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Parenting thread
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By *asual777 OP Man 43 weeks ago
i travel all over |
Very few threads over the years on this . Perhaps not surprising in some ways.
Please post if you find it joyful , impossible , feel you rushed into it , took too long to want to get into it or have made a decision to steer clear of it.
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Probably is and will be the greatest achievement in my life. I have a girl and a biy in their mid 20s who have given me some of the lowest of lows to the highest of highs. Both are leading productive and enjoyable lives, never been in any sort of bother. Great drinking buddies and a very proud dad here. |
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I learned too late that just being there with love, compassion, patience and understanding without trying to "parent" (in other words - correcting behaviour rather than looking for the need and the emotion of a "bad" behaviour) is the best way to parent.
If I could do it again - I would do a LOT of things completely and utterly different. In fact, I probably wouldn't have children if I knew then what I know now. Not because I think I'm a bad parent, not because my children are bad children but because of the utter heartbreak on different levels raising children, one with additional needs, in today's cruel world. |
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"Probably is and will be the greatest achievement in my life. I have a girl and a biy in their mid 20s who have given me some of the lowest of lows to the highest of highs. Both are leading productive and enjoyable lives, never been in any sort of bother. Great drinking buddies and a very proud dad here. "
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By *habMan 43 weeks ago
Boomtown |
"But because of the utter heartbreak on different levels raising children, one with additional needs, in today's cruel world."
Totally agree with this, the constant battle of getting one's child recognised for the person he/she is and not defined by their impairment/disability. But the high of seeing an achievement is unbelievably rewarding |
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I am a very proud mama bear I have 2 brilliant girls who are now fantastic mothers themselves and I have one amazing son who is a crazy teen who tells me he feels like he has 3 mams because of the age difference between him and his sisters lol |
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I don’t think there is a set rule on parenting, it’s different for everyone, boys girls special needs are all different, all you can do is try your best and hope you make the the right decisions and let your love light shine |
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By *asual777 OP Man 43 weeks ago
i travel all over |
"I don’t think there is a set rule on parenting, it’s different for everyone, boys girls special needs are all different, all you can do is try your best and hope you make the the right decisions and let your love light shine "
Yes agree . The difference is resilience , social awareness , motivational levels and organisational skills between my kids is remarkable . They require completely different approaches |
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"I learned too late that just being there with love, compassion, patience and understanding without trying to "parent" (in other words - correcting behaviour rather than looking for the need and the emotion of a "bad" behaviour) is the best way to parent.
If I could do it again - I would do a LOT of things completely and utterly different. In fact, I probably wouldn't have children if I knew then what I know now. Not because I think I'm a bad parent, not because my children are bad children but because of the utter heartbreak on different levels raising children, one with additional needs, in today's cruel world."
Prior to mine being born, we were offered a test to see if there was any "abnormalities " as NHS put it. We refused point blank. We didn't even know their sex, we just wanted kids to have and to hold. Today's children that have special needs are so totally ignored by our government and previous ones.
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"Probably is and will be the greatest achievement in my life. I have a girl and a biy in their mid 20s who have given me some of the lowest of lows to the highest of highs. Both are leading productive and enjoyable lives, never been in any sort of bother. Great drinking buddies and a very proud dad here.
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Thank you |
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By *ermbiMan 42 weeks ago
Ballyshannon |
"I learned too late that just being there with love, compassion, patience and understanding without trying to "parent" (in other words - correcting behaviour rather than looking for the need and the emotion of a "bad" behaviour) is the best way to parent.
If I could do it again - I would do a LOT of things completely and utterly different. In fact, I probably wouldn't have children if I knew then what I know now. Not because I think I'm a bad parent, not because my children are bad children but because of the utter heartbreak on different levels raising children, one with additional needs, in today's cruel world.
Prior to mine being born, we were offered a test to see if there was any "abnormalities " as NHS put it. We refused point blank. We didn't even know their sex, we just wanted kids to have and to hold. Today's children that have special needs are so totally ignored by our government and previous ones.
"
I wouldn't go as far as saying totally ignored. A huge amount of special needs teachers and SNAs in schools now |
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"I learned too late that just being there with love, compassion, patience and understanding without trying to "parent" (in other words - correcting behaviour rather than looking for the need and the emotion of a "bad" behaviour) is the best way to parent.
If I could do it again - I would do a LOT of things completely and utterly different. In fact, I probably wouldn't have children if I knew then what I know now. Not because I think I'm a bad parent, not because my children are bad children but because of the utter heartbreak on different levels raising children, one with additional needs, in today's cruel world.
Prior to mine being born, we were offered a test to see if there was any "abnormalities " as NHS put it. We refused point blank. We didn't even know their sex, we just wanted kids to have and to hold. Today's children that have special needs are so totally ignored by our government and previous ones.
"
I agree wholeheartedly with the first paragraph above as a parent. I'd disagree somewhat with last paragraph as both a parent to children with multiple additional needs & as a special Ed teacher. There is so much more the government could do yes 100%, but saying ignoring is a bit far. I agree it is hard to raise children with additional needs based on society & not their actual needs (social versus medical model of disability). |
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By *dfabMan 42 weeks ago
Dunboyne |
Girl and boy here. Both young teenagers and very different interests but get on like a house on fire, thankfully.
From a three child family myself and took 20yrs after the age of say 10, until 30, to get on with each other well.
I would never recommend 3 children as 2 always gang up on 1 and it changes dynamic like the wind. Even numbers best 
Thankfully we are older and wiser now and able to deal with aging parent together |
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Never was a parent. Never will be.
Pregnancy (other people's and even the idea of my own gives me shivers).
Severely dislike babies and toddlers. They're loud and smelly and unpredictable.
My family and friends as well as strangers have been hounding me to have a kid of my own for many years with words like "you'll change your mind when you're older", "who's gonna look after you when you're old (complete bullshit reason for anyone to have kid if that's thier reason) and many more statements that I could make a bingo card with.
Very happy to be a stepmum Dirks kids and love them as my own. We have them at least 3 times a week, we interact with them, we have a happy family time and then they go back to their mum's.
Could never imagine having a kid of my own at home 24/7 - literally my worst nightmare.
Missus |
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"I'd have been of similar thoughts in my 20s but have to say I absolutely adore mine and my major regret is waiting until I was 40s to have them but that's how life unfolded"
Very happy that we are both sterile and don't even have to worry about unhappy (to us) accidents. I'm extremely strong minded and if there is something that I will never compromise on - that is on having any kind of babies. I've broken some relationships over it (without regret), where my ex partners didn't take my stance seriously.
Experience of having kids to men is vastly different from what it is to women.
If I was a man, I would probably be more flexible in that choice.
Missus |
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By *dfabMan 42 weeks ago
Dunboyne |
"I'd have been of similar thoughts in my 20s but have to say I absolutely adore mine and my major regret is waiting until I was 40s to have them but that's how life unfolded
Very happy that we are both sterile and don't even have to worry about unhappy (to us) accidents. I'm extremely strong minded and if there is something that I will never compromise on - that is on having any kind of babies. I've broken some relationships over it (without regret), where my ex partners didn't take my stance seriously.
Experience of having kids to men is vastly different from what it is to women.
If I was a man, I would probably be more flexible in that choice.
Missus "
Understand
My godparents were also similar and had an absolutely brilliant life.
Kids are not necessary for happiness in your life, despite what some will say.
I understand that viewpoint |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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Love being a mom. Would have had more but cost of childcare, crappy healthcare, etc a major factor.
Hated doing it in Ireland for countless reasons. Much happier here - more civilised attitude to child-rearing and more options for BOTH parents, especially career-wise. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"Never was a parent. Never will be.
Pregnancy (other people's and even the idea of my own gives me shivers).
Severely dislike babies and toddlers. They're loud and smelly and unpredictable.
Missus "
I feel the same way...
About dog owners, especially pugs, rottweilers and anyone who doesn't clean up after their dog's mess or leave them off the leash.
I love most dog breeds but the Strand is a disgrace everytime I see all the dogwalkers let their smelly, unpredictable, loud poop machines off the leash.  |
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"I learned too late that just being there with love, compassion, patience and understanding without trying to "parent" (in other words - correcting behaviour rather than looking for the need and the emotion of a "bad" behaviour) is the best way to parent.
If I could do it again - I would do a LOT of things completely and utterly different. In fact, I probably wouldn't have children if I knew then what I know now. Not because I think I'm a bad parent, not because my children are bad children but because of the utter heartbreak on different levels raising children, one with additional needs, in today's cruel world."
Ouch! This hit home more than I was expecting to when browsing the fab forums. Heartbreaks a good word for it alright. |
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"I learned too late that just being there with love, compassion, patience and understanding without trying to "parent" (in other words - correcting behaviour rather than looking for the need and the emotion of a "bad" behaviour) is the best way to parent.
If I could do it again - I would do a LOT of things completely and utterly different. In fact, I probably wouldn't have children if I knew then what I know now. Not because I think I'm a bad parent, not because my children are bad children but because of the utter heartbreak on different levels raising children, one with additional needs, in today's cruel world.
Ouch! This hit home more than I was expecting to when browsing the fab forums. Heartbreaks a good word for it alright. "
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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My greatest gift in life was ro become a dad. My children are the most precious people in the whole world to me. I draw so much strength from them and the inspire me to be a better version of myself on almost a daily basis. I'm a single dad and it's a very busy life but I wouldn't change it for anything. To watch them grow form babies I to young men has truly been an amazing experience. There's been tough times and days when I've questioned myself and my parenting skills. Bit the joy they have brought to my life and our home is imeasuable.  |
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"My greatest gift in life was ro become a dad. My children are the most precious people in the whole world to me. I draw so much strength from them and the inspire me to be a better version of myself on almost a daily basis. I'm a single dad and it's a very busy life but I wouldn't change it for anything. To watch them grow form babies I to young men has truly been an amazing experience. There's been tough times and days when I've questioned myself and my parenting skills. Bit the joy they have brought to my life and our home is imeasuable. "
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By *panishRebelMan 42 weeks ago
Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland |
I have and will continue to keep my kids, my parenting style etc separate from this site. I would imagine the topic op, is so rare on fab, for similar reasons to my own desire to keep things separate. |
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By *panishRebelMan 42 weeks ago
Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland |
"My greatest legacy to the world. Nothing compates or ever will to the love of a child. "
Absolutely.
I consider being there for my 3 my first and most important job in life. All else takes second place. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"My greatest legacy to the world. Nothing compates or ever will to the love of a child.
Absolutely.
I consider being there for my 3 my first and most important job in life. All else takes second place. "
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By *orkguy086Man 42 weeks ago
Happy to travel or get Hotel |
I have 2 ex step-daughters that I love more than absolutely anything. They were the best 2 things that ever happened to me and wouldn't change meeting them for the world. They turned me into a father that I wasn't sure I could be but by god they did it and absolutely love them for it! |
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"I learned too late that just being there with love, compassion, patience and understanding without trying to "parent" (in other words - correcting behaviour rather than looking for the need and the emotion of a "bad" behaviour) is the best way to parent.
If I could do it again - I would do a LOT of things completely and utterly different. In fact, I probably wouldn't have children if I knew then what I know now. Not because I think I'm a bad parent, not because my children are bad children but because of the utter heartbreak on different levels raising children, one with additional needs, in today's cruel world.
Prior to mine being born, we were offered a test to see if there was any "abnormalities " as NHS put it. We refused point blank. We didn't even know their sex, we just wanted kids to have and to hold. Today's children that have special needs are so totally ignored by our government and previous ones.
I agree wholeheartedly with the first paragraph above as a parent. I'd disagree somewhat with last paragraph as both a parent to children with multiple additional needs & as a special Ed teacher. There is so much more the government could do yes 100%, but saying ignoring is a bit far. I agree it is hard to raise children with additional needs based on society & not their actual needs (social versus medical model of disability). "
I live in a rural area and have a relation who has 2 kids with additional needs. The parents are in a constant battle with authorities to get the help they need. Maybe there are better facilities in bigger towns or cities?? |
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We live in a rural area and have two kids in an ASD unit and another currently in the assessment of need process. I can't speak highly enough of the supports that we have gotten firstly through DCA and early intervention, occupational therapy, and the ASD classes from jr infants onwards. It's a total eircode lottery though and services are shocking in many areas, but we got lucky and have had a lot of supports. We even got a letter recently offering a course for siblings of ASD kids on how to understand and process the differences for them. |
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By *og-ManMan 42 weeks ago
somewhere |
Have been a crap dad most of my life
My kids who are now young adults got whatever they needed to get where they are now...warm house,food, holidays,and any other physical needs but affection and love from me wasn't really given if I'm being honest and hugs stopped once they became teens
I just don't know how and that hurts
Even now I don't see my parents who are in their late 80's very much and when I do see them I just say goodbye when I leave...no hugs or kisses still now and its been like that all my life
I'm very envious of those that have good relationships with their kids to be honest
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"We live in a rural area and have two kids in an ASD unit and another currently in the assessment of need process. I can't speak highly enough of the supports that we have gotten firstly through DCA and early intervention, occupational therapy, and the ASD classes from jr infants onwards. It's a total eircode lottery though and services are shocking in many areas, but we got lucky and have had a lot of supports. We even got a letter recently offering a course for siblings of ASD kids on how to understand and process the differences for them. "
You could have hit the nail on the head about post code lottery |
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"Have been a crap dad most of my life
My kids who are now young adults got whatever they needed to get where they are now...warm house,food, holidays,and any other physical needs but affection and love from me wasn't really given if I'm being honest and hugs stopped once they became teens
I just don't know how and that hurts
Even now I don't see my parents who are in their late 80's very much and when I do see them I just say goodbye when I leave...no hugs or kisses still now and its been like that all my life
I'm very envious of those that have good relationships with their kids to be honest
It's a constant work in progress, sorry to hear about how goings are with your parents. Mine ere similar and ghats probably shy I'm close with my own kids. We regularly text and chat on phone and always try and meet up a couple of times a year as 1 is in OZ and other in UK. Its hard work at times but as the old saying goes...you get out what you put in.
"
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"I learned too late that just being there with love, compassion, patience and understanding without trying to "parent" (in other words - correcting behaviour rather than looking for the need and the emotion of a "bad" behaviour) is the best way to parent.
If I could do it again - I would do a LOT of things completely and utterly different. In fact, I probably wouldn't have children if I knew then what I know now. Not because I think I'm a bad parent, not because my children are bad children but because of the utter heartbreak on different levels raising children, one with additional needs, in today's cruel world.
Prior to mine being born, we were offered a test to see if there was any "abnormalities " as NHS put it. We refused point blank. We didn't even know their sex, we just wanted kids to have and to hold. Today's children that have special needs are so totally ignored by our government and previous ones.
I agree wholeheartedly with the first paragraph above as a parent. I'd disagree somewhat with last paragraph as both a parent to children with multiple additional needs & as a special Ed teacher. There is so much more the government could do yes 100%, but saying ignoring is a bit far. I agree it is hard to raise children with additional needs based on society & not their actual needs (social versus medical model of disability).
I live in a rural area and have a relation who has 2 kids with additional needs. The parents are in a constant battle with authorities to get the help they need. Maybe there are better facilities in bigger towns or cities?? "
I know of people In the very same boat and they’re living in a town. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I didn’t know what love truly was until I held my son for the first time. Seeing him happy makes me happy. Seeing him sad or in pain physically hurts me. He has high functioning ASD and it can be tough at times but he is the best boy in the world. He’s the child we thought we would never had. There is no feeling in the world than looking at the life you helped create and think “wow! I can’t believe that’s part of me!”
Soppy, I know, but it’s true |
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By *ickin2Man 42 weeks ago
Kilkenny |
"I didn’t know what love truly was until I held my son for the first time. Seeing him happy makes me happy. Seeing him sad or in pain physically hurts me. He has high functioning ASD and it can be tough at times but he is the best boy in the world. He’s the child we thought we would never had. There is no feeling in the world than looking at the life you helped create and think “wow! I can’t believe that’s part of me!”
Soppy, I know, but it’s true"
Beautiful post |
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