Decided to try a little experiment a few weeks back.
I had been chatting for a period of time with a few people on here, both couples and singles. But it always seemed to be me that made the contact each time we had a conversation.
So one day I decided to conduct the experiment to see if they would make contact first. For the next few days whenever I was logged on I would check out the profiles but not send any messages. A few of them looked at my profiles and dispite having chatted to me on numerous occassions not once did I receive a message from them.
It has even got to the point that a couple of them that had been friends with me, suddenly un-friended me and there has been no contact.
Maybe and it is only my opinion but some people appear to be on here for self-gratification.
Has anyone else had this experience? |
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I find it a good way of filtering people out.
If I'm carrying the conversation it's pointless so I let them go.
My experiment a few years ago was on two threads for winking and fabbing.
I winked and fabbed every woman and couple who said they were in on both threads so probably 30 odd in total.
I didn't get a single wink or fab in return so that told me that many people don't really understand the spirit of those threads and only took part to draw attention to their own profile.
That's grand but a little strange if you start a thread that you've no intention of actually talking part in. |
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Yeah I found that at times but not everyone is going to be interested in you for one reason or another. However what is a nice feeling is when those profiles do start to engaging and initiating contact in return. |
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"I find it a good way of filtering people out.
If I'm carrying the conversation it's pointless so I let them go.
My experiment a few years ago was on two threads for winking and fabbing.
I winked and fabbed every woman and couple who said they were in on both threads so probably 30 odd in total.
I didn't get a single wink or fab in return so that told me that many people don't really understand the spirit of those threads and only took part to draw attention to their own profile.
That's grand but a little strange if you start a thread that you've no intention of actually talking part in. "
Is self promotion not the whole point of forums? |
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I'd be guilty of this sometimes OP but, for me anyway, it's got nothing to do with self gratification. Quite the opposite.
Sometimes I think if they don't contact me then it's because they're not interested, and that if I were to contact them, it wouldn't be welcome.
I'm not great with online communication admittedly - I'm super awkward about it and anxieties are amplified when I can't guage the physical cues of face to face interactions. As a result, my conversations here tend to be quite transactional, rather than chit-chatty.
Sometimes I don't really notice how much time has gone by since the last contact because "life"
Because sporadic contact doesn't bother me - if I don't actually have anything to say or share I tend to say nothing - I kind of assume others are the same. It can be difficult to know how much communication is enough or too much when using a platform such as this.
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"I find it a good way of filtering people out.
If I'm carrying the conversation it's pointless so I let them go.
My experiment a few years ago was on two threads for winking and fabbing.
I winked and fabbed every woman and couple who said they were in on both threads so probably 30 odd in total.
I didn't get a single wink or fab in return so that told me that many people don't really understand the spirit of those threads and only took part to draw attention to their own profile.
That's grand but a little strange if you start a thread that you've no intention of actually talking part in.
Is self promotion not the whole point of forums?"
It's a two way street though. |
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By *rRiosMan 7 weeks ago
dublin |
There could also be the supply and demand economics of fab. If it is couples and single females you are messaging, they are more than likely going to get many other messages. If you have not met these people yet you could be a perfect match and a time waster at the same time. Schrodinger's “meet” if you will.
So, they log in and have 10+ new messages. No message from you could be inferred as a lack of interest on your side.
It also be a simple case of mismatched interest. If they really wanted to meet they would reach out. You don’t really know what’s going on in other peoples lives at that time either.
But sure what do I know, last message I got was when someone misclicked “message in private”  |
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"I find it a good way of filtering people out.
If I'm carrying the conversation it's pointless so I let them go.
My experiment a few years ago was on two threads for winking and fabbing.
I winked and fabbed every woman and couple who said they were in on both threads so probably 30 odd in total.
I didn't get a single wink or fab in return so that told me that many people don't really understand the spirit of those threads and only took part to draw attention to their own profile.
That's grand but a little strange if you start a thread that you've no intention of actually talking part in.
Is self promotion not the whole point of forums?
It's a two way street though."
With 95% on one side of the street! |
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So you stopped communicating, and were surprised that they also stopped communicating?
Sometimes I go weeks or months even without talking to my best friends. I don't feel the need to have daily communication with anyone other than my family. I wouldn't read much into it.
I find it very very weird that someone would unfriend you over not sending daily messages. Maybe they had gotten used to it and took it as a sign that you weren't interested any more. |
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By *og-ManMan 7 weeks ago
somewhere |
To be honest I wonder why anyone would message people on here daily
If I want to chat to friends from here I use other chat apps and I'm only in 2 groups on them
I chat to people on here every now and then but it could be weeks between each conversation
Some people do put on their profiles that they're not looking for pen pals |
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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago
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It’s an interesting experiment. Just because you’re driving the conversation doesn’t necessarily mean it’s one sided. Although it definitely can be.
I’ve noticed in the past in one-to-one chats on Telegram that it’s often me sending the first message. The conversation flows nicely but if I don’t send that first one, it stops. I did the experiment a couple of times to stop and see how long it took the other person to message me. After a few days I got a message along the lines of “wow, where did you disappear to?”
Some got it when I explained and made an effort to be more proactive - some didn’t and those conversations died.
Some people do just need another person to act like the spark plug that keeps the conversation engine running. It’s not necessarily wrong.
But you know things are good when you’re both actively doing that, everyone pulling their weight, so to speak. |
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Most people have busy lives and are only on and off fab every couple of weeks when they've a spare moment or the horn. We can go weeks without logging on but when we're ready for fun we're ready. Don't expect instant responses or reactions to winks or viewing because most people won't even see your view or wink or even message. |
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"I'd be guilty of this sometimes OP but, for me anyway, it's got nothing to do with self gratification. Quite the opposite.
Sometimes I think if they don't contact me then it's because they're not interested, and that if I were to contact them, it wouldn't be welcome.
I'm not great with online communication admittedly - I'm super awkward about it and anxieties are amplified when I can't guage the physical cues of face to face interactions. As a result, my conversations here tend to be quite transactional, rather than chit-chatty.
Sometimes I don't really notice how much time has gone by since the last contact because "life"
Because sporadic contact doesn't bother me - if I don't actually have anything to say or share I tend to say nothing - I kind of assume others are the same. It can be difficult to know how much communication is enough or too much when using a platform such as this.
"
Exactly this. On top of all that I have good intentions but too many messages and then a chaotic « normal » life and I forget who when what 🙈
Plus I have been confronted to so many empty promises and words from single males on here that I don’t really expect much from any tbh and if I get no news I assume they are not interested anymore and moved on.
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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago
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"Decided to try a little experiment a few weeks back.
I had been chatting for a period of time with a few people on here, both couples and singles. But it always seemed to be me that made the contact each time we had a conversation.
So one day I decided to conduct the experiment to see if they would make contact first. For the next few days whenever I was logged on I would check out the profiles but not send any messages. A few of them looked at my profiles and dispite having chatted to me on numerous occassions not once did I receive a message from them.
It has even got to the point that a couple of them that had been friends with me, suddenly un-friended me and there has been no contact.
Maybe and it is only my opinion but some people appear to be on here for self-gratification.
Has anyone else had this experience?"
Yup, never , ever chase anyone,if a person or a couple don't continue the chat ie they only reply or are monosyllabic stop the chat immediately, have respect for yourself, for whatever reason they have no interest cause IF they had they'd message you 1st , not every time but you'd log on & there would be a message from them , like l said at the start ,never ,ever chase , you've sent a message, you've let them know your interested etc , they know that then but if no messages return on their own making from them , say goodbye ,it's simple really ,don't let anything here affect your wellbeing, your wellbeing is wayyyyy far more important than anything that happens here ,send messages & if nothing back of their making, stop...it really is that simple. Best wishes OP👍 |
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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago
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"With 95% on one side of the street!
If communication is 95% on my side I'd have more self respect than to keep flogging that dead horse."
Yup, absolutely 👍💯% |
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