FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Married Cheater
Married Cheater
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Alright, here goes I’m treating this like a confession. I’m pretty sure ur reactions will be super negative so I won’t dress it up:- I’m the worst kind of person. The one you all hate and want nothing to do with. I’ve used this site to cheat. I’ve lied to people in rl and on here to make it happen. At first it was tough. Both personally and with the site itself. Single guys don’t get anywhere fast as everyone knows. But then I figured out a way of doing things and it worked. I’ve had quite a few encounters. They’ve been fun and eye-opening. I’ve got a lot out of it
I don’t say any of this as a humble brag. I’m actually really sad. So I should be you say,, and ashamed. I know!
So, why did I do it?
The main reason was validation. I’m attractive enough, with a strong body that gets some attention. I’m getting older, and I wanted to make the most of it and let others enjoy it too. The second reason was experience. There were things I hadn’t tried, like threesomes. Now I have. Then there was curiosity. I wondered if I was missing out on something better than my usual experiences.
My partner would be devastated if she knew. This is all completely off her radar. I do regret that a lot but I also felt a strong need to do it. That won out. That doesn’t make it right, I know, but it was what happened. I’ve been careful with sexual health, using protection and getting tested. Again, I know that doesn’t make it okay, just a little less risky.
Unfortunately and this is the really sad part I’ve met some really nice people. People I’d love to stay connected with but I can’t because I wasn’t honest at any point to anyone. I’ve hurt people too unintentionally leading them on at times and ghosting when I couldn’t keep up the lie.
I’m sharing this to give a glimpse of the other side, to show you what people like me are thinking. I know it’s hard to understand why someone would do something so awful. |
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I completely understand the reasons why you and others do this. Unfortunately you needed to trample on other people in order to do it. Some will weigh up that equation and decide not to hurt others, some will weigh it up and decide that their pleasure and experiences are more important to them than the effect it will have on other people. Everyone has to make their own choices and live with the consequences. |
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By *imis3Woman 24 weeks ago
Dublin |
Not condemning or condoning you OP. Understandably you feel guilty for cheating on your partner. You say the reason for your post is to confess and explain why 'people like you' come on here and tell lies to get meets. Fair dues.
I'm wondering what else might be the reason(s)?
Is it to apologise to someone you slept with and who has blocked you now ?
Is it to try to meet them again ?
Do you plan on continue sleeping with people outside your relationship ? or have you sated your feeling of missing out now ?
I ask these questions to better understand 'people like you' as you yourself put it. BTW, I don't judge you because non of us are perfect moral pillars, possibly not even those that will likely jump on the condemnation bandwagon when it rocks up here.
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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago
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Don’t beat yourself up over this. This is a swing site, not a Religious site. Guaranteed not one person here is in a position to judge anyone else. Maybe going forward if you decide to stay, make it clear in your profile that you are married. Maybe you could bring up swinging to you partner is passing and see what they say? Milly x |
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"Not condemning or condoning you OP. Understandably you feel guilty for cheating on your partner. You say the reason for your post is to confess and explain why 'people like you' come on here and tell lies to get meets. Fair dues.
I'm wondering what else might be the reason(s)?
Is it to apologise to someone you slept with and who has blocked you now ?
Is it to try to meet them again ?
Do you plan on continue sleeping with people outside your relationship ? or have you sated your feeling of missing out now ?
I ask these questions to better understand 'people like you' as you yourself put it. BTW, I don't judge you because non of us are perfect moral pillars, possibly not even those that will likely jump on the condemnation bandwagon when it rocks up here.
"
These are probably the actual reasons |
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Everyone has his/her own story, I don’t think people should judge you.
I did the same, then the guilty feeling, decided to tell her everything. She decided to don’t brake up, but something she told me that night made me understand that there were some reasons why I felt her more and more distant day by day. Of course, she asked me to stop fucking around and I did. I was hoping for a fresh start but things got worst, we become two strangers living under the same roof. I asked to have couple therapy, she refuse and she said “ I don’t have a problem, you have a problem”.
Then it was over.
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You are self absorbed.
Plenty of people wind down relationships that aren't sufficiently fulfilling.I ve lived through the fall out of seperating, the judgment, the financial stress, the single/co parenting.
When attached people try to drag unsuspecting people into their lies it pisses me off, and for you to describe (while in hiding) why your selfish choices are justified, well it's pretty galling.
If you want to only think of yourself, then be single. If you want an open relationship, discuss that with your significant other.
Your cheating affects more people than yourself. You are choosing to disrespect everyone you lie to. You use people, nasty. |
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By *astelloWoman 24 weeks ago
Far far away |
I admire your honesty on here and for accepting that lying causes enormous hurt.
No one can judge you but yourself and your actions. Many are in unfulfilled relationships, afraid to discuss their needs. Open discussion can however make or break a situation.
There is no one here than has the right to judge. That is yours alone.
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"I admire your honesty on here and for accepting that lying causes enormous hurt.
No one can judge you but yourself and your actions. Many are in unfulfilled relationships, afraid to discuss their needs. Open discussion can however make or break a situation.
There is no one here than has the right to judge. That is yours alone.
"
People do have the right to judge.
Some guy messaged me about him getting a dog to do a sex act on his ex girlfriend - animal abuse!! Judgey pantses are being hoiked up.
Cheating/calculated dishonesty and ghosting are also grounds for judgment. Not equivalent to animal abuse but also grounds for judgment.
There is no blanket rule that no one is allowed judge. Everyone judges, it has its place. If there was no judgment, there would be anarchy.
People understand relationships are nuanced, libidos and interests differ - still doesnt mean it's OK to lie to or use other people.
Anyway, it's all irrelevant, cheaters always get found out and judgments follow.
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"What you ll have now is all these single guys beating up in you, which they think will earn them brownie points making you look bad and them look good. Cant see that working."
Did you read the thread?
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At least had honest to open on here about it , people can have really good marriages/relationships the other person might’ve not in 3 sums or try something out of there comfort zone , no can really judge as way I look at most people keep there swinging lift very private |
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"What you ll have now is all these single guys beating up in you, which they think will earn them brownie points making you look bad and them look good. Cant see that working.
Did you read the thread?
I did. I admire his honesty and detect genuine remorse. I just genrrally on this site the see a rush from these fools potificating at these type of posts on moral values on a swingers site hoping to win some brownie points and maybe a get a ride out of it. I find it hilarious
"
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There are different types of cheaters. As a married couple who are very lucky to be on the same page, we would very much empathise with your situation.
Would you consider a counselling session (by yourself)? You both deserve happiness but doing this behind her back is not the way forward.
Wishing you good luck with it all. Mrs xx |
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"What you ll have now is all these single guys beating up in you, which they think will earn them brownie points making you look bad and them look good. Cant see that working.
Did you read the thread?
I did. I admire his honesty and detect genuine remorse. I just genrrally on this site the see a rush from these fools potificating at these type of posts on moral values on a swingers site hoping to win some brownie points and maybe a get a ride out of it. I find it hilarious
"
Ok, but the phenomenon you're describing didn't actually happen in the responses in this thread right? And you found that hilarious? |
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"What you ll have now is all these single guys beating up in you, which they think will earn them brownie points making you look bad and them look good. Cant see that working.
Did you read the thread?
I did. I admire his honesty and detect genuine remorse. I just genrrally on this site the see a rush from these fools potificating at these type of posts on moral values on a swingers site hoping to win some brownie points and maybe a get a ride out of it. I find it hilarious
Ok, but the phenomenon you're describing didn't actually happen in the responses in this thread right? And you found that hilarious? "
What does protificating mean??
There are affairs sites for people wanting unethical non monogamous connections. Swinging can be ethical, this guy is forcing his lack of ethics on others, that's the issue.
The big "confession", is not necessary. He could redirect that energy into having an honest discussion with his partner, and being honest with fab people.
What was the real goal of the confession? (I m a good, decent, cheat.....) I m not buying it. The big reveal - his reasons for cheating are pretty lame. |
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By *ergalMan 24 weeks ago
East Cork |
"What you ll have now is all these single guys beating up in you, which they think will earn them brownie points making you look bad and them look good. Cant see that working.
Did you read the thread?
I did. I admire his honesty and detect genuine remorse. I just genrrally on this site the see a rush from these fools potificating at these type of posts on moral values on a swingers site hoping to win some brownie points and maybe a get a ride out of it. I find it hilarious
Ok, but the phenomenon you're describing didn't actually happen in the responses in this thread right? And you found that hilarious?
What does protificating mean??
There are affairs sites for people wanting unethical non monogamous connections. Swinging can be ethical, this guy is forcing his lack of ethics on others, that's the issue.
The big "confession", is not necessary. He could redirect that energy into having an honest discussion with his partner, and being honest with fab people.
What was the real goal of the confession? (I m a good, decent, cheat.....) I m not buying it. The big reveal - his reasons for cheating are pretty lame. "
Presume they meant "pontificating"
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By *panishRebelMan 24 weeks ago
Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland |
A few simple things that strike me.
The reasons why anyone does anything are usually that the desire to do them is stronger than the desire not to. People say don't judge, but it seems your own inner self is judging you, leaving you with regret about hurt caused to others and secrets from your partner.
The thing I find that gets confused, is the difference between discernment (understanding) and judgement. When people say don't judge, they often mean just accept things. Personally I'd rather call a Spade, A Spade! What you did is what you did. Judgement is a sentence passed on what you did. That's generally not something any of us are entitled to give. But I do feel for your partner and those who you feel you've hurt.
Someone else questioned the reasons why you put the post up. I think they are valid questions.
I do believe it's an interesting perspective you have given. Regardless of how I may feel about it.
"Alright, here goes I’m treating this like a confession. I’m pretty sure ur reactions will be super negative so I won’t dress it up:- I’m the worst kind of person. The one you all hate and want nothing to do with. I’ve used this site to cheat. I’ve lied to people in rl and on here to make it happen. At first it was tough. Both personally and with the site itself. Single guys don’t get anywhere fast as everyone knows. But then I figured out a way of doing things and it worked. I’ve had quite a few encounters. They’ve been fun and eye-opening. I’ve got a lot out of it
I don’t say any of this as a humble brag. I’m actually really sad. So I should be you say,, and ashamed. I know!
So, why did I do it?
The main reason was validation. I’m attractive enough, with a strong body that gets some attention. I’m getting older, and I wanted to make the most of it and let others enjoy it too. The second reason was experience. There were things I hadn’t tried, like threesomes. Now I have. Then there was curiosity. I wondered if I was missing out on something better than my usual experiences.
My partner would be devastated if she knew. This is all completely off her radar. I do regret that a lot but I also felt a strong need to do it. That won out. That doesn’t make it right, I know, but it was what happened. I’ve been careful with sexual health, using protection and getting tested. Again, I know that doesn’t make it okay, just a little less risky.
Unfortunately and this is the really sad part I’ve met some really nice people. People I’d love to stay connected with but I can’t because I wasn’t honest at any point to anyone. I’ve hurt people too unintentionally leading them on at times and ghosting when I couldn’t keep up the lie.
I’m sharing this to give a glimpse of the other side, to show you what people like me are thinking. I know it’s hard to understand why someone would do something so awful. "
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I Think, personally. Your racked with guilt and feel quite anxious about cheating, hurting etc. And for that reason if i was you i would close your profile. Have some mental health detox.
There is a judgment passed when "someone like you" does what you do. Because it comes across selfish. But on the other hand opening up and being honest in an annoynomous situation is admirable. The reason being as its probably the first step in being true to yourself. However, hurting others in the process is where the judgment comes in. Alot of honest couples and singles on here are most likely.... pinch of salt. Honest with themselves but there is still a level of secrecy. 8/10 profile command respect and discretion. Usually in fear of being judged by love ones and friends. But hay ho, its a swinging site. Level with yourself, do you. But cheating is never a nice thing. It causes an individual to completely question everything about themseleves. And this comes from being cheated on. Many times. And i would classify myself as a decent goodlooking chap. But honesty, respect and manners cost nothing specially when the repercutions are high, mentally and health wise.
Take care G x |
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If your not getting satisfaction at home, I can understand your issues Op.
Yes the begrudgers will say be a man and leave your marriage.
Fair play to the ones that have left their marriage and moved on, but it's easier said than done!!
Lots of implications when you do that, kids? Family ? Even financial.
But remember, if she catches you, you'll lose all them anyway!!
So choose wisely what you do and with whom!!
I'm not judgemental when it comes to this issue, everyone to their own I say.
Best of luck Op.
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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago
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I don't consider what I do cheating. Me and my other half had a talk a while back about this, and we have a don't ask don't tell situation going. She knows our sex drives don't match, and has no problem with me going for a "massage". If I were getting attention at home, I wouldn't be on here.
That being said, I would consider not telling my new encounter I was married as cheating. Does that make sense? |
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By *ergalMan 24 weeks ago
East Cork |
I'm a married cheating barsteward and "unethical non monogamous" guy, and shouldn't be on a swingers site, as I've been told previously..
I lose track of the various names, sterotyping applied these days.
I have my status on my profile and always have, so there is no surprises. Hiding it I wouldn't agree with.
If it puts people off, then so be it, but at least they can make an informed decision whether to interact or not.
Happy humpday folks |
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A lot of cheating guys don't understand the judgement from swingers.
But swinging isn't cheating.
This isn't about just fucking around, what you all don't see is the hard conversations and emotions that go into it. The reassurances, the compromises, the first endless discussions and boundaries. Many of us took years of discussions to get to this place.
Of course we're uncomfortable with the cheaters declaring themselves "one of us" because they just don't get it.
Secrets are like bombs that explode and destroy everything around them. I think of all these spouses being cheated on - they deserve the freedom to explore too. The deserve to be reassured, they deserve a say in whether they want to stay in a relationship where their other half is seeing others.
Getting involved with cheaters is never going to be worth it. As OP admits, they have to lie.
I think people need to take a more open minded approach to having platonic marriages where both sides are open. There shouldn't be any shame in people being allowed to live more individual lives where they continue to share a home and resources. |
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By *og-ManMan 24 weeks ago
somewhere |
A lot of people on these forums have previously said that they are not swingers ...they use the site to meet others for sex
Strictly speaking unless you're a couple then you're not a swinger anyway
There's enough single men and woman and indeed couples dont care either way as to the Op's status at home
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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago
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Way over my head!
Ourselves had a big revelation chat last night about a group of people we knew and spent 3 hours piecing together an entire sex cheating Web of couples we knew. It was so intriguing we stayed up until almost 1.30 then both up for 6 midweek is not good. Cheating is everywhere and getting so common it's a 5 min scandal when it's revealed |
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There’s a lot of helpful comments on here. I want to respond to some properly and will try go back in time.
Someone said I was self absorbed and what was done was nasty. I don’t deny that. Lying is awful. Fair bit of narcissism going on. That was clear when I tried to write it out.
Someone else suggested counselling. I think I’d benefit a lot. Properly are issues that need tackled. As there are for many.
I’m glad I posted. The point was try and give a bit a why I and people like me did it story.
It’s given me a lot of space to think as well.
Thanks for comments.
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"Not condemning or condoning you OP. Understandably you feel guilty for cheating on your partner. You say the reason for your post is to confess and explain why 'people like you' come on here and tell lies to get meets. Fair dues.
I'm wondering what else might be the reason(s)?
Is it to apologise to someone you slept with and who has blocked you now ?
Is it to try to meet them again ?
Do you plan on continue sleeping with people outside your relationship ? or have you sated your feeling of missing out now ?
I ask these questions to better understand 'people like you' as you yourself put it. BTW, I don't judge you because non of us are perfect moral pillars, possibly not even those that will likely jump on the condemnation bandwagon when it rocks up here.
"
The key thing is that what I’m doing isn’t sustainable because it’s been based on deception and I will need to sign off. I’m not sated because you just end up wanting more and more. Definitely how it’s gone for me. But if I can’t change home life will have to change this. I thought it would useful give the story of why I started before a delete. |
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By *imis3Woman 24 weeks ago
Dublin |
"Not condemning or condoning you OP. Understandably you feel guilty for cheating on your partner. You say the reason for your post is to confess and explain why 'people like you' come on here and tell lies to get meets. Fair dues.
I'm wondering what else might be the reason(s)?
Is it to apologise to someone you slept with and who has blocked you now ?
Is it to try to meet them again ?
Do you plan on continue sleeping with people outside your relationship ? or have you sated your feeling of missing out now ?
I ask these questions to better understand 'people like you' as you yourself put it. BTW, I don't judge you because non of us are perfect moral pillars, possibly not even those that will likely jump on the condemnation bandwagon when it rocks up here.
The key thing is that what I’m doing isn’t sustainable because it’s been based on deception and I will need to sign off. I’m not sated because you just end up wanting more and more. Definitely how it’s gone for me. But if I can’t change home life will have to change this. I thought it would useful give the story of why I started before a delete."
You sound like you are very self aware of your motivations and your challenges on this OP. Seems as though you are the kind of person that would take maximum benefit from some counselling. In the meantime I would mull over these questions.
Are / could you and your partner ( become) sexually compatible?
Is variety of partners or fulfilling sex the big kick for you?
Are you more naturally drawn to polyamory or monogamy?
All the best OP and hope you can achieve a more congruent self in the future.
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By *cuk4funCouple 24 weeks ago
city centre |
"You are self absorbed.
Plenty of people wind down relationships that aren't sufficiently fulfilling.I ve lived through the fall out of seperating, the judgment, the financial stress, the single/co parenting.
When attached people try to drag unsuspecting people into their lies it pisses me off, and for you to describe (while in hiding) why your selfish choices are justified, well it's pretty galling.
If you want to only think of yourself, then be single. If you want an open relationship, discuss that with your significant other.
Your cheating affects more people than yourself. You are choosing to disrespect everyone you lie to. You use people, nasty. "
Spot on . Posters saying fair play for the honesty etc...seriously? It's almost a form of virtue signalling but for yourself. |
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By *cuk4funCouple 24 weeks ago
city centre |
"I don't consider what I do cheating. Me and my other half had a talk a while back about this, and we have a don't ask don't tell situation going. She knows our sex drives don't match, and has no problem with me going for a "massage". If I were getting attention at home, I wouldn't be on here.
That being said, I would consider not telling my new encounter I was married as cheating. Does that make sense? "
Maybe to you it makes sense , to me it smacks of total bullshit . This is a swingers site , it's hardly a stretch to tell a "new encounter " ( wtf is a new encounter..says a lot about how you view people on here , a notch on your belt ? ) ...that you're married or attached . |
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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago
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"I don't consider what I do cheating. Me and my other half had a talk a while back about this, and we have a don't ask don't tell situation going. She knows our sex drives don't match, and has no problem with me going for a "massage". If I were getting attention at home, I wouldn't be on here.
That being said, I would consider not telling my new encounter I was married as cheating. Does that make sense?
Maybe to you it makes sense , to me it smacks of total bullshit . This is a swingers site , it's hardly a stretch to tell a "new encounter " ( wtf is a new encounter..says a lot about how you view people on here , a notch on your belt ? ) ...that you're married or attached . "
I have no shits to give.
My cards are on the table, I put it in my profile. Nobody forcing anyone to act against their nature. How feel about it is your cross to bear.
I put it in my profile, as I saw many profiles with "no married or attached". I also point it out if I chat to someone, and they have that on their profile. I'm polite to everyone, and respect their boundaries. If that isn't enough, I refer you to the first sentence of this post. Peace ??
(Fuck I'm bad at posting shit with my phone ..fat fingers, I guess) |
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"My wife just doesn't make an effort anymore  "
Aw shucks.
I'm so sorry that you're the sole parent, doing all the laundry, cooking, dishes, house cleaning, yard work all on your own, I'm so sorry that you have the mental load of planning all family meals, remembering all the appointments and birthdays all on your own too, so very sorry that you work full time on top of that as well!
It ain't easy being you.
That pesky wife should know better than not put out for such hard worker |
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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago
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"My wife just doesn't make an effort anymore
Aw shucks.
I'm so sorry that you're the sole parent, doing all the laundry, cooking, dishes, house cleaning, yard work all on your own, I'm so sorry that you have the mental load of planning all family meals, remembering all the appointments and birthdays all on your own too, so very sorry that you work full time on top of that as well!
It ain't easy being you.
That pesky wife should know better than not put out for such hard worker"
Laundry fair enough wife does it
Cooking- air fryer
Cleaning - only a small house
Dishes - dish washer, dryer
Yard work- I pay someone
Planning meals- has an app
Appointments/birthdays- phone calendar
I know you'd think she'd put out more really |
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"My wife just doesn't make an effort anymore
Aw shucks.
I'm so sorry that you're the sole parent, doing all the laundry, cooking, dishes, house cleaning, yard work all on your own, I'm so sorry that you have the mental load of planning all family meals, remembering all the appointments and birthdays all on your own too, so very sorry that you work full time on top of that as well!
It ain't easy being you.
That pesky wife should know better than not put out for such hard worker
Laundry fair enough wife does it
Cooking- air fryer
Cleaning - only a small house
Dishes - dish washer, dryer
Yard work- I pay someone
Planning meals- has an app
Appointments/birthdays- phone calendar
I know you'd think she'd put out more really "
I noticed you didn't mention kids at all. Is there any that you're purposely leaving out?
Do you both only eat air fryer meals every day?
Who loads and unloads the dishwasher?
A small house still needs cleaned.
Who cleans it?
Does she work full time same as you?
Does the app also do the shopping, puts it away, organizes cabinets? (If yes, what is it called, I want one of those too lol )
Does the phone calendar auto uploads all family birthdays, buys presents and cards, wraps them and delivers them too? |
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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago
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"My wife just doesn't make an effort anymore
Aw shucks.
I'm so sorry that you're the sole parent, doing all the laundry, cooking, dishes, house cleaning, yard work all on your own, I'm so sorry that you have the mental load of planning all family meals, remembering all the appointments and birthdays all on your own too, so very sorry that you work full time on top of that as well!
It ain't easy being you.
That pesky wife should know better than not put out for such hard worker
Laundry fair enough wife does it
Cooking- air fryer
Cleaning - only a small house
Dishes - dish washer, dryer
Yard work- I pay someone
Planning meals- has an app
Appointments/birthdays- phone calendar
I know you'd think she'd put out more really
I noticed you didn't mention kids at all. Is there any that you're purposely leaving out?
Do you both only eat air fryer meals every day?
Who loads and unloads the dishwasher?
A small house still needs cleaned.
Who cleans it?
Does she work full time same as you?
Does the app also do the shopping, puts it away, organizes cabinets? (If yes, what is it called, I want one of those too lol )
Does the phone calendar auto uploads all family birthdays, buys presents and cards, wraps them and delivers them too? "
No she works part time 2 kids all, I work nights in a factory 12 hour shifts
She still has time to call her friend in the evening and got out to dinner with her friends on weekends while I have the kids all I'm saying is not that much effort in putting on a nice out fit some sexy underwear once a month to make the effort in which she doesn't hence why I like chatting and looking at women here who do make that effort |
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trust me it has happened.
