Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the party house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a threesome.
The stockings were flung by the chimney with carelessness,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.
The couples were nestled all snug in other couples beds,
While visions of orgasms danced in their heads.
And mamma in her teddy, and I in my cock cage,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s night sixty nine.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bondage ropes in bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny single males.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now Bigcock! now, Giantballs! now,spunk king and Vixen!
On, Comeonhertits! On, Cupid! on, on Donna and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little man.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
only the best of Ann Summers and love honey, had he come to unpack
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
He had definitely been on the sherry
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, but really loved to pump
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk and shot his load over a pair of wet panties...
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a swinging time"
with deepest apologies to clement clarke moore
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