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Any adult children at home
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By *og-Man OP Man 12 weeks ago
somewhere |
Just looking for other people's experiences and advice please
Like many others I have adult children still living at home
We all have our own bedrooms and lots of living space so thats not an issue
They all went to college from home so never moved out
The eldest is finding it very difficult now to live at home because he thinks at his age ( 30) he should be living in his own place
Its not helped by my wife telling him we were married with kids at his age or showing him houses for sale every day.
He's now looking at spending 2k a month on rent while I'd prefer him to keep saving it to buy his own place eventually
Anyone in the same boat of trying to talk to their adult children about the same thing
Thanks
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Is he working at the moment. Maybe he could house share with some work colleagues or something. So many people in simialr situations with this age group. Saving im afraid is the only way out of it.l, so 2k does seem excessive for rent. 3 years savin 2k a month would go far for a mortgage. |
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By *affa31Woman 12 weeks ago
Galway |
I was in that boat from the child pov.
It’s absolutely shit living at home in your 30s. You feel like a bit of a failure when you see your friends buying houses etc.
However, spending 2 grand on rent is absolutely insane. What I would be suggesting is that you talk with him about paying that rent into a savings account and getting a deposit together. Or if he struggles to do that, paying that rent to you and you putting it in a savings account. At least by doing that, there’s an end goal to moving out rather than paying stupid money for shit accommodation.
I will say that my relationship with my parents improved dramatically when I moved out. It’s mentally taxing on both parties having kids at home. The kid feels like shit, the parents are worried.
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By *og-Man OP Man 12 weeks ago
somewhere |
Just a few answers
All his friends are in the same boat
A one bedroom flat is about 2 k a month in Dublin
He wants to live on his own to try it ...not share as he shares at home
We've never taken housekeeping money off him since he started work on the understanding he'd save for a place
He saves a lot every month but obviously every year the prices go up
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By *aseylee324Couple 12 weeks ago
Valley of Squinting Windows |
My two older kids both rent away from home, son house-shares with 3 others and daughter shares a 2 bed flat. It gives them independence and our relationship is much better now I can get home to a kitchen in the same state I left it in |
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By *aseylee324Couple 12 weeks ago
Valley of Squinting Windows |
"Btw, I didn't initially charge my son anything until he had a secure job, within a month of telling him he needed to contribute to utilities he found somewhere else to live !!
Great idea  "
I don't think we do our kids any favour by not making them pay their way, they end up stuck at home resenting you because you are essentially facilitating a lifestyle they can't afford if they move out. |
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By *asual777Man 12 weeks ago
i travel all over |
I keep wondering if prices will soften a little bit but they are rampant . Small 1 beds go on the market and a glut of cash buyers come in and within 48 hours they are 25-30 per cent above asking price |
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"Btw, I didn't initially charge my son anything until he had a secure job, within a month of telling him he needed to contribute to utilities he found somewhere else to live !!
Great idea
I don't think we do our kids any favour by not making them pay their way, they end up stuck at home resenting you because you are essentially facilitating a lifestyle they can't afford if they move out."
This 100% , tell him move out simple.
He will love it or hate it.
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It's been said a lot here, but id say definitely a house share rather than paying 2k in rent. If he's apprehensive about living on his own, maybe saving to buy a 2 bedroom apartment would make sense.
That way if he enjoys living on his own he can use the room for something else, otherwise he can get a housemate. I've never bought but I feel like if he can afford 2k in rent then maybe a 2 bed could be within his budget. |
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By (user no longer on site) 12 weeks ago
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My son left home at 21 years old, rent an apartment with a friend, happy for him and us. For few weeks asked me questions how to manage cooking, cleaning, washing. Then when he comes to my house starting switching off my lights after I left the room 🤣 I asked wtf he said it is saving money. Wasn’t taken long to learn how to save 🤣 |
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"Just a few answers
All his friends are in the same boat
A one bedroom flat is about 2 k a month in Dublin
He wants to live on his own to try it ...not share as he shares at home
We've never taken housekeeping money off him since he started work on the understanding he'd save for a place
He saves a lot every month but obviously every year the prices go up
"
I don't have kids ex's all did and was in same situation but just saying 2k a month for rent of a one bedroom apartment in Dublin Jesus I know I'm from other side of Ireland but I'm renting a housing executive house 3 bedroom for 400 a month Jesus that's bloody ridiculous what they are looking for down there |
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My kids all moved out in their 20s. One lives abroad and the other 2 who are both in their early 30s have bought houses and are paying less than £500pm on a mortgage. €2k a month on rent just doesn't compute for me at all. |
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Hey Bog would they consider going outside Dublin and commuting in as that may help with a purchase and not sure what you have down there but up north we have Co Ownership which helps with purchasing a house and part renting and it’s usually no deposit. Dublin is a gonner as mostly corporate companies and investors buying up properties. |
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Property ladder appears to be broken. Same options aren't there, that were there 20 years ago.
He could potentially try to buy with his sibblings.... If they are old enough. Pool money together?
Or even friends :not a great solution I know.
It's crazy, I have no answers.
My solution is, I ll be fecking off somewhere warm and the kids can have my house. (if they want it). |
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By *oo32Man 12 weeks ago
tipperary |
Ive moved out and in several times over the years
The last thing you want is him to lose money especially after saving
House sharing,relocate to the burbs,go to another county and commute
Build on at home
Look into getting a 2 bed timber/steel office space
Housing lists/rent to buy/hold tough..by the law of averages there's a slow down coming |
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If you have the space, extend and make a granny flat?? Seperate unit.
Or those cabins for about €50k look really nice. I know that's a weird solution, but people are starting to live in them, in parents gardens etc. |
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By *oo32Man 12 weeks ago
tipperary |
"If you have the space, extend and make a granny flat?? Seperate unit.
Or those cabins for about €50k look really nice. I know that's a weird solution, but people are starting to live in them, in parents gardens etc. "
Exactely....and they look very comfortable |
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By *aseylee324Couple 12 weeks ago
Valley of Squinting Windows |
"If you have the space, extend and make a granny flat?? Seperate unit.
Or those cabins for about €50k look really nice. I know that's a weird solution, but people are starting to live in them, in parents gardens etc. "
Was just about to type this, can think of two properties near me where adult children are living in this kind of arrangement in their parent's back yard. |
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"If you have the space, extend and make a granny flat?? Seperate unit.
Or those cabins for about €50k look really nice. I know that's a weird solution, but people are starting to live in them, in parents gardens etc.
Exactely....and they look very comfortable "
Unfortunately (despite what the manufacturers say) you aren't allowed to live in these in the republic. If the council get wind you'd have to take it down. |
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I don't understand what young people are thinkin these days paying 2k a month on rent.
All you get is a tiny 1 bedroom apartment that you still don't own and can't do anything with, plus paying 100% on all utilities!
Get a nice houseshare for €800, where internet/bins/etc are split, and in 4 years you have 60k for a deposit on a house. If you have a partner doing the same, that's 120K you saved between you.
With 2 salaries, there's no excuse for young couples not being able to buy a house if they chose to pay crazy money on rent.
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"If you have the space, extend and make a granny flat?? Seperate unit.
Or those cabins for about €50k look really nice. I know that's a weird solution, but people are starting to live in them, in parents gardens etc.
Exactely....and they look very comfortable
Unfortunately (despite what the manufacturers say) you aren't allowed to live in these in the republic. If the council get wind you'd have to take it down."
Two of my neighbours have recently built these. Neither of them are complete yet and they have already been reported by a local Karen for not having planning permission.
Local council has told one of them to take it down because he has cavity walls up to sill level and the other was told he didn't need planning as it was classed as a temporary structure but he would be told to take it down if he used it as living accommodation even for family members. |
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I moved out of my parents house at an early age. Moved back in with them when we were saving for our first mortgage. Near impossible for younger generation to get mortgages now. My kids are living abroad now but most likely will move back in with myself or their mother when and if they come back. |
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By *og-Man OP Man 12 weeks ago
somewhere |
Just a couple of updates to questions
We have a large house....we have everything we could need
He just wants to try on his own to give his head space as he calls in
The nearest apartments to me for a one bed are 1900 a month plus utilities...thats the norm
He's looked at a few in town and they are on average 2k a month plus bills
He works from home 3 days a week anyway and goes into his office the other 2 days
He wants to live in town its where he works and meets up with his mates
My hatred for some city centre area's is apparently not helpful while talking to him |
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To be fair. At 30, he probably only has a couple of years before all his friendz have babies, move out of the city, or are just too busy and too tired to be hanging out.
He may as well make use of this time the best he can. |
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"Just a couple of updates to questions
We have a large house....we have everything we could need
He just wants to try on his own to give his head space as he calls in
The nearest apartments to me for a one bed are 1900 a month plus utilities...thats the norm
He's looked at a few in town and they are on average 2k a month plus bills
He works from home 3 days a week anyway and goes into his office the other 2 days
He wants to live in town its where he works and meets up with his mates
My hatred for some city centre area's is apparently not helpful while talking to him "
These are really tough times for our children to be making their own way.
I expect mine will never move out.
All I can say is, it sounds like you're very supportive of him and the potential of saving for a deposit while living at home.
He is an adult and has to make his own decisions. If he feels he needs to spread his wings now to the detriment of that potential extra saving, so be it. Be supportive of that too by letting him know your door is always open because that is essentially what our role as parents is.
Also remember, we never know what's around the corner - live life to the fullest. It's more often the things we haven't done that are a regret rather than the things we did do.
I hope he finds his path to content x |
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When mine reached 21 instead of giving them the key to the door I just "gave them the door".
They rented for a while, worked hard, saved hard and now they have their own homes.
Make them independent and they will thank you for that gift.
"Teach a man to fish....." |
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By *og-Man OP Man 12 weeks ago
somewhere |
"When mine reached 21 instead of giving them the key to the door I just "gave them the door".
They rented for a while, worked hard, saved hard and now they have their own homes.
Make them independent and they will thank you for that gift.
"Teach a man to fish.....""
All very fine until a single person is trying to buy somewhere in Dublin
My new car cost more than my first house back in the day but wouldn't even pay for a shed nowadays |
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By *ustBoWoman 12 weeks ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I don't have children so I suppose my view isn't particularly important.
But I moved out of home when I was 17 and was working full time. Since then I have always rented because quite simply I can't and couldn't afford to pay rent and save for a home. And I would absolutely love to own my own home where I know I would never have to move again but financially it's never been an option. I have never missed any rent payment in all those years either.
It's good if your son is actually saving for a home though but at the same time not charging him any bill money is in my opinion not giving him a sense of what life is like when not at home.
And while yes I wish I did have my own house, I cannot imagine living at home with my parents at his age or even in my 20's.
Rent is always going to be high no matter the time or place and yes Dublin seems to be extortionate in terms of rent but as long as people pay it,landlords will keep charging it unfortunately. |
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By *runchMan 12 weeks ago
Dublin |
"When mine reached 21 instead of giving them the key to the door I just "gave them the door".
They rented for a while, worked hard, saved hard and now they have their own homes.
Make them independent and they will thank you for that gift.
"Teach a man to fish....."
All very fine until a single person is trying to buy somewhere in Dublin
My new car cost more than my first house back in the day but wouldn't even pay for a shed nowadays "
Not easy, but it can be done. I. Did it! |
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By *runchMan 12 weeks ago
Dublin |
"I don't understand what young people are thinkin these days paying 2k a month on rent.
All you get is a tiny 1 bedroom apartment that you still don't own and can't do anything with, plus paying 100% on all utilities!
Get a nice houseshare for €800, where internet/bins/etc are split, and in 4 years you have 60k for a deposit on a house. If you have a partner doing the same, that's 120K you saved between you.
With 2 salaries, there's no excuse for young couples not being able to buy a house if they chose to pay crazy money on rent.
"
I'm inclined to agree with you; if I as as a singleton did it with a 25% deposit (to bridge the gap between the mortgage and cost of the property) couples with say 50k each jobs have little excuse. |
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"I don't understand what young people are thinkin these days paying 2k a month on rent.
All you get is a tiny 1 bedroom apartment that you still don't own and can't do anything with, plus paying 100% on all utilities!
Get a nice houseshare for €800, where internet/bins/etc are split, and in 4 years you have 60k for a deposit on a house. If you have a partner doing the same, that's 120K you saved between you.
With 2 salaries, there's no excuse for young couples not being able to buy a house if they chose to pay crazy money on rent.
"
👍 |
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Just my take as someone who works in the financial service sector and is a young person -
-Big misconception that deposit is the key driver in mortgage approvals in today’s economic climate. While deposit is a minimum requirement, mortgages are now largely assessed on the applicants repayments capacity. You could hypothetically save your 60k deposit as some have suggested but if your salary doesn’t provide a high enough repayment capacity you won’t have a chance at a mortgage. Another interesting example is looking in the trend of average income vs average house price in Ireland over 20/30 years. The disparity keeps on getting bigger.
-again based on the 60k deposit example, you would need to be able to save 1250 per month + 800 for the rent, that’s 2050 per month before your food shop and other expensives. Meaning at the bare minimum you need to be earning 2500 net, without any form of discretionary income to afford this. This then discounts minimum wage employees / the lower class immediately as the average salary for a minimum wage worker is only 2150.
-although I do agree that with enough work ethic and desire it is definitely possible to look at applying for your mortgage in your 20’s for example, I believe it puts you in the minority not the majority, whereas in the past it would have been the inverse. I know that some may not agree with this but your 20’s is not designed to be a period of heavy saving and regulated expenditure, there needs to be an element of being able to enjoy life also
-I’m currently in a house share in Dublin paying about 710 (without utilities), for my age I earn an above average income and of course I’d rather consider the option of a mortgage but I personally experience a difficulty to make meaningful savings (definitely not 1250 a month anyway).
-There’s definitely a frustration from young people about the in affordability of housing, and there are definitely steps that can be taken to give you a better chance to achieve it sooner but the sacrifices you have to make/ the salary you need to be achieving to do that are in a much different situation
- the only good news I can think of is even with a slightly stabilising economy and with inflation slowing down a bit, we are still due a recession in the next few years or atleast a significant period of deflation, I certainly will be saving what I can until then and buying a house on the dip |
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"Just my take as someone who works in the financial service sector and is a young person -
-Big misconception that deposit is the key driver in mortgage approvals in today’s economic climate. While deposit is a minimum requirement, mortgages are now largely assessed on the applicants repayments capacity. You could hypothetically save your 60k deposit as some have suggested but if your salary doesn’t provide a high enough repayment capacity you won’t have a chance at a mortgage. Another interesting example is looking in the trend of average income vs average house price in Ireland over 20/30 years. The disparity keeps on getting bigger.
-again based on the 60k deposit example, you would need to be able to save 1250 per month + 800 for the rent, that’s 2050 per month before your food shop and other expensives. Meaning at the bare minimum you need to be earning 2500 net, without any form of discretionary income to afford this. This then discounts minimum wage employees / the lower class immediately as the average salary for a minimum wage worker is only 2150.
-although I do agree that with enough work ethic and desire it is definitely possible to look at applying for your mortgage in your 20’s for example, I believe it puts you in the minority not the majority, whereas in the past it would have been the inverse. I know that some may not agree with this but your 20’s is not designed to be a period of heavy saving and regulated expenditure, there needs to be an element of being able to enjoy life also
-I’m currently in a house share in Dublin paying about 710 (without utilities), for my age I earn an above average income and of course I’d rather consider the option of a mortgage but I personally experience a difficulty to make meaningful savings (definitely not 1250 a month anyway).
-There’s definitely a frustration from young people about the in affordability of housing, and there are definitely steps that can be taken to give you a better chance to achieve it sooner but the sacrifices you have to make/ the salary you need to be achieving to do that are in a much different situation
- the only good news I can think of is even with a slightly stabilising economy and with inflation slowing down a bit, we are still due a recession in the next few years or atleast a significant period of deflation, I certainly will be saving what I can until then and buying a house on the dip "
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*....."I know that some may not agree with this but your 20’s is not designed to be a period of heavy saving and regulated expenditure, there needs to be an element of being able to enjoy life also".......*
Married and bought first house in my early 20's (with no help from the bank of mom and dad, they were stretched rearing their other 7 children). Mortgage (17.25%) and 3 kids by 30, same as my brothers and sisters and most of my age group at that time.
My own kids have repeated the process in recent years.
Only you can make your life decisions.
You reap what you sow.
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By *og-Man OP Man 12 weeks ago
somewhere |
Mortgage (17.25%) like most people that got married in the late 80's or early 90's
I was fixed at 10% so missed the currency crisis however in those days most mortgages were between 30 and 50 grand |
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Can't he get the "head space" where he is?
One thing you could do to help is just talk about the whole situation less. Give him whatever independence is practical and trust that he'll sort things out in his own time. |
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"Btw, I didn't initially charge my son anything until he had a secure job, within a month of telling him he needed to contribute to utilities he found somewhere else to live !!
Great idea
I don't think we do our kids any favour by not making them pay their way, they end up stuck at home resenting you because you are essentially facilitating a lifestyle they can't afford if they move out."
If they do pay their way on a monthly basis and it’s all above board, the bank can use this to show repayment capacity on a mortgage they apply for. |
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I was 24 when I bought my house and worked two jobs at the time. Two kids by 30. Your 20s are the time to front load where possible. I understand it was easier then and even easier 5 or 10 years before I bought. Timing is crucial in the property/mortgage cycle.
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"Btw, I didn't initially charge my son anything until he had a secure job, within a month of telling him he needed to contribute to utilities he found somewhere else to live !!
Great idea
I don't think we do our kids any favour by not making them pay their way, they end up stuck at home resenting you because you are essentially facilitating a lifestyle they can't afford if they move out.
If they do pay their way on a monthly basis and it’s all above board, the bank can use this to show repayment capacity on a mortgage they apply for. "
This is interesting. I thought the banks didn't take this kind of thing as proof of repayment capacity. They certainly don't take rent as proof of this |
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"Btw, I didn't initially charge my son anything until he had a secure job, within a month of telling him he needed to contribute to utilities he found somewhere else to live !!
Great idea
I don't think we do our kids any favour by not making them pay their way, they end up stuck at home resenting you because you are essentially facilitating a lifestyle they can't afford if they move out.
If they do pay their way on a monthly basis and it’s all above board, the bank can use this to show repayment capacity on a mortgage they apply for.
This is interesting. I thought the banks didn't take this kind of thing as proof of repayment capacity. They certainly don't take rent as proof of this "
They took it into account for me anyway. So I had about a 40/60 split between savings and contributions at home and they used this as proof of repayment capacity. Will this work for everyone I’ve no idea but it does work for some people |
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Although I have myself fallen for the cycle of owning a property and mortgage and that kinda stuff…
But is it a social construct that a person needs to own a property, move out for independence, marry, have kids by a certain age. And then find themselves lonely not surrounded by family after a certain age. I think if all parties are happy together and the space is plenty, then ……… |
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"Btw, I didn't initially charge my son anything until he had a secure job, within a month of telling him he needed to contribute to utilities he found somewhere else to live !!
Great idea
I don't think we do our kids any favour by not making them pay their way, they end up stuck at home resenting you because you are essentially facilitating a lifestyle they can't afford if they move out.
If they do pay their way on a monthly basis and it’s all above board, the bank can use this to show repayment capacity on a mortgage they apply for.
This is interesting. I thought the banks didn't take this kind of thing as proof of repayment capacity. They certainly don't take rent as proof of this
They took it into account for me anyway. So I had about a 40/60 split between savings and contributions at home and they used this as proof of repayment capacity. Will this work for everyone I’ve no idea but it does work for some people "
I was told by the bank that I needed to show evidence of savings for the the mortgage amount in addition to living costs. This was a few years back. I always thought it was an unfair way of calculating ability to pay. Hopefully it's different now |
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I moved home the year before Covid after living away for nearly 20 years but was only meant for the year get myself sorted
Still there and parents are older now so I’m helping everyone aswell as working! I don’t think I could move! The costs are wild I think I’d prefer to save an buy |
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"
*....."I know that some may not agree with this but your 20’s is not designed to be a period of heavy saving and regulated expenditure, there needs to be an element of being able to enjoy life also".......*
Married and bought first house in my early 20's (with no help from the bank of mom and dad, they were stretched rearing their other 7 children). Mortgage (17.25%) and 3 kids by 30, same as my brothers and sisters and most of my age group at that time.
My own kids have repeated the process in recent years.
Only you can make your life decisions.
You reap what you sow.
"
It’s very easy to apply the same logic that worked in the economy 50 odd years ago to today’s climate, but unfortunately it’s not a like for like comparison. There’s a lot of other factors too like where you’re based geographically, marital status, income etcetera
While it is is admirable what you achieved and your kids went on to achieve, the change in the economy even in the last 4 years (since Covid) does not make it a buyers market, a certainly not for people in their early/ mid 20’s. The average age of first time home buyers is now 35 years old, with the average housing price in Dublin anyway being approximately €400,000
It’s a bit reductive to still give the argument ‘ well I was able to do it 50 years ago so kids these days should be able to aswell!’ If it were that simple we wouldn’t be in a housing crisis
While 17.25% is a very steep interest rate, the total mortgage amount was way lower as stated by another poster, and the gap between average income and average mortgage was much lower meaning it could be repaid quicker meaning you’ll have a lower total cost of the loan  |
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I don't know what it depends on, maybe also strong will and determination. Young Irish people really have great possibilities. I will refer to my example, I came to Ireland with one bag in my hand, 1000e in my pocket, not knowing English and not a single person.... After 5 years... I have a mortgage and my own dream house. |
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