FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Ghosting Or Just Chatting???
Ghosting Or Just Chatting???
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"Fizzling" Is that what it's called  | |||
"Fizzling" Maybe “fizzled out”
Depends on the context of the chat but I would think in general ghosting would be after meeting someone. | |||
"Fizzling Maybe “fizzled out”
Depends on the context of the chat but I would think in general ghosting would be after meeting someone. "If we have chatting for a while about meet up and in the lead up to that meet you or i stop contact is that Ghosting?? | |||
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"Ghosting, vampiring and breadcrumbing. All regular occurences. You also have the plain old anxiety, texting is great but actually meeting, some people find the leap to the meet hard work. " What's vampiring? Yeah in general if say of you expected response or to meet someone and then get no communication to say they've cancelled our anything then you've been ghosted. Other than that conversations just go on hiatus. People are busy, the messages could start up again down the line. People's ideas of what merit a response differ | |||
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"I've never heard of the phrase breadcrumbing.... What does it mean on fab " Stringing someone along essentially, fab or otherwise | |||
"I've never heard of the phrase breadcrumbing.... What does it mean on fab Stringing someone along essentially, fab or otherwise " Get you now.... Everyday a school day | |||
"I've never heard of the phrase breadcrumbing.... What does it mean on fab " Keeping the other person interested by just giving enough of yourself but never having any intention of actually following through on meeting them. But you end up being accused of it even if you do want to meet them but just haven't managed to find the time  | |||
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"I just found the messages had gone a bit stale never agreed to meet up social or othwise just general chat, to me that's not ghosting...." Agree with you ....sometimes it just slows down and stops ....could start again over a thread in the forums or because you meet them at a social | |||
"I just found the messages had gone a bit stale never agreed to meet up social or othwise just general chat, to me that's not ghosting...." I agree with you. | |||
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"If you share a couple of messages with someone general chit chat then just stop replying is that Ghosting Or Just Chatting??" What I am finding is people just cannot hold a conversation...the art of conversation is dead...if the conversation doesn't flow that's a big no no for me...the conversation does not just have to be about sex... Also some people here just want penpals..all talk no action 
B x
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Ghosting is zero reply when an arrangement has been made. | |||
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"What I am finding is people just cannot hold a conversation...the art of conversation is dead...if the conversation doesn't flow that's a big no no for me...the conversation does not just have to be about sex... " So true | |||
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 our Jay I don't believe it | |||
"Deflexting When someone asks their romantic interest something important over text (to ease the nervousness) such as where the relationship is going or whether plans for the next date are still on, and the other person replies to everything except that one message, they’re deflexting. Did they ignore it? Did they not notice it? Did they forget? Who knows? Gatsbying/Instagrandstanding Posting — nay, flaunting, as Jay Gatsby would — good pictures of oneself and one’s life on social media, especially, Instagram, tailored as bait for a crush to see and initiate a conversation." I’ve actually no social media in real life….. Seems one has judged a book by its cover | |||
"Someone said to me recently that sites like Fab attract a lot of "anxious avoidant" people, it's an easy ace to interact while also avoiding commitment of any type. It's an easy place for people to withdraw from if it gets too much for them. People who want some fun and then to run away again and think it out, until they need another boost of fun. " Sounds harsh  but hey, yeah, nobody's perfect  | |||
"Conversation petering put where no arrangement to meet has been made is plain old "no interest", or, in the case of men I shall call "Dug", someone shinier and newer has popped up elsewhere and they will probably be back in a week saying "hey stranger, where have you been"
Ghosting is zero reply when an arrangement has been made."Yes but I'd say that's just general chat too. We're all chatting to different people, chats ebb and flow, like a busy room. I know some people get annoyed then too if you don't keep up convos for days at a time and assume you're not interested. But that's conversing in general! | |||
"Deflexting When someone asks their romantic interest something important over text (to ease the nervousness) such as where the relationship is going or whether plans for the next date are still on, and the other person replies to everything except that one message, they’re deflexting. Did they ignore it? Did they not notice it? Did they forget? Who knows? Gatsbying/Instagrandstanding Posting — nay, flaunting, as Jay Gatsby would — good pictures of oneself and one’s life on social media, especially, Instagram, tailored as bait for a crush to see and initiate a conversation. I’ve actually no social media in real life….. Seems one has judged a book by its cover" Not directed at you Jay..... It was part of that article I cut and pasted above, but the first cut/paste just pasted the last two paragraphs. I did think of you when I read it, but just the name duplication, not anything more. | |||
"Deflexting When someone asks their romantic interest something important over text (to ease the nervousness) such as where the relationship is going or whether plans for the next date are still on, and the other person replies to everything except that one message, they’re deflexting. Did they ignore it? Did they not notice it? Did they forget? Who knows? Gatsbying/Instagrandstanding Posting — nay, flaunting, as Jay Gatsby would — good pictures of oneself and one’s life on social media, especially, Instagram, tailored as bait for a crush to see and initiate a conversation. I’ve actually no social media in real life….. Seems one has judged a book by its cover Not directed at you Jay..... It was part of that article I cut and pasted above, but the first cut/paste just pasted the last two paragraphs. I did think of you when I read it, but just the name duplication, not anything more. " So it’s a coincidence and not a passive aggressive dig? I’m away to fume with anger in the billiards room….. | |||
"Conversation petering put where no arrangement to meet has been made is plain old "no interest", or, in the case of men I shall call "Dug", someone shinier and newer has popped up elsewhere and they will probably be back in a week saying "hey stranger, where have you been"
Ghosting is zero reply when an arrangement has been made.
Yes but I'd say that's just general chat too. We're all chatting to different people, chats ebb and flow, like a busy room. I know some people get annoyed then too if you don't keep up convos for days at a time and assume you're not interested. But that's conversing in general!"I mean the ones who are all over you like a rash every time you're online! Not people who check in every now and again | |||
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"Someone said to me recently that sites like Fab attract a lot of "anxious avoidant" people, it's an easy ace to interact while also avoiding commitment of any type. It's an easy place for people to withdraw from if it gets too much for them. People who want some fun and then to run away again and think it out, until they need another boost of fun. Sounds harsh but hey, yeah, nobody's perfect "Unless people have stood up or ghosted on an arrangement, I don't see an issue. | |||
  I don’t think this is what the thread is about. Using logical deduction maybe it’s only texting at night, suggesting they have a partner who has gone to bed?
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"Is it sucking all the energy out of someone and making them do all the work in communicating?" That sounds like someone choosing to waste their own time | |||
"Deflexting When someone asks their romantic interest something important over text (to ease the nervousness) such as where the relationship is going or whether plans for the next date are still on, and the other person replies to everything except that one message, they’re deflexting. Did they ignore it? Did they not notice it? Did they forget? Who knows? Gatsbying/Instagrandstanding Posting — nay, flaunting, as Jay Gatsby would — good pictures of oneself and one’s life on social media, especially, Instagram, tailored as bait for a crush to see and initiate a conversation. I’ve actually no social media in real life….. Seems one has judged a book by its cover" | |||
"Someone said to me recently that sites like Fab attract a lot of "anxious avoidant" people, it's an easy ace to interact while also avoiding commitment of any type. It's an easy place for people to withdraw from if it gets too much for them. As a result it's FULL of ghosts and vampires and all of the other ways to describe anxious avoidant people. People who want some fun and then to run away again and think it out, until they need another boost of fun. " You've illustrated the point I was trying to make beautifully  | |||
"Someone said to me recently that sites like Fab attract a lot of "anxious avoidant" people, it's an easy ace to interact while also avoiding commitment of any type. It's an easy place for people to withdraw from if it gets too much for them. People who want some fun and then to run away again and think it out, until they need another boost of fun. Sounds harsh but hey, yeah, nobody's perfect
Unless people have stood up or ghosted on an arrangement, I don't see an issue."I don't really either, it's a zero commitment site. It's just a good reminder that other people's behaviour is always about them and never about you, don't take any of it personally. I m probably anxious avoidant myself, maybe, dunno, figuring it out. | |||
"For me, mentally I guess, it's just easier to not interact at all or withdraw from all previous interactions. Sometimes it feels like the pressure is relentless. Pressure to maintain multiple conversations. Pressure to reply. Pressure to say no thanks. Pressure to keep everyone informed. Pressure to interact every time you appear online. Pressure to agree to meet. Pressure to meet within a certain time frame. Pressure to use what little spare time one might have to meet someone. Pressure to not let someone down. Pressure to not change the arrangements. Pressure for your online interactions, or inability to maintain those interactions, to not be labelled as nefarious. It never stops. The easiest way to protect my sanity is to withdraw. Withdrawal is my safety net. So if anyone wonders why I might have "ghosted" them, now you know why. I doubt I'm alone. Like I said, for something that's meant to be fun, it can be totally mentally fucking draining." The only time I've felt pressure to do anything on here was on my last profile and I left rather than be dictated to. Everything else you describe though are things I have avoided doing for the last few years. Not due to pressure but more to do with time constraints and health and just not being physically or mentally in a position to chat to people never mind arrange to meet them. Anyone here on my friends list wondering why I'm not constantly in touch, it's nothing personal. I'm ignoring everyone
Even away from fab I have close friends and family members that I rarely contact or visit so it's not just an online malaise.
Just the thought of ringing someone for a conversation doesn't appeal to me and the funny thing is when I do speak to them, they feel exactly the same and have been waiting, like me, for someone else to make the first move.
For me it's more about a lack of energy than protecting my sanity. | |||
the world have gone nuts
B x | |||
"So what's Fabfishing "My guess: casting the net out in fab and seeing what you catch, once you ve had the thrill of catching something, you release it back into the water again. Ethical fab fishing. | |||
"Haven't heard half of these terms the world have gone nuts
B x"Absolutely, instead of needing a label for everything (clearly pointless when people have different interpretations anyway) it's a matter of recognising which interactions are proving positive for oneself. We can't control what others do, only our own response to it. | |||
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"Haven't heard half of these terms the world have gone nuts
B x
Absolutely, instead of needing a label for everything (clearly pointless when people have different interpretations anyway) it's a matter of recognising which interactions are proving positive for oneself. We can't control what others do, only our own response to it."Well said...exactly this 
B x | |||
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"Omg the only terminology I had heard of is ghosting. I met my current partner on fabswingers over 4 years ago. Fell in love immediately and we moved in together after 3 months. I had been single for 4 years prior. Dating was tough then but my god has it gotten so complicated with technology impacting it as much as it does. Reading all those terms kind of made me sad for my non fabswinger single friends tbh" To be honest, anyone who is fully up to date with all the terminology and is happy to throw these words into conversation is someone I would be more than content to ghost without a second thought and let them fizzle away. To be that invested in labelling must be pretty sad. | |||
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"Human behaviour on this site or any other site can only ever be generalised and that's unfortunately where labelling comes into play as everything needs to be compartmentalized to fit narratives for people. I'll be honest wanting to belong but also wanting to be alone is a dance I have danced a lot in the past. With age I find I am drawn more to the latter these days. Each day is different and I stay open to what is meant for me without judgement. There are so many un conscious humans walking around on this earth. Quite like my solitude until I don't. I am drawn to those who have a good personal awareness about them. Most of us possess the capacity to be kind. I lead with kindness." You sound amazing. I feel similarly; I really love having 100% agency over my own life. I think I will be happily uncoupled forever. Flirting and sex and fun and friendship, that's all I want. More and more frequently I observe couples making extreme sacrifices to maintain a unit, that can often have toxic tendencies. I like the description attaching to the labels in the article (I cut and pasted in) . Labels and words change meaning over time, they are not static, water tight boxes, just words. It is good to increase awareness of changing norms, there is nothing threatening about reading something with a different perspective. We can all take it or leave it, love and let live. There is no right or wrong, just an opinion piece. | |||
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"Human behaviour on this site or any other site can only ever be generalised and that's unfortunately where labelling comes into play as everything needs to be compartmentalized to fit narratives for people. I'll be honest wanting to belong but also wanting to be alone is a dance I have danced a lot in the past. With age I find I am drawn more to the latter these days. Each day is different and I stay open to what is meant for me without judgement. There are so many un conscious humans walking around on this earth. Quite like my solitude until I don't. I am drawn to those who have a good personal awareness about them. Most of us possess the capacity to be kind. I lead with kindness. You sound amazing. I feel similarly; I really love having 100% agency over my own life. I think I will be happily uncoupled forever. Flirting and sex and fun and friendship, that's all I want. More and more frequently I observe couples making extreme sacrifices to maintain a unit, that can often have toxic tendencies. I like the description attaching to the labels in the article (I cut and pasted in) . Labels and words change meaning over time, they are not static, water tight boxes, just words. It is good to increase awareness of changing norms, there is nothing threatening about reading something with a different perspective. We can all take it or leave it, love and let live. There is no right or wrong, just an opinion piece. " Language is beautiful. The word impermanence is one of my favourite words and meanings. Our perspective of language is unique to every single individual. Our upbringings, or past traumas, or current lives all impact how we perceive a thought, a statement, a feeling. What I like today may change tomorrow because I may wake up in a different state each day. Loads of variables affect my state of being from poor sleep, to something I ate that didn't agree with me, to anxiety to joy to whatever. I let everyone external to me be as they are for that is their journey and I wish them well. Some require stricter boundaries than others but I do so from a place of compassion. The reality is nobody knows what is happening in real life for anyone of us on sites like this. Hence why I lead with kindness even when I don't engage. When a person is upset and they focus on the behaviour that upset them they are avoiding themselves and therefore lose the opportunity to unravel themselves and also heal in some way. That was happening long before technology arrived on the scene...and will continue to be the case for some. Each day is an opportunity to grow and on a lighter note I do love to watch things grow on here hehe x | |||
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"I killed the convo lol" | |||
"I killed the convo lol" People are just pausing to admire that cleavage | |||
"I killed the convo lol" Aye but ye’ve been hotlisted Swings and roundabouts I suppose | |||
"It’s cowardly , we’re all big boys and girls if you’re not interested just say so , you’ll be respected more for it. " Feeling like I have been, but what to do? Ignore it or ask straight out...I'd rather hear and move on. | |||
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"I killed the convo lol" That because you won the thread | |||
"I killed the convo lol That because you won the thread "Hahaha well there you go....now where do I go to collect the prize | |||
"I killed the convo lol Aye but ye’ve been hotlisted Swings and roundabouts I suppose" Silver linings hehe | |||
"I killed the convo lol People are just pausing to admire that cleavage "Nothing wrong with that hehe | |||
"I killed the convo lol People are just pausing to admire that cleavage "Not getting away from that cleavage | |||
"I killed the convo lol People are just pausing to admire that cleavage
Not getting away from that cleavage "Hehe | |||
"I killed the convo lol That because you won the thread
Hahaha well there you go....now where do I go to collect the prize "Here’s my Eircode, R51 KX25…… | |||
"Human behaviour on this site or any other site can only ever be generalised and that's unfortunately where labelling comes into play as everything needs to be compartmentalized to fit narratives for people. I'll be honest wanting to belong but also wanting to be alone is a dance I have danced a lot in the past. With age I find I am drawn more to the latter these days. Each day is different and I stay open to what is meant for me without judgement. There are so many un conscious humans walking around on this earth. Quite like my solitude until I don't. I am drawn to those who have a good personal awareness about them. Most of us possess the capacity to be kind. I lead with kindness." This resonates with me. All you non conformists line up so we can clearly label you so that you conform again as part of the non conforming category. | |||
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"It’s cowardly , we’re all big boys and girls if you’re not interested just say so , you’ll be respected more for it. " I fully agree with you, just 99% of the others on here don't get it. | |||
"I'm better in person than I am online chat wise, I get a bit awkward and am ridiculously stupid at reading signs so sometimes things have fizzled out on my part " No like I relate to this so much. I find it hard to communicate like I would in person and can come across rude etc. but I’m just a messer I should get to some socials | |||
