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Joke
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"Can I hear some funny jokes? Need me some cheering up " A penguin takes his car to the mechanic. The mechanic says, “It’ll take about an hour to check it out.” So the penguin goes across the street to the ice cream shop and orders a big bowl of vanilla ice cream. He makes a bit of a mess with ice cream all over his face. He goes back to the mechanic, who looks up and says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” The penguin wipes his mouth and says, “No, no, it’s just ice cream!” Oldie but goldie this one. Paddy and Murphy fancy a pint but they only have one Euro between them. Paddy takes the Euro, goes off and buys a Sausage. Murphy says “R U Mad?” Now we’re skint!” Come on, says Paddy, follow me. They go into the pub, order two pints and drink them down before they pay. Paddy shoves the sausage through the zipper in his jeans and tells Murphy, “Get down on your knees and suck it”. The barman goes berserk and throws them out. 10 Pubs and 10 Pints later Murphy says “I can’t do this anymore, my knees are sore and I’m pissed”. “How do you think I feel”, says Paddy, “I can’t even remember which Pub I lost the sausage in”!  | |||
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"What’s the difference between a zippo and a hippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter "this is a fav of mine! | |||
"Can I hear some funny jokes? Need me some cheering up A penguin takes his car to the mechanic. The mechanic says, “It’ll take about an hour to check it out.” So the penguin goes across the street to the ice cream shop and orders a big bowl of vanilla ice cream. He makes a bit of a mess with ice cream all over his face. He goes back to the mechanic, who looks up and says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” The penguin wipes his mouth and says, “No, no, it’s just ice cream!” Oldie but goldie this one. Paddy and Murphy fancy a pint but they only have one Euro between them. Paddy takes the Euro, goes off and buys a Sausage. Murphy says “R U Mad?” Now we’re skint!” Come on, says Paddy, follow me. They go into the pub, order two pints and drink them down before they pay. Paddy shoves the sausage through the zipper in his jeans and tells Murphy, “Get down on your knees and suck it”. The barman goes berserk and throws them out. 10 Pubs and 10 Pints later Murphy says “I can’t do this anymore, my knees are sore and I’m pissed”. “How do you think I feel”, says Paddy, “I can’t even remember which Pub I lost the sausage in”! "🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 | |||
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"Can I hear some funny jokes? Need me some cheering up A penguin takes his car to the mechanic. The mechanic says, “It’ll take about an hour to check it out.” So the penguin goes across the street to the ice cream shop and orders a big bowl of vanilla ice cream. He makes a bit of a mess with ice cream all over his face. He goes back to the mechanic, who looks up and says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” The penguin wipes his mouth and says, “No, no, it’s just ice cream!” Oldie but goldie this one. Paddy and Murphy fancy a pint but they only have one Euro between them. Paddy takes the Euro, goes off and buys a Sausage. Murphy says “R U Mad?” Now we’re skint!” Come on, says Paddy, follow me. They go into the pub, order two pints and drink them down before they pay. Paddy shoves the sausage through the zipper in his jeans and tells Murphy, “Get down on your knees and suck it”. The barman goes berserk and throws them out. 10 Pubs and 10 Pints later Murphy says “I can’t do this anymore, my knees are sore and I’m pissed”. “How do you think I feel”, says Paddy, “I can’t even remember which Pub I lost the sausage in”! "Winner | |||
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"This world is getting worse and worse ! I was in church today and a lady lit a cigarette … I almost dropped my bear 🤷🏼♂️" Was it a grizzly, polar or a panda? | |||
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"What do call an Ex Provo who teaches Yoga? Bobby Sandles From Kneecap" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 | |||
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"This world is getting worse and worse ! I was in church today and a lady lit a cigarette … I almost dropped my beer 🤷🏼♂️" | |||
"What do call an Ex Provo who teaches Yoga? Bobby Sandles From Kneecap Fantastic film 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣" | |||
"A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. ” St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister Responds “Well… there was this one time… that I kinda sorta… touched one with the tip of my pinky finger…” St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so. St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well…. There was this one time… that I held one for a moment…” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so. Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds: “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it!”" 😂  | |||
"This world is getting worse and worse ! I was in church today and a lady lit a cigarette … I almost dropped my beer 🤷🏼♂️" Comical that one.bet you don't know the only church in Ireland you can smoke in.. | |||
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"I'm feb up of people ringing the doorbell looking for donations.... I just had a woman from the sperm bank call and boy did I give her a mouthful.....🥵🤬🤭" *fed* up | |||
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"Nice joke" The pleasure of plagiarism... 🤒 | |||
"Nice joke The pleasure of plagiarism... 🤒" Well done | |||
"2 dyslexics walk into a bra" Two dyslexics in a room. Gar to Rob, “Can you smell gas?” Rob to Gar, “Smell gas? Dude, I can’t even smell my own name!” | |||
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"2 dyslexics walk into a bra Two dyslexics in a room. Gar to Rob, “Can you smell gas?” Rob to Gar, “Smell gas? Dude, I can’t even smell my own name!” " 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 | |||
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"How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?? None,they use gaslighting xx" 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 | |||
