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Missed opportunities or too much of a gentleman
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Here I am a man in my 50’s . Am I the only one that reflects on my younger years with a tinge of regret about missed opportunities . There were instances where I misread signals from women or held back, guided by a sense of being a gentleman.I can't help but wonder about the missed connections that might have been. |
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I've a long long list of missed opportunities from my 20s. I was never a ladies' man and never had a way with them the way other guys I know did. Any real confidence and charm didn't kick in till after I was 30.
There were definitely opportunities I could have taken but didn't. In saying that, I don't think you can be too much of a gentleman. I might have missed out on some sexy times but then again those opportunities may not even have been there if I hadn't been the person I was.
I've more regrets romantically than sexually but that's a different story |
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I used to reflect on my youth but I don't anymore.
My teenage years were non existent due to circumstances so there were never opportunities for me to miss.
In my 40s I thought about the huge gaps in my experiences compared to all my friends and others around me because I wasn't in a position to travel or meet new people until I was in my 50s.
I've no memories of missed opportunities at all but I know I was dumped by my first girlfriend for being "too nice"which she never really explained and I didn't understand. |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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I think everyone has missed opportunities in life.
I may have missed a few opportunities on here due to misread vibes on both my part and/or his, but the positive outweighs the negative so I just move on.
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By *og-ManMan 36 weeks ago
somewhere |
I can't read signals now never mind when I was a younger man
I think its only natural to reminisce every now and then and regret some things but dont forget to also be thankful for the good times you had
Only ever had one serious girlfriend before I met my wife but that was 41 years ago and I was also friends with the man she married
Met them last weekend while out and for the first time ever there was no little blip in my heart after I spoke to her.
Mind you neither of them recognised me at first but delighted when she did say my name |
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On the other hand, I’ve taken risks and told one particular lad who I was friends with since we were 10 that I had feelings for him afew years back after we had been spending a good bit of time together alone, on what felt like dates to me (dinners, drinks, sunsets up the mountains walking his dog, all of which he instigated) and he said he was absolutely shocked and ultimately didn’t feel the same. Part of me is ok with knowing that, but my ego would have preferred to have seen him as “the one that got away” |
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I don't really think of the one that got away. I was 15 16 meeting my oldest girls dad, apart from a years break and I did meet someone else. Ended up getting back with my ex and and the other lad was upset at the time I finished it .
I often wonder how he is . I don't do regrets. As at the time it was the right decision |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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"On the other hand, I’ve taken risks and told one particular lad who I was friends with since we were 10 that I had feelings for him afew years back after we had been spending a good bit of time together alone, on what felt like dates to me (dinners, drinks, sunsets up the mountains walking his dog, all of which he instigated) and he said he was absolutely shocked and ultimately didn’t feel the same. Part of me is ok with knowing that, but my ego would have preferred to have seen him as “the one that got away” "
His loss …. |
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By *astelloWoman 36 weeks ago
Far far away |
Its natural to reminisce especially when you reach certain points in life. I don't have any major regrets with regards to relationships. Probably in my teenage years, l was a little jealous of their relationships, but in retrospect they married local and never left to experience anything new. I lived my life on my own terms until my mid 30s and travelled the world... And kissed a few buckos on the way.
No regrets, no long lost love.. Just curious to see whats next...
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"Its natural to reminisce especially when you reach certain points in life. I don't have any major regrets with regards to relationships. Probably in my teenage years, l was a little jealous of their relationships, but in retrospect they married local and never left to experience anything new. I lived my life on my own terms until my mid 30s and travelled the world... And kissed a few buckos on the way.
No regrets, no long lost love.. Just curious to see whats next...
"
A good outlook....much the same left hometown in Early 20,s moved and worked around ireland had great craic, then Australia for a cupla years, came home in my 30,s got a job that involved travelling Europe/Eastern Europe and after a few years of that moved home to work locally.
Probably should have shown more interest in relationships years ago but I wanted the open road back then,and you never think then you're 20,s will end
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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What can ya do about it only make sure you dont have the same regrets in 10 years about now. Live in the moment and just enjoy life, there aint a rewind button. |
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By *rRiosMan 36 weeks ago
dublin |
"Not trying to be flippant but it’s important to remember hindsight is the foresight of a gobshite. "
I like the sentiment of this to a point but without hindsight how is someone going to learn to act/react differently if similar situations come up if they were disappointed with the original outcome.
Life’s mistakes are just lessons that we try to take kinda vibe… |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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"Here I am a man in my 50’s . Am I the only one that reflects on my younger years with a tinge of regret about missed opportunities . There were instances where I misread signals from women or held back, guided by a sense of being a gentleman.I can't help but wonder about the missed connections that might have been. "
No point looking backwards those times are gone |
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By *runchMan 36 weeks ago
Dublin |
So many clichés in this thread...
It's a great soundbite to not think about the past and live in the present yadda yadda, but surely there are lessons to be taken from the past and applied to the future
Anyone who claims to spend little time thinking about the past is bound to repeat the same mistakes.
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"On the other hand, I’ve taken risks and told one particular lad who I was friends with since we were 10 that I had feelings for him afew years back after we had been spending a good bit of time together alone, on what felt like dates to me (dinners, drinks, sunsets up the mountains walking his dog, all of which he instigated) and he said he was absolutely shocked and ultimately didn’t feel the same. Part of me is ok with knowing that, but my ego would have preferred to have seen him as “the one that got away” "
Strange how things were interpreted polar opposites , difficult to believe he didn't see or know what was happening |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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A song by a band called the Doves - There goes the fear. It gives an important lesson of life of growing older and looking back into the past of what could of been. But telling you to let go.
I am guilty of reflecting back in the past of what could of been. Of all the girls and missed opportunities i missed or let go for being too polite.
You learn from past mistakes, or stupidly repeat them as I have at times.
Some of us have a fear of letting go. But, it can hinder your development if you hold onto it.
Reflecting on what could of been is the devil's playground of one own torment. |
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For those saying learn from the mistakes of the past, you are making an assumption that mistakes have been made.
Many people didn't have opportunities due to particular circumstances so they weren't in a position to make mistakes that could be rectified in later years.
For anyone with those experiences, looking back is a complete waste of time as there is nothing to learn from. |
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By *runchMan 36 weeks ago
Dublin |
"For those saying learn from the mistakes of the past, you are making an assumption that mistakes have been made.
Many people didn't have opportunities due to particular circumstances so they weren't in a position to make mistakes that could be rectified in later years.
For anyone with those experiences, looking back is a complete waste of time as there is nothing to learn from."
People are not infallible. We make mistakes. |
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"So many clichés in this thread...
It's a great soundbite to not think about the past and live in the present yadda yadda, but surely there are lessons to be taken from the past and applied to the future
Anyone who claims to spend little time thinking about the past is bound to repeat the same mistakes.
"
Is this not a cliche in itself? The road not taken (if there even was a choice to make) doesn't mean necessarily that mistakes were made. And there's no guarantee that if we "learn" from a perceived past mistake, that that decision will work out better in the here and now, because nothing happens in isolation. |
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"For those saying learn from the mistakes of the past, you are making an assumption that mistakes have been made.
Many people didn't have opportunities due to particular circumstances so they weren't in a position to make mistakes that could be rectified in later years.
For anyone with those experiences, looking back is a complete waste of time as there is nothing to learn from.
People are not infallible. We make mistakes. "
You can't make mistakes in relationships you've never had or have regrets over not doing things that were never even an option.
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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Your eyes are placed in front of you for a reason.
Your eyes should only look backwards for special references. Keep your eyes on the road. Focus on your goals and ambitions and less on people and things that are counterproductive. |
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By *runchMan 36 weeks ago
Dublin |
"So many clichés in this thread...
It's a great soundbite to not think about the past and live in the present yadda yadda, but surely there are lessons to be taken from the past and applied to the future
Anyone who claims to spend little time thinking about the past is bound to repeat the same mistakes.
Is this not a cliche in itself? The road not taken (if there even was a choice to make) doesn't mean necessarily that mistakes were made. And there's no guarantee that if we "learn" from a perceived past mistake, that that decision will work out better in the here and now, because nothing happens in isolation. "
Yes, not everything one looks back was a mistake, but, at least in my case, I have made my share of those too. Do I dwell on them or do they keep at night? Not really, though they have taught me valuable lessons, which I carry with me in the present and into the future.
To your second point, I think we can both agree that previously going out with,say,an alcoholic that, going by accounts of partners of ex-addicts, probably was a mistake and is likely to work out better if not repeated in the future. Unless you are referring to taxes and death, there are no other guarantees in life. |
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I know that feeling OP. Sometimes years later I’ve realised someone was into me and I was oblivious ‘gosh, you’re friendly! How nice’
And other times when I had a chance and didn’t act on it.
That’s just part of life, regrets, greener grass etc.
I don’t beat myself up about them but it is still fine to think about them and see if there is anything to learn from it.
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Don't beat yourself up, nearly every woman you talk to will have at least one experience of a much too persista t man who though he didn't want to "miss his opportunity" and made us uncomfortable.
I'm sure that in some of those situation you made the right call!
Sorry that you can't know exactly which was which.
I do implore all ladies to learn to be more forthcoming! And I think there's nothing wrong with asking if there is something there! |
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