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How did you get started?
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I’ve been browsing the site for good a while now and something I don’t see much on the forum is people talking about how they decided to try out the lifestyle. Would anyone be willing to share some of their story? I’m mostly curious about couples perspectives, since I’m married and it’s something my wife and I have talked about a few times (for the record I don’t engage in nor seek meets).
Things I’m curious to hear would be stuff like: how did the topic come up, what kind of conversations did you have beforehand, has it lived up to your expectations, how has it benefited/harmed your relationship(s) etc.
Also, feel free to ask me some questions if that makes you more comfortable opening up - two way street and all that. |
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A freind of mine told me about it after 3 years of knowing him. He kept it quiet. So I decided to have a look . Had a few meets but to be honest it hasn't really inspired me to much so far. But being a single guy I know its difficult and I don't have a lot of free time to get to the socials. But I will keep my hopes up.
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The lifestyle I was first in it back in 2002 for a couple of years. I met a guy and we were both young, interested in swinging, found a girl with both liked and had some fun with her. The relationship fizzled out and I joined a website that had casual as part of the options. There were chat rooms and people used to chat and arrange things together. I can't remember the name of it now but it was a legitimate 'dating' website that people used for swinging. Then I discovered S 4 I - and spent some time on it. Swinging was so underground - I used to go to the 'hotspots' in Cork with friends where there rumours of being able meet people but it wasn't as organised as easy to access as it is now.
Several monogamous, vanilla relationships later I was approached by a guy on Instagram in 2022, just after I split from my ex. He was married - in an open relationship and then told me about this site. I spent most of the first year one to ones until I ventured into socials, parties.
This time round I am not venturing into the bigger scene and prefer smaller ones for lots of reasons - the Cork/Southern scene is definitely the pick of where I like to be but live too far away to be a regular. I've gone full circle with my 'scene' adventures! Lol |
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Thanks for the replies everyone, especially Samantha for the very detailed answer.
I’m still left wondering: how does a couple know/feel that they are ready to try this out?
For instance, in my case my wife and I have been together over a decade. Neither of us had much experience in prior relationships (we were both late bloomers), and after such a long time together we’ve realised that there’s a lot that’s been left on the table because of that.
We’re friends with a couple who opened their relationship. That led to a throuple situation for a little while. Eventually though, their primary relationship collapsed after 15 years together. To be fair, there was infidelity involved before they made things more open, and it does seem like they used it as a last ditch effort to salvage their relationship, which is famous for not working, so maybe the result isn’t surprising.
My wife and I have a very strong relationship, but the sexual component of it is where we are least compatible. Opening the bedroom could be a way to enhance that dimension of our relationship, or it could torpedo it like it did to our friends. Our situation isn’t the same as theirs: we’re definitely not on the ropes. With that said, it does feel like something’s missing in our relationship.
Also, while I’m the person on here now, it was actually my wife who floated the idea of opening things up - not very often, but more than once over the years. We always discussed it as a hypothetical - I had always presumed we’d stay monogamous, that opening things up was way too dangerous to attempt. However, as time goes by and we’ve survived more hardships together, I’m beginning to think that we could experiment at some point down the line.
Would love to hear from people who are/have been in a similar boat. Also, if you managed to read all that without falling asleep, thanks  |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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Lol we were spiceing things up with porn and browsing categories. We both really enjoyed watching Threesomes, Group Sex, Gangbangs and Bukakka eventually it got to the point where we decided to take it a step further and try a threesome. We definitely go hot and cold on here and the scene now and then but it's definitely not something we regret and we tend to always come back to it at some point! |
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Been bi curious (mrs) for a long time and when we would watch porn it would be lesbian or bi related and discussed what it would be like, Mr was fully supportive of me trying (I wonder why lol)
We ended up finding a Facebook group that was when we got told about fab and how it could help me find out more about how curious I really was.
Everything else we've tried has just been a build on from that
Mrs Gs |
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"My wife passed away and with having kids I didn't want a relationship so decided to give this a try
Hope you find what you're looking for."
In reality I have very low expectations here..just browse the forums and send the odd message here and there..but thank you |
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My advice would be to go slow and keep talking about each stage and how it feels. I have very few negative experiences and been in the lifestyle 20+ years with my hubby.
I brought him into this world although we have far exceeded anything I had done previously.
We're both pretty kinky and just talk loads about our fantasises.... some we make happen and others are just for our heads.
Good luck, your doing the right thing asking questions and looking for feedback.
I would suggest getting to some socials...to wet the appetite  |
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Thanks again folks. It will be quite a long time (if ever) that we take this step. We’re definitely not ready yet for multiple reasons that I won’t go into here, but when (or maybe if) things settle down in our lives I have some ideas of where to begin. |
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"I’ve been browsing the site for good a while now and something I don’t see much on the forum is people talking about how they decided to try out the lifestyle. Would anyone be willing to share some of their story? I’m mostly curious about couples perspectives, since I’m married and it’s something my wife and I have talked about a few times (for the record I don’t engage in nor seek meets).
Things I’m curious to hear would be stuff like: how did the topic come up, what kind of conversations did you have beforehand, has it lived up to your expectations, how has it benefited/harmed your relationship(s) etc.
Also, feel free to ask me some questions if that makes you more comfortable opening up - two way street and all that."
I (Mrs) was always open to the idea of swinging/open relationship, even before meeting hubby. My sex drive isn't huge, what I'm interested in is the freedom to explore different scenarios with like-minded people. The social side is an added extra that we were pleasantly surprised by.
Anyway, we're married 20 years and discussed it many times over many years until we realised it was now or never and booked a weekend in Amsterdam to visit Fata Morgana. I was absolutely terrified walking in there, but it was our turning point. We're swinging almost 5 years now with mostly good experiences but with challenges too of course. Compromise must happen for every couple because ultimately you are looking for slightly different things. Would you be able to handle the fact that she will get more attention than you? Only very strong relationships can swing successfully.
I can understand her fear. Maybe suggest going abroad to a club, to experience the scene in a safe place where you won't bump into Mary and John down the road. A trip like that will answer a lot of your questions.
Failing that, would she agree to an open marriage to give you the freedom to explore yourself? Some wives can be surprisingly agreeable to this when their own libido is low.
Good luck  |
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I was looking on Reddit for another girl to join me and my fwb at the time, and a lovely hot lady told me about this site. The couples profile didn't got any traction, plus me and the Feb parted ways due to big distance, once I got my single profile , things started to get traction and I've meet loads of lovely people along the way |
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I had inclinations for dressing but wanted whole lot makeup painted nails,toes too.I found a dresser for T girls on Internet in.2017.She recommended Fabswingers.Srill dressing and loving it .Go clubbing and for lunch too |
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We are a new to each other couple, he has a past relationship in swinging, she doesn't but is interested in ethical non-monogamy. We are both kink community which is how we met (at a munch).
Just enjoying exploring at the moment. It hasn't been easy as jealousy and insecurity, body image, fears of being replaced yada yada (but bear in mind we only started dating 10 months ago, we are still getting to know each other) but have found a route to ENM through both being bisexual, so concentrating on that side. |
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For me I was part of the fetish community and a swinger club In Ireland approached me about doing kink shows at there events, like most back then in the fetish community I would have looked down on most swingers (even the kinky ones) as being pretty vanilla and lightweight, those first few shows opened my eyes, the crazy shit they got up to expecially when I shared showing them rope and impact would put most on the bdsm scene to shame, and the openness of it all was a breath of fresh air, show after show I made more friends and started getting invited to more clubs and party’s and the rest as they say is history |
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It has never been a lifestyle choice for me. I look at it as more of a hobby.
I had very little sexual experience at the age of 50 and had a couple of life changing and life affirming experiences at that age which made me want to explore more but only on my terms and not like a kid in a sweet shop.
It took another 2 years before I found fab and signed up aged 52 and promptly left again 8 weeks later after a horrible first meet experience.
This is my 4th profile but the one which has lasted the longest (almost 5 years now) and I have learned a little more about myself with each profile.
None of my meets have involved swinging and have all been one to one including a party I was invited to where I didn't play with anyone apart from the woman I went with.
I'm not a big fan of the social scene either and much prefer to have one to one socials where I'm not competing with the sound system to be heard.
Based on all that I can safely say like many others on fab that I'm not a swinger and never will be but I make no apologies for that or my reasons for being here. |
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I was on a stag party in Cork about 15 years ago and met a girl from Cork there. Not much happened over that weekend but we swapped numbers and through texting we met up a few times and it soon became clear she was kinky and encourage my kinky side. She mentioned this site so I signed up. I'd say she managed to leave the place for good while I keep coming back. |
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Interesting to read that there’s so much going on in Cork. Moved to the county a few yrs ago so would love to link in with the lifestyle community.
Like many posters, my wife and I have often discussed various kinks, most frequently soft swing or something more public. Or maybe her having a bi experience. Think it might still take a few nudges for it to actually happen. |
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This is a conversation we love to have with others from here when we meet face to face! Our story is fairly unremarkable, but we've heard some crackers! And the story since we joined is pretty enjoyable too 😉 |
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By (user no longer on site) 8 weeks ago
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Was told about this joint by a lady from Belfast,am not a Swinger by any stretch of the imagination, l just love Sex & to me it's the ultimate feeling between people & here is some sense of freedom simply because you have people on the same wavelength. |
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