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jokes
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"A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. “What the hell do you think you are doing?” she asks. One of the Japanese men replies, “We are all very hungry.” The waitress asks, “So how is jerking off in this restaurant going to help the situation?” A second businessman replies, “Because menu says, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED.”" haha love it  | |||
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"A teacher in school tells her kids that the word of the day is 'contagious' and asks who can use it in a sentence, so the first girl says 'I had the flu & Mammy said I couldn't go to school because the flu is contagious', 'very good', says the teacher, the next boys says 'I had chickenpox & was confined to my room because Daddy said I was contagious', 'very good', says the teacher, the next little boys says, 'my neighbour was painting the front of his house with a 2inch brush & my Daddy said it will take the contagious'. "Very good, I like that one. | |||
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"A man goes to the doctor with a little problem down below. When he goes in its the female doc on duty. he says I'll come back again another day. She says take a seat that she was a doctor for 20 yrs and there was nothing he could say or show her that she hadn't dealt with in the past. he says ok so and drops his pants With that she points and laughs and says that's the tiniest Mickey ive ever seen in my life. What's wrong with it? he says it's swollen" think someone took my joke from the other joke forum. | |||
"I phoned babe station last night, the girl answered and said 'hello sexy, what can I do for you?' so I said to her 'fuckin hide, I've lost the remote and the wife's coming down the stairs'" | |||
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"A Yorkshire farmer sees a man drinking from his stream, so he shouts, "Ey up cocker, tha dunt wanna be drinkin watta frum theer lad, it's full o' hoss piss an cow shite an it cud kill thee!!"... The man says, "Excuse me sir, I am a Muslim from Pakistan, could you be speaking much clearer and slower, thank you please!"... The farmer replies, "If... You... Use... Two... Hands... You... Won't... Spill... Any!!"  "Is this a dig at Muslims or Pakistanis or are you just being generally racist and offensive ? | |||
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"My fella is so fucking ugly, even the dog shuts his eyes when he humps his leg." | |||
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"A perfectly pc joke. . A Jew, a Muslim, and a Catholic end up sitting beside each other on a plane . . . . . . . They end up having a congenial discussion on the differences between their religions and end up leaving the plane feeling enlightened at the end of an uneventful flight. " | |||
"A perfectly pc joke. . A Jew, a Muslim, and a Catholic end up sitting beside each other on a plane . . . . . . . They end up having a congenial discussion on the differences between their religions and end up leaving the plane feeling enlightened at the end of an uneventful flight.
"Then the plane disintegrates behind them in a huge explosion | |||
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"Except it's not a joke." It's certainly not funny and that was the whole point. I thought I'd play it safe since almost every post before it could be construed as offensive to someone or something if people are that way inclined. | |||
"Except it's not a joke. It's certainly not funny and that was the whole point. I thought I'd play it safe since almost every post before it could be construed as offensive to someone or something if people are that way inclined. "*brushes hand over head What was your point? | |||
"Except it's not a joke. It's certainly not funny and that was the whole point. I thought I'd play it safe since almost every post before it could be construed as offensive to someone or something if people are that way inclined.
*brushes hand over head
What was your point?"Wow! You're just too cool for me and I have no answer for your hand brush, or anything else, going over your head  | |||
"A perfectly pc joke. . A Jew, a Muslim, and a Catholic end up sitting beside each other on a plane . . . . . . . They end up having a congenial discussion on the differences between their religions and end up leaving the plane feeling enlightened at the end of an uneventful flight. " | |||
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"Except it's not a joke. It's certainly not funny and that was the whole point. I thought I'd play it safe since almost every post before it could be construed as offensive to someone or something if people are that way inclined.
*brushes hand over head
What was your point?
Wow! You're just too cool for me and I have no answer for your hand brush, or anything else, going over your head "Didn't think so, when you're wrong, you're wrong. | |||
"Except it's not a joke. It's certainly not funny and that was the whole point. I thought I'd play it safe since almost every post before it could be construed as offensive to someone or something if people are that way inclined.
*brushes hand over head
What was your point?
Wow! You're just too cool for me and I have no answer for your hand brush, or anything else, going over your head
Didn't think so, when you're wrong, you're wrong."That's very big of you to admit | |||
"Except it's not a joke. It's certainly not funny and that was the whole point. I thought I'd play it safe since almost every post before it could be construed as offensive to someone or something if people are that way inclined.
*brushes hand over head
What was your point?
Wow! You're just too cool for me and I have no answer for your hand brush, or anything else, going over your head
Didn't think so, when you're wrong, you're wrong.
That's very big of you to admit "The YOU should have been a clue MM but hey, we know how childish you are. | |||
"Except it's not a joke. It's certainly not funny and that was the whole point. I thought I'd play it safe since almost every post before it could be construed as offensive to someone or something if people are that way inclined.
*brushes hand over head
What was your point?
Wow! You're just too cool for me and I have no answer for your hand brush, or anything else, going over your head
Didn't think so, when you're wrong, you're wrong.
That's very big of you to admit
The YOU should have been a clue MM but hey, we know how childish you are."Ah now, don't spoil it! | |||
"Except it's not a joke. It's certainly not funny and that was the whole point. I thought I'd play it safe since almost every post before it could be construed as offensive to someone or something if people are that way inclined.
*brushes hand over head
What was your point?
Wow! You're just too cool for me and I have no answer for your hand brush, or anything else, going over your head
Didn't think so, when you're wrong, you're wrong.
That's very big of you to admit
The YOU should have been a clue MM but hey, we know how childish you are.
Ah now, don't spoil it! "Now THATS funny | |||
"Except it's not a joke. It's certainly not funny and that was the whole point. I thought I'd play it safe since almost every post before it could be construed as offensive to someone or something if people are that way inclined.
*brushes hand over head
What was your point?
Wow! You're just too cool for me and I have no answer for your hand brush, or anything else, going over your head
Didn't think so, when you're wrong, you're wrong.
That's very big of you to admit
The YOU should have been a clue MM but hey, we know how childish you are.
Ah now, don't spoil it!
Now THATS funny "Side splitting. | |||
"Except it's not a joke. It's certainly not funny and that was the whole point. I thought I'd play it safe since almost every post before it could be construed as offensive to someone or something if people are that way inclined.
*brushes hand over head
What was your point?
Wow! You're just too cool for me and I have no answer for your hand brush, or anything else, going over your head
Didn't think so, when you're wrong, you're wrong.
That's very big of you to admit
The YOU should have been a clue MM but hey, we know how childish you are.
Ah now, don't spoil it! "yur just a big kid michael but we loves u | |||
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"I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers' party last night. I snuck up behind an older lady, started fucking her from behind then looked up and suddenly realised that the guy at the other end of the spitroast, getting a blowjob, was my dad. I said, "After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you're being unfaithful to mum." He said, " I'm not" " great love it | |||
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"Authorities searching for the missing plane have just found the wings. Unfortunately mr and mrs wing haven't a fucking clue where the plane is " Considering the tragedy and devastation of the situation this 'joke' is a travesty.  | |||
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"Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it’s missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. One day, his girlfriend asks him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. “No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don’t say a word.” She tells him, “Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven’t done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them.” Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend’s father backs away from the table and screams, “OKAY, ENOUGH! I’LL DO THE DISHES.”" LMAO....... Good one!!! | |||
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"Ooooo, tough audience! "I enjoy a good joke not an inappropriate quip... | |||
"Women eh! Boob jobs, nose jobs, teeth bleaching, tummy tucks, liposuction, colonic irrigation, botox, pierced ears, nipples, bellies and clits, eyebrows plucked, bikini wax, armpits shaved, lips tattooed, legs waxed, diets, exercise but they won't take it up the arse cause it 'hurts'. " | |||
"Ooooo, tough audience!
I enjoy a good joke not an inappropriate quip..."You can't please all of the people all of the time. I'm not quite sure how it offends you though. If I told it in twenty years time I wonder if you would still deem it offensive? | |||
"Ooooo, tough audience!
I enjoy a good joke not an inappropriate quip...
You can't please all of the people all of the time. I'm not quite sure how it offends you though. If I told it in twenty years time I wonder if you would still deem it offensive? "I never mentioned offensive, I said inappropriate.... And yes I wouldn't like to hear a joke about it in 20 yrs time. Just like I wouldn't like to hear one made about concentration camps or 911 for example | |||
The Madamme asks where he thinks he's going?? Do U not what I am?? The bear looks puzzled.The madamme throws a dictionary at him n tells him to look up prostitute..a woman who sells her body for money...the Panda throws the dictionary back at her and tells her to look up a Panda Bear, Black bear that eats shoots and leaves | |||
"Ooooo, tough audience!
I enjoy a good joke not an inappropriate quip...
You can't please all of the people all of the time. I'm not quite sure how it offends you though. If I told it in twenty years time I wonder if you would still deem it offensive?
I never mentioned offensive, I said inappropriate.... And yes I wouldn't like to hear a joke about it in 20 yrs time. Just like I wouldn't like to hear one made about concentration camps or 911 for example "That's fair enough. There wouldnt be many stand up comedians in the world if inappropriate jokes weren't allowed. There wouldnt be very many jokes in this thread either, come to think of it. Was this the only one you found to be inappropriate? | |||
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"My fella is so fucking ugly, even the dog shuts his eyes when he humps his leg." | |||
"Even a joke thread turns into bickering. "I'd call it debate rather than bickering. | |||
"Even a joke thread turns into bickering.
I'd call it debate rather than bickering. "Mm maybe you're right. I did however laugh a little at your joke so don't give me the sad face | |||
"Even a joke thread turns into bickering.
I'd call it debate rather than bickering.
Mm maybe you're right. I did however laugh a little at your joke so don't give me the sad face " | |||
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"Even a joke thread turns into bickering.
I'd call it debate rather than bickering. "
Def not bickering. Difference of opinions. | |||
"Even a joke thread turns into bickering.
I'd call it debate rather than bickering.
Def not bickering. Difference of opinions. "Yep. That's what makes the world an interesting place. | |||
"Ooooo, tough audience!
I enjoy a good joke not an inappropriate quip...
You can't please all of the people all of the time. I'm not quite sure how it offends you though. If I told it in twenty years time I wonder if you would still deem it offensive?
I never mentioned offensive, I said inappropriate.... And yes I wouldn't like to hear a joke about it in 20 yrs time. Just like I wouldn't like to hear one made about concentration camps or 911 for example
That's fair enough. There wouldnt be many stand up comedians in the world if inappropriate jokes weren't allowed. There wouldnt be very many jokes in this thread either, come to think of it. Was this the only one you found to be inappropriate? "Just read the whole thread and yes there is a couple more....  | |||
"Ooooo, tough audience!
I enjoy a good joke not an inappropriate quip...
You can't please all of the people all of the time. I'm not quite sure how it offends you though. If I told it in twenty years time I wonder if you would still deem it offensive?
I never mentioned offensive, I said inappropriate.... And yes I wouldn't like to hear a joke about it in 20 yrs time. Just like I wouldn't like to hear one made about concentration camps or 911 for example
That's fair enough. There wouldnt be many stand up comedians in the world if inappropriate jokes weren't allowed. There wouldnt be very many jokes in this thread either, come to think of it. Was this the only one you found to be inappropriate?
Just read the whole thread and yes there is a couple more.... "Lol, just read the second half of the next one.... | |||
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Alternatively
When someone is murdered, the first person investigated is usually the spouse.
That's tells you all you need to know about marriage! | |||
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"I have a few jokes to tell, but im not allowed to name and shame "Lol. My apologies! | |||
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"I went to the zoo the other day and there was only a.single solitary dog there ... It was a shitzoo " Badoom tish! | |||
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