This will probably get deleted and I will get a ban - but it's an important topic.
Stealthing is wrong -
I won't go into detail why this is on my mind right now but I do want to raise awareness to others u are not alone. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By *panishRebelMan 32 weeks ago
Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland |
"This will probably get deleted and I will get a ban - but it's an important topic.
Stealthing is wrong -
I won't go into detail why this is on my mind right now but I do want to raise awareness to others u are not alone. "
What is Stealthing?
And why do you thinks it's wrong?
And why would it be a taboo topic for the forum moderators?
Please forgive my ignorance. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"This will probably get deleted and I will get a ban - but it's an important topic.
Stealthing is wrong -
I won't go into detail why this is on my mind right now but I do want to raise awareness to others u are not alone.
What is Stealthing?
And why do you thinks it's wrong?
And why would it be a taboo topic for the forum moderators?
Please forgive my ignorance."
Agreeing to protected sex and then removing the protection without consent |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"This will probably get deleted and I will get a ban - but it's an important topic.
Stealthing is wrong -
I won't go into detail why this is on my mind right now but I do want to raise awareness to others u are not alone.
What is Stealthing?
And why do you thinks it's wrong?
And why would it be a taboo topic for the forum moderators?
Please forgive my ignorance.
Agreeing to protected sex and then removing the protection without consent"
Yes |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Did I see a headline recently, that someone was convicted for this very thing? Maybe it was in the UK, I can’t recall. But I think it constitutes a crime since it wasn’t consented to. "
In the UK yes |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *panishRebelMan 32 weeks ago
Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland |
"This will probably get deleted and I will get a ban - but it's an important topic.
Stealthing is wrong -
I won't go into detail why this is on my mind right now but I do want to raise awareness to others u are not alone.
What is Stealthing?
And why do you thinks it's wrong?
And why would it be a taboo topic for the forum moderators?
Please forgive my ignorance.
Agreeing to protected sex and then removing the protection without consent"
Oh fuck.
That's messed up.
Yeah.
I've had to stop where a condom is not fitting right before. The reason I stopped was because I lost a condom inside once. This was accidental. But I have been mortified ever since. Buying the right ones is now my thing.
To do this deliberately, deviously in a premeditated manner is an act of..... (hesitant to actually type this but).... violence.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"This will probably get deleted and I will get a ban - but it's an important topic.
Stealthing is wrong -
I won't go into detail why this is on my mind right now but I do want to raise awareness to others u are not alone.
What is Stealthing?
And why do you thinks it's wrong?
And why would it be a taboo topic for the forum moderators?
Please forgive my ignorance.
Agreeing to protected sex and then removing the protection without consent
Oh fuck.
That's messed up.
Yeah.
I've had to stop where a condom is not fitting right before. The reason I stopped was because I lost a condom inside once. This was accidental. But I have been mortified ever since. Buying the right ones is now my thing.
To do this deliberately, deviously in a premeditated manner is an act of..... (hesitant to actually type this but).... violence.
"
Yes it is - very much so
Accidental is one thing - continuing 'in an act of passion' without recognising that the other person hasn't agreed or is actually just frozen in fear is another. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It is a crime and it is 100% that word that Fab hates.
Awareness is increasing and more are being convicted of it and that hopefully decreases the amount of it going on. However most go unreported. Taking your case to the relevant authority is a trial of your character by itself. You need the strength and mental capacity to see it through and even then conviction is unlikely
Vics(F) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
To be clear yes it has happened to me but just by one person the one time - yes they are on fab we were only briefly in contact - not anymore and unlikely to be again.
I never reported them because it wasn’t something I could acknowledge at the time. A more recent event including the UK conviction changed that.
I won’t name and shame - truth is I can’t actually remember and their details were on my old, now deleted account.
I now understand why it doesn’t get reported - there’s undeniable shame and confusion that can surround it - many historical situations lead people to freeze - I am one of those.
Consent - you need a yes- an explicit yes. Not hearing no is not a yes.
We also need people to stand up beside us and not try to knock us down - disbelieve us just because they think they know someone better or longer. I shamedly did that until I spoke directly to a recent victim and have apologised profusely.
To others out there - you are not alone. I speak freely about stuff that has happened to me- others can’t and shouldn’t feel they have to - I do it because in the moments I lost/lose my voice and it becomes something I need and can’t but talk about.
Again which ever version you are - you are not alone and your reactions and feelings are valid. It does not make what happened to you any less than someone else’s experience.
I have lost many people I thought were friends here in the past. Hopefully this message will explain some of the reasons why - I don’t particularly want contact with people who deny situations and make people feel they can’t speak up. I am so very sorry to one the person not on here that I did that too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"That's a very low and dirty act by anyone.Had heard of the case in UK. The guy was convicted and rightly so. Not sure of his sentence though."
5 years but only 2.5 years in prison.
He was an officer- a person of trust employed to uphold the law. Book should have been thrown at him.
Just typical - look at the soldier in Limerick - no custodial sentence and allowed to walk free. Not the same crime but still assault.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
Consent - you need a yes- an explicit yes. Not hearing no is not a yes.
"
I completely agree. When I started my current relationship 8 months ago and it was something he was keen to do to be a Fab couple, my gut was what about Stealthing. So if I'm in a group, maybe going down on someone...will some guy be behind me lubing up to enter me without asking? And how could I be sure he was wearing a condom. Even with a condom that's assault at least. Without the condom it's that r word.
I'm assured by multiple people that doesn't happen and I haven't been in that situation either.
I have found that I dont like grabby hands. I have it in my profile now. Men just sticking their hands on my body without asking. It takes 2 seconds to ask. Just ask! I ask before I touch them.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
Consent - you need a yes- an explicit yes. Not hearing no is not a yes.
I completely agree. When I started my current relationship 8 months ago and it was something he was keen to do to be a Fab couple, my gut was what about Stealthing. So if I'm in a group, maybe going down on someone...will some guy be behind me lubing up to enter me without asking? And how could I be sure he was wearing a condom. Even with a condom that's assault at least. Without the condom it's that r word.
I'm assured by multiple people that doesn't happen and I haven't been in that situation either.
I have found that I dont like grabby hands. I have it in my profile now. Men just sticking their hands on my body without asking. It takes 2 seconds to ask. Just ask! I ask before I touch them.
"
I would say group sessions do tend to be well monitored. I would actually agree there but that's not to say stuff doesn't happen. When it does there are incidents where people brush it under the carpets at don't it association with their events - then there are the decent organisers who stand by a person and hold your hand while you decide what to do next.
I have witnessed both sides of the coin and know which any of us would prefer. You get smart to who is properly safety concious. I don't associate with the sachrin safety conscious anymore. I found so far in the kink side because there's an added layer consent and asking is a lot more normalised. Much prefer it. I'm only back on here to compliment that part of my journey and so far it's been very cathartic. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Yupe did not know what it ment till I read people's replies.
But yeah does not take a genius to figure out it's sexual assault. "
Yes it is. Unfortunately certain guys when you get into that situation think throws of passion are a good enough excuse to do a dirty dip or to 'just slip it in for a bit"
When you are essentially hald down and don't know a person's reaction capacity well enough, or you are in a seni public place and feelnlikr you don't want to draw attention - kill people's buzz - it becomes problematic that guys would even try this. They get away with it. It is assault. It has left me very anxious. I question myself and my own responses daily to the extent I haven't actually met up with anyone 'new' since.
You blame yourself- why didn't I say no? (Even though it was discussed). Why didn't I push him off, why didn't I tell someone after, was it my fault?
It's horrendous. I had put it to the back of my consciousness but like everything bottled up it isn't possible to do that forever.
In keeping this post active hopefully it will raise awareness. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
I found so far in the kink side because there's an added layer consent and asking is a lot more normalised. Much prefer it. I'm only back on here to compliment that part of my journey and so far it's been very cathartic. "
I am the same, I was initially attracted by the advanced level of communication, negotiation, consent and validation in Kink. I prefer that space to this, however it has a tendency to be not sexual enough, hence I am here. I'm am same name.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
Stealthing...the other days round!
Unbelievable. 