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Don't fall in love
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By *lueLotus OP Woman 47 weeks ago
the wilderness |
So I'm looking for tips and tricks for recognising, honouring and not getting caught up the cycle of oxytocin production. Are you one of the misfortunates who is at the mercy of said bonding hormone? What are your tips for breaking the pattern/interrupting the cycle /short circuiting your mem brain. Does it get easier with practice or must I get jaded and sad. All genuine help appreciated thank you. |
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This is a very good question. Sometimes there's intense chemistry instantly but the person is all wrong. So I guess it's something you've to be very wary of.
If you have that intensity but don't want to risk connection you've to walk away.
Spending too much time together increases the risk of emotional entanglement.
It's a humdinger OP.
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This is a big issue I find on here, you hear people mentioning that they are looking for NSA or ONS but those situations are completely void of feelings and to be able to have a good time with someone I’m sorry to say but you have to have some feelings for the person you are with. I had an excellent “agreement” with someone on here years ago but unfortunately she wanted more than I could give her and ultimately and unfortunately we have parted ways now and it has turned really kind of sour between us and we don’t talk anymore. We used to talk everyday for over a year and that is all gone now!
It’s really a catch 22 situation and I’m really thinking that the only way forward is to find someone who is attached, then that way it’s only I who would get hurt if things turned sour and I have been through enough in my life that I find it easy enough to just dust myself off and move on and learn from the experience.
That’s just my two cents worth really but it’s an extremely hard balance to get it right and make it work, I think NSA attached will only work in the short term, like a maximum of 4-6 months then the waters start to get muddy!
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Sadly there is no tips or tricks. It's natural that it will happen. You can try protect yourself but when that person walks into your life no matter what you do we all fall. As said before, it's knowing when to walk away to protect yourself
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Be happy to share if I knew but sadly it’s something that can creep up on you… sometimes even if you recognize it’s happening there’s nothing you can do and the tractor beam has you and it’s too late.. |
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By *ol_ieMan 47 weeks ago
Dublin west |
Communication with the other person and finding someone on the same wavelength is important.
Sure things can move on when you spend a lot of time together but then again there are lots of happy couples I know who have met through here.
And sometimes you have to step back for a while.
Only you can find a path that works for you and experience will shape that path. |
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"There's nothing wrong with falling in love. It's what you do about it that matters. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. "
Well there is if you're already in a relationship/married in a settled family home with kids etc. Not the smartest idea. A lesson I learned the hard way. I've seen many many swinging couples having these issues. |
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By *lueLotus OP Woman 47 weeks ago
the wilderness |
Thanks everyone all your answers are really helpful, yeah it's a fine line to walk... Then again so is living this lifestyle in general. I think it's worth it for personal growth even when it goes wrong. Still relatively new though so I could be talking total shite will find out as I go I guess  |
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For singletons, there is a list floating around the internet called :
'Reid’s Slut Protocols!'
Which has some good tips, you can google it. It's things like.
– Limit sex to 1x a month
- Limit how you stay in contact/communicate
- Don’t do sleepovers
- No trips/weekend getaways together
- Get your sexual needs (and social need) met from several sources/people
Theres a whole document going into each point if you google it.
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By *lueLotus OP Woman 47 weeks ago
the wilderness |
"For singletons, there is a list floating around the internet called :
'Reid’s Slut Protocols!'
Which has some good tips, you can google it. It's things like.
– Limit sex to 1x a month
- Limit how you stay in contact/communicate
- Don’t do sleepovers
- No trips/weekend getaways together
- Get your sexual needs (and social need) met from several sources/people
Theres a whole document going into each point if you google it.
"
Oh great now we're talking! Thanks!
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"For singletons, there is a list floating around the internet called :
'Reid’s Slut Protocols!'
Which has some good tips, you can google it. It's things like.
– Limit sex to 1x a month
- Limit how you stay in contact/communicate
- Don’t do sleepovers
- No trips/weekend getaways together
- Get your sexual needs (and social need) met from several sources/people
Theres a whole document going into each point if you google it.
"
Never heard of this. Looks awesome! |
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"Thanks everyone all your answers are really helpful, yeah it's a fine line to walk... Then again so is living this lifestyle in general. I think it's worth it for personal growth even when it goes wrong. Still relatively new though so I could be talking total shite will find out as I go I guess "
You're right it is a fine line. I hope you get out of it what you're looking for! |
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"There's nothing wrong with falling in love. It's what you do about it that matters. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. "
Not sure I totally agree with you on that, I was in a perfectly fine marriage as friends (a different kind of love) when I found my soulmate and to be honest I would rather we had never ever met as I’m now a different person as a result. I guess on here it is just keep on the merry go round and remember keep in mind most are here for experiences and not relationships I guess. And steer clear of that “Fab couple” scenario if you know that you are prone to jumping off the cliff lol.
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"For singletons, there is a list floating around the internet called :
'Reid’s Slut Protocols!'
Which has some good tips, you can google it. It's things like.
– Limit sex to 1x a month
- Limit how you stay in contact/communicate
- Don’t do sleepovers
- No trips/weekend getaways together
- Get your sexual needs (and social need) met from several sources/people
Theres a whole document going into each point if you google it.
"
The above could be applied to couples as well. Our big boundary is that we don't meet separately. The risk of becoming emotionally attached is far greater in that circumstance so we just won't go there. Mrs |
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"For singletons, there is a list floating around the internet called :
'Reid’s Slut Protocols!'
Which has some good tips, you can google it. It's things like.
– Limit sex to 1x a month
- Limit how you stay in contact/communicate
- Don’t do sleepovers
- No trips/weekend getaways together
- Get your sexual needs (and social need) met from several sources/people
Theres a whole document going into each point if you google it.
"
These all make sense |
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"Having read the reids protocols I'm identifying sleeping over as one of my weak spots.... Definitely that dreamy morning sex and breakfast together scenario is a danger zone for me"
Can you not have a really intense connection without falling in love ? |
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"For singletons, there is a list floating around the internet called :
'Reid’s Slut Protocols!'
Which has some good tips, you can google it. It's things like.
– Limit sex to 1x a month
- Limit how you stay in contact/communicate
- Don’t do sleepovers
- No trips/weekend getaways together
- Get your sexual needs (and social need) met from several sources/people
Theres a whole document going into each point if you google it.
"
I'd never heard of an actual protocol but this is pretty much how things go for me.
I want to be single but I know myself that I am very partial to intimacy and the bond and connection that comes with it. I enjoy that and I want to keep that part of my heart open so I can experience it.
It can be a double edged sword for both parties but I also think that many people manage it very well.
Over the past ten months I've learned a lot about myself and getting attached. I find like a little bit of attachment but not too much and that means not having too many people in my sphere but more than one so all my attention isn't focused on one person and I'm not looking to have all my needs met from that person.
For me it mostly comes down to the frequency of communication. The passion that comes with discovering someone new that sets everything alight is really a wonderful thing. Then after a while a little space is ok. Everyone goes back to their lives and can keep in touch, check in and enjoy friendship until time allows again. |
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"Having read the reids protocols I'm identifying sleeping over as one of my weak spots.... Definitely that dreamy morning sex and breakfast together scenario is a danger zone for me"
That is my weak point also. I think there is a kind of extra intimacy from sleeping (I mean ACTUALLY sleeping) together though.
It is a fine line. Sex without intimacy is crap, and there has to be a proper connection. Just not TOO much connection. Tricky. |
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"Having read the reids protocols I'm identifying sleeping over as one of my weak spots.... Definitely that dreamy morning sex and breakfast together scenario is a danger zone for me
That is my weak point also. I think there is a kind of extra intimacy from sleeping (I mean ACTUALLY sleeping) together though.
It is a fine line. Sex without intimacy is crap, and there has to be a proper connection. Just not TOO much connection. Tricky."
I agree… spending a whole night with someone definitely means intimacy
Intimacy makes things hotter but also tricker.
Soooo many people here say no feelings… but we are not robots ! some feelings (even just lust and like) always happen if you are looking for a connection and the longer you are in contact and the more you share the riskier it gets.
People can’t choose when they fall in love or with whom and it’s laughable that some people here things they can do what they want and keep their heart intact. I know a lot of couples who have met through here and they were definitely not looking.
Well done OP in knowing that it’s possible to fall in love even if you don’t want to.
I like that list of dos and don’ts but not sure it’s that easy…
Only way is never meet twice and fuck them and leave them which unfortunately is not at all what I’m looking for.
Mrs |
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By *lueLotus OP Woman 47 weeks ago
the wilderness |
"Having read the reids protocols I'm identifying sleeping over as one of my weak spots.... Definitely that dreamy morning sex and breakfast together scenario is a danger zone for me
Can you not have a really intense connection without falling in love ?"
I'm hoping I can have many intense connections yes so I need to identify the danger zones for myself, some are obvious and others more subtle/insidious... Information is safety for me so I'm asking for insights to help. |
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By *oghunter33Woman 47 weeks ago
on the hill NordWest of |
"For singletons, there is a list floating around the internet called :
'Reid’s Slut Protocols!'
Which has some good tips, you can google it. It's things like.
– Limit sex to 1x a month
- Limit how you stay in contact/communicate
- Don’t do sleepovers
- No trips/weekend getaways together
- Get your sexual needs (and social need) met from several sources/people
Theres a whole document going into each point if you google it.
"
I think the last recommendation is crucial. Once you head into exclusivity it gets dangerous.
I broke all the other rules and had/have great fun without the sticky bits.  |
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By *og-ManMan 47 weeks ago
somewhere |
Broken all the above rules and enjoying it but worried I don't conform to the normal on here which wrecked my head a bit last night
Just go your own way is my advice and enjoy everything you share together
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"Broken all the above rules and enjoying it but worried I don't conform to the normal on here which wrecked my head a bit last night
Just go your own way is my advice and enjoy everything you share together
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It's not about conformity. Don't worry
the OP is talking about problems that arise when people aren't on the same page about level and type of connection, or when you find yourself in love with someone that's all wrong for you but you're blinded by chemical bonding!!! |
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It's not just about love either. You definitely don't have to be in love with someone to feel a bond and get hurt if needs, wants, boundaries etc start to skew in different directions. And in this lifestyle this can change and evolve quite quickly.
The last time I fell in love it was on the first date! There's no controlling that.
Feelings are nice. Roll the dice. I think it's worth the risk. |
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