FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Text anxiety. Your thoughts ?
Text anxiety. Your thoughts ?
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I am a boomerang fabber. Never really related that sending messages could be a cause of anxiety, or receiving too many messages or not receiving any messages at all.
I would think there will be a major difference in the male and female perspective in this. |
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I don't have the mental energy to carry on multiple conversations at the same time, and the perceived expectation to do so makes me anxious to the point where I "short circuit" and can't carry on any at all. I want to engage but I can't. The volume of messages is neither here nor there; I can be overwhelmed by three messages or thirty three
This is not peculiar to Fab - I suffer from task paralysis irl too - and when it happens I usually hide my profile. The wall of yellow (albeit small) still makes me anxious
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By *ustBoWoman 7 weeks ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I'm a bit like LK above as in I don't have the energy to carry on a load of conversations at once.
I have very tight filters and don't get a lot of messages because either of filters or the fact no one wants to message me .Either way it suits me. I don't have the time or energy to carry on a few conversations at once so I don't.
I don't get anxiety because I don't let it bother me that way.
When I send a first message to someone I forget about it if they answer back all and well good but I never check my sent messages.
I can see how it must be demoralising at times though for people and I believe if anyone finds fab affecting their mental wellbeing then they should take a break for a bit . |
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I get a little anxiety from texts. When sending them I always have that little jiggle at the back of my head that I might be bothering or interrupting the recipient be it on fab or otherwise. But with texts you can take your time ( within reason ) before replying.
My bigger issue is phone calls, I seem to have a phobia about phone calls. I’ll do all I can to avoid having to make or receive them to the point where all my customers know to text me instead of calling. |
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By *om TangoMan 7 weeks ago
aughnacloy monaghan area |
I find heading to socials and meeting in person much easier and getting involved in kik and telegram groups. I understand ladys have tons of messages on here so almost impossible to get their attention. |
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By *og-ManMan 7 weeks ago
somewhere |
"I get a little anxiety from texts. When sending them I always have that little jiggle at the back of my head that I might be bothering or interrupting the recipient be it on fab or otherwise. But with texts you can take your time ( within reason ) before replying.
My bigger issue is phone calls, I seem to have a phobia about phone calls. I’ll do all I can to avoid having to make or receive them to the point where all my customers know to text me instead of calling. "
The young crowd seem to have the same issues
My adult children never answer their phone
They will however send texts all day long
I wonder why I pay for the contract all calls texts and data |
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"I get a little anxiety from texts. When sending them I always have that little jiggle at the back of my head that I might be bothering or interrupting the recipient be it on fab or otherwise. But with texts you can take your time ( within reason ) before replying.
My bigger issue is phone calls, I seem to have a phobia about phone calls. I’ll do all I can to avoid having to make or receive them to the point where all my customers know to text me instead of calling.
The young crowd seem to have the same issues
My adult children never answer their phone
They will however send texts all day long
I wonder why I pay for the contract all calls texts and data "
Yay, I’m part of the young crowd. Every cloud has a silver lining I suppose.
Ah there are a few people and customers I make allowance for but most text or email me. I find it less overwhelming |
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A phone call of 5 minutes beats two hours of texting, plus it's so easy to get lines crossed on texts , as one person could still he on a previous point.
Communication is easy, good communication is extremely difficult.
Each to their own. |
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I don't send first contact messages and haven't done since the start of 2020.
I haven't been meeting for quite a while so starting or even continuing long conversations is pointless in a fab context.
I rarely get messages. When I was more active I used to average one message a month. Now it's more like one every six months.
I haven't been in a fab related chat group for more than 4 years and away from here I'm in a couple of family and friends groups and another with those I go hiking with.
Some of those can go weeks or months without anyone commenting and like Ger above I'm not good at ringing people or keeping in touch. I just find it easier to text rather than call.
None of it makes me anxious though. It's just more of a can't be arsed attitude. |
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My thinking on messaging has always been that it's a shot in dark so easy come easy go. I tend to keep it simple and not overthink it.
Sending a message would be the very bottom of my preferences for an introduction though so I'm more inclined to meet at social events.
I'm not opposed to flirting outrageously on the forum on occasion either. |
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"My thinking on messaging has always been that it's a shot in dark so easy come easy go. I tend to keep it simple and not overthink it.
Sending a message would be the very bottom of my preferences for an introduction though so I'm more inclined to meet at social events.
I'm not opposed to flirting outrageously on the forum on occasion either."
We noticed  |
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By *s LollyWoman 7 weeks ago
The pub then supermacs ... |
I keep my filters set as tight as a ducks ass so it keeps the message volume wayyyyy down, i don't open messages anyway unless one or two stand out, i like to keep my chat to one or two people at a time otherwise messages just get outa hand and im repeatedly saying the same thing over and over... |
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Serious text anxiety few reasons-
1. Too many texts
2. Repeated ignorance of boundaries (dick pics).
3. The 30 min interval messages- when I haven't responded due to life/other conversations etc but opened and read - I will get around to it - if a message hasn't been deleted I do intend on replying.
4. The manipulator - lovely messages followed by abuse if a boundary they ignored has been pointed out.
These interactions tend to make responding even to nice messages difficult. They overwhelm and overshadow the new ones because until a few messages have passed there is no telling- even with verifications - who you are chatting to.
I had what I thought was a nice conversation going with someone recently only to mention that due to fakes I no longer want to meet 'one half if a couple' their response- happy fabbing - they ignored my boundary and essentially told me to F off - 'nice' I don't care how many verifications/photos you have- my boundaries are my boundaries your reaction to my boundaries says more about your attitude towards consent than it does me.
It's lovely to see those who are taking note of these issues and not being/displaying dicks. Recently the forums have definitely become a much nicer way of getting to know people. The virtual public social ... |
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The wash of yellow can be anxiety inducing, and I am grateful that people take the time to message. I feel bad that I don't reply and mostly that's down to my own level of feeling uncomfortable or conscious.
Conversations will either take off or they won't. I find if I'm pushed by multiple messages or to quickly move to another messaging app, I'll shift uncomfortably on the chair. I can be just as uncomfortable at socials too. This isn't just a fab phenomenon for me. My circle is small in RL too. It's basically a dot with people I like living on it. Apparently I'm a hard nut to crack  |
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Inbox Messages volume is rarely an issue for men, in terms of sending… if I text, my message is open and I get no answer I text again, if still no answer I block. If my text is read and deleted I block too.
I just can keep texting if my messages display in yellow.
This methodology as well as the tight filters reduces my options and then sending useless texts.
The fact that I turned on 50+ put me out of age range in many profiles so that helps too. |
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I have over 200 unread currently just lose intrest or cant be bothered replying!!
From my side its men just ignoring my profile bio so i cant be bothered replying
Now on the flip side theres plenty of men and couples who im having fantatic chats with |
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Yep it's the 'Bye Felicia' of Fab - granted the tone of the message previous to it dictates the exact tone -
Sorry your lovely and all but happy fabbing - good luck with your journey - no hard feelings.
You're fat and ugly, happy fabbing (exact responses I have received on occasion) - f off |
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The only anxiety I can get from letter is when the first book is finished and the second one is not published yet.
Years of therapy, self education and mindfulness protect me from getting anxious if someone messages or doesn’t respond.
Your inner child has to feel loved, heard and seen. Then strangers on the internet don’t cause any stress.
They “are nothing but a pack of cards”
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By *ustBoWoman 7 weeks ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"Every woman I know on Fab, hates messages. The above by both posters has been relayed to me over and over.
Men need to stop being dicks. And sending dicks."
I've had some of my worst messages off couples than ones I have had off men. And crappy messages and dick pics don't bother me I just delete them.
I don't hate messages I just don't have the energy to answer and chat to a lot of people on here. I'm also not meeting anyone new at present so don't do chats as it leads to expectations that I will meet the person.
If I am looking to meet I prefer to look for profiles that interest me and I will message them first. If they reply great if they don't no harm done as I don't check messages once I send them. |
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I have no issue texting at all if it is for a specific purpose:
Plan something, answer specific questions etc.
I do have a massive issue with having daily "hi how are you" mundane chats with anyone, be it friends, family or fabbers. I do not check in on anyone and dislike when people check in on me. I actively avoid online conversations, especially conversations on the phone.
Am a complete opposite in person though - perfectly sociable and active.
I do like hanging out in group chats or forums where there is no pressure for immediate or well thought out response in every interaction, so my phone is perpetually on silent mode. Facebook messenger notifications are completely switched off to the point where I don't even know if someone messaged me unless I go and specifically check.
Missus |
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