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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm feeling sad, give me your best jokes
Mrs L "
lol a truck driver stopped one day at a farm to ask for directions and the randy farmers daughter answered the door and said if I give you directions will you see to my needs so he agreed so up in the bedroom she girl asked him how good a driver he was he said I'm the best driver ever and entered her the next thing he felt was the farmers side by side sticking into his ass and the farmer said if your such a great driver back outa there with a full load  |
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A guy walks into a store and buys six jumbo boxes of condoms. The store clerk asks the man, "What do you do with all of those?"
The guy replies, "I taught my dog to swallow them and now he shits in little plastic baggies!" |
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Little Mary's mother arrived at little Johnny's house with Johnny by the ear. When his mother opened the door, Mary's mother started giving out.. "I'm just after catching then playing doctors and nurses, and I won't stand for it!" "Well now", Johnny's mother said, "sure weren't we all young once? Let's not be too hard on them, they're bound to be curious about sex at their age".
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"CURIOUS ABOUT SEX? HE'S TAKEN HER FUCKING APPENDIX OUT !"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A newly married lady was in bed having an awkward moment with her experience new hubby as she had saved her viginity for her wedding night.
She complains " if you were a gentleman you wouldn't make me do this"
He replies " if you were a lady you wouldn't speak with your mouthful" |
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By *ippguyMan
over a year ago
tipperary |
A man worried that his goldfish is sick brings it to the doctor. He says "Doctor I'm worried about my fish. It keeps taking fits". The doctor picks up the bowl and looks in at the fish who was swimming around happily. " I can't see anything wrong with him" says the doctor, to which the man replies "ya but doctor, you haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Little John riding his pedal car around the church grounds gets stopped by the priest who ask John where is his driving licence John reaches into his pocket and pulls out a sweetie paper and gives it to the priest..
The priest says all in order john carry on..John rides his pedal car around again only to get stopped by the priest again The priest asks for his insurance papers and John reaches into his pocket and gives the priest two sweetie papers...The priest told John to carry on and away John went again........As he started to drive around again he noticed the priest with his cock out John shouts at the priest not another breathalyzer test....................................Mr Panther |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lady goes to the doctor with a pain in her side. The doctor give her an examination and says 'you've got acute appendicitis'. She replies 'thanks doctor but I'm here for medical help not compliments. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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An old couple are at mass in a crowded church. The old man turns to his wife and whispers 'I just farted, do you think anyone heard it?' She says 'turn up your fucking hearing aid |
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This is a story about 4 people, named Everycunt, Somecunt, Anycunt and Nocunt. One day, there was a job that needed doing, and somecunt was asked to do it, Everycunt was sure Somecunt would do it, but Nocunt did it. Everycunt got angry because it was Somecunt's job. Nocunt realised that Anycunt could have done it. It ended up with Everycunt blaming Somecunt and Nocunt doing what Anycunt could have done.
I think I work with these cunts |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I made a pot of stew for the family and some ectra to freeze and put it beside an open window to cool in time for supper. A man gained access to my house through the window and did a sh*t in my pot of stew.
I was raging as I hadn't enough for supper as i had to throw half it out! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Old one but worth........
Little Jhonny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we’ll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now." "Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I
take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he's in the
garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
( YOU'RE GONNA LOVE
THIS!!!!!!!!! )
The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home." If you ain't laffin'... You ain't livin' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel reception and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says lady, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your cock is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 69."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A granny, a mum and a daughter were talking. The daughter tells them she charged a man £50 for a blowjob at the weekend.
The mum says "jez, when I was your age the most I could get was £5.
The granny smiled, thought for a second and added "when I was you age, the war was going on and I was only glad to get something warm in my stomach!!" |
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were crap at jokes :p But turn that frown upside down all be good in the end xxx
