FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Are you comfortable in your own skin?
Are you comfortable in your own skin?
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Hypothetical situation:
You are arriving to the party. Beautiful Lifestyle community surrounding you. All of the sudden there is this one person, you know from the “normal” life.
You feel comfortable , as you know they are there for exact same reason you are. Unfortunately they are quite displeased seeing you…
What do you do? Should you go away because they are not comfortable?
Or:
You go to one of the bedrooms. You see a person you know from “normal” life, playing with someone. Beautiful show. But they request you to leave because they are not comfortable.
Should you carry the weight of someone’s discomfort? Should you start feeling out of place because someone else is not comfortable with who they are?
Do you think coming in to the lifestyle is an expression of consent to be in it and co-exist or should everyone, ask the rest of the gathering if they are comfortable with him/her being there?
I personally am very happy with who I am, and I do not feel I have to hide or run every time someone recognises me. Even more I believe, that only I am responsible for my behaviour and can’t expect others to adapt to my insecurities. What’s your take? |
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If I go somewhere and I'm uncomfortable then I'd leave. I can't imagine ever asking someone to leave because there presence was making me uncomfortable. Especially if I'm the newbie. That's on me.
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I don't see this as either a lifestyle or a community.
I've only ever been to one party years ago and I didn't know anyone there apart from the woman who invited me but I was made feel very welcome.
A couple who were also at their first party got very annoyed and gobby because they didn't like the fact there were people standing in the kitchen having food and they expected everyone to be fucking as soon as they walked in rather than socialising.
They made everyone feel uncomfortable until they were asked to leave.
If I was uncomfortable with someone I knew in a room I probably wouldn't ask them to leave but I would get up and walk out because I'm not there for their entertainment and if someone said they were uncomfortable with me being there I wouldn't make an issue of it and just leave.
For me that has nothing to do with confidence.
There are all sorts of reasons people could feel uncomfortable in a situation like that and they may be nervous to start with and having someone they know from elsewhere could be too much for them to deal with. |
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In the first situation, I'd say the onus is on them to leave. In the second situation, I'd absolutely leave.
Being socially in the same space as someone is very different to being sexually in the same space as someone and if they don't consent to me being part of that, why would I stay? |
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In the first one then nobody wouldn't leave.
In the second I assume at these parties if anyone playing in a room feels uncomfortable with someone watching them for whatever reason they have the right to ask them to leave? |
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"In the first situation, I'd say the onus is on them to leave. In the second situation, I'd absolutely leave.
Being socially in the same space as someone is very different to being sexually in the same space as someone and if they don't consent to me being part of that, why would I stay?"
This! Couldn't have said it better. The easiest solution to scenario 2 would also be to close the door.
Closed door = no audience allowed.
Mrs |
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"In the first situation, I'd say the onus is on them to leave. In the second situation, I'd absolutely leave.
Being socially in the same space as someone is very different to being sexually in the same space as someone and if they don't consent to me being part of that, why would I stay?"
That's true actually. |
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"Hypothetical situation:
You are arriving to the party. Beautiful Lifestyle community surrounding you. All of the sudden there is this one person, you know from the “normal” life.
You feel comfortable , as you know they are there for exact same reason you are. Unfortunately they are quite displeased seeing you…
What do you do? Should you go away because they are not comfortable? "
I'd deal with it in a mature, adult manner, as I do in any other social situation and be courteous as always. If I'm not comfortable in someone's company or they in mine, giving each other space to enjoy the night is the best way forward. It's no big deal. Deciding to leave because of how they feel would be down to them.
"You go to one of the bedrooms. You see a person you know from “normal” life, playing with someone. Beautiful show. But they request you to leave because they are not comfortable.
Should you carry the weight of someone’s discomfort? Should you start feeling out of place because someone else is not comfortable with who they are?
Do you think coming in to the lifestyle is an expression of consent to be in it and co-exist or should everyone, ask the rest of the gathering if they are comfortable with him/her being there?
I personally am very happy with who I am, and I do not feel I have to hide or run every time someone recognises me. Even more I believe, that only I am responsible for my behaviour and can’t expect others to adapt to my insecurities. What’s your take? "
First off consent can always be withdrawn at any time.
Regarding meeting someone you know at a play party, well, I would like to think you would have the opportunity to to smile, nod, approach, laugh and ask are we all cool at the start of the evening. If the party had an open door policy I would not go in and watch people I know from my RL have sex. I'd actually think it would be poor form to do so. If the party allowed closed door fun too, then wait for the invite to watch or join. I know I would most probably keep the door closed to RL friends.
Parties and socials are not just about our own experiences but also about the people we meet. Just because you couldn't care less about who knows about your lifestyle choices doesn't mean that those who value discretion and are more private should be treated with less respect. People have boundaries and having nuala down the road watching or Mike from teams is probably what they haven't consented to.
I don't understand the asking everyone at the gathering bit. Sounds like a lotta drama and I've never seen that. Any problems with a person's behaviour should always be taken up with the hosts and dealt with then. |
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"In the first situation, I'd say the onus is on them to leave. In the second situation, I'd absolutely leave.
Being socially in the same space as someone is very different to being sexually in the same space as someone and if they don't consent to me being part of that, why would I stay?"
Totally agree, especially with the second scenario. |
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I have been to socials where others there recognised me.
I could see they were nervous so I just approached them and reassured them the we are all there for the same reason and I wouldn't be telling anyone they were there.
And everything always went smoothly after that. |
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If they feel uncomfortable that’s their issue not yours , why should you be made feel uncomfortable wen you’re doing what you want ?
You should be able to go to whatever parties you like and not be worried about seeing them get up to whatever antics they want , let them do their own thing and you do yours.  |
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Id like to think of be fine in the situation.
If the person isn't comfortable me being in the room however, I would leave. They don't want to consent to me being there watching, so I'd respect their wishes.
I'd probably end up being a wingman for the person.... |
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By *evin86Man 3 weeks ago
South Dublin |
"Id walk up to them and reassure them that they have no need to worry as i will be completely discreet."
Totally agree with this, it's best to approach them immediately when you see them and confront the situation rather than giving them time to think of all the possible negatives.
Your all there for the same reason, it may be a tad awkward or embarrassing at first but then may lead to a closer relationship with said person.
However if it's a family member, that's different🙈 I'd probably make a dash for the bathroom window and leg it 🏃♂️ 💨💨 |
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By *ustBoWoman 3 weeks ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
If someone was uncomfortable just because I was at the same place as them then that is on them really not me. So I wouldn't necessarily leave because of that. If it was me who was uncomfortable about someone else being there then I would leave if I felt that strongly about the situation.
As for walking into a room where others are having sex,yes I would definitely leave if I was asked to. I would not want to make anyone uncomfortable in that situation and I don't see why anyone would stay if asked to leave. It has nothing to do with being comfortable in my own skin more to do with having respect for others in that situation.
There's a big difference in a social situation and in a situation like that in my mind anyhow. |
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Have met family member at social and we talked and when went my way just jokingly said don't go looking at my profile.
Am I scared of being outed or are they, make sure I stay out of their sight so I don't know what they are up and they don't see me doing anything.
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