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Horny or just lonely?

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By *heBlowins OP   Couple 28 weeks ago

West Cork

We get the sense sometimes that some guys don't just want a shag, they want a bit more-

Cuddles, compassion, companionship?

It feels like sometimes guys want to talk about it but maybe feel like they can't. That sucks.

Absolutely nothing wrong with being lonely (it happens to most of us at some point) and it's totally ok to talk about it.

Just posting this to give a little compassion and space for people to express themselves

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By *ilthyNightsCouple 28 weeks ago

East / North, Cork

100%. Sex is about human connection and that's something that can be missing in people's lives. Nothing wrong in finding that connection somewhere like this. A lot of people these days struggle with understanding and expressing their needs and it comes out in places like this.

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By (user no longer on site) 28 weeks ago

Ya, filthy nights, totally agree. That's why it's important that a place like fab stays free of any judgement. Some people's choices don't suit everyone, best not to comment on someone else (unless it's a safety thing) and everybody gets on with enjoying themselves.

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By *ome_wild_girlWoman 28 weeks ago

Antrim Town

Ive found a lot of guys miss having intimacy with another person, just want kusses and cuddles, feel of skin against skin, nothing wrong in expressing that need, i quite enjoy that with another person, its not always about intercourse.

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By *og-ManMan 28 weeks ago

somewhere

Sometimes we just want to be the little spoon

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By *eordie.Woman 28 weeks ago

The Sticks

I'm only here for the hugs

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By *luralizes_everythingsMan 28 weeks ago

limerick

True. Everyone loves a snuggle, not sure if it's listed on the available kinks list though.

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By *ohnsmithMan 28 weeks ago

South Tipperary

A friend hug to all....

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By *ardyboy54321Man 28 weeks ago

Fermanagh

I like an aul hug and the sheep don't seem to mind it either

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By (user no longer on site) 28 weeks ago

A little from column a, a little from column b.

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By *ichael McCarthyMan 28 weeks ago

Lucan


"A little from column a, a little from column b. "

Would that be called hornley?

It's a great word to be fair.

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By *oc09Man 28 weeks ago

near u


"We get the sense sometimes that some guys don't just want a shag, they want a bit more-

Cuddles, compassion, companionship?

It feels like sometimes guys want to talk about it but maybe feel like they can't. That sucks.

Absolutely nothing wrong with being lonely (it happens to most of us at some point) and it's totally ok to talk about it.

Just posting this to give a little compassion and space for people to express themselves "

spot on most guys are to proud to speak and bottle it all up

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By (user no longer on site) 28 weeks ago


"A little from column a, a little from column b.

Would that be called hornley?

It's a great word to be fair. "

Maybees. To be honest, meets for sex, forum for the bants. Don't really need a cuddle, but I'm not a cold cock either

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By *oc09Man 28 weeks ago

near u

Can't beat a good aul thunder buddy

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By *aseylee324Couple 28 weeks ago

Valley of Squinting Windows

Absolutely, but they will still try to get the leg over, so I dole out the milk of human kindness very sparingly on here

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By *ichael McCarthyMan 28 weeks ago

Lucan


"Absolutely, but they will still try to get the leg over, so I dole out the milk of human kindness very sparingly on here"

Nom nom...

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By *ymbunny2016Man 28 weeks ago

Bangor

Does it bring all the boys to the yard?!


"Absolutely, but they will still try to get the leg over, so I dole out the milk of human kindness very sparingly on here"

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By *rRiosMan 28 weeks ago

dublin


"We get the sense sometimes that some guys don't just want a shag, they want a bit more-

Cuddles, compassion, companionship?

It feels like sometimes guys want to talk about it but maybe feel like they can't. That sucks.

Absolutely nothing wrong with being lonely (it happens to most of us at some point) and it's totally ok to talk about it.

Just posting this to give a little compassion and space for people to express themselves "

If you read or watch any interviews of ladies of the night they 100% retell story after story of a lot guys just being lonely (even within marriages) and wanting someone to talk to and some connection.

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By *astelloWoman 28 weeks ago

Far far away

I give great hugs..just saying

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By *otvanilla876Man 28 weeks ago

Inchicore

It's hard when you're surrounded by loving people, but don't feel like you can speak your mind to them about what you're going through without being judged.

Don't know about others but I find it easier to speak deeply to relative "strangers" if they're receptive to it ofc.

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By *electableicecreamMan 28 weeks ago

The West


"Absolutely, but they will still try to get the leg over, so I dole out the milk of human kindness very sparingly on here"

I had a friend console me once when I needed it and she gave me a very long hug. After she said 'just so we are clear, we're never going to sleep together'. I was pretty taken aback and because the thought has never crossed my mind but it was quite an insight into what a woman has to deal with if she feels the need to say that.

As for men, I can imagine that quite a lot of men don't get to open up emotionally with other men and if you couple that with a long dry spell I feel it's only natural to seek out both. We all need it.

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By (user no longer on site) 28 weeks ago

You want closeness from me, you gotta meet me twice, and show you want it. Ain't no way I'm putting myself out like that to be stomped on. Way too old for that nonsense

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By *voidingboredomMan 28 weeks ago

around

I moved to Galway for work and have no friends or social life and I've found fab to be a wonderful help with that. It's all about connection. Some people you can be a bit more open, cuddly and intimate with, others you just wanna ride senseless. It's all good. Different strokes with different folks

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By *hoenixagamTV/TS 28 weeks ago

Rural

Intimacy is nice, which I rarely experience as a cross dresser...

Most guys don't last 5 minutes though and out the door lol

I love it passionately especially with the effort I put in to get dolled up

Although a hot quicky is nice too

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By *aseylee324Couple 28 weeks ago

Valley of Squinting Windows


"Absolutely, but they will still try to get the leg over, so I dole out the milk of human kindness very sparingly on here

I had a friend console me once when I needed it and she gave me a very long hug. After she said 'just so we are clear, we're never going to sleep together'. I was pretty taken aback and because the thought has never crossed my mind but it was quite an insight into what a woman has to deal with if she feels the need to say that.

As for men, I can imagine that quite a lot of men don't get to open up emotionally with other men and if you couple that with a long dry spell I feel it's only natural to seek out both. We all need it."

I didn't suggest it wasn't natural, it's not a criticism of men, simply an observation on the care I take not to extend friendship here if I perceive a risk of it being "misinterpreted" as interest. This doesn't apply to all men here btw

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By *electableicecreamMan 28 weeks ago

The West


"Absolutely, but they will still try to get the leg over, so I dole out the milk of human kindness very sparingly on here

I had a friend console me once when I needed it and she gave me a very long hug. After she said 'just so we are clear, we're never going to sleep together'. I was pretty taken aback and because the thought has never crossed my mind but it was quite an insight into what a woman has to deal with if she feels the need to say that.

As for men, I can imagine that quite a lot of men don't get to open up emotionally with other men and if you couple that with a long dry spell I feel it's only natural to seek out both. We all need it.

I didn't suggest it wasn't natural, it's not a criticism of men, simply an observation on the care I take not to extend friendship here if I perceive a risk of it being "misinterpreted" as interest. This doesn't apply to all men here btw"

My apologies Casey I didn't mean to come across as critical. I can see how it came across that way though.

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By *aseylee324Couple 28 weeks ago

Valley of Squinting Windows


"Absolutely, but they will still try to get the leg over, so I dole out the milk of human kindness very sparingly on here

I had a friend console me once when I needed it and she gave me a very long hug. After she said 'just so we are clear, we're never going to sleep together'. I was pretty taken aback and because the thought has never crossed my mind but it was quite an insight into what a woman has to deal with if she feels the need to say that.

As for men, I can imagine that quite a lot of men don't get to open up emotionally with other men and if you couple that with a long dry spell I feel it's only natural to seek out both. We all need it.

I didn't suggest it wasn't natural, it's not a criticism of men, simply an observation on the care I take not to extend friendship here if I perceive a risk of it being "misinterpreted" as interest. This doesn't apply to all men here btw

My apologies Casey I didn't mean to come across as critical. I can see how it came across that way though."

No apology required, I was just clarifying my viewpoint!

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By *om TangoMan 28 weeks ago

aughnacloy monaghan area

My own personal journey. Marriage fell apart years ago. Still shared the same house but nothing else. All was alright at the start. Maybe a year later my mood was changing. Didn’t feel needed, felt worthless, not respected, felt like a failure but I didn’t say nothing. Working full time and burying my head into my own part time business. Low and behold Xmas 2022 I was fucked, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t stay awake, no interest in doing anything other than work, and I’ll be very honest here so maybe other men can relate so they won’t think their alone, my hygiene levels somewhat dropped. Couldn’t be assed showering, what was the point, I’m a nobody. Still didn’t know what was wrong with me. I’m a man, I’m not allowed to feel like this and I’m certainly not allowed to open up. 13th January at 12:13 I stood at a lake, made peace and by fuck did I not feel great. Best I felt in years known that this suffering was almost over. I cried like I’ve never cried before. Not out of fear. Hard to explain. Anyway i didn’t jump for a weird reason. But I knew I needed to talk to someone but who. I’m a man, I can’t be seen to be weak. So I turned to the person that understood me for years and years. The fecking ex wife. What a mistake. Never never again. Phoned a female friend who told me to come straight over. Lads the first thing she did was hug and hold me, first time in years I’ve been hugged and held and it was amazing. We’re the kinda friends that tell each other “I love you” never was and never will be anything sexual in our friendship. Anyway a bit of looking into things I discovered I wasn’t depressed, I was lonely. So I set about learning to love myself and that started with getting my act together in regards to hygiene, my appearance and my confidence and openness. Joined a few chat groups on Facebook for men only. Got a bit of help from where I needed it and I landed on my feet because one customer I opened up to had training in mental health and she opened my eyes. Men aren’t horny, men just want to feel needed. Yes I accept some men are total assholes sending silly pictures of dicks to the lady’s. For me, hug me and kiss me, sex doesn’t matter. If I can feel your skin on my skin I’m good, ladys if your going to hug a man do it for 6 seconds or more, a 6 second hug is how long it takes for oxytocin a hormone that boosts positive feelings to kick in to help calming our nervous system and improving our mood.now i know my grammar isn’t great and the grammar police is about to pass judgment but that’s ok, your weak and need to feel powerful by finding mistakes in others, I understand that. Honestly I do. I hope my honesty helps others. Today I’m on top of this world. I’m 48 and my fwb is 35. We don’t have sex, we meet up for coffee, we walk,we hug and tell each other everything. we text each other in the morning and at night. I love her to bits but I’m not in love with her.

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By *otvanilla876Man 28 weeks ago

Inchicore

Thank you for sharing this Tango, please know that it helped me a lot to read it.

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By *om TangoMan 28 weeks ago

aughnacloy monaghan area


"Thank you for sharing this Tango, please know that it helped me a lot to read it."

Not a problem. I’ll be open and honest.some will judge my honesty and some won’t

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By *amsevenMan 28 weeks ago

cork

I second this. Thanks for posting this.

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By *heBlowins OP   Couple 28 weeks ago

West Cork

@domtango thank you so much for sharing! Your courage and insight is inspiring and appreciated. So glad you got things sorted for yourself after being in such a dark place. I (Mr) can definitely relate to a lot of what you went through.

Much love and respect to you

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By *heBlowins OP   Couple 28 weeks ago

West Cork


"Absolutely, but they will still try to get the leg over, so I dole out the milk of human kindness very sparingly on here

I had a friend console me once when I needed it and she gave me a very long hug. After she said 'just so we are clear, we're never going to sleep together'. I was pretty taken aback and because the thought has never crossed my mind but it was quite an insight into what a woman has to deal with if she feels the need to say that.

As for men, I can imagine that quite a lot of men don't get to open up emotionally with other men and if you couple that with a long dry spell I feel it's only natural to seek out both. We all need it.

I didn't suggest it wasn't natural, it's not a criticism of men, simply an observation on the care I take not to extend friendship here if I perceive a risk of it being "misinterpreted" as interest. This doesn't apply to all men here btw"

This is actually something I deal with a fair bit on here, being the "middle-man" between men and my wife...

Sometimes guys will act like they want to be more than just one-off sexual meet and it can be difficult to trust their intentions. I think there's nothing wrong with being cautious in this regard.

But on the other hand, we both like to offer compassion- a full on friendship isn't needed to show someone that they're desired and help ease someone's solitary suffering, if even just occasionally.

I have a small number of people I met on Fab (and related sites) whom I keep up with periodically over text - it feels like a meaningful outlet for some of them and I'm happy to provide that, knowing how much I desired the same in the past.

And we love the guys who we can lounge around with and chat and cuddle - I only wish we could do it more

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By *ubadubdubWoman 28 weeks ago

Hereabouts


"My own personal journey. Marriage fell apart years ago. Still shared the same house but nothing else. All was alright at the start. Maybe a year later my mood was changing. Didn’t feel needed, felt worthless, not respected, felt like a failure but I didn’t say nothing. Working full time and burying my head into my own part time business. Low and behold Xmas 2022 I was fucked, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t stay awake, no interest in doing anything other than work, and I’ll be very honest here so maybe other men can relate so they won’t think their alone, my hygiene levels somewhat dropped. Couldn’t be assed showering, what was the point, I’m a nobody. Still didn’t know what was wrong with me. I’m a man, I’m not allowed to feel like this and I’m certainly not allowed to open up. 13th January at 12:13 I stood at a lake, made peace and by fuck did I not feel great. Best I felt in years known that this suffering was almost over. I cried like I’ve never cried before. Not out of fear. Hard to explain. Anyway i didn’t jump for a weird reason. But I knew I needed to talk to someone but who. I’m a man, I can’t be seen to be weak. So I turned to the person that understood me for years and years. The fecking ex wife. What a mistake. Never never again. Phoned a female friend who told me to come straight over. Lads the first thing she did was hug and hold me, first time in years I’ve been hugged and held and it was amazing. We’re the kinda friends that tell each other “I love you” never was and never will be anything sexual in our friendship. Anyway a bit of looking into things I discovered I wasn’t depressed, I was lonely. So I set about learning to love myself and that started with getting my act together in regards to hygiene, my appearance and my confidence and openness. Joined a few chat groups on Facebook for men only. Got a bit of help from where I needed it and I landed on my feet because one customer I opened up to had training in mental health and she opened my eyes. Men aren’t horny, men just want to feel needed. Yes I accept some men are total assholes sending silly pictures of dicks to the lady’s. For me, hug me and kiss me, sex doesn’t matter. If I can feel your skin on my skin I’m good, ladys if your going to hug a man do it for 6 seconds or more, a 6 second hug is how long it takes for oxytocin a hormone that boosts positive feelings to kick in to help calming our nervous system and improving our mood.now i know my grammar isn’t great and the grammar police is about to pass judgment but that’s ok, your weak and need to feel powerful by finding mistakes in others, I understand that. Honestly I do. I hope my honesty helps others. Today I’m on top of this world. I’m 48 and my fwb is 35. We don’t have sex, we meet up for coffee, we walk,we hug and tell each other everything. we text each other in the morning and at night. I love her to bits but I’m not in love with her. "

That's a powerful read. I'm very moved by your honesty.

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By *aelegoMan 28 weeks ago

Limerick

Cuddles and kisses are the best parts, didn't think they'd be as popular here though

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By *aseylee324Couple 28 weeks ago

Valley of Squinting Windows


"Absolutely, but they will still try to get the leg over, so I dole out the milk of human kindness very sparingly on here

I had a friend console me once when I needed it and she gave me a very long hug. After she said 'just so we are clear, we're never going to sleep together'. I was pretty taken aback and because the thought has never crossed my mind but it was quite an insight into what a woman has to deal with if she feels the need to say that.

As for men, I can imagine that quite a lot of men don't get to open up emotionally with other men and if you couple that with a long dry spell I feel it's only natural to seek out both. We all need it.

I didn't suggest it wasn't natural, it's not a criticism of men, simply an observation on the care I take not to extend friendship here if I perceive a risk of it being "misinterpreted" as interest. This doesn't apply to all men here btw

This is actually something I deal with a fair bit on here, being the "middle-man" between men and my wife...

Sometimes guys will act like they want to be more than just one-off sexual meet and it can be difficult to trust their intentions. I think there's nothing wrong with being cautious in this regard.

But on the other hand, we both like to offer compassion- a full on friendship isn't needed to show someone that they're desired and help ease someone's solitary suffering, if even just occasionally.

I have a small number of people I met on Fab (and related sites) whom I keep up with periodically over text - it feels like a meaningful outlet for some of them and I'm happy to provide that, knowing how much I desired the same in the past.

And we love the guys who we can lounge around with and chat and cuddle - I only wish we could do it more "

I'm by no means cold, I am well aware that many here are lonely, I'm simply not in a position to give them what they need and it would in my opinion be cruel and careless of me to pretend to offer it but withdraw it later. I know my own limits! We also have chats and cuddles and a select few long term friendships here.

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By *heBlowins OP   Couple 28 weeks ago

West Cork


"Absolutely, but they will still try to get the leg over, so I dole out the milk of human kindness very sparingly on here

I had a friend console me once when I needed it and she gave me a very long hug. After she said 'just so we are clear, we're never going to sleep together'. I was pretty taken aback and because the thought has never crossed my mind but it was quite an insight into what a woman has to deal with if she feels the need to say that.

As for men, I can imagine that quite a lot of men don't get to open up emotionally with other men and if you couple that with a long dry spell I feel it's only natural to seek out both. We all need it.

I didn't suggest it wasn't natural, it's not a criticism of men, simply an observation on the care I take not to extend friendship here if I perceive a risk of it being "misinterpreted" as interest. This doesn't apply to all men here btw

This is actually something I deal with a fair bit on here, being the "middle-man" between men and my wife...

Sometimes guys will act like they want to be more than just one-off sexual meet and it can be difficult to trust their intentions. I think there's nothing wrong with being cautious in this regard.

But on the other hand, we both like to offer compassion- a full on friendship isn't needed to show someone that they're desired and help ease someone's solitary suffering, if even just occasionally.

I have a small number of people I met on Fab (and related sites) whom I keep up with periodically over text - it feels like a meaningful outlet for some of them and I'm happy to provide that, knowing how much I desired the same in the past.

And we love the guys who we can lounge around with and chat and cuddle - I only wish we could do it more

I'm by no means cold, I am well aware that many here are lonely, I'm simply not in a position to give them what they need and it would in my opinion be cruel and careless of me to pretend to offer it but withdraw it later. I know my own limits! We also have chats and cuddles and a select few long term friendships here."

Well said and appreciated

We definitely need to be protective of our energy and social reserve - it can be so easily taken advantage of and depleted!

No one here thinks you're cold in any way btw

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By *WEETESTSTRAWBERRYFOR1Woman 28 weeks ago

Clare


"My own personal journey. Marriage fell apart years ago. Still shared the same house but nothing else. All was alright at the start. Maybe a year later my mood was changing. Didn’t feel needed, felt worthless, not respected, felt like a failure but I didn’t say nothing. Working full time and burying my head into my own part time business. Low and behold Xmas 2022 I was fucked, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t stay awake, no interest in doing anything other than work, and I’ll be very honest here so maybe other men can relate so they won’t think their alone, my hygiene levels somewhat dropped. Couldn’t be assed showering, what was the point, I’m a nobody. Still didn’t know what was wrong with me. I’m a man, I’m not allowed to feel like this and I’m certainly not allowed to open up. 13th January at 12:13 I stood at a lake, made peace and by fuck did I not feel great. Best I felt in years known that this suffering was almost over. I cried like I’ve never cried before. Not out of fear. Hard to explain. Anyway i didn’t jump for a weird reason. But I knew I needed to talk to someone but who. I’m a man, I can’t be seen to be weak. So I turned to the person that understood me for years and years. The fecking ex wife. What a mistake. Never never again. Phoned a female friend who told me to come straight over. Lads the first thing she did was hug and hold me, first time in years I’ve been hugged and held and it was amazing. We’re the kinda friends that tell each other “I love you” never was and never will be anything sexual in our friendship. Anyway a bit of looking into things I discovered I wasn’t depressed, I was lonely. So I set about learning to love myself and that started with getting my act together in regards to hygiene, my appearance and my confidence and openness. Joined a few chat groups on Facebook for men only. Got a bit of help from where I needed it and I landed on my feet because one customer I opened up to had training in mental health and she opened my eyes. Men aren’t horny, men just want to feel needed. Yes I accept some men are total assholes sending silly pictures of dicks to the lady’s. For me, hug me and kiss me, sex doesn’t matter. If I can feel your skin on my skin I’m good, ladys if your going to hug a man do it for 6 seconds or more, a 6 second hug is how long it takes for oxytocin a hormone that boosts positive feelings to kick in to help calming our nervous system and improving our mood.now i know my grammar isn’t great and the grammar police is about to pass judgment but that’s ok, your weak and need to feel powerful by finding mistakes in others, I understand that. Honestly I do. I hope my honesty helps others. Today I’m on top of this world. I’m 48 and my fwb is 35. We don’t have sex, we meet up for coffee, we walk,we hug and tell each other everything. we text each other in the morning and at night. I love her to bits but I’m not in love with her. "

Delighted uve came through the other side. Hope all works out well. Fair play.

And 100% men should never be afraid to show their emotions ye are human too.

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By *alroc80Man 28 weeks ago

between Galway, Dublin and Mayo


"My own personal journey. Marriage fell apart years ago. Still shared the same house but nothing else. All was alright at the start. Maybe a year later my mood was changing. Didn’t feel needed, felt worthless, not respected, felt like a failure but I didn’t say nothing. Working full time and burying my head into my own part time business. Low and behold Xmas 2022 I was fucked, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t stay awake, no interest in doing anything other than work, and I’ll be very honest here so maybe other men can relate so they won’t think their alone, my hygiene levels somewhat dropped. Couldn’t be assed showering, what was the point, I’m a nobody. Still didn’t know what was wrong with me. I’m a man, I’m not allowed to feel like this and I’m certainly not allowed to open up. 13th January at 12:13 I stood at a lake, made peace and by fuck did I not feel great. Best I felt in years known that this suffering was almost over. I cried like I’ve never cried before. Not out of fear. Hard to explain. Anyway i didn’t jump for a weird reason. But I knew I needed to talk to someone but who. I’m a man, I can’t be seen to be weak. So I turned to the person that understood me for years and years. The fecking ex wife. What a mistake. Never never again. Phoned a female friend who told me to come straight over. Lads the first thing she did was hug and hold me, first time in years I’ve been hugged and held and it was amazing. We’re the kinda friends that tell each other “I love you” never was and never will be anything sexual in our friendship. Anyway a bit of looking into things I discovered I wasn’t depressed, I was lonely. So I set about learning to love myself and that started with getting my act together in regards to hygiene, my appearance and my confidence and openness. Joined a few chat groups on Facebook for men only. Got a bit of help from where I needed it and I landed on my feet because one customer I opened up to had training in mental health and she opened my eyes. Men aren’t horny, men just want to feel needed. Yes I accept some men are total assholes sending silly pictures of dicks to the lady’s. For me, hug me and kiss me, sex doesn’t matter. If I can feel your skin on my skin I’m good, ladys if your going to hug a man do it for 6 seconds or more, a 6 second hug is how long it takes for oxytocin a hormone that boosts positive feelings to kick in to help calming our nervous system and improving our mood.now i know my grammar isn’t great and the grammar police is about to pass judgment but that’s ok, your weak and need to feel powerful by finding mistakes in others, I understand that. Honestly I do. I hope my honesty helps others. Today I’m on top of this world. I’m 48 and my fwb is 35. We don’t have sex, we meet up for coffee, we walk,we hug and tell each other everything. we text each other in the morning and at night. I love her to bits but I’m not in love with her. "
thank you for your message and honesty. It touched me because I went through something somewhat similar. I am and always have been the same. I crave the contact, the tough the cuddles and the emotional connection. Sex is just the icing on the cake. The cake is still beautiful without it. Icing on its own is just boring. I'm here if you ever need a guy to chat to. I'll open up with you my story and what works for me and would be lovely to hear about ur journey. Right now, I love the person I am, I am stronger than iv ever been not just for me but my 2 kids.

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By (user no longer on site) 28 weeks ago

Here's something to add to the mix. Most (not all) of the profiles I see , say something like "no one liners" or "woo me, I find intelligent conversation more important than dick pics". Now, before I get white knighted again as I do when I act all honest and that, I will fight to uphold the rights of women to not be fuck toys, and seek intellectual stimulation and yadda yadda yadda.

By engaging in the long game persists, some men will automatically become attached to the situation. I saw somewhere that if a woman engages with a man or vice versa, a man will think there's more to a situation than the woman. A man will think there's more connection, where a woman who has more social interactions (being more social animals than men as a group). Also, if a man were to engage in the process of emotional disengagement, they would be automatically perceived as just looking for a fuck toy as there would be no emotional content in their approach.

In the words of the great Billy Connolly...a man needs sex to feel loved, a woman needs to feel loved to have sex. So the propagation of the species demands a lie from one of you.

In short, if you suck a man's dick he thinks you like him, if you want a woman to suck your dick, you need to convince them you like them... emotional attachment is an inevitable consequence of that process, or at least highly likely.

For couples this is different, as the emotional attachment is already there, so in short they are looking for a duck toy...but the game doesn't change.

Just a thought, probably wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) 28 weeks ago

My typing sucks on the phone. Note to google...it is never "duck"

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By *og-ManMan 28 weeks ago

somewhere


"My typing sucks on the phone. Note to google...it is never "duck""

Unless something is aimed for your head

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By *heBlowins OP   Couple 28 weeks ago

West Cork

@efilnikufecin Some interesting points made there and surely apply to some people but I'd be careful not to make such broad generalizations.

While we share many traits and experiences among gender lines, there are far too many numerous individual exceptions to claim one gender does this and the other does that.

And to suggest that dishonesty is implicit in any sexual interaction... Strongly disagree there.

Really not trying to come off as snarky here- sweeping generalizations are a big pet peeve of mine (Mr) and normally I supress my opinion as they're so common on Fab and it can be quite fruitless to try and convince internet strangers of anything.. but sometimes I just feel the need to say something.

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By *electableicecreamMan 28 weeks ago

The West


"Here's something to add to the mix. Most (not all) of the profiles I see , say something like "no one liners" or "woo me, I find intelligent conversation more important than dick pics". Now, before I get white knighted again as I do when I act all honest and that, I will fight to uphold the rights of women to not be fuck toys, and seek intellectual stimulation and yadda yadda yadda.

By engaging in the long game persists, some men will automatically become attached to the situation. I saw somewhere that if a woman engages with a man or vice versa, a man will think there's more to a situation than the woman. A man will think there's more connection, where a woman who has more social interactions (being more social animals than men as a group). Also, if a man were to engage in the process of emotional disengagement, they would be automatically perceived as just looking for a fuck toy as there would be no emotional content in their approach.

In the words of the great Billy Connolly...a man needs sex to feel loved, a woman needs to feel loved to have sex. So the propagation of the species demands a lie from one of you.

In short, if you suck a man's dick he thinks you like him, if you want a woman to suck your dick, you need to convince them you like them... emotional attachment is an inevitable consequence of that process, or at least highly likely.

For couples this is different, as the emotional attachment is already there, so in short they are looking for a duck toy...but the game doesn't change.

Just a thought, probably wrong.

"

At the risk of triggering your white knight button again I have to say that there are some glaring sweeping generalisations here that just can't fly really.

Attachment happens on both sides. We're only human.

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By (user no longer on site) 28 weeks ago


"Ive found a lot of guys miss having intimacy with another person, just want kusses and cuddles, feel of skin against skin, nothing wrong in expressing that need, i quite enjoy that with another person, its not always about intercourse. "

That is so true. Oh I love the skin on skin contact, its so relaxed

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By (user no longer on site) 28 weeks ago


"@efilnikufecin Some interesting points made there and surely apply to some people but I'd be careful not to make such broad generalizations.

While we share many traits and experiences among gender lines, there are far too many numerous individual exceptions to claim one gender does this and the other does that.

And to suggest that dishonesty is implicit in any sexual interaction... Strongly disagree there.

Really not trying to come off as snarky here- sweeping generalizations are a big pet peeve of mine (Mr) and normally I supress my opinion as they're so common on Fab and it can be quite fruitless to try and convince internet strangers of anything.. but sometimes I just feel the need to say something."

Well let's begin with the obvious one...the lie was part of a joke I quoted by Billy Connolly. If that triggers you, I'm not sure what I can do about that. Now if I said "all women lie on here" you'd have a point, but it just come off as petty. Don't mean to offend you, I apologise if it did, it was not my intention.

It would be impossible to have any discussion without offending someone I guess, offending the anti generalist is the least of my worries. I'll take it.

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By (user no longer on site) 28 weeks ago


"We get the sense sometimes that some guys don't just want a shag, they want a bit more- …."

I was listening to chapter 11 of Esther Perel’s audiobook “The State of Affairs: Re-Thinking Infidelity” this morning. Very interesting points about why men seek sexual connections. It’s on Spotify premium. Worth a listen.

Nice post by the way

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By *ealitybitesMan 28 weeks ago

Belfast


"Here's something to add to the mix. Most (not all) of the profiles I see , say something like "no one liners" or "woo me, I find intelligent conversation more important than dick pics". Now, before I get white knighted again as I do when I act all honest and that, I will fight to uphold the rights of women to not be fuck toys, and seek intellectual stimulation and yadda yadda yadda.

By engaging in the long game persists, some men will automatically become attached to the situation. I saw somewhere that if a woman engages with a man or vice versa, a man will think there's more to a situation than the woman. A man will think there's more connection, where a woman who has more social interactions (being more social animals than men as a group). Also, if a man were to engage in the process of emotional disengagement, they would be automatically perceived as just looking for a fuck toy as there would be no emotional content in their approach.

In the words of the great Billy Connolly...a man needs sex to feel loved, a woman needs to feel loved to have sex. So the propagation of the species demands a lie from one of you.

In short, if you suck a man's dick he thinks you like him, if you want a woman to suck your dick, you need to convince them you like them... emotional attachment is an inevitable consequence of that process, or at least highly likely.

For couples this is different, as the emotional attachment is already there, so in short they are looking for a duck toy...but the game doesn't change.

Just a thought, probably wrong.

"

I'll speak only about my fab experience in regard to this but I've found the complete opposite to be true.

Over the years I've met women through the site and some of them more than once.

At the time I had zero interest in a FWB arrangement and made that very clear from the start and repeated it if the subject was brought up.

However I was told that because I had travelled 3 and a half hours to meet them once there was nothing preventing me from doing it on a fortnightly basis.

I was told they wanted me to be exclusive to them but that they would continue to meet the 2 or 3 FBs or FWBs they already had and that part wasn't negotiable.

Other people told them they were being unreasonable and ignoring my wishes but their response was that they would do anything I wanted sexually but they wanted me to respect them by not shagging anyone else.

They were trying to convince me that they liked me enough to shag me but not commit while I was trying to convince them that I didn't like them enough to agree to a one sided arrangement.

I walked away and eventually left fab because it was relentless.

I've been lonely but never lonely enough to have sex with someone just for the sake of it.

I've been horny but again never horny enough to have sex with someone just for the sake of it.

I've now found the best FWB I could possibly have and the biggest attraction is that everything we do together is mutual even when that doesn't include sex and one of the benefits is the friendship.

I haven't been lonely in a long time but if I did feel that way I know there is someone I can talk to without fear or reservation and that works both ways.

Sometimes a hug is all that is needed but I've never had any illusions about someone liking me just because they are willing to give me a BJ.

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By *heBlowins OP   Couple 28 weeks ago

West Cork


"@efilnikufecin Some interesting points made there and surely apply to some people but I'd be careful not to make such broad generalizations.

While we share many traits and experiences among gender lines, there are far too many numerous individual exceptions to claim one gender does this and the other does that.

And to suggest that dishonesty is implicit in any sexual interaction... Strongly disagree there.

Really not trying to come off as snarky here- sweeping generalizations are a big pet peeve of mine (Mr) and normally I supress my opinion as they're so common on Fab and it can be quite fruitless to try and convince internet strangers of anything.. but sometimes I just feel the need to say something.

Well let's begin with the obvious one...the lie was part of a joke I quoted by Billy Connolly. If that triggers you, I'm not sure what I can do about that. Now if I said "all women lie on here" you'd have a point, but it just come off as petty. Don't mean to offend you, I apologise if it did, it was not my intention.

It would be impossible to have any discussion without offending someone I guess, offending the anti generalist is the least of my worries. I'll take it.

"

Ha dude.. let's be clear- not offended or triggered here. Merely a dislike of generalizations when they're used as a basis to "prove" an opinion.

The Connolly quote didn't have quotation marks so it was difficult to know where the quote began and ended and it certainly appeared as of you were using it as a means to back your case.

I totally understand the jest behind it and I've nothing wrong with "offensive" humor- only calling you out on the bit that didn't seem like you were joking

Again- not offended.. this is a friendly discussion (at least I feel it is)

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By (user no longer on site) 28 weeks ago

Nobody was trying to "prove" anything, if I wrote it in a manner that made it look that way, maybe I'm just bad at the medium. It would be impossible to forward a discussion if you had to preempt every nit pick, so I just don't bother. Didn't think I had to. No bad thoughts bro, it's all good.

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By *avageDaMan 28 weeks ago

Virginia

Chats, Banter, Kisses, Cuddles, Compassion are more important to a guy as time goes by in my opinion. In my experience without them sex just becomes bla! More of a connection with/when you’ve gotten to know a person. You don’t have to of met loads of time to make these experiences more than bla!

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By *j47Man 28 weeks ago

limerick


"My own personal journey. Marriage fell apart years ago. Still shared the same house but nothing else. All was alright at the start. Maybe a year later my mood was changing. Didn’t feel needed, felt worthless, not respected, felt like a failure but I didn’t say nothing. Working full time and burying my head into my own part time business. Low and behold Xmas 2022 I was fucked, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t stay awake, no interest in doing anything other than work, and I’ll be very honest here so maybe other men can relate so they won’t think their alone, my hygiene levels somewhat dropped. Couldn’t be assed showering, what was the point, I’m a nobody. Still didn’t know what was wrong with me. I’m a man, I’m not allowed to feel like this and I’m certainly not allowed to open up. 13th January at 12:13 I stood at a lake, made peace and by fuck did I not feel great. Best I felt in years known that this suffering was almost over. I cried like I’ve never cried before. Not out of fear. Hard to explain. Anyway i didn’t jump for a weird reason. But I knew I needed to talk to someone but who. I’m a man, I can’t be seen to be weak. So I turned to the person that understood me for years and years. The fecking ex wife. What a mistake. Never never again. Phoned a female friend who told me to come straight over. Lads the first thing she did was hug and hold me, first time in years I’ve been hugged and held and it was amazing. We’re the kinda friends that tell each other “I love you” never was and never will be anything sexual in our friendship. Anyway a bit of looking into things I discovered I wasn’t depressed, I was lonely. So I set about learning to love myself and that started with getting my act together in regards to hygiene, my appearance and my confidence and openness. Joined a few chat groups on Facebook for men only. Got a bit of help from where I needed it and I landed on my feet because one customer I opened up to had training in mental health and she opened my eyes. Men aren’t horny, men just want to feel needed. Yes I accept some men are total assholes sending silly pictures of dicks to the lady’s. For me, hug me and kiss me, sex doesn’t matter. If I can feel your skin on my skin I’m good, ladys if your going to hug a man do it for 6 seconds or more, a 6 second hug is how long it takes for oxytocin a hormone that boosts positive feelings to kick in to help calming our nervous system and improving our mood.now i know my grammar isn’t great and the grammar police is about to pass judgment but that’s ok, your weak and need to feel powerful by finding mistakes in others, I understand that. Honestly I do. I hope my honesty helps others. Today I’m on top of this world. I’m 48 and my fwb is 35. We don’t have sex, we meet up for coffee, we walk,we hug and tell each other everything. we text each other in the morning and at night. I love her to bits but I’m not in love with her. "

Wow well done you and I hope it continues upward for you its amazing how easy people discard others without feeling or worth I admire your courage in sharing ur journey

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By *ind PaddyMan 28 weeks ago

South County Dublin

Very well put Dom Tango, great that you came out of the dark place.

I know the feeling of been lonely, can be very hard.

Keep going, best of luck to you.

I could do with a hug.

I've often bought tickets for plays or concert only for a lady to let me down.

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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago

I feel extremely lonely. I've never had a relationship, it's something that I've always wanted but have failed to be in one. I joined here so I could feel at least some form of connection even if it is only a one night thing

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By *ulkMan 27 weeks ago

xx


"Absolutely, but they will still try to get the leg over, so I dole out the milk of human kindness very sparingly on here"

"Milk of Human Kindness"!!

Lads dish some this milk out alright! Lol

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By *epo_man_84Man 27 weeks ago


"Sometimes we just want to be the little spoon "

Love being the little spoon.

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By *ensualandslow321Man 27 weeks ago

Tullamore

It's a lovely feeling to desire and feel desired

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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago

Some very interesting heartwarming posts here.And the usual codswallop too.

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By *otmature58Man 27 weeks ago

cork

I would truly love some hugs and kisses,x

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By *ohn Boy 2024Man 27 weeks ago

Belfast

Little spoon! Lol.

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By *oinNumberMan 27 weeks ago

Not in Dublin

Most interesting thread I’ve read in a while.

Tango fair play man, delighted for you now and wish you all the best

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