 |
By *un_guy_69 OP Man
over a year ago
Limerick Tipp border |
Why not lighten everybody's day and leave a joke on here... Ill start with a couple tonight...
One day a guy goes into a pharmacy - reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours from the bottle onto the teaspoon and offers it to the pharmacist
"Could you taste this for me, please?"
The pharmacist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.
"Does that taste sweet to you?" says the guy.
"No, not at all," says the chemist.
"Oh that's a relief, ..................The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar."
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *un_guy_69 OP Man
over a year ago
Limerick Tipp border |
There is a man who goes out drinking all the time and comes home very later every night. So one night his wife decides to teach him a lesson. She dresses up like Satan, and decides to hide in the dark, and scare him when he gets home.The man comes home, and his wife jumps out and screams in his face. He just looks at her and says, ''You don't scare me I am married to your sister!''' |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
On the first day of her new job a secretary is asked by her boss to come into his office and look at his clock, having heard from other girls in the office that her boss is a perv, she declines. He asks her everday for the next week and everyday she declines
On the eighth day when he asks, she decides to accept, hoping he'd never ask again
As she closes the office door, her boss drops his trousers and boxers. She says to him "excuse me that's not a clock"
Her boss retorts "you best get two hands and a face on it then" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *un_guy_69 OP Man
over a year ago
Limerick Tipp border |
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.
"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.
"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"
"No sir, our mother."
"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"
"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Pirate walks into a bar with his ship's steering wheel sticking out of the front of his trousers and orders a pint
the barman, obviously curious says, "you know you've a steering wheel in your trousers?"
The pirate says " aarrr its drivin me nuts" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Pirate walks into a bar with his ship's steering wheel sticking out of the front of his trousers and orders a pint
the barman, obviously curious says, "you know you've a steering wheel in your trousers?"
The pirate says " aarrr its drivin me nuts" "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges. That's why we have the camel,sir."
"The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent . Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel. When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir," the First Sergeant replies. "They usually just ride the camel into town." |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ippguyMan
over a year ago
tipperary |
A young lad walks into a shop and picks up a box of condoms. He goes to the checkout and puts them on the counter. The assistant asks "do u want a bag with them"? To which he replies "no thanks, she's not that bad lookin".  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *andaCouple
over a year ago
co down |
Back in the 50's, a man walked into a Hollywood agent's office. He told the agent that he wanted to be a big star and that he wanted the agent to represent him. The agent asked the man's name, to which he proudly replied, "Penis Van Lesbian." Taken aback, the agent said, "If you want to be a big star, you will have to change your name." The man, somewhat offended, told the agent, "The Van Lesbian name goes back centuries and I am very proud of my name! I will never change my name! Ever!" "Then I won't be able to represent you." Said the agent. "Then good day to you, sir!" The man yelled as he stormed out of the office.
Five years later, the agent received a letter along with a check for $50,000, written out to him. He wondered if it was sent to him by mistake until he read the letter.
The letter said,
Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood and you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis Van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice..
Sincerely,
Dick Van Dyke |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
A teacher asked her 3rd grade class to name things that ended with "tor" that ate things!!
The first little boy said ALIGATOR. . .
well done James that's a big word!!
The second boy says PREDATOR. .
Yes tomny that's a big word well done.
Little Johnny says VIBRATOR miss. Aft nearly falling off her chair the teacher goes..yes johnny that's a very big word but it doesn't eat anything. .
well my mother has one an she says it eats fuckin batteries like there's no tomorrow! !!
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ippguyMan
over a year ago
tipperary |
"A teacher asked her 3rd grade class to name things that ended with "tor" that ate things!!
The first little boy said ALIGATOR. . .
well done James that's a big word!!
The second boy says PREDATOR. .
Yes tomny that's a big word well done.
Little Johnny says VIBRATOR miss. Aft nearly falling off her chair the teacher goes..yes johnny that's a very big word but it doesn't eat anything. .
well my mother has one an she says it eats fuckin batteries like there's no tomorrow! !!
"
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *un_guy_69 OP Man
over a year ago
Limerick Tipp border |
A beautiful Swedish blonde walks into a Vegas casino and goes straight to the roulette table. She smiles to the two dealers and bets $20,000 on one spin.
"I hope you don't mind," she says in a dreamy voice, "but I feel much luckier naked..." and she peeled off all her clothes, staying completely naked. "Come on, baby, mommy needs a new set of clothes!"
The roulette wheel stops on 13. "I won I WON!!!" Shouts the blonde and jumps in the air in excitement
She collects the winnings and her clothes, hugs the dealers and disappears.
The two dealers looked at each other in shock, until one of them pulled himself together and ask: "Did she bet on 13?" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
