FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Friends - what keeps a friend!!
Friends - what keeps a friend!!
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Hi everyone,
I have made some good friends over the years, some have fizzled out, some I've fallen out with, (it happens from time to time for whatever the reason) some I still have!! I have a handful of friends, lifetime friends, some from fab and others outside of fab!!
I have this one friend who is an ex but he became a fantastic friend, he's watched me grow up since I was 20 years of age!! he's been my confidante, somebody I have turned to during the sad and rough times as well as the happy times!! He's never judged me no matter my past!! He's the definition of what a friend is and means to me..... I trust him completely.
It got me thinking 🤔 most of us have at least one friend or maybe not but that's ok because it's not easy to make friends, I haven't found it easy. Outside of fab, I've found it's harder to make friends.....
I have joined different activities/groups though, whether that be walking groups, voluntary work, the IRC etc!!
My questions to you are......
Do you have that one friend you turn to when you need support or to have an aul rant with?
What is your definition of what a friend is to you (in your own words, don't look up in the dictionary)
How have you made friends?
and lastly,
What makes you decide you want to be friends with a person (whether they're male or female or any other sexual orientated person) from the off!
What makes a friend a keeper, the forever friend?
Just one more question, sorry...... Do you prefer your fab friends to your real life friends and why...... ok, that's 2 questions in the one but I'm nosy, what can I say!!!  
I know that's a lot of questions but you don't have to answer each one if you don't want to!! If you could say what your definition of what a friend is at least, that would be great, would love to read all the different reasons!!
Please keep this a positive thread, don't mention any negatives about fallen out with friends and why etc, that would be for another thread!!
Rosie   xx |
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By *rRiosMan 3 weeks ago
dublin |
This is an interesting post. I’ve lots to say about it but unfortunately it’s all very negative so I’ll hold my whisht! I’ll just say people are self serving (me included, though I do try not to be) |
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I think the the saying "a friend in need is a friend indeed" actually answers most of your questions.
I also believe you should be your own best friend to put you in a good place to be able to develop proper friendships with others.
I like to think we are fab friends OP.
🤗 |
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Life has lots of different chapters and challenges and like your lovely self I've found friends and lost friends over the years some pass along my life path and stay a short while moving away on their own paths
I have friends I've met through fab and now consider them real world friends and spend time in their company in a non fab way ,I find I'm more myself in that company not having to hide my sexual self |
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I don't have any friends from my schooldays and all my friends now are people I've only met in the last 10 or 12 years.
We have things in common and are all supportive of each other and the friendships are reciprocal.
My closest friends are people I've met through fab and my best friend found me through fab. We speak every single day and have no secrets and are always there for each other with no hidden agendas.
She speaks her mind here on the forums and always hits the nail on the head. |
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"I think the the saying "a friend in need is a friend indeed" actually answers most of your questions.
I also believe you should be your own best friend to put you in a good place to be able to develop proper friendships with others.
I like to think we are fab friends OP.
🤗"
A friend with gold is the best I'm told... |
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I have a good Group of Friends, friends from work and also a friend of 21 years, I only have one or two fab friends.
Saying that there’s not actually one friend I turn to for anything. Being a man when we tell each other stuff our usual reply would be “ah sure look it’ll all work out” I’m also very guilty of this.
In the words of my lovely mother, “Love many Trust few and always paddle your own canoe” |
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"This is an interesting post. I’ve lots to say about it but unfortunately it’s all very negative so I’ll hold my whisht! I’ll just say people are self serving (me included, though I do try not to be) "
I had thought of another friendship thread that's not so positive but just thought, it's not worth it!! We could all do with some positivity around here given how things have been lately with the weather and everything!! X |
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"I think the the saying "a friend in need is a friend indeed" actually answers most of your questions.
I also believe you should be your own best friend to put you in a good place to be able to develop proper friendships with others.
I like to think we are fab friends OP.
🤗"
We've formed a common bond through your walking group!! You're a good soul and a fab friend!! |
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"Life has lots of different chapters and challenges and like your lovely self I've found friends and lost friends over the years some pass along my life path and stay a short while moving away on their own paths
I have friends I've met through fab and now consider them real world friends and spend time in their company in a non fab way ,I find I'm more myself in that company not having to hide my sexual self "
That's the thing about fab friends, you don't have to hide anything!! Xx |
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"I don't have any friends from my schooldays and all my friends now are people I've only met in the last 10 or 12 years.
We have things in common and are all supportive of each other and the friendships are reciprocal.
My closest friends are people I've met through fab and my best friend found me through fab. We speak every single day and have no secrets and are always there for each other with no hidden agendas.
She speaks her mind here on the forums and always hits the nail on the head. "
Yes, from following the forum threads etc it's safe to say I could hazard a guess as to whom you speak of and yes, her comments are very clear, good points made that makes sense as do your posts too!!  |
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"I think the the saying "a friend in need is a friend indeed" actually answers most of your questions.
I also believe you should be your own best friend to put you in a good place to be able to develop proper friendships with others.
I like to think we are fab friends OP.
🤗
A friend with gold is the best I'm told..."
Ah wow, I love these sayings/quotes, I'll keep them in my mind!!! |
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For me, a true friend is someone very special. Someone who will always be there for me despite everything. Someone who will never turn away. Someone who will always listen and give advice. Someone who will be able to scold me for my mistakes. A friend believes in me even when no one else believes in me, listens even though they have heard it many times, is there for me when things are not going well and never says: 'I told you so'? Helps me pick up and glue back together what "I broke ". Friends are people who ask how your day was, who hand you a pack of tissues when you cry, who let you into their apartment at midnight, then make a bed for you for the night... Who tell you before a trip "Be careful", who pick up the phone at 2am and listen to you curse life. |
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"I have a good Group of Friends, friends from work and also a friend of 21 years, I only have one or two fab friends.
Saying that there’s not actually one friend I turn to for anything. Being a man when we tell each other stuff our usual reply would be “ah sure look it’ll all work out” I’m also very guilty of this.
In the words of my lovely mother, “Love many Trust few and always paddle your own canoe” "
You have to be careful who you do trust, especially on fab!! |
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"For me, a true friend is someone very special. Someone who will always be there for me despite everything. Someone who will never turn away. Someone who will always listen and give advice. Someone who will be able to scold me for my mistakes. A friend believes in me even when no one else believes in me, listens even though they have heard it many times, is there for me when things are not going well and never says: 'I told you so'? Helps me pick up and glue back together what "I broke ". Friends are people who ask how your day was, who hand you a pack of tissues when you cry, who let you into their apartment at midnight, then make a bed for you for the night... Who tell you before a trip "Be careful", who pick up the phone at 2am and listen to you curse life."
This covers a lot but makes soo much sense!! |
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I have one true friend, she knows me inside out, she can tell what I'm thinking by a look on my face, we have our deep meaningful conversations, we have the same sense of humour, we share a mutual ability to turn any conversation into suggestive sexual innuendos, a friend to me is someone you can be yourself with, who knows you better than you know yourself and someone you can trust with your whole heart  |
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"I have one true friend, she knows me inside out, she can tell what I'm thinking by a look on my face, we have our deep meaningful conversations, we have the same sense of humour, we share a mutual ability to turn any conversation into suggestive sexual innuendos, a friend to me is someone you can be yourself with, who knows you better than you know yourself and someone you can trust with your whole heart "
I have that with my ex of over 30 years, it's brilliant!!! |
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By *panishRebelMan 3 weeks ago
Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland |
If any of you have a friend that deep cherish. I did once. Just as he beat cancer he died of a heart attack. He was a normally healthy man. An ex boxer. We could talk on anything. We disagreed on so many things but always had each others backs. While I have friends. Good friends. No friendship has ever reached the level we had.
I remember him regularly. |
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"If any of you have a friend that deep cherish. I did once. Just as he beat cancer he died of a heart attack. He was a normally healthy man. An ex boxer. We could talk on anything. We disagreed on so many things but always had each others backs. While I have friends. Good friends. No friendship has ever reached the level we had.
I remember him regularly. "
Awwww this is amazing but sad too. It's lovely that you had that kind of an amazing friendship, it's special! Sorry for your loss. Xx  |
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I still have my friends circle but it keeps changing on and off.
There’s always a special person for school buddies.
That bonding is something different and it’s hard to get that with new friends.
We don’t meet or talk often but when we do it’s pure bliss |
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Have been lucky enough to make a couple of wonderful friends on here including one person that i havent had the chance to meet yet in all the years we have chatting but we are definitely changing that this year and she is getting the squishiest hugs ever when i see her. We just clicked and we chat every couple of days and we talk about the most random shit sometimes and when we win the euromillions were buying ranches next to each other so we can have brunch every day. Shes the best in the world and im very lucky to have her as a friend |
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By *astelloWoman 3 weeks ago
Far far away |
My best friend is from 40 years of endurance through both our lives. Love her to bits although we live in different countries. Harder to cultivate friends when you're older. But I'm a social person, l like people..mostly |
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By *asual777Man 3 weeks ago
i travel all over |
Friends are those whose interest in spending time with you , supporting you in some way and making an effort to keep in Touch is not based on self interest . My best school ones I have known for three and half decades . Those from college , work , hobbies and locality less long but are still great craic .
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"I still have my friends circle but it keeps changing on and off.
There’s always a special person for school buddies.
That bonding is something different and it’s hard to get that with new friends.
We don’t meet or talk often but when we do it’s pure bliss"
It takes time with new friends, they don't know you like your school friends know you!! Xx |
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"Have been lucky enough to make a couple of wonderful friends on here including one person that i havent had the chance to meet yet in all the years we have chatting but we are definitely changing that this year and she is getting the squishiest hugs ever when i see her. We just clicked and we chat every couple of days and we talk about the most random shit sometimes and when we win the euromillions were buying ranches next to each other so we can have brunch every day. Shes the best in the world and im very lucky to have her as a friend"
It's lovely to have such good friends that get you!! I hope you meet her very soon!! Make this year the year you finally meet!! 🙂 Xx |
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"My best friend is from 40 years of endurance through both our lives. Love her to bits although we live in different countries. Harder to cultivate friends when you're older. But I'm a social person, l like people..mostly "
Awww but have you visited her abroad!! If not, why not!? Xx |
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"Friends are those whose interest in spending time with you , supporting you in some way and making an effort to keep in Touch is not based on self interest . My best school ones I have known for three and half decades . Those from college , work , hobbies and locality less long but are still great craic .
"
Gosh, that's a long time to keep friends with people, especially school friends as they go off doing their own thing, going abroad etc!!
Friends have come and gone for me but the friends I have at present are friends for life as well, the few fab friends I've known for 10 years, we finally set up a groupchat together, we've moved on from the Kik chat lol!!! The small few non friends I have are around as long as their health allows them too anyway!! |
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"My best friend is from 40 years of endurance through both our lives. Love her to bits although we live in different countries. Harder to cultivate friends when you're older. But I'm a social person, l like people..mostly
Awww but have you visited her abroad!! If not, why not!? Xx"
I have a similar situation. My best friend lives in my old home town Berlin. We see each other only 1-2 times a year but phone twice a month . I have his back, he got mine . We know each other since teenage years , played as teenagers together in a small pickup band , hitchhiked thru Eastern Europe , financing the journey with busking in Prague and Budapest . We comforted each other in moments of defeat , eg divorce or job loss , we encourage each other to go new path . If we would be gay we probably would be married today
…and of course our friendship saw also dips, but so far we were always able to recover . We will end up like the old grumpy grand dads, ranting in the lVIP lounge of the muppet show |
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"My best friend is from 40 years of endurance through both our lives. Love her to bits although we live in different countries. Harder to cultivate friends when you're older. But I'm a social person, l like people..mostly
Awww but have you visited her abroad!! If not, why not!? Xx
I have a similar situation. My best friend lives in my old home town Berlin. We see each other only 1-2 times a year but phone twice a month . I have his back, he got mine . We know each other since teenage years , played as teenagers together in a small pickup band , hitchhiked thru Eastern Europe , financing the journey with busking in Prague and Budapest . We comforted each other in moments of defeat , eg divorce or job loss , we encourage each other to go new path . If we would be gay we probably would be married today
…and of course our friendship saw also dips, but so far we were always able to recover . We will end up like the old grumpy grand dads, ranting in the lVIP lounge of the muppet show "
Ha ha brilliant!!! 😉😂😂 |
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By *s LollyWoman 3 weeks ago
The pub then supermacs ... |
I thought id made a good few friendships over the year's ive been here on fab, but ive come to the realisation recently that it's more one or two than the few id thought, over the last year ive removed people from my friends list and over the next few weeks ill be removing more...... |
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"I thought id made a good few friendships over the year's ive been here on fab, but ive come to the realisation recently that it's more one or two than the few id thought, over the last year ive removed people from my friends list and over the next few weeks ill be removing more...... "
It happens on fab, they come and go!! It's better to have one friend or two than to have 10 friends if you get me! |
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By *s LollyWoman 3 weeks ago
The pub then supermacs ... |
"I thought id made a good few friendships over the year's ive been here on fab, but ive come to the realisation recently that it's more one or two than the few id thought, over the last year ive removed people from my friends list and over the next few weeks ill be removing more......
It happens on fab, they come and go!! It's better to have one friend or two than to have 10 friends if you get me! "
Oooooh absolutely totally agree im always there for them but sadly not the other way around..... |
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"I thought id made a good few friendships over the year's ive been here on fab, but ive come to the realisation recently that it's more one or two than the few id thought, over the last year ive removed people from my friends list and over the next few weeks ill be removing more......
It happens on fab, they come and go!! It's better to have one friend or two than to have 10 friends if you get me!
Oooooh absolutely totally agree im always there for them but sadly not the other way around....."
You get to know who your true friends are when you need them!! |
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"I thought id made a good few friendships over the year's ive been here on fab, but ive come to the realisation recently that it's more one or two than the few id thought, over the last year ive removed people from my friends list and over the next few weeks ill be removing more......
It happens on fab, they come and go!! It's better to have one friend or two than to have 10 friends if you get me!
Oooooh absolutely totally agree im always there for them but sadly not the other way around....."
.....
Always here for you Lolly, you just have to reach out when you need me.....😘.
I hope I make the cut when the friend list is being shredded.
🤞🤞🤞🤗💋 |
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By *s LollyWoman 3 weeks ago
The pub then supermacs ... |
"I thought id made a good few friendships over the year's ive been here on fab, but ive come to the realisation recently that it's more one or two than the few id thought, over the last year ive removed people from my friends list and over the next few weeks ill be removing more......
It happens on fab, they come and go!! It's better to have one friend or two than to have 10 friends if you get me!
Oooooh absolutely totally agree im always there for them but sadly not the other way around.....
You get to know who your true friends are when you need them!!"
This 100% on here and in the real world |
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By *ustBoWoman 3 weeks ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
On here I've just a tiny amount of people I consider to be true friends two have posted on this thread and I hope they realise how much they mean to me x
I'm life outside of here I've two close friends both I have known for over two decades and both are worth their weight in gold they have been with me through thick and thin and I have been for them.
Over the years you realise who are there for you and who are fair weather friends. I would pick a handful of real genuine friendships over a lot one way friendship any day.
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"On here I've just a tiny amount of people I consider to be true friends two have posted on this thread and I hope they realise how much they mean to me x
I'm life outside of here I've two close friends both I have known for over two decades and both are worth their weight in gold they have been with me through thick and thin and I have been for them.
Over the years you realise who are there for you and who are fair weather friends. I would pick a handful of real genuine friendships over a lot one way friendship any day.
"
You can have a lot of 'friends' but only one or two or a small handful of true friends who will be there for you no matter what and won't judge you!! |
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Ok so, seeing as I put up this thread, I should answer my questions:
Yes, I have that one fantastic and true friend that I can turn to, wouldn't be the same without him, he is my rock!! That friend is an ex, a better friend he turned out to be!!
My definition of what a friend is somebody who likes you for you, who won't judge you no matter what you've done, who will be there for you when you need them through good times and bad, no matter the hour of the day and most importantly, somebody you trust completely!!
I have made friends through various things/activities (I won't name them all) I've joined including walking groups!! (fab and non fab walking groups but haven't made friends from the non fab group, it's not so easy)
Fab related, I've made friends through meeting people at socials and eventually at parties...... I eventually found my people, my tribe who will be my friends for life. I've made new friends since returning back to fab in November of 2023!!
What makes me decide I want to be friends with somebody, it would have to be through how comfortable you are with that person/s and the great banter ye share!! They should be approachable if you have good or not so nice things to say to them for whatever the reason. Honesty is important to me, if you don't have that, how can you trust them!!
Why I would keep a friend..... It would be that what you say to them, you know it's not going to get back to somebody else!! You shouldn't have to tell a person not to say x, y and z thing to anybody, they should not pass any info onto anybody full stop.
In some ways I do prefer my fab friends because they get you more and they don't judge you because they're on fab for the same reason as you!!
..... However, on saying that, I do love my other non fab friends though..... my ex has proven his worth as a true friend, a girl friend is somebody I grew up with and recently reunited with her in the last 2 years and have become good friends and we trust each other!! My other friend is an elderly friend who I used to bring to her cancer treatments etc!! We just clicked!!
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"Bump!!
What or whom are we bumping?
...
The thread I would think.
I have some friends that I have known for over 50 years and we still meet regularly for a drink/coffee and a chat.
"
That's amazing!!! 🙂♥️ |
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I have recently started being friends again with a few secondary lads, they're great for drinking and a chat. The college lads are good for hikes, board games and also chats. I'm happy to have all of them. |
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By *dfabMan 2 weeks ago
Dunboyne |
2 friends of 50+ years still that I see fairly regularly.
Unfortunately lost my 2 very best friends in the last year and 5yrs and I do have to say it hurts.
They were the ones I'd spend hours talking to on the phone or in person most often.
Luckily I have a few left but they aren't soulmates like the 2 departed ones and I don't want to make them into them either. Not anything to do with them, as they are great people, but I can do without the sense of loss I've had recently.
I do have a few other friends I meet occasionally and it's like we were never apart each time and have great craic, banter and even heart to hearts with but I don't call them and chat for 3-4hrs regularly, nor would they want me to.
Occasionally we do that but it's just occasionally and I'm fine with that.
I'm dealing with my losses and appreciate those alive and with me all the more, which I feel is testament to those I've lost |
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The kids these days seem to have friend groups. They are compartmentalized into different social situations.
In a way I am kind of the same. My 2 dearest friends are from school and I have known them more than 40 years. Although we chat rarely (once every month) because of distance. The next group are mainly from college. We met through a shared interest. I have known them 30 years. I talk to them religiously every two weeks. In both of these groups we all have gone through some experiences, and we have all been there for each other every time without question or hesitation. But sometimes friends like these don't have to help you. Sometimes just being there to anchor or ground you is enough.
I have other friends from other stages of life and I find how close they are is dependent on how much of ourselves we show. I would say I am not particularly close to any of my work friends for example.
As for Fab, I am relatively new here and making friends here has been slow (mainly because I was hesitant) but rewarding. It helps that I can show a side of me here that is not generally seen. And I am optimistic that I will find some close friends here. |
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"I have recently started being friends again with a few secondary lads, they're great for drinking and a chat. The college lads are good for hikes, board games and also chats. I'm happy to have all of them."
Awww it's lovely to be reunited with some friends you haven't connected with for years, be sure to keep the connection with them now! |
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"2 friends of 50+ years still that I see fairly regularly.
Unfortunately lost my 2 very best friends in the last year and 5yrs and I do have to say it hurts.
They were the ones I'd spend hours talking to on the phone or in person most often.
Luckily I have a few left but they aren't soulmates like the 2 departed ones and I don't want to make them into them either. Not anything to do with them, as they are great people, but I can do without the sense of loss I've had recently.
I do have a few other friends I meet occasionally and it's like we were never apart each time and have great craic, banter and even heart to hearts with but I don't call them and chat for 3-4hrs regularly, nor would they want me to.
Occasionally we do that but it's just occasionally and I'm fine with that.
I'm dealing with my losses and appreciate those alive and with me all the more, which I feel is testament to those I've lost "
Awwww I'm sorry for your losses, can't imagine what it's like to lose a friend. My thoughts are with you. Xx |
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"The kids these days seem to have friend groups. They are compartmentalized into different social situations.
In a way I am kind of the same. My 2 dearest friends are from school and I have known them more than 40 years. Although we chat rarely (once every month) because of distance. The next group are mainly from college. We met through a shared interest. I have known them 30 years. I talk to them religiously every two weeks. In both of these groups we all have gone through some experiences, and we have all been there for each other every time without question or hesitation. But sometimes friends like these don't have to help you. Sometimes just being there to anchor or ground you is enough.
I have other friends from other stages of life and I find how close they are is dependent on how much of ourselves we show. I would say I am not particularly close to any of my work friends for example.
As for Fab, I am relatively new here and making friends here has been slow (mainly because I was hesitant) but rewarding. It helps that I can show a side of me here that is not generally seen. And I am optimistic that I will find some close friends here."
It's lovely to have good friends such as yours!! When you're doing a hobby that you enjoy and make friends through it, it's great because they get you and they know what you're talking about when it comes to your hobby! It makes a huge difference to your life!! Xx |
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Don’t forget to want to meet a new friend and have them as an old you’ve got to give out the positive vibes if you’re open to it.
Never know what future friendships will be in the horizon! Especially as it’s a fab world.
Be nice to those newcomers Budding Rose when you meet us we all have our paths to walk in life. A friendly smile goes a long way |
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"Don’t forget to want to meet a new friend and have them as an old you’ve got to give out the positive vibes if you’re open to it.
Never know what future friendships will be in the horizon! Especially as it’s a fab world.
Be nice to those newcomers Budding Rose when you meet us we all have our paths to walk in life. A friendly smile goes a long way "
This is true and makes sense!! Thanks for your comment! xx |
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Fab friendships can be faithful and fulfilling or fickle and fade away, just like friendships in real life. Friendships have to be cultivated and cannot be forced. It is probably best to allow others to choose you as their friend which sets you on a mutually beneficial and longer lasting fab journey.
Set out your stall and those interested in being your friend will find you if what you offer is what they are looking for.
Everyone else will probably remain as acquaintances. |
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"Fab friendships can be faithful and fulfilling or fickle and fade away, just like friendships in real life. Friendships have to be cultivated and cannot be forced. It is probably best to allow others to choose you as their friend which sets you on a mutually beneficial and longer lasting fab journey.
Set out your stall and those interested in being your friend will find you if what you offer is what they are looking for.
Everyone else will probably remain as acquaintances."
Makes sense, this!! |
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