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By *astello OP Woman 24 weeks ago
Far far away |
Am l needy?
Or are you too needy?
When there is mutual attraction, is it not needy anymore..
Needy =constant reinforcement of other person by various communications. Instant responses.
Petulant behaviour and passive aggressive responses when not acknowledged.
Discuss...is needy or fab neediness...
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Difficult I think to recognise "needy" in ourselves. It is probably something others are more likely to identify in our behaviour.
The need for intimacy, affirmation, gratification, feeling of self worth are all part of the human condition.
It is only if the need is constantly being expressed that it may become an annoying problem for others.
If ones desire is matched by that of another then it can lead to joy and fulfillment.
If it is unmatched then it will most likely be seen as being "needy". |
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Needy is a problem when it negatively effects the partner. Needyness from one partner can be so focussed that the needs of the other partner can be neglected. This can be worsened when the needy partner is unable to see the effect that the needyness has on their partner, or is unable to change their behaviour even though they can see that it is detrimental to their partner. |
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Fab neediness is more overt.
It can be seen in some threads or patterns of forum posting but a truer version is found in messaging.
Attention, validation and related anger are all some of the downsides of fab and for some it can be a relentless cycle with the need for validation fueling anger if they perceive someone else getting what they need.
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Is it co-dependency? There are the needy and the aloof.
I like the way people share their communication styles (on tinder for example). Providing guidance as to how someone likes to communicate. Lots of texty correspondence or v little. Doesn't mean either is better, just knowing what to expect.
I personally quite like a texter, I like regular interaction, but I think a lot of other people don't like any pressure to interact. I can see both sides.
If you are constantly bombarded with messages, from WhatsApp groups and work etc, you might not want too many pointless check ins.
Some like texty ping pong, others don't. |
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By *eordie.Woman 24 weeks ago
The Sticks |
"I'm not for the needy, I'm too inconsistent with my communication apparently 
•
Indeed. I'm still licking my wounds and picking up the shattered pieces of my porcelain heart, no thanks to you.
"
sorry   |
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By *astello OP Woman 24 weeks ago
Far far away |
"Difficult I think to recognise "needy" in ourselves. It is probably something others are more likely to identify in our behaviour.
The need for intimacy, affirmation, gratification, feeling of self worth are all part of the human condition.
It is only if the need is constantly being expressed that it may become an annoying problem for others.
If ones desire is matched by that of another then it can lead to joy and fulfillment.
If it is unmatched then it will most likely be seen as being "needy"."
Absolutely..when it's matched, it's welcomed. But depending on the recipient it can be overpowering. |
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By *astello OP Woman 24 weeks ago
Far far away |
"Is it co-dependency? There are the needy and the aloof.
I like the way people share their communication styles (on tinder for example). Providing guidance as to how someone likes to communicate. Lots of texty correspondence or v little. Doesn't mean either is better, just knowing what to expect.
I personally quite like a texter, I like regular interaction, but I think a lot of other people don't like any pressure to interact. I can see both sides.
If you are constantly bombarded with messages, from WhatsApp groups and work etc, you might not want too many pointless check ins.
Some like texty ping pong, others don't. "
Good point understanding each others communication style is critical. For me, l prefer conversation to textual ping pong, but of course that depends on the others comfort zone. |
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By *astello OP Woman 24 weeks ago
Far far away |
"Fab neediness is more overt.
It can be seen in some threads or patterns of forum posting but a truer version is found in messaging.
Attention, validation and related anger are all some of the downsides of fab and for some it can be a relentless cycle with the need for validation fueling anger if they perceive someone else getting what they need.
"
Good observation on fab neediness. A person's own value of themselves but also being validated by those they care about may reduce the constant need for validation for anonymous strangers. |
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I'm absolutely useless at keeping up conversations, and I can't juggle multiple conversations. Constant check ins from people other than my mother, children and close friends freak me out. Even if I'd established that I was going to meet someone and a date set, I'm grand with the bare minimum communication from them, and it's pretty much all I give.
So no, I don't think I'm remotely needy. I'd not say I was aloof either, more that I'm odd and awkward AF with social interactions. |
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By *om TangoMan 24 weeks ago
aughnacloy monaghan area |
"Am l needy?
Or are you too needy?
When there is mutual attraction, is it not needy anymore..
Needy =constant reinforcement of other person by various communications. Instant responses.
Petulant behaviour and passive aggressive responses when not acknowledged.
Discuss...is needy or fab neediness...
"
Don’t take this personally but I’d run a mile from a person like that. Major red flags above. I’m a free spirited person and certainly do not want to be answerable to anyone like above. |
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By *astello OP Woman 24 weeks ago
Far far away |
"Am l needy?
Or are you too needy?
When there is mutual attraction, is it not needy anymore..
Needy =constant reinforcement of other person by various communications. Instant responses.
Petulant behaviour and passive aggressive responses when not acknowledged.
Discuss...is needy or fab neediness...
Don’t take this personally but I’d run a mile from a person like that. Major red flags above. I’m a free spirited person and certainly do not want to be answerable to anyone like above. "
I'm not taking it personally..atall atall.... what's your number, where you live, l will find you.....
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"Is it co-dependency? There are the needy and the aloof.
I like the way people share their communication styles (on tinder for example). Providing guidance as to how someone likes to communicate. Lots of texty correspondence or v little. Doesn't mean either is better, just knowing what to expect.
I personally quite like a texter, I like regular interaction, but I think a lot of other people don't like any pressure to interact. I can see both sides.
If you are constantly bombarded with messages, from WhatsApp groups and work etc, you might not want too many pointless check ins.
Some like texty ping pong, others don't. "
Yep, all of this.
I'm a texter. I feel like I must often come across as needy/desperate to people I'm messaging who prefer not to text, or certainly not as frequently as I do. And depending on my mood on any given day I can take a non-response as rejection.
Jesus, at 53 years of age wouldn't you think I could handle this shit better????
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By *aseylee324Couple 24 weeks ago
Valley of Squinting Windows |
There's few things I find more irritating than constant demands for my attention. On the positive side, people needing validation are going to move elsewhere pretty quickly, it's a win for everyone  |
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By *eordie.Woman 24 weeks ago
The Sticks |
"There's few things I find more irritating than constant demands for my attention. On the positive side, people needing validation are going to move elsewhere pretty quickly, it's a win for everyone "
As usual, I concur |
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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago
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As a couple zero neediness. Don't row or fight as both of us just communicate effectively all the time. I've learnt to have my own voice in here, like me don't like me that's a you problem! I just add up what I feel like in my groups or not! My life my choice. |
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I don't know if needy and passive aggressive/petulant always go hand in hand.
One persons needy is another's enthusiasm.
These days I don't have a lot of bandwidth for messaging and sometimes I have to catch myself for mistaking enthusiasm for neediness and having a negative reaction. And it's much nicer to look on the positive side.
If I'm in regular communication with someone I'll try to say early on that I'm not a huge texter.
I also just stopped getting into things I know I don't have the time or energy to sustain.
The upshot is that if I do get chatting to someone its because I know I genuinely want to meet them and I'm not just shooting the breeze or enjoying a passing distraction.
I wonder if part of that is just the Fab bell curve of excitement and enthusiasm levelling out once my own needs and desires are more clear to me. |
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Online e personality and communication rarely transform to be the same In reality, most people are very brave online whether it be positive or negative.
Can not beat real live in person conversation.
Online platform communication I take with a pinch of salt
Luther |
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By *eordie.Woman 24 weeks ago
The Sticks |
"Online e personality and communication rarely transform to be the same In reality, most people are very brave online whether it be positive or negative.
Can not beat real live in person conversation.
Online platform communication I take with a pinch of salt
Luther"
 Exactly why I have little time for online chat
You get the best of me in person so I'm not going to waste time back and forth here with another version |
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I like to be able to sustain friendships and relationships (IRL) in a way that doesn't become reliant on always checking in with them and demanding they do the same. It doesn't make me less caring or loving in those relationships.
Clear communication solves a multitude. I've no problem in telling people I'm taking a break from the phone for a few days, if that's what I feel I need. The reactions has always been positive. I'm not sure how I would handle someone being annoyed at me for "not being there" all the time.
Regarding fab, bread crumbing doesn't sit well with me, but it becomes very clear after a while that it's happening regarding texting.
Love bombing can lead to neediness I think. The rub of the ego, you're beautiful, your photos are unbelievable etc. I'm cautious of those that lay that on thick.
Do I like attention? You're damn sure. Does it make me lose my shit when I don't get it? No. |
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"I like to be able to sustain friendships and relationships (IRL) in a way that doesn't become reliant on always checking in with them and demanding they do the same. It doesn't make me less caring or loving in those relationships.
Clear communication solves a multitude. I've no problem in telling people I'm taking a break from the phone for a few days, if that's what I feel I need. The reactions has always been positive. I'm not sure how I would handle someone being annoyed at me for "not being there" all the time.
Regarding fab, bread crumbing doesn't sit well with me, but it becomes very clear after a while that it's happening regarding texting.
Love bombing can lead to neediness I think. The rub of the ego, you're beautiful, your photos are unbelievable etc. I'm cautious of those that lay that on thick.
Do I like attention? You're damn sure. Does it make me lose my shit when I don't get it? No."
Well said |
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By *ustBoWoman 24 weeks ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
Fecking hell who has the time for neediness and all the drama that goes with it. I guess I'm too lazy to be needy or to need constant attention especially on here.
Which probably coming to think about it,is a good thing. |
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"Fecking hell who has the time for neediness and all the drama that goes with it. I guess I'm too lazy to be needy or to need constant attention especially on here.
Which probably coming to think about it,is a good thing. "
•
I have the time and inclination for the neediness, my genteel flower, I have none for the drama. I need lovers, not thespians! |
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By *ustBoWoman 24 weeks ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"Fecking hell who has the time for neediness and all the drama that goes with it. I guess I'm too lazy to be needy or to need constant attention especially on here.
Which probably coming to think about it,is a good thing.
•
I have the time and inclination for the neediness, my genteel flower, I have none for the drama. I need lovers, not thespians!"
Swoon
Feck maybe I am needy after all |
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"Fecking hell who has the time for neediness and all the drama that goes with it. I guess I'm too lazy to be needy or to need constant attention especially on here.
Which probably coming to think about it,is a good thing.
•
I have the time and inclination for the neediness, my genteel flower, I have none for the drama. I need lovers, not thespians!"
Is a dramatic lover a lespian? |
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By *ustBoWoman 24 weeks ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"Fecking hell who has the time for neediness and all the drama that goes with it. I guess I'm too lazy to be needy or to need constant attention especially on here.
Which probably coming to think about it,is a good thing.
•
I have the time and inclination for the neediness, my genteel flower, I have none for the drama. I need lovers, not thespians!
Is a dramatic lover a lespian? "
Stop confusing things you |
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"Fecking hell who has the time for neediness and all the drama that goes with it. I guess I'm too lazy to be needy or to need constant attention especially on here.
Which probably coming to think about it,is a good thing.
•
I have the time and inclination for the neediness, my genteel flower, I have none for the drama. I need lovers, not thespians!
Is a dramatic lover a lespian?
Stop confusing things you "
I'm just giving him a heads up |
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By *ustBoWoman 24 weeks ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"Fecking hell who has the time for neediness and all the drama that goes with it. I guess I'm too lazy to be needy or to need constant attention especially on here.
Which probably coming to think about it,is a good thing.
•
I have the time and inclination for the neediness, my genteel flower, I have none for the drama. I need lovers, not thespians!
Is a dramatic lover a lespian?
Stop confusing things you
I'm just giving him a heads up "
|
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"Is it co-dependency? There are the needy and the aloof.
I like the way people share their communication styles (on tinder for example). Providing guidance as to how someone likes to communicate. Lots of texty correspondence or v little. Doesn't mean either is better, just knowing what to expect.
I personally quite like a texter, I like regular interaction, but I think a lot of other people don't like any pressure to interact. I can see both sides.
If you are constantly bombarded with messages, from WhatsApp groups and work etc, you might not want too many pointless check ins.
Some like texty ping pong, others don't.
Yep, all of this.
I'm a texter. I feel like I must often come across as needy/desperate to people I'm messaging who prefer not to text, or certainly not as frequently as I do. And depending on my mood on any given day I can take a non-response as rejection.
Jesus, at 53 years of age wouldn't you think I could handle this shit better????
"
Just to clarify.. I'm not actually needy, I fear I may appear it at times though.
I am, however, an over-thinker of epic proportions |
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"Fecking hell who has the time for neediness and all the drama that goes with it. I guess I'm too lazy to be needy or to need constant attention especially on here.
Which probably coming to think about it,is a good thing.
•
I have the time and inclination for the neediness, my genteel flower, I have none for the drama. I need lovers, not thespians!
Is a dramatic lover a lespian?
Stop confusing things you
I'm just giving him a heads up "
•
Hush, Mr Bites! You're derailing my woo'ing. She was near-malleable in the palm of my theatrical hands! |
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By *astello OP Woman 24 weeks ago
Far far away |
"Online e personality and communication rarely transform to be the same In reality, most people are very brave online whether it be positive or negative.
Can not beat real live in person conversation.
Online platform communication I take with a pinch of salt
Luther"
Yes, virtual worlds and real life can be radically different. As much as fab life and real life. |
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