FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Do's & Don'ts of a social M&G
Do's & Don'ts of a social M&G
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Don’t touch people without consent or kiss without consent
Anytime I have done that is either by asking or by getting invited.
Also for the love of god, don’t discuss religion and politics at fab meets  |
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Don’t make the conversation about their exact jobs, where they live exactly etc.
We have had people asking this and when you are honest they then go on to tell you names of colleagues and neighbours etc.
Be discreet. |
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From a single guys point of view.
Go with an open mind.
Approach people you don't know and introduce yourself.
If your nervous just say so and don't worry. People understand because they've been there too.
Read the room. Sometimes you might get a vibe that it's time to move on so be prepared for that. It's nothing personal.
Think ahead. That connection you made might not be on the cards tonight but if you play it cool you still made a connection and you can stay in touch.
Some people might not want to go to bed with you but they might make good friends so think about networking and getting the know the scene. |
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Try and speak to those who look like they are struggling, and bring them in rather than sticking in your friendgroup. Some people find new social situations really hard and really appreciate a kind word. |
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By *og-ManMan 34 weeks ago
somewhere |
"Try and speak to those who look like they are struggling, and bring them in rather than sticking in your friendgroup. Some people find new social situations really hard and really appreciate a kind word."
This is excellent advice...no one should be left on their own ...its very easy to say hello |
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By *nA101Couple 34 weeks ago
limerick |
"Try and speak to those who look like they are struggling, and bring them in rather than sticking in your friendgroup. Some people find new social situations really hard and really appreciate a kind word."
probably the best suggestion here .. our first social was a bit awkward until a very kind lady made conversation and we settled right in after that
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Do:
1. Utilize the group chat (not every event will have one, but those that do GREATLY help to settle the nerves a little if you take your time to interact in them) - do not be a potato master - chat in the group chat. It HELPS!
2. Show up sober (one or two drinks for Dutch courage are okay, 4h of straight drinking and showing up black out d*unk - absolutely not okay).
3. It helps newbies if they arrive early - more space to mingle with others and emptier room that is filling up around you is less intimidating rather than waking into a room full of strangers and not knowing where to turn and who to approach.
4. Dress to the theme - don't be afraid to pull out a quirky costume or be a bit more dressy if there's a theme. Joggers, dirty clothes, football tops usually aren't a welcome attire.
5. Do be approachable. Even if someone approaches you and you don't find them attractive - don't turn your nose at them. They might just want to be friendly and have no intentions to have sex with you. They might just have a friend who you may fancy that they will introduce you to. You will always attract more bees with honey
6. Do be respectful to everyone.
7. If it's a verified only event and you bump into someone you know IRL - don't be scared of them - they've went through the same vetting process, they're out for the same reason - to meet new people.
8. Do drink responsibly - being completely written off isn't attractive to anyone.
Don't:
1. Use or bring dr u gs. Under no circumstances is that okay.
2. Never touch or kiss ANYONE without expressed consent. People who go to socials aren't fair game and aren't looking to be sexually assaulted by randos. Respect that.
3. Be an asshole. Leave your ego at the door and if you don't like someone- just avoid them and focus on people you do like.
4. Don't have public arguments with your other half - deal with your issues at home.
5. Don't expect miracles to happen- it's just a night out after all and it will mostly depend on how you choose to spend it.
6. Don't be aggressive - any kind of aggression is never tolerated at any reputable organizers event (matter of fact this and points 1, 2 & 3 if broken will likely land you into a permanent blacklist from either one or most organizers events).
7. Stay silent - events are a safe space for like minded people, so if you have any concerns about anything that is going on that you feel shouldn't- do let organizers know immediately, so they can deal with it.
8. Don't expect sex. Socials are exactly what it says on the box - social. |
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"Try and speak to those who look like they are struggling, and bring them in rather than sticking in your friendgroup. Some people find new social situations really hard and really appreciate a kind word."
This is lovey advice to see as we are currently trying to pluck the courage to get our 1st M&G under the belt. |
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My advice would be super open minded all walks of life are at these socials...
I've been too lots of socials and yet still to even get a hello from many people who have attended many socials I have went too...
So best to be very approachable and chatty ... I always make the point to go mingle and say hello to people that may look little nervous or alone there's nothing worse when feeling left out...
Do read the room though sometimes people just aren't that into you and that's ok...still say hello though you never know who might end up liking you back...
Best to just treat a social like a night out at the pub with many people who are into the same things....
It's certainly not a sex party or play party so don't be expecting that either...
Just remember try and keep alittle sober it's good to remember a social for good verifications that follow xx |
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By *affa31Woman 34 weeks ago
Galway |
I would add to ask the host to introduce you to some people if you’re nervous or don’t know anyone. It’s literally their job to make sure no one is being left out or feeling unwelcome (unless you’re being an asshole/creep!) |
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"Do:
1. Utilize the group chat (not every event will have one, but those that do GREATLY help to settle the nerves a little if you take your time to interact in them) - do not be a potato master - chat in the group chat. It HELPS!
2. Show up sober (one or two drinks for Dutch courage are okay, 4h of straight drinking and showing up black out d*unk - absolutely not okay).
3. It helps newbies if they arrive early - more space to mingle with others and emptier room that is filling up around you is less intimidating rather than waking into a room full of strangers and not knowing where to turn and who to approach.
4. Dress to the theme - don't be afraid to pull out a quirky costume or be a bit more dressy if there's a theme. Joggers, dirty clothes, football tops usually aren't a welcome attire.
5. Do be approachable. Even if someone approaches you and you don't find them attractive - don't turn your nose at them. They might just want to be friendly and have no intentions to have sex with you. They might just have a friend who you may fancy that they will introduce you to. You will always attract more bees with honey
6. Do be respectful to everyone.
7. If it's a verified only event and you bump into someone you know IRL - don't be scared of them - they've went through the same vetting process, they're out for the same reason - to meet new people.
8. Do drink responsibly - being completely written off isn't attractive to anyone.
Don't:
1. Use or bring dr u gs. Under no circumstances is that okay.
2. Never touch or kiss ANYONE without expressed consent. People who go to socials aren't fair game and aren't looking to be sexually assaulted by randos. Respect that.
3. Be an asshole. Leave your ego at the door and if you don't like someone- just avoid them and focus on people you do like.
4. Don't have public arguments with your other half - deal with your issues at home.
5. Don't expect miracles to happen- it's just a night out after all and it will mostly depend on how you choose to spend it.
6. Don't be aggressive - any kind of aggression is never tolerated at any reputable organizers event (matter of fact this and points 1, 2 & 3 if broken will likely land you into a permanent blacklist from either one or most organizers events).
7. Stay silent - events are a safe space for like minded people, so if you have any concerns about anything that is going on that you feel shouldn't- do let organizers know immediately, so they can deal with it.
8. Don't expect sex. Socials are exactly what it says on the box - social. "
Great reply x |
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By *sopon86Man 34 weeks ago
louth dublin |
Go with no expectations..think of it as if you were going out for one or 2 drinks in the pub..same rules apply.only differance is everybody is on the same page.manners and respect go a long way.and most of all just be yourself.everybody was a newbie at one stage. |
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By *ilderMan 34 weeks ago
dublin |
Mingle but be respectful. Not everyone is after the same thing/People so like everywhere be prepared for rejection as well as making contacts. Try to read the signals but also be cautious when required. Oh, and enjoy yourself  |
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"If only the fourth rule happened , lots of hubbys don’t like wifey being chatted too"
Chat to the hubby or bf. Allow him to vet you, before chatting to his wife. In fact make a point of meeting all the men in the room. |
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"If only the fourth rule happened , lots of hubbys don’t like wifey being chatted too
Well if that's the case, they have no business swinging!  "
Maybe it depends how she's being spoken to, or if the person chatting to her has been a dick to her partner *shrug*. The same goes for women chatting to men |
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By *eddybear37Man 34 weeks ago
everywhere kildare longford |
"Don't drink too much
Don't expect sex
Do dress appropriately for a public area
Join the chat group beforehand so that you've been chatting to people going
"
Could not have put it better myself |
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It can be that too, their issues , I’ve come across it couple of times as have other men , wife’s is all chat and hubby just plainly rude , but having said that have met plenty of pleasant couples. |
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By *astelloWoman 34 weeks ago
Far far away |
I remember my 2nd social as a solo female. I was petrified. The walk into the venue was so scary. But just be yourself. Find the host theyre usually there to help mingle. And lots of nervous people there too..
Enjoy and have no expectations. |
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"Thanks, Quiet lad and not a chatter box which wouldn't help.. but the more people you get to know would probably make it easier"
Not necessarily, I'm a social butterfly anyway, I go around chatting to everybody lol!!! I find going to the pre-drinks before the main event is good but get there early, like at 7pm rather than 8pm, it's not so overwhelming then!! |
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"Thanks, Quiet lad and not a chatter box which wouldn't help.. but the more people you get to know would probably make it easier
Not necessarily, I'm a social butterfly anyway, I go around chatting to everybody lol!!! I find going to the pre-drinks before the main event is good but get there early, like at 7pm rather than 8pm, it's not so overwhelming then!! "
Thanks for the advice. Very kind x |
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Don't drink too much
Don't be pushy
Don't wear high heels if you can't walk in them
Don't have any expectations
Don't judge anyone without talking to them first
.
Do turn up to the social even if you leave an hour later.
Do make sure to meet the organisers and chat to them for a while so they get a better feel for what you're like!
Don't worry about the nerves, everyone gets them and there'll be other newbies going so you won't be alone! |
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"Thanks guys
That list is more or less what I mail back to people so I'm glad I'm giving the right tips. I would HATE to be a newbie again...its very daunting isn't it "
There's a lot of great advice in this thread for newbies, however I think seasoned attendees need to keep themselves in check too. Some of the worst behaviour I've encountered, which is rare, has been from those who should know better. |
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I went to my first social on my own and the organisers invited me to meet them earlier in the day and they introduced to others as they arrived.
I've never seen an organiser do this or even introduce newbies at the event at any other mng I've been to since.
It's impossible to be social at many socials because of the music volume and having to shout out your fab name to a stranger isn't ideal and wedding planner seating arrangements makes it even more difficult to mingle and get to know people because you have to approach an entire table rather than an individual.
I've been in venues with 100 people that would struggle to fit half that number.
I've left one event because of the male half of a well established and multi verified couple pestering my friend for sex from the moment he walked into the room.
Every time he got knocked back by other women there he came back to our table and started again so we left.
We reported them to the organisers and were told they would pass the details to every other event planner but unfortunately based on subsequent verifications at socials, it's obvious that this didn't happen.
I've also been told before certain events that there was no chatgroup and then asked by people who have commented in this thread why I wasn't in the chatgroup?
These are all things that I'm sure anyone organising these events are well aware of but are all reasons that I and others I'm aware of don't get excited about the social scene and are reluctant to attend future events because we expect more of the same.
Some of the most ignorant and unwelcoming people I've come across have been at fab socials with their sense of entitlement as well as inappropriate touching by men and women.
If I was to touch a woman in the way some women feel is acceptable to touch me and others I would like to think I would be removed from the venue immediately.
I'm well aware of the work that goes into setting up and running a social and that it's impossible to keep everyone happy but I would bet that most organisers would prefer honest feedback rather than the repetitive and bland verifications after every event.
I've sat beside complete strangers who have been very vocal on the night about how terrible the DJ was, the poor quality of the food and the behaviour of others and they have left early as a result but then written a veri the next day praising the event and how fucking awesome it was.
Organisers can't be expected to sort out behaviour issues if they aren't reported and they can't be expected to look at seating or music or the standard of food if everyone tells them it was perfect.
I know this is one of those TLDR posts but what's the point in advising newbies on behaviour or what not to do if there are many other issues that people seem reluctant to admit to? |
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"Thanks guys
That list is more or less what I mail back to people so I'm glad I'm giving the right tips. I would HATE to be a newbie again...its very daunting isn't it
There's a lot of great advice in this thread for newbies, however I think seasoned attendees need to keep themselves in check too. Some of the worst behaviour I've encountered, which is rare, has been from those who should know better. "
I agree here  I met a few newbies at the Wild West Social in Mayo last month, they were all really nice!!  |
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It’s natural to want to stick with the same sex meeting new people, guys with guys and girls with girls. But try to push yourself outside your comfort zone and mix with others. Some people will find it easier to “work the room” than others. Even just aim to meet one or two new people from the gender you seek, you’ll probably not get chatting to everyone at the social properly. I find you get out of a social the effort you put into it. Some great advise above. |
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By *ezoMan 34 weeks ago
The Kingdom |
All the advice on this thread is valid and worth adhering to.
When I went to my first M&G I was nervous and shy. Was very early and did talk a bit with the organiser before anyone else showed up, I was unaware of a pre-drink session.
But yeah as others have stated, it is a social. So socially unacceptable behaviour is unacceptable. Have common sense and a bit of copon.
Chat with others, you never know what kind of friend you might meet. |
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There is men at socials who think that just cause a woman smiles at them or gives them attention they’re gonna shag them and then pester them to the point of annoyance.
I met lovely people at socials , Woman, Men , couples but have also met people who are just plain rude for no reason and it’s mostly the hubbies. |
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"Only went to my 1st a week's back... and the best advice is not to over think what's in store for yeah.
It is simply a night out with others that are like minded. And try talk to as many as you can. It's not about drink or sex it's all about getting to know others. If you get lucky all the better   "
We tried to make it comfortable and stress free for all our newbie...
Glad u enjoyed ur nite at the wild west social...kitty.x |
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