Hopefully you have friends / family that you can surround yourself with. It's going to be a big adjustment. Make sure you have solid plans in place for your kid. Schedules and finances etc in order so they are supported, and make sure they know that dad will always be dad regardless, and that you are there for them. |
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"Hopefully you have friends / family that you can surround yourself with. It's going to be a big adjustment. Make sure you have solid plans in place for your kid. Schedules and finances etc in order so they are supported, and make sure they know that dad will always be dad regardless, and that you are there for them."
All of the above.
Never let whatever is going on with the child's mother get in the way. Turn up when you supposed to and make sure the child comes first. |
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"Hopefully you have friends / family that you can surround yourself with. It's going to be a big adjustment. Make sure you have solid plans in place for your kid. Schedules and finances etc in order so they are supported, and make sure they know that dad will always be dad regardless, and that you are there for them."
The hardest part further down the road is ensuring that if either parent starts a new relationship that the other parent doesn’t start asking the child questions about that relationship. But make sure you listen to your child cos they will be effected but changes going on. Last big one don’t let the child play one parent against the other, there’s times both parents need to stand together for the child no matter how you feel about each other. |
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Consider therapy. You can get six free sessions online through an organisation called talktome. There's a few other organisations that can offer the same.
There's a lot to process and it's really good to have a pressure release valve that is non judgemental and on your side.
I did six months of therapy after my 17yr relationship came to an end. Nothing helped me more then having someone to talk to.
Best of luck OP |
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I guess it goes without saying that both parents need to be respectful and make sure that nobody is taking any of their grudges against the ex and making that into something the child has to deal with. Co-parenting as a team even though they aren't linked romantically any more. Having a child together is a bond for life and it's very possible to have a mutual respect for each other as parents even if there is nothing else. The burden and awkwardness is for the parents to deal with internally and the child doesn't need to shoulder or even see that burden. My ex and I do things like giving a joint Christmas present together and attending parent teacher meetings together to show them that we are a parental team even though we don't live together. |
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The child is the most important... try with your ex to put your differences to one side when it comes to co parenting, easier sad then done I know..the main concern is the child's welfare and stability, they didn't ask to be put in the situation and are dealing with the fact parents ain't together.. good luck it gets easier trust me |
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By *astelloWoman 52 weeks ago
Far far away |
Agree with all the above. Boundaries are important to set now. Especially with co parenting and division of all aspects of a relationship. Try to focus on the big things first and document agreements. Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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Maybe I don't have the qualifications or experience to advise anything, some people say you have to put your child first, but I would say please don't forget to take care of your own feelings as well, only if you are strong enough inside can you take better care of your children and the people around you who love you.
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"What is the best way to get over a 12 year break up with a child involved "
In my experience (4 major breakups), the only way to truly get over the breakup it to accept the physical relationship is over, whether you remain friends or not… and the only way you can do that is if you manage to get some answers…. Y first breakup was an honest one where we both managed to talk openly and honestly… and we are still friends today and we both managed to move on, 2 kids involved…
The next three just ended abruptly out of the blue and I never managed to get any answers as to why with the first 2 but the last one I managed to find out what was really happening and although we don’t talk to each other and she was never honest with me, I got over her when I discovered WHY she ended it out of the blue….. and discovered the past 4 years she’d been a very good liar and an excellent actress…
That was the hardest to deal with because she was the one I would have married at the drop of a hat |
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When there are kids involved, you both need to draw a line under the relationship with each other and both be able to hear anything without it being a problem. You both need to be completely honest with each other, whether it’s a case of just falling out of love, being with someone else or an incident which caused the decision… you both need to make the other person comfortable enough to realise that they can tell you anything without being afraid of your reaction.
Only when you are both open and honest with each other will you both be able to talk to each other and bring the kids up together in the best way. |
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By *ol_ieMan 52 weeks ago
Dublin west |
Get a schedule in place when you will get to spend time with your child and stick to it.
Be it 2 nights or 3 nights a week or whatever it may be. Your relationship with your child will suffer sadly just because you are not around all the time, so you have to work at it and if everyone knows the routine then it's easier.
The quietness of being on your own takes time to get used to, but dont beet yourself up and mind yourself. It's a difficult time for everyone but with patience you can all get through it.. |
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Couldn’t agree more. 100%
There’s lots of hardship counselling out there that give some of the appointments for free. Could be nice to help you plan for the future. Their job is to help you avoid trouble but when trouble arises to get you through in the least painful way.
Above all else ye have a common goal - to rear your child in a right and proper fashion and all parties to be REASONABLE and not sweat the small stuff. Do the things you enjoy - it definitely helps.
I wish you the best. |
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Be kind to yourself, put your child as number one priority, the rest you'll figure out with help from family and friends. Don't be afraid to ask for help if needed, I wish you all the luck in the world. |
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Just remember and keep to the fore that you both loved each other once enough to have a beautiful kid and it’s best that she can see that. Remember sometimes we just grow and if we lose the focus then we grow apart we don’t intentionally go out to hurt but always try to remember the love and it will be ok. Lol even if the anger is strongggggggg sometimes. Better for you as well as for your kid and future relationships. |
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