't for them but how do others feel about it?
Miss Mcjoy
I know exactly what you mean!!! I have tried several different approaches! I have been polite to one guy and told him the spark wasn't there, he became verbally abusive and then deleted his profile.... I am also a softie so that upset and shocked me then made me angry, there is another guy I have told him several times but he keeps asking me to give him another chance..... What's that all about!!! I have known from several guys that we wouldn't be meeting again by their body language and that's fine with me I realise I am not everyone's cup of tea!! "
I would prob prefer to be turned down rather than have to do the turning down
Miss Mcjoy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just curious how other people deal with turning people down?
I always try to be polite and thoughtful in my responses but there are some occasions when that hasn't worked too easily.
Sometimes there is just no spark or attraction and even when we decline nicely some people can be very pushy and keep trying.
Would we be as well off to be blunt?! I know we wouldn't mind hearing from someone that we just weren't for them but how do others feel about it?
Miss Mcjoy
I know exactly what you mean!!! I have tried several different approaches! I have been polite to one guy and told him the spark wasn't there, he became verbally abusive and then deleted his profile.... I am also a softie so that upset and shocked me then made me angry, there is another guy I have told him several times but he keeps asking me to give him another chance..... What's that all about!!! I have known from several guys that we wouldn't be meeting again by their body language and that's fine with me I realise I am not everyone's cup of tea!!
I would prob prefer to be turned down rather than have to do the turning down
Miss Mcjoy "
Exactly |
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"I dont think there is a hard and fast rule. For some messages where its obvious there was no real effort made our reply can be blunt,ie not for us thanks
but when we receive a message where someone has actually made an effort to write a half decent message and possibly has attached a pic we always make the effort to reply with the same consideration. Usually we try to outline our reasons for the letdown it may be something as simple as ms innocent finds the guy too short for her tastes.
Different strokes for different folks I guess"
I agree, if it's a really nice message that they have obviously put thought into then they will definitely get the same consideration but I can't say the same for the endless "hi" messages we get, it really depends on my mood sometimes ill play along with the one word per message game and other times ill just reply with a simple "no thanks" if the message is more like "I just jacked off to Ur pics" they get an instant block it's probably harsh but it works for us. |
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"I dont think there is a hard and fast rule. For some messages where its obvious there was no real effort made our reply can be blunt,ie not for us thanks
but when we receive a message where someone has actually made an effort to write a half decent message and possibly has attached a pic we always make the effort to reply with the same consideration. Usually we try to outline our reasons for the letdown it may be something as simple as ms innocent finds the guy too short for her tastes.
Different strokes for different folks I guess
I agree, if it's a really nice message that they have obviously put thought into then they will definitely get the same consideration but I can't say the same for the endless "hi" messages we get, it really depends on my mood sometimes ill play along with the one word per message game and other times ill just reply with a simple "no thanks" if the message is more like "I just jacked off to Ur pics" they get an instant block it's probably harsh but it works for us."
No one ever jacks off to our pics !!
Miss Mcjoy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont think there is a hard and fast rule. For some messages where its obvious there was no real effort made our reply can be blunt,ie not for us thanks
but when we receive a message where someone has actually made an effort to write a half decent message and possibly has attached a pic we always make the effort to reply with the same consideration. Usually we try to outline our reasons for the letdown it may be something as simple as ms innocent finds the guy too short for her tastes.
Different strokes for different folks I guess
I agree, if it's a really nice message that they have obviously put thought into then they will definitely get the same consideration but I can't say the same for the endless "hi" messages we get, it really depends on my mood sometimes ill play along with the one word per message game and other times ill just reply with a simple "no thanks" if the message is more like "I just jacked off to Ur pics" they get an instant block it's probably harsh but it works for us.
No one ever jacks off to our pics !!
Miss Mcjoy "
Oh I get the jacked off line quite a bit...... Or are you horny?? |
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"How would you go about saying no to someone who has sent u face pics and u actually know them... awks momo...  "
Oh....... No!!!
I think I would prob say that I know them and would prefer to keep my swinging life separate from my real life and explain that for that reason I will be blocking them
Miss Mcjoy |
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By *razy-CplCouple
over a year ago
and surrounding areas |
mrs crazy can never say no she leaves that up to me, but im always and say sorry but ur just not what were looking for at the moment, but we wish u happy swinging. have never got an abuse back. think ur better off been straight up about it. if were not for someone id rather they say it
mr crazy |
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"mrs crazy can never say no she leaves that up to me, but im always and say sorry but ur just not what were looking for at the moment, but we wish u happy swinging. have never got an abuse back. think ur better off been straight up about it. if were not for someone id rather they say it
mr crazy "
I've done that to mr Mcjoy too
Miss Mcjoy |
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By *razy-CplCouple
over a year ago
and surrounding areas |
"mrs crazy can never say no she leaves that up to me, but im always and say sorry but ur just not what were looking for at the moment, but we wish u happy swinging. have never got an abuse back. think ur better off been straight up about it. if were not for someone id rather they say it
mr crazy
I've done that to mr Mcjoy too
Miss Mcjoy "
good to see us guys come in handy for something lol
mr crazy |
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By *cjoy OP Couple
over a year ago
Galway |
"mrs crazy can never say no she leaves that up to me, but im always and say sorry but ur just not what were looking for at the moment, but we wish u happy swinging. have never got an abuse back. think ur better off been straight up about it. if were not for someone id rather they say it
mr crazy
I've done that to mr Mcjoy too
Miss Mcjoy
good to see us guys come in handy for something lol
mr crazy "
Oh you guys come in handy for lots of things
Miss Mcjoy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ah... don't be TOO blunt
I'll try
Miss Mcjoy "
Good...
The "sorry you're not my type" and slowly ease out messages are my favourite...
Hate the rude blunt ones
"I wouldn't let my dog ride you" BLOCK!
The few ive had to turn down... I had to beat around the bush. .. still remain friends with them however! |
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I suppose it's not nice to be turned down but it's not nice to be abused either.
We all ain't every ones cup of tea
But to be nasty is just immaturity
Famous one is well I wouldn't want to meet u anyway I'm not attracted to you your fat but two messages before was asking to meet  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had a couple of people message me even after being told i wasn't interested. I've had to tell both of them to please stop sending me messages or i'll have no choice but to block. The trouble is i find it hard to block someone who has been nothing but polite, if a bit heedless. I don't approach people first, so i'm less likely to be turned down than some |
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By *azsinsMan
over a year ago
Belfast |
"Just curious how other people deal with turning people down?
I always try to be polite and thoughtful in my responses but there are some occasions when that hasn't worked too easily.
Sometimes there is just no spark or attraction and even when we decline nicely some people can be very pushy and keep trying.
Would we be as well off to be blunt?! I know we wouldn't mind hearing from someone that we just weren't for them but how do others feel about it?
Miss Mcjoy "
Manners cost nothing and maketh the man! Be polite until they are rude to you then block!
It is the people with manners that get the most from fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Manners cost nothing and maketh the man! Be polite until they are rude to you then block!
It is the people with manners that get the most from fab."
Wow! never a truer word said. .. I live by that.. i couldn't have said it better  |
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By *imwildWoman
over a year ago
around |
"Just curious how other people deal with turning people down?
I always try to be polite and thoughtful in my responses but there are some occasions when that hasn't worked too easily.
Sometimes there is just no spark or attraction and even when we decline nicely some people can be very pushy and keep trying.
Would we be as well off to be blunt?! I know we wouldn't mind hearing from someone that we just weren't for them but how do others feel about it?
Miss Mcjoy "
I don't think being blunt is being rude. It seems to me some mistake honesty as bad manners and there are some on here, i.e. the site not the forum, that claim they dispise bad manners when in fact, they're just as guilty of being as rude, themselves  |
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but oddly wouldn't be offended to hear it 
