FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Married query?
Married query?
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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Happy married as in we are sole mates . Love being in her company . Love coming home from work and having our chats. But unfortunately after 19 years our sex lives has all but died. Id love to say its down to health and not down to not lovin me. And before anyone says it yes we have spoken about it hence why im her but still cant bring myself to be able to tell her im here.
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As clearly stated on my profile I am a cheater....might as well say it and save the "holier than thou" brigade the bother of pointing it out to me.
I have a very strong and happy relationship but without any degree of intimacy for quite a number of years. While sex has always been an important part of my life it certainly is not the most important aspect of my marriage and lack of sex is certainly not a reason for me to walk away from what is good in my marriage.
Yes, cheating brings with it the risk of losing everything, the guilt of being unfaithful but it does fulfill a basic need and if done with absolute discretion should hopefully not cause harm or upset to anyone.
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By *BantsMan 9 weeks ago
Mayo for now |
"Intrigued to know if there are many on here that are happily married without their spouse knowing that are looking for that extra bit of excitement??"
Can you truly be happily married and be on here in secret? |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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Marage is not just about sex. There is alot more to it than that. Spending time in someone else company dosent mean you no longer love your partner. If that was the case when we all go out drinking with others with out them dose this mean we nolonger love them??? I know its cheating when they dont know about it. But we all tell little lies here and there and keep secrets some biger than others. |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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"We all know the way this thread is heading the same as the one the other day, men bashing, judging people for their choices and lecturing them on how poor their choices are etc etc."
..
These threads always end the same way  |
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By *om TangoMan 9 weeks ago
aughnacloy monaghan area |
I’m happily married. Don’t live with her and she doesn’t talk to me. Some would ask why not get a divorce. Well good wife’s like her are hard to find 😝. Another wife might want to live with me and talk to me |
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By *ombikerMan 9 weeks ago
the right side of the river |
"I’m happily married. Don’t live with her and she doesn’t talk to me. Some would ask why not get a divorce. Well good wife’s like her are hard to find 😝. Another wife might want to live with me and talk to me "
Hit the jackpot ha ha |
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I am one and clearly display it on profile and bio. The previous comments are correct. After 27 years together our bond is as strong as ever but our sexual wavelengths are very different. I have very occasional fun on the side and keep it very discreet. On here I seek ladies with the same issue. We are doing no harm at all fulfilling each others physical needs. |
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By *enitMan 9 weeks ago
Galway |
"As clearly stated on my profile I am a cheater....might as well say it and save the "holier than thou" brigade the bother of pointing it out to me.
I have a very strong and happy relationship but without any degree of intimacy for quite a number of years. While sex has always been an important part of my life it certainly is not the most important aspect of my marriage and lack of sex is certainly not a reason for me to walk away from what is good in my marriage.
Yes, cheating brings with it the risk of losing everything, the guilt of being unfaithful but it does fulfill a basic need and if done with absolute discretion should hopefully not cause harm or upset to anyone.
"
Very well put, thanks for that |
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"I am one and clearly display it on profile and bio. The previous comments are correct. After 27 years together our bond is as strong as ever but our sexual wavelengths are very different. I have very occasional fun on the side and keep it very discreet. On here I seek ladies with the same issue. We are doing no harm at all fulfilling each others physical needs."
I'd you're not doing any harm then why not tell your wife? |
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I'm reading all these comments and statements and bells are ringing in my head. Iv been married 29 years and yes I love my wife too.the bond we have is strong, but as others have mentioned the sex dose dry up after a wile. In our case because of health issues.
I enjoy sex and do have a high sex drive.as someone's already said there are plenty of people out there in the same boat and I'm sure there's some on this site too. We are all human and we need interactive sex. So nothing wrong with finding a few friends to fulfil our needs x |
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These threads never end well.
Agree or disagree. The partner cheating cause regardless of they admit it or not it's cheating. Constantly thinking if they gonna find out covering tracks,it's not healthy on them and truth be told its a weight on shoulder's. Not many gonna say I don't care if they find out cause most don't want that. Sex is important in a relationship and if you both didn't like a certain food or one like something and others didn't, I bet it's talked about and alternatives are done. Some find the little things to mend in a relationship easier food ain't gonna split you up . But the lack of sex intimacy does cause most won't talk or can't talk. That is the problem it's the communication over issues. You work at a marriage don't patch it up. It takes one person to cheat it takes two to work at marriage. If the talking don't happen the marriage hasn't got a hope. So what happens then. |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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"Intrigued to know if there are many on here that are happily married without their spouse knowing that are looking for that extra bit of excitement??"
Yes me  |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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The public opinion is an opinion no one asked for it. It’s my life I will do whatever I want, I don’t stuck my nose in anybody business or life, as it their choice and I am way to busy enjoying and concentrate on my life whatever it throws at me good or bad. I think anyone knows better than someone else what to do in their life. It’s my attitude not only about sexual life in genial. Life is beautiful enjoy it |
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I made the conscious decision not to settle down because I know what I'm like lol
Make out of that whichever ever way your observation takes you...
I'm a bi cross dresser, I love my lifestyle choice and I couldn't have it anyway other than this..
Life is bliss and I'm happy out |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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"These threads never end well.
Agree or disagree. The partner cheating cause regardless of they admit it or not it's cheating. Constantly thinking if they gonna find out covering tracks,it's not healthy on them and truth be told its a weight on shoulder's. Not many gonna say I don't care if they find out cause most don't want that. Sex is important in a relationship and if you both didn't like a certain food or one like something and others didn't, I bet it's talked about and alternatives are done. Some find the little things to mend in a relationship easier food ain't gonna split you up . But the lack of sex intimacy does cause most won't talk or can't talk. That is the problem it's the communication over issues. You work at a marriage don't patch it up. It takes one person to cheat it takes two to work at marriage. If the talking don't happen the marriage hasn't got a hope. So what happens then. "
Have to say this thread has made me think and one or two message i have recivied also. My self and the wife had long discusion about this both yesterday and today. No more hiding on here for me now. She even volunteering to take photos if I wanted. If only i had spoken more to her months ago, but im glad I have now |
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By *rRiosMan 9 weeks ago
dublin |
"These threads never end well.
Agree or disagree. The partner cheating cause regardless of they admit it or not it's cheating. Constantly thinking if they gonna find out covering tracks,it's not healthy on them and truth be told its a weight on shoulder's. Not many gonna say I don't care if they find out cause most don't want that. Sex is important in a relationship and if you both didn't like a certain food or one like something and others didn't, I bet it's talked about and alternatives are done. Some find the little things to mend in a relationship easier food ain't gonna split you up . But the lack of sex intimacy does cause most won't talk or can't talk. That is the problem it's the communication over issues. You work at a marriage don't patch it up. It takes one person to cheat it takes two to work at marriage. If the talking don't happen the marriage hasn't got a hope. So what happens then.
Have to say this thread has made me think and one or two message i have recivied also. My self and the wife had long discusion about this both yesterday and today. No more hiding on here for me now. She even volunteering to take photos if I wanted. If only i had spoken more to her months ago, but im glad I have now"
Hopefully something positive comes out of this thread and things are looking up for you, but thread carefully  |
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"
Have to say this thread has made me think and one or two message i have recivied also. My self and the wife had long discusion about this both yesterday and today. No more hiding on here for me now. She even volunteering to take photos if I wanted. If only i had spoken more to her months ago, but im glad I have now"
Wow fair play, that must have been difficult for you both. Fingers crossed your new arrangement works out for you guys. |
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"As clearly stated on my profile I am a cheater....might as well say it and save the "holier than thou" brigade the bother of pointing it out to me.
I have a very strong and happy relationship but without any degree of intimacy for quite a number of years. While sex has always been an important part of my life it certainly is not the most important aspect of my marriage and lack of sex is certainly not a reason for me to walk away from what is good in my marriage.
Yes, cheating brings with it the risk of losing everything, the guilt of being unfaithful but it does fulfill a basic need and if done with absolute discretion should hopefully not cause harm or upset to anyone.
This sums it up for me
"
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"These threads never end well.
Agree or disagree. The partner cheating cause regardless of they admit it or not it's cheating. Constantly thinking if they gonna find out covering tracks,it's not healthy on them and truth be told its a weight on shoulder's. Not many gonna say I don't care if they find out cause most don't want that. Sex is important in a relationship and if you both didn't like a certain food or one like something and others didn't, I bet it's talked about and alternatives are done. Some find the little things to mend in a relationship easier food ain't gonna split you up . But the lack of sex intimacy does cause most won't talk or can't talk. That is the problem it's the communication over issues. You work at a marriage don't patch it up. It takes one person to cheat it takes two to work at marriage. If the talking don't happen the marriage hasn't got a hope. So what happens then.
Have to say this thread has made me think and one or two message i have recivied also. My self and the wife had long discusion about this both yesterday and today. No more hiding on here for me now. She even volunteering to take photos if I wanted. If only i had spoken more to her months ago, but im glad I have now"
Well done. Honesty is the best policy and women will often surprise with their response. Hopefully more will consider talking to their wives/partners and asking (nicely) for the odd hall pass. |
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By *ACOLCouple 9 weeks ago
limerick |
"These threads never end well.
Agree or disagree. The partner cheating cause regardless of they admit it or not it's cheating. Constantly thinking if they gonna find out covering tracks,it's not healthy on them and truth be told its a weight on shoulder's. Not many gonna say I don't care if they find out cause most don't want that. Sex is important in a relationship and if you both didn't like a certain food or one like something and others didn't, I bet it's talked about and alternatives are done. Some find the little things to mend in a relationship easier food ain't gonna split you up . But the lack of sex intimacy does cause most won't talk or can't talk. That is the problem it's the communication over issues. You work at a marriage don't patch it up. It takes one person to cheat it takes two to work at marriage. If the talking don't happen the marriage hasn't got a hope. So what happens then.
Have to say this thread has made me think and one or two message i have recivied also. My self and the wife had long discusion about this both yesterday and today. No more hiding on here for me now. She even volunteering to take photos if I wanted. If only i had spoken more to her months ago, but im glad I have now"
WoW, great news! Not everyone has your luck and such an understanding wife, treasure that!
Good luck, being able to share this lifestyle with your partner even if she is not into, is just amazing.
Enjoy the long and raw chats ❤️
Lina. |
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"Interesting mostly men "
The OP was posted by a woman and the number of male versus female respondents is probably a reflection of the male to female ratio of members on this site.
Seeking sexual adventures outside of a committed relationship, either with or without the other partners knowledge, is I am fairly sure not exclusive to either gender. |
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"Because men are applauded for being sexual available whereas (in society) women are not.
Madonna/wh0re complex. The same thing doesn't exist for men. "
Your not allowing for the fab factor.
Women in general get far less stick on here for cheating |
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I ve met really active male fabbers, (who are attracted to various different people m/f/trans) who ideally want to meet a modest vanilla woman to marry and have kids with. It doesn't seem like a good idea to me, try find someone with the same interests as you.
Don't go for the modest girl, when you know you ve a varied sexual appetite.
Double standards between men and women still exist. |
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"Because men are applauded for being sexual available whereas (in society) women are not.
Madonna/wh0re complex. The same thing doesn't exist for men.
Your not allowing for the fab factor.
Women in general get far less stick on here for cheating "
I wonder is it because a single man's reputation wouldn't be tarnished for fucking a married woman who was interested in recreational extra marital sex. Whereas single woman would be judged for screwing a married guy 🤔🤔.
Men aren't judged for recreational sex, but women are (by some people). |
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"Because men are applauded for being sexual available whereas (in society) women are not.
Madonna/wh0re complex. The same thing doesn't exist for men. "
I have often heard the label "manwhore/male slut" applied, by both men and women, to men who are promiscuous and have rarely if ever heard guys being praised for playing around. I believe the behaviour it is equally frowned upon in society irrespective of gender.
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"Because men are applauded for being sexual available whereas (in society) women are not.
Madonna/wh0re complex. The same thing doesn't exist for men.
I have often heard the label "manwhore/male slut" applied, by both men and women, to men who are promiscuous and have rarely if ever heard guys being praised for playing around. I believe the behaviour it is equally frowned upon in society irrespective of gender.
"
Yet the term Slutshaming is almost exclusively reserved for women. |
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"Because men are applauded for being sexual available whereas (in society) women are not.
Madonna/wh0re complex. The same thing doesn't exist for men.
Your not allowing for the fab factor.
Women in general get far less stick on here for cheating
I wonder is it because a single man's reputation wouldn't be tarnished for fucking a married woman who was interested in recreational extra marital sex. Whereas single woman would be judged for screwing a married guy 🤔🤔.
Men aren't judged for recreational sex, but women are (by some people). "
I don't think so (on here).
Look at the reactions to any slightly controversial thread posed by a women on here.
The gender power balance has been flipped on fab vs the real world |
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"Because men are applauded for being sexual available whereas (in society) women are not.
Madonna/wh0re complex. The same thing doesn't exist for men.
I have often heard the label "manwhore/male slut" applied, by both men and women, to men who are promiscuous and have rarely if ever heard guys being praised for playing around. I believe the behaviour it is equally frowned upon in society irrespective of gender.
Yet the term Slutshaming is almost exclusively reserved for women."
I have heard the phrase slut used with both the he and she pronouns attached.
I have yet to hear it used with the "they" pronoun but I hope to live long enough to do so.
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"Totally agree however I think a man's ideal scenario is to have a women who appears to be vanilla but really isn't
Agree, and ideally brings in money too!! The ideal woman. "
It's all about the frontage |
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"Because men are applauded for being sexual available whereas (in society) women are not.
Madonna/wh0re complex. The same thing doesn't exist for men.
I have often heard the label "manwhore/male slut" applied, by both men and women, to men who are promiscuous and have rarely if ever heard guys being praised for playing around. I believe the behaviour it is equally frowned upon in society irrespective of gender.
Yet the term Slutshaming is almost exclusively reserved for women.
I have heard the phrase slut used with both the he and she pronouns attached.
I have yet to hear it used with the "they" pronoun but I hope to live long enough to do so.
"
Wait until you hear about fuckboys. Those rascals.
I agree that the situation is reversed on fab though. Women get a pass from the majority of site members (men).
I'm not a woman so I can't speculate on reasons they stay quite but pick any discussion on cheating you'll find that it's overwhelmingly men that talk about their reasons.
Maybe it is a numbers thing. |
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"Because men are applauded for being sexual available whereas (in society) women are not.
Madonna/wh0re complex. The same thing doesn't exist for men.
I have often heard the label "manwhore/male slut" applied, by both men and women, to men who are promiscuous and have rarely if ever heard guys being praised for playing around. I believe the behaviour it is equally frowned upon in society irrespective of gender.
Yet the term Slutshaming is almost exclusively reserved for women.
I have heard the phrase slut used with both the he and she pronouns attached.
I have yet to hear it used with the "they" pronoun but I hope to live long enough to do so.
Wait until you hear about fuckboys. Those rascals.
I agree that the situation is reversed on fab though. Women get a pass from the majority of site members (men).
I'm not a woman so I can't speculate on reasons they stay quite but pick any discussion on cheating you'll find that it's overwhelmingly men that talk about their reasons.
Maybe it is a numbers thing."
👍 |
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By *dfabMan 9 weeks ago
Dunboyne |
"As clearly stated on my profile I am a cheater....might as well say it and save the "holier than thou" brigade the bother of pointing it out to me.
I have a very strong and happy relationship but without any degree of intimacy for quite a number of years. While sex has always been an important part of my life it certainly is not the most important aspect of my marriage and lack of sex is certainly not a reason for me to walk away from what is good in my marriage.
Yes, cheating brings with it the risk of losing everything, the guilt of being unfaithful but it does fulfill a basic need and if done with absolute discretion should hopefully not cause harm or upset to anyone.
"
In the exact same boat myself.
I'll do the right oar, you take the left one
Marriage and kids are fantastic but just nothing beyond kissing
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By *illyD. OP Woman 9 weeks ago
Cork |
"Intrigued to know if there are many on here that are happily married without their spouse knowing that are looking for that extra bit of excitement??"
Thank you all for your answers to my question! |
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My wife has MS, very frustrating for us both.
I'm looking more for socialising. Just a female companion to go for a drink to pictures theatre rather then look like Billy no mates.
I have not been at a social since February. The last social I saw 2 different ladies kicking their female friend saying here is your man over.
Don't care what the holy Mary's think of me, you are on a swingers site.
Never know might met a female companion. |
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"My wife has MS, very frustrating for us both.
I'm looking more for socialising. Just a female companion to go for a drink to pictures theatre rather then look like Billy no mates.
I have not been at a social since February. The last social I saw 2 different ladies kicking their female friend saying here is your man over.
Don't care what the holy Mary's think of me, you are on a swingers site.
Never know might met a female companion. "
Holy Mary's???, |
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Different perspective maybe. I'm on here with husband & we are lucky we love swinging together.. But never in my marriage vows did I give my husband my sexuality & vice versa. I gave him my heart & my commitment he owns them.. |
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"Different perspective maybe. I'm on here with husband & we are lucky we love swinging together.. But never in my marriage vows did I give my husband my sexuality & vice versa. I gave him my heart & my commitment he owns them.. "
Same. We made sure when we got married that we didn't say anything we didn't mean, and avoided making any commitments that suggested that we wouldn't sleep with other people. |
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I think a lot of these people's sources need to be given a hall pass to have their own fun.
Sex drive isn't a fixed state. It's contextual. Novelty excites people.
Much better people have conceptual open relationships with agreed upon boundaries. |
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"I think a lot of these people's sources need to be given a hall pass to have their own fun.
Sex drive isn't a fixed state. It's contextual. Novelty excites people.
Much better people have conceptual open relationships with agreed upon boundaries. "
This. If you genuinely have your partners best interests at heart, and you aren't able to give them what they need to feel happy, but you want to stay married, then this makes perfect sense. |
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"I think a lot of these people's sources need to be given a hall pass to have their own fun.
Sex drive isn't a fixed state. It's contextual. Novelty excites people.
Much better people have conceptual open relationships with agreed upon boundaries.
This. If you genuinely have your partners best interests at heart, and you aren't able to give them what they need to feel happy, but you want to stay married, then this makes perfect sense. "
100% |
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