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Childbirth me hole!!
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Picture the scene, if you will. You're walking along minding your own business, carrying a bag of cement when you accidentally step on the end of a mattock (a pick like instrument of destruction) that you left standing against the wall. All of a sudden, your ballsack has been violently assaulted by a heavy hickory handle and driven northwards into the dark territory behind your belly button. 
Now that's pain
I was that soldier, about an hour ago  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Picture the scene, if you will. You're walking along minding your own business, carrying a bag of cement when you accidentally step on the end of a mattock (a pick like instrument of destruction) that you left standing against the wall. All of a sudden, your ballsack has been violently assaulted by a heavy hickory handle and driven northwards into the dark territory behind your belly button.
Now that's pain
I was that soldier, about an hour ago "
Go and have babies and come tell us ladies that....pfffft lol lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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They worked it out :
A bad kick in the nuts omits x amount of Del units of pain.
Equivalent to having 16 babies or something to that effect...
By the difference is childbirth is dragged out over a lot longer period were a kick in the nuts is extremely painful the pain will subside rather quickly... |
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"They worked it out :
A bad kick in the nuts omits x amount of Del units of pain.
Equivalent to having 16 babies or something to that effect...
By the difference is childbirth is dragged out over a lot longer period were a kick in the nuts is extremely painful the pain will subside rather quickly..."
It's been two hours now and I still can't stand up straight.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They worked it out :
A bad kick in the nuts omits x amount of Del units of pain.
Equivalent to having 16 babies or something to that effect...
By the difference is childbirth is dragged out over a lot longer period were a kick in the nuts is extremely painful the pain will subside rather quickly...
It's been two hours now and I still can't stand up straight.
"
Jaysus! That knocked the wind out of yer sails........
That sent an aul' shiver down to the ball sack  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think this day is now tattered testicle Thursday
Lets hope tomorrow's not flittered foreskin Friday!  "
not looking forward to squished schlong Saturday either |
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"I think this day is now tattered testicle Thursday
Lets hope tomorrow's not flittered foreskin Friday!
not looking forward to squished schlong Saturday either"
Can't wait for suck me Sunday though!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think this day is now tattered testicle Thursday
Lets hope tomorrow's not flittered foreskin Friday!
not looking forward to squished schlong Saturday either"
Munching ( Insert Word beginning with M that stands for Vagina )
Monday I'm looking forward to |
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Another point... Women give birth, then elect to have another child, and possibly more.
Have you ever heard of a man who elected to step on a mattock a second time? I don't think so. Surely that tells us something?  |
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"I think this day is now tattered testicle Thursday
Lets hope tomorrow's not flittered foreskin Friday!
not looking forward to squished schlong Saturday either
Can't wait for suck me Sunday though! "
you may have a problem convincing the intended sucker that the purple yellow and green discoloration is just a bruise  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think this day is now tattered testicle Thursday
Lets hope tomorrow's not flittered foreskin Friday!
not looking forward to squished schlong Saturday either
Munching ( Insert Word beginning with M that stands for Vagina )
Monday I'm looking forward to "
muff or minge, only two i can think of |
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"I think this day is now tattered testicle Thursday
Lets hope tomorrow's not flittered foreskin Friday!
not looking forward to squished schlong Saturday either
Can't wait for suck me Sunday though!
you may have a problem convincing the intended sucker that the purple yellow and green discoloration is just a bruise "
Maybe we should play the blindfold game first? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Child birth is not sore.i 100% agree that a kick in the balls is much worse.not that i know but i have a son..!!! I feel sorry for any man that happens too.... (secretly its a funny story tho)  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Child birth is not sore.i 100% agree that a kick in the balls is much worse.not that i know but i have a son..!!! I feel sorry for any man that happens too.... (secretly its a funny story tho) "
i was with you up to the secretly funny part |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do not know how a kick in the stones feel, i have seen reactions and i would not want to experience it myself however i have had a child, 8 pounds and 4 ounces coming out of my hoohaa it's painful, it was truly very painful |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do not know how a kick in the stones feel, i have seen reactions and i would not want to experience it myself however i have had a child, 8 pounds and 4 ounces coming out of my hoohaa it's painful, it was truly very painful "
I found it a pleasure pain tho  |
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By *j47Man
over a year ago
limerick |
"I do not know how a kick in the stones feel, i have seen reactions and i would not want to experience it myself however i have had a child, 8 pounds and 4 ounces coming out of my hoohaa it's painful, it was truly very painful "
8lbs4ounces that's nothing our first was ten even fecker came out with a school bag on his back i thought the whoohaa was finished never again to tighten but isn't nature a wonderful thing plus i tipped the gynie to add a few stiches
i feel ur pain mick but such is life as for the discolouration u can always say u were using it to beat the donkey home |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Picture the scene, if you will. You're walking along minding your own business, carrying a bag of cement when you accidentally step on the end of a mattock (a pick like instrument of destruction) that you left standing against the wall. All of a sudden, your ballsack has been violently assaulted by a heavy hickory handle and driven northwards into the dark territory behind your belly button.
Now that's pain
I was that soldier, about an hour ago "
Should of done your safe pass there mick haha  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Should of done your safe pass there mick haha
Best username I've seen in a while Dave.  "
Why thank you...do you need any lightbulbs changed? I have a safe pass incase your wondering |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Great chat here Boys & Girls!!
Childbirth... a case of check your knickers & dignity in at the door!!
Also advice for prospective fathers: stay up the top end... it's not a Spectator Sport!
Lads.. having a baby is like trying to Shit a Football... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Child birth Isn as bad as people make out I had the three of mine all natural ye it hurts but wen u hear girls screaming you would think there been stabbed to death "
oh thank god i thought i was a weirdo liking it |
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After my first I said never again fours months later I was pregnant. .
last child was 8 yrs after my second daughter.
One thing I will say if she was my first she would be my last. .in a fecking ward given birth with others mothers howling and yelling.
Fecking awful. |
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"Child birth Isn as bad as people make out I had the three of mine all natural ye it hurts but wen u hear girls screaming you would think there been stabbed to death
oh thank god i thought i was a weirdo liking it "
I don't like it ya mad thing I jus don't think it's as bad as people make it out to be u are a wierdo haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Child birth Isn as bad as people make out I had the three of mine all natural ye it hurts but wen u hear girls screaming you would think there been stabbed to death
oh thank god i thought i was a weirdo liking it I don't like it ya mad thing I jus don't think it's as bad as people make it out to be u are a wierdo haha "
ah shit....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hope your feeling better Mikey......
Don't worry the swelling won't last long and mini me will be back to normal......."
but Annie don't you realise the swelling was the best part!!
Michael the things you do..... First there was the bee sting and now this.....you need the hand of s good woman |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hope your feeling better Mikey......
Don't worry the swelling won't last long and mini me will be back to normal.......
but Annie don't you realise the swelling was the best part!!
Michael the things you do..... First there was the bee sting and now this.....you need the hand of s good woman "
Lol....he might have been like a boy with a new toy!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Picture the scene, if you will. You're walking along minding your own business, carrying a bag of cement when you accidentally step on the end of a mattock (a pick like instrument of destruction) that you left standing against the wall. All of a sudden, your ballsack has been violently assaulted by a heavy hickory handle and driven northwards into the dark territory behind your belly button.
Now that's pain
I was that soldier, about an hour ago "
Bad trades man always blames the tools..... so what really happened was you looked at that handle and thought would it fit in your ass. You tried and nope so you decide more weight needed hence the bag of cement. so handle lined up back of cement for weight and whoops the old eyesight for aiming up the left hence the sore balls |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Child birth Isn as bad as people make out I had the three of mine all natural ye it hurts but wen u hear girls screaming you would think there been stabbed to death "
I've no pain threshold at all - I'm so gonna be one of them screaming girls |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im sorry girls but in what way is it not painful? Id rather try to squeeze a bowling ball out of my left nostril than go through that carry on again!!
OP...thanks for the huge chuckle at your chuckies! When the bruising comes out a pic for the old profile would be appreciated.....please tell us someone caught it on video.... |
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"Im sorry girls but in what way is it not painful? Id rather try to squeeze a bowling ball out of my left nostril than go through that carry on again!!
OP...thanks for the huge chuckle at your chuckies! When the bruising comes out a pic for the old profile would be appreciated.....please tell us someone caught it on video.... "
never said it wasn't just said it's not as bad as people make it out to be wen I was I'm labour on my first for 11 hours in full labour there was a girl in the room next to me screamin like a headcase sayin get this fuckin thing outta me like there's no need for all that Shite roaring and screaming the place down over a pain that just feels the same as ya do wen your really badly constipated |
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By *imwildWoman
over a year ago
around |
"Picture the scene, if you will. You're walking along minding your own business, carrying a bag of cement when you accidentally step on the end of a mattock (a pick like instrument of destruction) that you left standing against the wall. All of a sudden, your ballsack has been violently assaulted by a heavy hickory handle and driven northwards into the dark territory behind your belly button.
Now that's pain
I was that soldier, about an hour ago
Bad trades man always blames the tools..... so what really happened was you looked at that handle and thought would it fit in your ass. You tried and nope so you decide more weight needed hence the bag of cement. so handle lined up back of cement for weight and whoops the old eyesight for aiming up the left hence the sore balls "
Lol.. |
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"Im sorry girls but in what way is it not painful? Id rather try to squeeze a bowling ball out of my left nostril than go through that carry on again!!
OP...thanks for the huge chuckle at your chuckies! When the bruising comes out a pic for the old profile would be appreciated.....please tell us someone caught it on video.... "
No videos that I know of, although my yelps of pain probably attracted some attention. I'm afraid to look down there now just in case things aren't right, so no pics! |
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"Bad trades man always blames the tools..... so what really happened was you looked at that handle and thought would it fit in your ass. You tried and nope so you decide more weight needed hence the bag of cement. so handle lined up back of cement for weight and whoops the old eyesight for aiming up the left hence the sore balls "
A scurrilous accusation! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Bad trades man always blames the tools..... so what really happened was you looked at that handle and thought would it fit in your ass. You tried and nope so you decide more weight needed hence the bag of cement. so handle lined up back of cement for weight and whoops the old eyesight for aiming up the left hence the sore balls
A scurrilous accusation! "
Morning mick. Hows the balls today lol.
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"Bad trades man always blames the tools..... so what really happened was you looked at that handle and thought would it fit in your ass. You tried and nope so you decide more weight needed hence the bag of cement. so handle lined up back of cement for weight and whoops the old eyesight for aiming up the left hence the sore balls
A scurrilous accusation!
Morning mick. Hows the balls today lol.
"
I things it's a psychological thing at this stage. Even pulling on the jeans this morning brought nervous moments. I'm refusing to look down there just in case. The mattock is now sitting happily on a trampoline just to be safe! |
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By *j47Man
over a year ago
limerick |
"Bad trades man always blames the tools..... so what really happened was you looked at that handle and thought would it fit in your ass. You tried and nope so you decide more weight needed hence the bag of cement. so handle lined up back of cement for weight and whoops the old eyesight for aiming up the left hence the sore balls
A scurrilous accusation!
Morning mick. Hows the balls today lol.
"
i bet they are just swell |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bad trades man always blames the tools..... so what really happened was you looked at that handle and thought would it fit in your ass. You tried and nope so you decide more weight needed hence the bag of cement. so handle lined up back of cement for weight and whoops the old eyesight for aiming up the left hence the sore balls
A scurrilous accusation!
Morning mick. Hows the balls today lol.
I things it's a psychological thing at this stage. Even pulling on the jeans this morning brought nervous moments. I'm refusing to look down there just in case. The mattock is now sitting happily on a trampoline just to be safe! "
Mattock, trampoline feck mick thats even more kinky lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bad trades man always blames the tools..... so what really happened was you looked at that handle and thought would it fit in your ass. You tried and nope so you decide more weight needed hence the bag of cement. so handle lined up back of cement for weight and whoops the old eyesight for aiming up the left hence the sore balls
LMAO....thanks Fabs for a great giggle to start the day ...
oh and not forgetting you too Michael
"
|
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"Bad trades man always blames the tools..... so what really happened was you looked at that handle and thought would it fit in your ass. You tried and nope so you decide more weight needed hence the bag of cement. so handle lined up back of cement for weight and whoops the old eyesight for aiming up the left hence the sore balls
A scurrilous accusation!
Morning mick. Hows the balls today lol.
I things it's a psychological thing at this stage. Even pulling on the jeans this morning brought nervous moments. I'm refusing to look down there just in case. The mattock is now sitting happily on a trampoline just to be safe!
Mattock, trampoline feck mick thats even more kinky lol"
What's the worst that can happen? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Before you do the sequal to mattock with a chance of sore balls. Which is clearly mattock with a chance of sore balls 2 ( of the trampoline ). For the love of god it sounds like YouTube gold get someone to film it you don't want to have to do it I'm more than one take like. Just trying to be helpful here  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Before you do the sequal to mattock with a chance of sore balls. Which is clearly mattock with a chance of sore balls 2 ( of the trampoline ). For the love of god it sounds like YouTube gold get someone to film it you don't want to have to do it I'm more than one take like. Just trying to be helpful here "
Mattock 2: this time he's losing leftie
thats the work title |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Before you do the sequal to mattock with a chance of sore balls. Which is clearly mattock with a chance of sore balls 2 ( of the trampoline ). For the love of god it sounds like YouTube gold get someone to film it you don't want to have to do it I'm more than one take like. Just trying to be helpful here
Mattock 2: this time he's losing leftie
thats the working title "
Pmsl ( ahh well McCarthy won't be doin that in a while ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All joking aside, leftie is quite tender still. "
Ya would think one of the ladies on here would step up to the mark and offer there soft gentle hands to stroke, rub, cup amd get leftie back into working order lol I would off mick but I have a touch like a elephant. Shame on you ladies |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All joking aside, leftie is quite tender still.
Ya would think one of the ladies on here would step up to the mark and offer there soft gentle hands to stroke, rub, cup amd get leftie back into working order lol I would off mick but I have a touch like a elephant. Shame on you ladies "
Obviously there are no ladies on Fab!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do not know how a kick in the stones feel, i have seen reactions and i would not want to experience it myself however i have had a child, 8 pounds and 4 ounces coming out of my hoohaa it's painful, it was truly very painful "
Ask a woman after a few months would she have another child ... most answer yes
Ask a man would he like another kick in the balls .....
I rest my case |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do not know how a kick in the stones feel, i have seen reactions and i would not want to experience it myself however i have had a child, 8 pounds and 4 ounces coming out of my hoohaa it's painful, it was truly very painful
Ask a woman after a few months would she have another child ... most answer yes
Ask a man would he like another kick in the balls .....
I rest my case "
You be careful with that drill we have already had one industrail accident on fab lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do not know how a kick in the stones feel, i have seen reactions and i would not want to experience it myself however i have had a child, 8 pounds and 4 ounces coming out of my hoohaa it's painful, it was truly very painful
Ask a woman after a few months would she have another child ... most answer yes
Ask a man would he like another kick in the balls .....
I rest my case "
The wonder of nature at work. If women didn't forget the pain of childbirth the human population would be in serious trouble. If men kept banging themselves in the nether regions we probably would end up with the same result!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"how's aul leftie?
More importantly, hows Matty?
All is well, although I try and keep them apart. It must be a slow news day today? "
wee piece, annual leave is to blame |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think if you get an epidural or take gas and air it's probably not as bad but going through it naturally.... FUCK it's Definatly worse than a Kick in the balls, lads imagine shitting out a football.... |
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Now that would be painfull!!! 
