FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Do nice guys finish last?
Do nice guys finish last?
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Hi all. This isn't one of those self pitying rants that some like to go on. I'm just curious really about other people's experience.
Is it the norm here that the cocky, self confident guys with the gift of the gap tend to be given more of a chance by women when it comes to deciding if they are worth a woman investing her time in him. Do the polite, mannered guys seem boring by comparison? I realise that first impressions count for a lot, etc and I understand that there is no obligation on anyone to respond to a message. I'm just wondering what makes a guy look more interesting in your eyes.
I see some women claim to be sapiophiles but also say to be entertaining in your message to get their attention. That's not always possible. Really intelligent people often tend toward being a little bit shyer. I'm rambling now, I'll stop.
I really would just love to hear what other people's experiences have been around this type of thing. Sapiophiles, do you struggle to find intelligence and sexiness?  |
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I don't have the gift of the gab. I don't go out of my way to start conversations in social situations and while I'm confident in my own skin I'm a million miles away from being cocky or bigging myself up but I've never had an issue meeting and chatting to people on here despite all that.
My criteria for choosing who to chat to is that as soon as they describe themselves as nice or kind or genuine or whip out an ism or a phile I'll thank them for their time and move along.
I have a couple of pics on my profile with books in them and a woman once got in touch to say she was really turned on knowing I was a fellow sapiophile.
After I nipped off to Google wtaf one of those was if I was writing home to me granny I let her down gently.
There are lots of words and phrases used on bios and on the forums that sound great but the people using them don't have a clue what they mean.
Age, height cock size and degrees of intelligence are always used as excuses by people struggling to get meets as are the old faithfuls of "am I too nice/kind/genuine?"
The truth is often that if you have to remind people that you are one of other of the above you must be projecting an entirely different image.
I think I'm a nice guy but actions will always speak louder than words so a much shorter answer to the question is no they don't. |
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Nice guys seem to do pretty well here as long as they have a bit of confidence about them. It's hard to get into a swinging situation with someone who doesn't believe in themselves. Going over the line into cockiness isn't very attractive though. |
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By *aseylee324Couple
over a year ago
Valley of Squinting Windows |
"Nice guys seem to do pretty well here as long as they have a bit of confidence about them. It's hard to get into a swinging situation with someone who doesn't believe in themselves. Going over the line into cockiness isn't very attractive though."
Exactly, and self-proclaimed "nice guys" frequently assume a veneer of "manners" entitles them to something, decline and you see a very different side. |
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By *affa31Woman
over a year ago
Galway |
"Nice guys seem to do pretty well here as long as they have a bit of confidence about them. It's hard to get into a swinging situation with someone who doesn't believe in themselves. Going over the line into cockiness isn't very attractive though.
Exactly, and self-proclaimed "nice guys" frequently assume a veneer of "manners" entitles them to something, decline and you see a very different side."
This exactly 
Also, sickly sweet niceness brews distrust in me. |
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Unfortunately many times guys going on about how girls don't like nice guys are usually incel-types and there is an undertone of threat / menace. I'm not saying that's you OP, it's just a patter I've noticed. |
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"Unfortunately many times guys going on about how girls don't like nice guys are usually incel-types and there is an undertone of threat / menace. I'm not saying that's you OP, it's just a patter I've noticed."
I didn't want to bring up the i-word but I am glad someone didn  |
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Horses for courses here, some like them cocky some like them quiet, some like bad boys some like gents, some like classy some like throw me around rough. I’m an eye contact girl then I decide so usually at socials or parties is where I connect and any of the above could be it depending on the moment! |
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Nice is pretty subjective and probably everyone thinks they are nice to some degree.
Assuming then that everyone in a room is nice, what your asking is how do women decide who to pair with and if confidence is more attractive than shyness.
The answer is always going to be that the shy will probably have less opportunity in that room.
The real question is, why would you be in that room if you were shy and concerned about being overshadowed by guys who are more confident, funnier or just louder.
Would you rather covet a woman who likes men that are the opposite of you or would you rather find a woman who appreciates you for you?
Fab is pretty Darwinian environment and not for the faint of heart. That doesn't preclude some measure of success but I think if you don't understand yourself, don't really know what you want and don't have a plan to get it then Fab is probably not the place to be. |
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If you ask 100 drivers how they rate themselves as drivers, the majority will say that they are ‘average’ or ‘above average’. It’s statistically impossible but they genuinely believe it.
I think it’s the same with being ‘nice’. It’s completely subjective and the majority think that they are nice.
What is ‘nice’ to me could be the last thing someone else is interested in.
I’m brand new to Fab and I know it’ll take a long time to meet someone on here and I’m fine with that. I knew that when I joined up. |
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By *anUTV/TS
over a year ago
Rural |
Nice guys, white Knights and creepy simps don't do it for me.
I just like honesty and subtle compliments and straight to the point without faffing around or being too intense
I suppose the fact I'm bisexual and occasional cross dresser I know how guys think and can quantify their next move.
If U smell a rat I loose interest quite rapidly
They rarely read the profiles either |
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Women are going to be the authority.on this. If your a single man complaining that your success here is because you're "too nice" you're obviously going to be incredibly biased.
MOST single men don't do well on here, whether they or cocky or shy. There is simply too many of them and too few women.
MOST of the women I know have plenty of stories of cocky or pushy guys, that all end in them not getting a second date, getting blocked, or even getting banned from play parties.
Just recently at a party a guy was way too persistent with my friend, and it really turned her "maybe later" into a hard no. I've seen this happen multiple times.
Every lad who makes a name for himself among the single ladies is known for being respectful.
Sure, it's not the only thing that matters, But it 100% matters.
For me, pushyness is a huge turn off, the men I have really liked have always seemed chill about whether we play or not, and genuinely seemed to enjoy talking to me.
i would consider all my regulars to be sweet, considerate people. None of them arrogant or cocky.
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By *ickin2Man
over a year ago
Kilkenny |
"Women are going to be the authority.on this. If your a single man complaining that your success here is because you're "too nice" you're obviously going to be incredibly biased.
MOST single men don't do well on here, whether they or cocky or shy. There is simply too many of them and too few women.
MOST of the women I know have plenty of stories of cocky or pushy guys, that all end in them not getting a second date, getting blocked, or even getting banned from play parties.
Just recently at a party a guy was way too persistent with my friend, and it really turned her "maybe later" into a hard no. I've seen this happen multiple times.
Every lad who makes a name for himself among the single ladies is known for being respectful.
Sure, it's not the only thing that matters, But it 100% matters.
For me, pushyness is a huge turn off, the men I have really liked have always seemed chill about whether we play or not, and genuinely seemed to enjoy talking to me.
i would consider all my regulars to be sweet, considerate people. None of them arrogant or cocky.
"
Smashing read. Beautiful honest post |
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Sure it's just manners to finish last, it means you have been super attentive and looked after the needs of someone else..
My motto has always been, if I've finished last, then it's a sign of a great session had  |
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"I don't have the gift of the gab. I don't go out of my way to start conversations in social situations and while I'm confident in my own skin I'm a million miles away from being cocky or bigging myself up but I've never had an issue meeting and chatting to people on here despite all that.
My criteria for choosing who to chat to is that as soon as they describe themselves as nice or kind or genuine or whip out an ism or a phile I'll thank them for their time and move along.
I have a couple of pics on my profile with books in them and a woman once got in touch to say she was really turned on knowing I was a fellow sapiophile.
After I nipped off to Google wtaf one of those was if I was writing home to me granny I let her down gently.
There are lots of words and phrases used on bios and on the forums that sound great but the people using them don't have a clue what they mean.
Age, height cock size and degrees of intelligence are always used as excuses by people struggling to get meets as are the old faithfuls of "am I too nice/kind/genuine?"
The truth is often that if you have to remind people that you are one of other of the above you must be projecting an entirely different image.
I think I'm a nice guy but actions will always speak louder than words so a much shorter answer to the question is no they don't. "
I don't always agree with some of your comments butthis is the first time I feel compelled to compliment you on one. You speak a lot of sense on this and thanks for contributing. |
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"From my experience on Fab the guys that keep going on about being nice guys usually aren't that nice "
That's unfortunate. Does it mean that you're suspicious of someone who is polite and makes an effort to talk with his big words? |
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"Unfortunately many times guys going on about how girls don't like nice guys are usually incel-types and there is an undertone of threat / menace. I'm not saying that's you OP, it's just a patter I've noticed."
No offence taken at all. I'm looking to hear other people's experiences. This wasn't me having a petulant rant. |
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"Horses for courses here, some like them cocky some like them quiet, some like bad boys some like gents, some like classy some like throw me around rough. I’m an eye contact girl then I decide so usually at socials or parties is where I connect and any of the above could be it depending on the moment! "
I like your style |
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Well Don, sounds like you've been trawling the profiles looking to solve the age old conundrum of what women want.
And possibly finding it's a waste of time. Cos we aren't all the same!!
The only probable commonality is respect. After that it's an individual decision. Lots of nice fellas on here doing very well I'm sure  |
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"Well Don, sounds like you've been trawling the profiles looking to solve the age old conundrum of what women want.
And possibly finding it's a waste of time. Cos we aren't all the same!!
The only probable commonality is respect. After that it's an individual decision. Lots of nice fellas on here doing very well I'm sure "
Literally mind blowing facts  , well said |
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"Nice is pretty subjective and probably everyone thinks they are nice to some degree.
Assuming then that everyone in a room is nice, what your asking is how do women decide who to pair with and if confidence is more attractive than shyness.
The answer is always going to be that the shy will probably have less opportunity in that room.
The real question is, why would you be in that room if you were shy and concerned about being overshadowed by guys who are more confident, funnier or just louder.
Would you rather covet a woman who likes men that are the opposite of you or would you rather find a woman who appreciates you for you?
Fab is pretty Darwinian environment and not for the faint of heart. That doesn't preclude some measure of success but I think if you don't understand yourself, don't really know what you want and don't have a plan to get it then Fab is probably not the place to be."
................
This |
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By *astelloWoman
over a year ago
Far far away |
Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus..
Exactly.. No..
Cos we're all different. And cannot fit into the stereotype that makes us fit into Venus/Mars paradigm. To behave in a certain way.
Does certain characteristics appeal to me personally in chosing friends, lovers and life partners.
Has these changed over my lifetime too. It has.
I dont believe that there is a secret sauce to meet a women on here. Its very much individualistic.
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You should be confident and cute to get a response. Unfortunately that’s the reality.
People are here for sexual attraction, so you can be extremely nice, but if a woman doesn’t like your appearance there’s nothing you could do about it. Just have some dignity, wish her luck and move on.
I judge if a guy is nice on his behavior, his actions, not his words.
Get some nice photos, trust in yourself and be ready to get rejected. It’s not about you, it’s about their preferences |
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"Hi all. This isn't one of those self pitying rants that some like to go on. I'm just curious really about other people's experience.
Is it the norm here that the cocky, self confident guys with the gift of the gap tend to be given more of a chance by women when it comes to deciding if they are worth a woman investing her time in him. Do the polite, mannered guys seem boring by comparison? I realise that first impressions count for a lot, etc and I understand that there is no obligation on anyone to respond to a message. I'm just wondering what makes a guy look more interesting in your eyes.
I see some women claim to be sapiophiles but also say to be entertaining in your message to get their attention. That's not always possible. Really intelligent people often tend toward being a little bit shyer. I'm rambling now, I'll stop.
I really would just love to hear what other people's experiences have been around this type of thing. Sapiophiles, do you struggle to find intelligence and sexiness? "
Really intelligent people are shyer?
I feel there's a number of clichés in your statement.
I think it really is about whether you "click" with someone or not.
There's something very attractive about a polite and well mannered man with just the right amount of cockiness, self confidence and a certain intelligence - there are more ways of expressing intelligence than just IQ. For me, a matching sense of humour is high on the list too.
If you're talking about catching a woman's interest on Fab through message, then the profile is your shop window. A lot of women here, I believe, look for a bit of originality and humour as well as consistency - and those threads are done to death here.
The reality is, that only a meeting in person will ever give a decisive answer to compatibility.
The ratio of men to women here, will always leave a few fellas behind - even though there are probably absolute gems hidden there.
|
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"I think niceness is a fantastic quality in a grandparent not necessarily a sexual partner.
If niceness is the only thing you’ve got about you then you probably need to have a word with yourself"
Lol, says the guy who sticks his Mickley in the narrow end of the rugby ball.  |
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"I think niceness is a fantastic quality in a grandparent not necessarily a sexual partner.
If niceness is the only thing you’ve got about you then you probably need to have a word with yourself
Lol, says the guy who sticks his Mickley in the narrow end of the rugby ball. "
You’ve misspelt Mickey |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes if you mean a man who is suppressing his true needs, desires, and opinions, to gain validation from others. The adjective nice could be replaced with weak.
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You just need " the hands of a god", it seems.
But how do they find out?. I suppose, knowing what I don't want, a well composed profile, a few well taken pics, and putting an honest front out there in the swinger community, on the forum or at socials. And it's not all about sex. It's a community of average people, with average lives, some are nice, some are not. Let yourself be found. If you're good enough, I guarantee someone will find you attractive and interesting, whether for a coffee, a ONS, or a relationship. |
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By *affa31Woman
over a year ago
Galway |
Just as a note, we notice if guys are sycophantic to women they are attracted to but are dicks to those they don’t want to fuck.
Peoples true colours come to light very quickly and most of us have well developed radars for “nice” men. |
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The original meaning of the word "nice" is stupid, foolish or ignorant, so who really wants to be a nice guy to begin with? Of course, it pays to be polite but it's also appealing to be cheeky, playful, have an opinion of your own and not take any nonsense too, so better to be a "Good guy" than a "nice" one
Best remember after a night out "nice guys" don't finish last
...they just finish themselves off  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just as a note, we notice if guys are sycophantic to women they are attracted to but are dicks to those they don’t want to fuck.
Peoples true colours come to light very quickly and most of us have well developed radars for “nice” men. "
Women are like elephants we don't forget. We remember mens previous comments. Had one guy couple of years ago on the forums say some horrible things to me. Recently slide in to my in box with his I'm a nice guy routine. When I reminded him what he said he was like oh thought you might have forget  |
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"Hi all. This isn't one of those self pitying rants that some like to go on. I'm just curious really about other people's experience.
Is it the norm here that the cocky, self confident guys with the gift of the gap tend to be given more of a chance by women when it comes to deciding if they are worth a woman investing her time in him. Do the polite, mannered guys seem boring by comparison? I realise that first impressions count for a lot, etc and I understand that there is no obligation on anyone to respond to a message. I'm just wondering what makes a guy look more interesting in your eyes.
I see some women claim to be sapiophiles but also say to be entertaining in your message to get their attention. That's not always possible. Really intelligent people often tend toward being a little bit shyer. I'm rambling now, I'll stop.
I really would just love to hear what other people's experiences have been around this type of thing. Sapiophiles, do you struggle to find intelligence and sexiness?
Really intelligent people are shyer?
I feel there's a number of clichés in your statement.
I think it really is about whether you "click" with someone or not.
There's something very attractive about a polite and well mannered man with just the right amount of cockiness, self confidence and a certain intelligence - there are more ways of expressing intelligence than just IQ. For me, a matching sense of humour is high on the list too.
If you're talking about catching a woman's interest on Fab through message, then the profile is your shop window. A lot of women here, I believe, look for a bit of originality and humour as well as consistency - and those threads are done to death here.
The reality is, that only a meeting in person will ever give a decisive answer to compatibility.
The ratio of men to women here, will always leave a few fellas behind - even though there are probably absolute gems hidden there.
"
Agree very much with this, particularly in relation the question of intelligence and a female identifying as being a sapiophile. For me, what’s being pointed to here is more about emotional/social intelligence than IQ. This is a very important distinction. Surprise, originality and ‘standing out’ are key in this because it’s about demonstrating that you can navigate interpersonal complexity and guide the action/interactions in exciting, expected ways. These are rare enough skills in real life, let alone here, and near impossible to teach. They can only be learned by cultivating self awareness and situational attunement, which in and of themselves are often very attractive qualities.
Emotionally intelligent niceness is a world away from cockiness and niceness on its own isn’t necessarily socially intelligent. |
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"Seriously I wouldn't fuck a guy who describes himself as a nice man.
Confidence is key.  "
What if they were a nice man but also had confidence in how to be not so nice when the situation required it?
I think you can be nice and yet also confident at the same time as not mutually exclusive |
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"I think niceness is a fantastic quality in a grandparent not necessarily a sexual partner.
If niceness is the only thing you’ve got about you then you probably need to have a word with yourself
Lol, says the guy who sticks his Mickley in the narrow end of the rugby ball.
You’ve misspelt Mickey"
I spelt it exactly as I intended to  |
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"Just as a note, we notice if guys are sycophantic to women they are attracted to but are dicks to those they don’t want to fuck.
Peoples true colours come to light very quickly and most of us have well developed radars for “nice” men. "
Best comment I've read on this subject. |
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