FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Cheers me up - cancelled meets.
Cheers me up - cancelled meets.
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"Wife shouted up the stairs to me: Do you you ever get excruciating pains in your abdomen like someone is stabbing you, like a voodoo doll? Me: No, I don't Wife: How about now?" Hahahahahaha love it | |||
"Wife shouted up the stairs to me: Do you you ever get excruciating pains in your abdomen like someone is stabbing you, like a voodoo doll? Me: No, I don't Wife: How about now?" Not gonna lie, I had an very loud snicker at the one... | |||
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"A nun walks into the Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration. “What troubles you, Sister?” asked the Mother Superior. “I thought this was the day you spent with your family.” “It was,” sighed the Sister. “And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.” “I seem to recall that,” the Mother Superior agreed. “So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?” “Far from it,” snorted the Sister. “In fact, I took the Lord’s name in vain today!” “Goodness, Sister!” gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. “You must tell me all about it!” “Well, we were on the fifth tee — and this hole is a monster, Mother — 540 yard par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green ... and I hit the drive of my life. The sweetest swing I've ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted ... and it hits a bird in mid-flight!” “Oh my!” commiserated the Mother Superior. “How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!” “No, that wasn’t it,” admitted the Sister. “While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!” “Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!” sympathized the Mother Superior. “But I didn’t, Mother!” sobbed the Sister. “And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!” “So that’s when you cursed,” said the Mother Superior with a knowing smile. “Nope, that wasn’t it either,” cried the Sister, anguished, “because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!” The Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said ... “You missed the fucking putt, didn’t you?”" 😄🤣😂 | |||
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"Tell me your best jokes to cheer me up! 2 cancelled meets (yesterday and today) so feeling a bit bummed. And yes, I know I was lucky to even get the meets in the first place, just bummed that they both got cancelled on the day. Terrible dad jokes are acceptable! Anyway....go! "I'll lift your spirits a little... You're not alone... Unfortunately, I had to cancel two of my meetings... 😂😂😂 You know I tried very hard... | |||
"What’s worse than ants in your pants? Uncles "Oh no.... You didn't go there.... nasty. Bold. Go sit in the corner. We will have to find you someone to spank some manners into you.... | |||
"Tell me your best jokes to cheer me up! 2 cancelled meets (yesterday and today) so feeling a bit bummed. And yes, I know I was lucky to even get the meets in the first place, just bummed that they both got cancelled on the day. Terrible dad jokes are acceptable! Anyway....go!
I'll lift your spirits a little... You're not alone... Unfortunately, I had to cancel two of my meetings...
😂😂😂 You know I tried very hard..."No!!!!! At least I know I'm not alone. 2 others out there are feeling the same.... | |||
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"What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain" That I like! Keep em coming! | |||
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"A guy just hit me with a milk carton and a block of cheese! How dairy🥴" At least he DIDN'T cream all over you. Had did instead of didn't in my first reply.  | |||
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"Q: what do you get if you give a cat a piece of lemon? A: a sour puss" That's the second cat joke. Are we all fans of cats? | |||
"Q: what do you get if you give a cat a piece of lemon? A: a sour puss" A puss is a puss and everyone knows that tender loving care will make her happy and content  | |||
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"Is "buttcheeks" all one word? Or should I spread them apart? 🤪" | |||
"A guy just hit me with a milk carton and a block of cheese! How dairy🥴 At least he DIDN'T cream all over you. Had did instead of didn't in my first reply. "🤣🤣🤣 some of you are so hilarious. Lol | |||
"Not a joke but happened in my life. Me and my husband went into the garage in the van. One mechanic wanted to see what is the problem with it, so we went at the lunch time, hubby went to chat with mechanic, I sat in the van, guys were outside having lunch, my husband opened up door and asked to get the keys from ignition, so I stand on my four and start crawling forward to the driver side never noticed that my leggings were around my knees and guys started choking on their food, my husband and mechanic just came frozen looking at my ass when I turned around. Ps maybe it was for the best that they were cancelled. ❤️ I hope I put a smile on your face " That did put a smile on my face! As I'm sure the mechanic later when ye drove off! | |||
"Is "buttcheeks" all one word? Or should I spread them apart? 🤪" Heheh | |||
"Not a joke but happened in my life. Me and my husband went into the garage in the van. One mechanic wanted to see what is the problem with it, so we went at the lunch time, hubby went to chat with mechanic, I sat in the van, guys were outside having lunch, my husband opened up door and asked to get the keys from ignition, so I stand on my four and start crawling forward to the driver side never noticed that my leggings were around my knees and guys started choking on their food, my husband and mechanic just came frozen looking at my ass when I turned around. Ps maybe it was for the best that they were cancelled. ❤️ I hope I put a smile on your face That did put a smile on my face! As I'm sure the mechanic later when ye drove off!" Mechanic is our best friend , he got all red 🙈. | |||
"Not a joke but happened in my life. Me and my husband went into the garage in the van. One mechanic wanted to see what is the problem with it, so we went at the lunch time, hubby went to chat with mechanic, I sat in the van, guys were outside having lunch, my husband opened up door and asked to get the keys from ignition, so I stand on my four and start crawling forward to the driver side never noticed that my leggings were around my knees and guys started choking on their food, my husband and mechanic just came frozen looking at my ass when I turned around. Ps maybe it was for the best that they were cancelled. ❤️ I hope I put a smile on your face That did put a smile on my face! As I'm sure the mechanic later when ye drove off! Mechanic is our best friend , he got all red 🙈. " I'm sure.... 😈 | |||
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"2 dyslexics walk into a bra " 🤣 | |||
"2 dyslexics walk into a bra " you are on fire! | |||
"2 dyslexics walk into a bra you are on fire!"Don't say that. I've had a shit month and I'm broke up enough  | |||
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"Why did God invent Men ? Cause vibrators can't mow the lawn." Not yet.... Men should start getting worried.... | |||
"2 dyslexics walk into a bra " That's a good one! | |||
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"A nun walks into the Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration. “What troubles you, Sister?” asked the Mother Superior. “I thought this was the day you spent with your family.” “It was,” sighed the Sister. “And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.” “I seem to recall that,” the Mother Superior agreed. “So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?” “Far from it,” snorted the Sister. “In fact, I took the Lord’s name in vain today!” “Goodness, Sister!” gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. “You must tell me all about it!” “Well, we were on the fifth tee — and this hole is a monster, Mother — 540 yard par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green ... and I hit the drive of my life. The sweetest swing I've ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted ... and it hits a bird in mid-flight!” “Oh my!” commiserated the Mother Superior. “How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!” “No, that wasn’t it,” admitted the Sister. “While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!” “Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!” sympathized the Mother Superior. “But I didn’t, Mother!” sobbed the Sister. “And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!” “So that’s when you cursed,” said the Mother Superior with a knowing smile. “Nope, that wasn’t it either,” cried the Sister, anguished, “because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!” The Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said ... “You missed the fucking putt, didn’t you?”" A variation on original but brilliant nonetheless | |||
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"A new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey." 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 | |||
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"A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: What's your blood type?" I'm probably a Type O said the rabbit" That took me a second and now I can't stop laughing 😂 | |||
"A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: What's your blood type?" I'm probably a Type O said the rabbit That took me a second and now I can't stop laughing 😂" Ah shit. I get it now | |||
