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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Sing "Happy Birthday To Me" during wax play and blow out the candle.
During a scene, do a Howard Cosell impression and provide a play-by-play account of what is being done to you.
If your dom/me tells you to "Look me in the eyes," do it cross-eyed.
If your dom/me decides to do a verbal humiliation scene with you in public, stick your fingers in your ears and say "Neener, neener, neener, I can't hear you!"
Stick an Alka-Seltzer tablet in your mouth at the beginning of a scene. Work up some saliva to get it fizzy, then call out your safeword.
If you're trussed up and ordered to count, inform your top you can't do it unless you can use your fingers and toes.
Hold up a scorecard after each blow delivered.
After a particularly hard blow, pretend to pass out. When your dom/me checks to see if you're OK, jump up and yell "Gotcha!"
Go in the toybag and superglue the nipple clamps shut.
Attach clappers to all the outlets in the dungeon just before a paddling (Clap on! Clap off!)
"Oh my god, where did you get those, they are gorgeous!!!" is not considered boot worship.
Doing your Beavis and Butthead imitation of "Fire, fire, fire, fire!" during Master's lecture on fireplay safety is considered rude.
Responding with "Yes, All Wise, All Knowing Grand Imperial Weenie" is not appropriate when Master asks you if you are comfortable during a bondage scene.
Asking to go to the bathroom every five minutes while Master practices his Japanese rope work on you will try his patience, quickly.
Checking Master's head for the 666 symbol after a harsh punishment will only get you more of the same, or worse.
"I know you are but what am I?" is not the appropriate response when called a raunchy little whore during humiliation play.
"Missed me, missed me, now ya gotta kiss me" is an unacceptable remark when Master's flogger slips.
When Master pulls out his bullwhip and says he wants to play, he doesn't mean hide-and-seek
"Oh, and you think I am?" is an unacceptable response to hearing your dominant say he is not pleased.
During a play party is not the time to do your hilarious imitation of Igor and hunch over, moaning "Yes, Master" when ordered to fetch something.
Singing the chorus of "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better" under your breath during a session is considered foolhardy.
Asking "Is that as HARD as you can hit??" is considered a cry for help amongst submissive suicide prevention workers.
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