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crudest joke you've heard ?
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The cops came to my door last night to tell me that my wife had been involved in a trafficaccident and that she's critical. I said that sounds like her alright.
That's not really crude enough though, is it? I'm sure I can do better than that.  |
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A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."
"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"
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A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a Tramp asks him for a tooth-pick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp goes off.
A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second Tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes.
There is a third knock at the door, and a third Tramp. The landlord says, "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too."
"No, a straw," says the Tramp.
The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the Tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick.
To which the Tramp replies, "Some fella just threw up outside but all the good stuff's gone already".
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So there's two men and a woman, marooned on a desert island. They have plenty of food and water, but they're stuck there. Eventually, they start to have certain desires, and it basically turns into a mini-orgy. This is all going along fine until the woman starts to get depressed, she's so depressed at being stuck on the island that she kills herself.
So there's just the two men left, and they still have plenty of food and water, but certain urges take control, and they find ways of relieving them, so to speak. This is all going along fine until one of the men says to the other "I don't like this, I don't think it's right". The other man says "Yeah, we really should bury her".   |
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A guy I work with said to me he was going to end his life.He was going to pour a gallon of petrol over himself and light a match I told him "Ahmed its times like these you need your family around you" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well there's a young guy out walking near the river. A old guy is sitting on the bank watching a fly. Confused the young guy asks him why are you so interested in that fly.
The old guy says to him well you see the fly he's being watched by that fish in the water. And watching that fish is the cat over there on the bank. Still confused the young guy asks well what are you all waiting for?
The old guy explains the fish is waiting for the fly to drop six inches. So he can get it. The cat is waiting for the fish to get the fly.
And sure enough the fly dropped six inches the fish comes up to get the fly and the cat dives in to get the fish.
Amazed the young guy asks him how did you know that would happen.
The old guy tells him it's simple really.
When the fly goes down six inches the pussy gets wet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can't think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they're dead.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bill and Ben the flowerpot men are in the hot tub together...
Bill says to Ben "flub a dub a lub blub"
Ben says to Bill "if ye really loved me ye'd swallow it all" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Man meets a woman in a bar one night and brings her home and fucks her, when theyre finished he asks the woman whats her profession to which she replys "a nurse" so the man says "you must have seen your fair share of penis's in your time" to which the nurse replys "I have" so the man says " how does mine compare" the nurse replys "well yours is a bit bigger than most I have seen in my line of work" the man delighted with himself asks what sort of nursing she does to which she replys that she is a midwife lol
Not crude but made me lol when I heard it |
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