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By *asual777 OP Man 5 days ago
i travel all over |
So you know someone on fab socially or as a sexual contact . They come across as sound in your presence . However others tell you that they’ve behaved terribly , unethically or even illegally towards them or people they know .
What’s your process of working out what to do next ? Are you a low risk person , immediately ceasing contact ? Does it depend on who the ‘others’ are ? What if you know them no better than this person ? Or there is a possibility that they’re envious of your connection with this person or their connection with you , or a jealous ex type ? Or do you continue contact until you see red flags yourself ?
Please under no circumstances discuss actual profile names on this thread … |
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Of course I continue the acquaintance, I never rely only on the opinions of other people. There are different situations in life, people and reasons why people behave in a given situation in a certain way. |
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I met someone who I quite liked and she warned me off quite a few people on fab. Some of those people are good friends now. She's not any kind of friend at all.
I take everyone as they come now. I trust the word of the people I trust and would question anyone else giving me information I didn't ask for.
Thankfully I come across precious little of that carry on.
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As I've gotten older I've learnt to listen to my gut when it comes to people.
Anyone that warns you to stay away from people and makes a habit of it , i avoid in here.
Biggest lesson I've learnt in life must people are just acquaintances very few are friends. |
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I'd have defenses up straight away. If others are saying they may have acted illegally to others then that's a really serious accusation to make. Get as much information as you can , then assess and decide yourself. Do you really need someone in your life that could potentially be harmful to you. |
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Some people think that they are competing with everyone, and the way to build themselves up is to put others down or plant rumours about others. I ve seen this soooooo many times. If someone starts talking badly or suggesting negativity about someone I felt neutral or positive about, I ld be wary of THAT sh1t stirring person.
With the above being said there is one fabber that I initially felt mildly wary of, or at least didn't feel a sexual vibe with them, even though they were physically v attractive. Over time I felt more attracted to them, and hooked up. However I now have reverted back to my initial view. I think first vibes are usually correct.
In your scenario, I ld follow my own judgment.
I ve been told (on here), my head is rammed up my arse. I won't be changing to suit other people. It's within everyone's power to not interact with anyone that annoys them. It doesn't have to be a big coercive push, no one needs to control anyone else. Adults can just politely walk away from each other. No need for cliques and groups trying to control the vibe on the forums or anywhere. Everyone can just do their own thing, and make their own minds up. |
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By *aseylee324Couple 5 days ago
Valley of Squinting Windows |
I trust my own judgement, here and offline. Anyone who starts bitching about others to me, although I may still be polite and appear friendly to them, is essentially dead to me. (Also those who don't give names but don't seem to realise that their verification trail makes it perfectly obvious who they're talking about.)
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By *ustBoWoman 5 days ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I make up my own mind. There is only one person on here whose opinion on others would sway my thoughts even slightly. But they rarely even talk about anyone else anyhow on here.
I have had people tell me info that I didn't ask for about others and who have tried to turn me against others on here, but I've learned that when someone has so much info on so many people they are one of the ones who like to stir shite and drama. And turn people against each other for their own private vendettas.
I trust my own judgement until proven otherwise.
There is so much unneeded drama and crap that goes on it's more like a kids playground than an adult site at times.
And sadly because of that some of the people who are a danger get to stay on here because it's hard to know who to listen to and who is just having a personal bitch fest about another person and trying to get them blacklisted by a lot.
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"I make up my own mind. There is only one person on here whose opinion on others would sway my thoughts even slightly. But they rarely even talk about anyone else anyhow on here.
I have had people tell me info that I didn't ask for about others and who have tried to turn me against others on here, but I've learned that when someone has so much info on so many people they are one of the ones who like to stir shite and drama. And turn people against each other for their own private vendettas.
I trust my own judgement until proven otherwise.
There is so much unneeded drama and crap that goes on it's more like a kids playground than an adult site at times.
And sadly because of that some of the people who are a danger get to stay on here because it's hard to know who to listen to and who is just having a personal bitch fest about another person and trying to get them blacklisted by a lot.
"
So well said I have a very very small circle that I listen to
Everything else is filed away bit with a flag |
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By *iscuits8Man 5 days ago
Meath / Dublin / Birmingham |
I've met a few people on here who've had a few choice things to say about certain other members, and then I see they've gone on to meet them at socials etc and leave positive verifications after.
It's a bit gas but I don't overthink it, people's online personas can end up being much different in person... for better or worse. It's actually pleasing and pretty cool that the people in question were open to judging in person and even ended up making a friend in some cases. |
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Primarily depend on my own judgment (and Ben’s!). But if someone was accused of something illegal I would certainly have my guard up. On all other matters my attitude is there are at least 3 sides to every story and rarely are any of them accurate! |
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By *dfabMan 4 days ago
Dunboyne |
I always go with my own personal impression of an individual and rarely listen to others.
If you develop a relationship with anyone in your life, it should be based on your interactions with that other person and nothing to do with the opinions of anyone.
However, there will always be those who appear sound folk but actually aren't. This is the reason why you listen to the opinions of others but then weigh that up with your own personal interactions with the individual and come to your own conclusions.
Or perfectly put by a previous poster...
Biggest lesson I've learnt in life must people are just acquaintances very few are friends. |
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I trust my own judgement and I am cautious. I will take opinions into account and interpret them with the information and facts that I have. There are very few people I trust 100% and I have discovered recently it can be handy to get an opinion from a different perspective. |
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By *dfabMan 4 days ago
Dunboyne |
"I trust my own judgement and I am cautious. I will take opinions into account and interpret them with the information and facts that I have. There are very few people I trust 100% and I have discovered recently it can be handy to get an opinion from a different perspective. "
As long as you know that person with the different perspective doesn't have an agenda of their own, all good  |
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"I trust my own judgement and I am cautious. I will take opinions into account and interpret them with the information and facts that I have. There are very few people I trust 100% and I have discovered recently it can be handy to get an opinion from a different perspective.
As long as you know that person with the different perspective doesn't have an agenda of their own, all good "
Everyone has an agenda. The trick is to know what the agenda is. |
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By *dfabMan 4 days ago
Dunboyne |
"I trust my own judgement and I am cautious. I will take opinions into account and interpret them with the information and facts that I have. There are very few people I trust 100% and I have discovered recently it can be handy to get an opinion from a different perspective.
As long as you know that person with the different perspective doesn't have an agenda of their own, all good
Everyone has an agenda. The trick is to know what the agenda is. "
Sorry, disagree.
Other than the desire to enjoy another human, I'm sure I'm not alone in that being the only item on the agenda. |
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By *asual777 OP Man 4 days ago
i travel all over |
Thank you . I think when organising/co-organising events there is the added challenge that you’re bringing fabbers in contact with other fabbers . This probably leads to a more cautious approach . |
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I think it depends on who is doing the talking about other people. If it's someone I know and trust them I would be more far likely to act on the information. Random warnings from random people are taken with a very large pinch of salt. There is so much drama and gossip here that you need to have your bullshit detector turned up to high at all times. |
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"Listen to youself and do not really take random advice. The more descriptive tge sdvice, the more likely it is bullshit. I would not warn anyone off a fabber so expect the same in return. "
What if you had first hand experience of the person behaving very badly towards you or someone you know and trust? |
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I make up my own mind, and generally find random, unsolicited gossip a red flag for the person sharing it. Im not into being part of drama whirls.
However if it's about a guy I was thinking of meeting 1-1, and I thought it was a risk factor I would take more account of it. I'd rather be safe than sorry. |
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