Paddy English man, Paddy Irish man and Paddy Scots man were all chatting about how they named their children. Paddy English man called his son George. ..he was born on St Georges day. Paddy Irish man called his son Patrick, he was born on St Patrick's day. Paddy scots man said "wait til I tell pancake this".  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having a girl with a tattoo on the back of her neck is much like having a bathroom with a magazine in it -
It gives you something to read while you're in the shitter "
That's so filty i love it. Haha. Top marks.  |
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"Having a girl with a tattoo on the back of her neck is much like having a bathroom with a magazine in it -
It gives you something to read while you're in the shitter
That's so filty i love it. Haha. Top marks. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling."
Haha filty.
But what one is showing off and true love.  |
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This man comes to find his wife packing her bags. Where are you going he asks.
I can get €200 a time for what I do for you for free so I am off.
He then starts to pack his bags and she asks him why.
He says , I'm going with you to see how you get by on €400 per year! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's the difference between being hungry and horny?
Where you put the cucumber.
u wudnt fit a cucumber up mine so better for me to be hungry  "
makes notes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's the difference between being hungry and horny?
Where you put the cucumber.
u wudnt fit a cucumber up mine so better for me to be hungry haha I don't like cucumber so I'm fucked haha "
u cud always try a courgette |
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By *ean299Man
over a year ago
Lucan |
Husband and wife playing golf. On the 2nd tee he turns to her and says he has a confession to make - he had an affair but it was over now.
She brooded over this for a few more holes and eventually turned to him and said she forgave him.
When they got to the 17th tee she turned to him and said as he had confessed to her she also had a confession. She said that 30 years ago, before she had met him, she was a man.
At that he lost the head, swearing and shouting at her and throwing his clubs to the ground. Barely able to speak he said...this is unforgivable......all these years you have been deceiving me...
cheating even........playing off the Ladies tee.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Husband and wife playing golf. On the 2nd tee he turns to her and says he has a confession to make - he had an affair but it was over now.
She brooded over this for a few more holes and eventually turned to him and said she forgave him.
When they got to the 17th tee she turned to him and said as he had confessed to her she also had a confession. She said that 30 years ago, before she had met him, she was a man.
At that he lost the head, swearing and shouting at her and throwing his clubs to the ground. Barely able to speak he said...this is unforgivable......all these years you have been deceiving me...
cheating even........playing off the Ladies tee.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Eating pussy is like driving in the snow,
If you don't slow down and pay attention, you could slide into the arsehole in front of you."
haha thts a gud one |
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Man walks into a bar and sees big sign
Ham sandwich €5
Handjob. €10
Blowjob. €20
So he calls over the sexy barmaid, leans forward and whispers in her ear " are you the sexy lady who does the handjobs?"
To which the lady replies "yes thats me"
Man leans closer to barmaid and whispers softly into her ear
"Go wash your hands and make me a ham sandwich!!" |
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"Man walks into a bar and sees big sign
Ham sandwich €5
Handjob. €10
Blowjob. €20
So he calls over the sexy barmaid, leans forward and whispers in her ear " are you the sexy lady who does the handjobs?"
To which the lady replies "yes thats me"
Man leans closer to barmaid and whispers softly into her ear
"Go wash your hands and make me a ham sandwich!!""
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A middle-aged woman looks in the mirror.
"God, I look old, fat and ugly," she says to her hubby. "Pay me a compliment, dear."
Her hubby says, "Your fucking eyesight's good!""
still not as good as Cinderella. Haha |
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"A middle-aged woman looks in the mirror.
"God, I look old, fat and ugly," she says to her hubby. "Pay me a compliment, dear."
Her hubby says, "Your fucking eyesight's good!"
still not as good as Cinderella. Haha"
haha FFS gimmie a while ha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A middle-aged woman looks in the mirror.
"God, I look old, fat and ugly," she says to her hubby. "Pay me a compliment, dear."
Her hubby says, "Your fucking eyesight's good!"
still not as good as Cinderella. Haha haha FFS gimmie a while ha "
Haha ok but that's normally my line " hang on give me a min i can sort this" * door slams shut*
Bahaha |
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Two sperms are having a race. One sperm says, "Fuck me all this swimming is knackering me, how long till we reach the womb?"
The second sperm says, "Fucking long way to go yet mate - we've only just gone past her tonsils!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Two sperms are having a race. One sperm says, "Fuck me all this swimming is knackering me, how long till we reach the womb?"
The second sperm says, "Fucking long way to go yet mate - we've only just gone past her tonsils!""
Haha i saw that on a birthday card. my bro got it for my MA of all Fucking ppl. was pmsl. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cameron and Clegg are on a plane.
Cameron looked at Clegg, chuckled and said,
"You know, I could throw a £1,000 note out of the window right now and make somebody happy."
Clegg shrugged his shoulders and replied,
"I could throw ten £100 notes out of the window and make ten people happy"
Hearing… their exchange, the pilot said to his co-pilot,
"Such big-shots, I could throw both of them out of the window and make 30 million people ecstatic!" |
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A couple realise they are spending too much and decide to go through the bills together.
"Look at this," demands the wife, "€30 on vodka ."
The husband replies, "Well, what about this? €30 on make up?"
The wife looks at him with a smile and says, "Darling, I have to have the make up so I can look young and attractive for you."
The husband shouts back, "That's what the fucking vodka was for!" |
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