 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
il start with an oldie but a goodie.and they dont have to be st patricks day themed 
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.
The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish. The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity."
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England.
The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Two Irishmen were sitting in a four engined plane flying back from a shopping trip to Paris when the captains voice came over the loudspeaker. "Ladies and Gentlemen, one of the engines appears to have failed. There's nothing to worry about but we will be 15 minutes late in landing at Gatwick."
Five minutes later he said, "Nothing to worry about, ladies and Gentlemen, but one of the other engines has failed, and we will now be an hour late."
A moment later, "Er...sorry about this ladies and gentlemen, but the third engine has also given up the ghost and we will now be two hours later than expected."
One of the Irishmen tapped his friend on the shoulder. "Good heavens, Patrick, do you realise that if the other engine fails, we'll be here all night ?"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ollyWoman
over a year ago
aylesbury |
A man was sitting in the bar at Heathrow Terminal 3 and noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him.
He thought to himself.........
"Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an air hostess. I wonder which airline she works for." Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered “Love to fly and it shows?", the Delta Airline slogan.
She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself: "Well, she obviously doesn't work for Delta."
A moment later, another slogan popped into his head, so he leaned towards her again and said, "Something special in the air?"
She gave him the same confused look, and he mentally kicked himself, while scratching Singapore Airlines off the list.
He thought "Perhaps she works for Thai Airways..." and said, “Smooth as Silk?"
This time the woman turned on him and said, "What the fuck do you want?"
The man smiled, slumped back in his chair, and said - "Ah…. Ryanair !"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are d*unk again." |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Idly the American tourist watched the Cork man dig and turn over the soil. Eventually he called:
'Hey, buddy, what's that you're doing?'
'I'm digging potatoes, sor.'
'Potatoes? Those small things? You call them potatoes? Back home in Iowa we have potatoes ten times that size!'
'Yes, sor. But you see. We only grow them to fit our mouths!'
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Idly the American tourist watched the Cork man dig and turn over the soil. Eventually he called:
'Hey, buddy, what's that you're doing?'
'I'm digging potatoes, sor.'
'Potatoes? Those small things? You call them potatoes? Back home in Iowa we have potatoes ten times that size!'
'Yes, sor. But you see. We only grow them to fit our mouths!'
v good
"
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
