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Dom,sub, switch
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Sub - definitely sub. I might occasionally serve from the top but still witin in a sub dynamic. Found it really difficult to find proper legit Doms but recently been lucky to form a dynamic with one who is the real deal and has given me the confidence to guide him through my desires. So many haven't a clue what a real dom is. |
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By *ombikerMan 10 weeks ago
the right side of the river |
I don’t define myself and any of them but some ladies do like the dom side of me. And it’s not that it’s a “ on your knees woman” type of thing, the sub would want to be a sub.
I suppose it’s the , if I had to explain it then you wouldn’t understand, type of situation |
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"What's a Dom?
There seems to be a lot of different ideas on fab about what Dom means."
I genuinely think that any Dom/Domme should be able to explain that a dominant person is not inherently sadistic, into impact play, into a 'little' kink, into DD/lg etc etc
A Dom/Domme is someone who takes control and guides the activities with consideration for what their partner enjoys and desires. It is a collaborative and cooperative dynamic where ultimate control rests with the sub through their giving of permission and the setting of boundaries. |
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I don't like using the word Dom to describe me. I'd consider myself an assertive, confident, strong-willed, in charge kind of guy. I've never tried being a sub. It's not in my nature. Dom has overtones of cruelty, sadism. My desire is to pleasure a woman, I just love to give pleasure.... She just has to allow me. |
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"I don't like using the word Dom to describe me. I'd consider myself an assertive, confident, strong-willed, in charge kind of guy. I've never tried being a sub. It's not in my nature. Dom has overtones of cruelty, sadism. My desire is to pleasure a woman, I just love to give pleasure.... She just has to allow me. "
Wouldn't agree with the cruel comment. And the sadism is welcomed by a masochist in those relationships. |
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By *om TangoMan 10 weeks ago
aughnacloy monaghan area |
Think a lot of people watched 50 shades of grey and think that’s what a sub/dom is. A real dom will first of all spent time listening to the subs boundaries, soft and hard limits. Depending on what kinda playing is involved a dom should ask they sub if anything triggers her. For example, would some hair pulling bring back bad memories. Explain and agree a safe word and respect that safe word. A dom will know he’s not in control as such because at any given time a sub can safe word out. And of course if a real Dom thinks that the sub is afraid to safe word out he or she can call the safe word if they think the sub is in sub space and not fit to safe word out. No or very little drink to be used before hand and then of course and importantly give aftercare if the sub wants it and check in with the sub for a few days afterwards incase the sub hits sub drop. And bear in mind a Dom or Domme can also hit Dom drop. A lot to it depending on what kinda season is involved. Not all seasons involves full sex and some doesn’t involve any kind of sexual playing. |
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We are both Switch. I am sometimes Submissive to my Daddy Dom. And sometimes we double Dom (or Topping is more accurate). We are both part of the BDSM community so we are very sensitive to the D/s dynamics and very respectful of them. |
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"Think a lot of people watched 50 shades of grey and think that’s what a sub/dom is. A real dom will first of all spent time listening to the subs boundaries, soft and hard limits. Depending on what kinda playing is involved a dom should ask they sub if anything triggers her. For example, would some hair pulling bring back bad memories. Explain and agree a safe word and respect that safe word. A dom will know he’s not in control as such because at any given time a sub can safe word out. And of course if a real Dom thinks that the sub is afraid to safe word out he or she can call the safe word if they think the sub is in sub space and not fit to safe word out. No or very little drink to be used before hand and then of course and importantly give aftercare if the sub wants it and check in with the sub for a few days afterwards incase the sub hits sub drop. And bear in mind a Dom or Domme can also hit Dom drop. A lot to it depending on what kinda season is involved. Not all seasons involves full sex and some doesn’t involve any kind of sexual playing. "
Safe word for what? There is nothing inherent about a Dom/Domme Sub dynamic that requires safe words.
If you think every Dom/Domme Sub dynamic requires a safe word there's something wrong. |
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I’ve never experimented with any of these roles in practice but if I were to I reckon I’d be a switch, leaning more sub than dom.
I have fantasies of engaging in both roles, but the only way I’d feel comfortable doming someone is if they were deeply submissive - if they really craved it then that would excite me and make it easier for me to engage in acts that I normally have little interest in (degradation, impact play etc). If my partner were to have even slight reservations about what they were asking me to do before we started it would make it impossible for me to get in the zone, so to speak. That doesn’t mean I’d have an issue if they put the brakes on suddenly during play, because of course unforeseen things happen. I guess what I’m trying to say is that for me to drive confidently I need good assurances from the sub that they are unlikely to need the brakes if I stay within the limits that have been negotiated, because if that level of trust and permission is not there, I’ll be too preoccupied to drive with the necessary confidence. Hope that makes some sense - at least it does in my mind.
As for my submissive side, that has some narrowly defined limits. I have zero interest in receiving pain or humiliation, but I do have fantasies where I give up control completely to another person who competently drives me over the edge through psychological and physical stimulation.
I guess what I’m looking for in both sets of fantasies is the freedom to let go of myself - caveat being that in a dom role you’ve got to maintain more awareness of your partner’s needs. Maybe that’s why I lean more sub: I’d get to be a bit more selfish 😅 |
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"A LOT of people confuse Dom/Domme and Sub, with Top and Bottom."
This. I've never heard those terms used in a hetero context though.
That's why I asked above what's a Dom. The terms Dom and Sub have entered the main stream somewhat now and definitely don't have the same meanings and implications as used in the Kink lifestyle scene.
I met a woman last year who rather than say she was submissive, said she liked to be lead and that made sense for her.
I really enjoy role playing and power exchange but I don't consider myself Dom/Sub/Switch.
As with a lot of labels and definitions they will always enter the mainstream if popular enough and then society will start to use them in different ways. I think that's fine. As long as people have words they can use to communicate clearly I think that's grand.
The danger, in my opinion, is guys (and probably someone's women but less) that think being a Dom is just being rough or sadistic and having none of the education or knowledge about what's involved in that role.
Some of these guys are dangerous and I hear stories often enough about guys going to far and not having a notion of aftercare. |
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"A LOT of people confuse Dom/Domme and Sub, with Top and Bottom.
This. I've never heard those terms used in a hetero context though.
That's why I asked above what's a Dom. The terms Dom and Sub have entered the main stream somewhat now and definitely don't have the same meanings and implications as used in the Kink lifestyle scene.
I met a woman last year who rather than say she was submissive, said she liked to be lead and that made sense for her.
I really enjoy role playing and power exchange but I don't consider myself Dom/Sub/Switch.
As with a lot of labels and definitions they will always enter the mainstream if popular enough and then society will start to use them in different ways. I think that's fine. As long as people have words they can use to communicate clearly I think that's grand.
The danger, in my opinion, is guys (and probably someone's women but less) that think being a Dom is just being rough or sadistic and having none of the education or knowledge about what's involved in that role.
Some of these guys are dangerous and I hear stories often enough about guys going to far and not having a notion of aftercare."
Aftercare is one of my first questions when talking to someone about a possible dynamic. It's very obvious from that conversation whether someone is experience or not.
There are workshops and things on a few sites that I would encourage subs especially to attend. By attending it empowers the vulnerable person to spot those who aren't experienced and could cause harm.
Some are online, some are in person. What's important though is making sure they are genuine courses. A new space is opening or possibly opened now in Belfast and will be running workshop and assisting with education and advice for those what actually want to learn.
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