FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Hard truths
Hard truths
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
There are so many threads by guys about how unfortunate it is to not be ‘successful’ on fab (essentially fab not being the mythical dial a ride site which had been anticipated).
This thread is largely for women and couples to spell out reasons why they ignore some/most messages .
Is it mostly benign reasons (dance card full, not enough time )?
Or more personal (no attraction towards individual, profile uninspiring , not enough effort , not enough detail )
Or more situational (messages seems to be from an attached individual which you don’t want engage in , message from someone into bareback/420 which you want to keep clear of , age completely unsuitable)..
What primarily makes you not engage with men who contact you ? |
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No profile pics
Have profile pics but am not in any attracted to what i see
No bio or that stupid sydney university thing
Have obviously not read my profile
Opening message is a pic of cock with hey or id love to pound that etc.
Sometimes theres just too many to answer and ill just bulk delete. Ive probably deleted people who i would be compatible with but it is what it is.
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"No profile pics
Have profile pics but am not in any attracted to what i see
No bio or that stupid sydney university thing
Have obviously not read my profile
Opening message is a pic of cock with hey or id love to pound that etc.
Sometimes theres just too many to answer and ill just bulk delete. Ive probably deleted people who i would be compatible with but it is what it is.
"
Also bareback pics are very much a turn off as is any mention of 420 etc |
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All of the above single males are just so bountiful on this site and mfm is something that we have tried and liked but is top of our agenda. Finding campatable couple to play with and a bisexual female is why we joined. I'm sure that is the case for most couples unless there here purely for cockold/vixen fantasies which is a thing too.
I think most couples would prefer to meet a male at a party/social or club night it's more safe than randoms from the site. I've noticed the more successful males attend socials regularly and make an effort to join the larger scene. Terry |
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The lack of effort and assumption that everyone fabs in the same manner.
A 'hi' from a blank profile doesn't even get a 'thanks, but no thanks'.
But my biggest ick must be bareback pics without a * that those were with a regular or an ex...also if ex is mentioned is she still consenting to sharing the pics? |
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Most of our messages are ignored we cuz just aren't planning on heading to any events in the near future, and aren't bothered with endless chatting.
If we have plans on the horizon then we likely will chat to other partygoers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bare back pics, profile pic of women sucking their cocks- why would I want to see that ?, bare back and cuming videos, generic copy and paste messages- hey babe, love your tits, would you like to suck my cock- what are you doing right now- can we have phone sex. My profile clearly says I live in stepaside- why ask where I’m from- read the Blooming profile!! Pictures of big bushy pubes- trim them please. Dick pics when sitting on the toilet with pants around the ankles- total ick. boring profiles-my head says boring in bed. Don't care if married TBH, but get the ick when I get messages saying that the wife is out for the day/afternoon if I want to call round- agh!! |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
Main reason at present is I'm not doing new meets at the moment and usually I found even just chatting makes people think I should then meet them even when told at the very start that I won't.
When I am meeting I usually don't answer if their profile doesn't interest me. It's just that simple, and needless to say faf type messages just get deleted anyhow . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me lately....the guys who are way too 'nice' in their first few DMS are now red flags to me....
They're the very ones who get nasty all of a sudden when they don't get what they want.... i.e explicit graphic pics or if I don't meet....
I've many other red flags but that's a whole 3 chapters in my book....;) |
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You could make up a fab bingo card and fill it. From single women's and couples perspectives:
*zero effort on profile & profile photos
*zero effort in messages (its always either "hi" or "wanna fuck". Very little in between)
*zero effort to have a conversation beyond suck and fuck
*zero effort to turn up to even have a coffee
*zero effort in checking if Sydney University thing is real
*zero effort in trying to change approach after being given advice
*bareback photos
*blowjob photos with countless women in them (still have the shudders from someone trying to take one of me without asking)
*zero effort to read the profile
*zero effort to acknowledge preferences in a profile (after reading it)
*zero effort to be involved in a community.
All of the above apply to all sexes (except the bareback pics. Couples are okay to have bareback photos together)
Who can get a bingo from at least 50% of messages they get? |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
Top 10 things to avoid so far then
1. No profile pics
2. Crap bio
3. Unsolicited cock pic and graphic message
4. Bareback , 420
5. Never attending socials.
6. Boring generic messages
7. Not reading the profile
8. Terrible pics
9. Assuming that convenient for you means convenient for person you’re messaging
10. Overly polite which comes across as inauthentic |
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There are lot's of reasons it's not 'easy' for single men.
Guys need to bear in mind, most of these reasons There is NOTHING they can do about it.
1. Numbers
Adding up the people near me on mobile, it comes to 57 Men 3 women, 3 couples, and 4 TV/TS. That is a disproportionate amount of single men.
At least half the couples are only looking for other couples. So that leaves WAY too many men
2. Safety.
I'm always amazed that men seem to forget that women don't generally want to meet up with strange men for fear of literal violence. Women are always in a more vulnerable position. I would NEVER meet a stranger in a hotel room alone. A big part of why so people pursue non-monogamy, is that we feel safer swinging with a partner, or at parties than being alone in a vulnerable.
if your single, and meeting single women, you need to let them build trust in you and go at their own pace.
3. Timing
Sometimes someone will message on an evening where I'm free to message back and chat a little, Most of the time, We're not free to spend the evening on our phon chatting. The basic getting to know you gets old fast, for women, it's less exciting flirting, and more of a vetting process, it can be exhausting.
4. "Casual".
This is something lads can actually address.
I've seen a lot of fellas on here talk about what they mean by "casual", no emotions, no feelings, once offs.
This doesn't work so well for women, Because of the trust and safety mentioned above.
Casual means not having a committed relationship.
It shouldn't mean you will be selfish, uncaring, demanding or cold. The best casual sex, is having a fun little fling with a really sound person you can get on with. There will need to be *some* connection to get you interested in each other. Other people have pointed out how profiles and bios with no personality are a turn off.
I've seen people say this isn't a dating App.
I'd argue all the same rules apply here as dating apps. You still need to get someones attention, being compatible still matters, and a lot of people are still going to be meeting for you a coffee/drink and a chat before anything happens.
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By *dfabMan
over a year ago
Dunboyne |
"For me lately....the guys who are way too 'nice' in their first few DMS are now red flags to me....
They're the very ones who get nasty all of a sudden when they don't get what they want.... i.e explicit graphic pics or if I don't meet....
I've many other red flags but that's a whole 3 chapters in my book....;)"
Fuck sake!
Even the nice ones are dodgy?
I'm retiring so  |
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By *am74Man
over a year ago
inbetween north west ,sligo ,galway |
"For me lately....the guys who are way too 'nice' in their first few DMS are now red flags to me....
They're the very ones who get nasty all of a sudden when they don't get what they want.... i.e explicit graphic pics or if I don't meet....
I've many other red flags but that's a whole 3 chapters in my book....;)"
Can I ask How do you manage to talk to anyone then.some of us are not stereo typed like that.
Just asking. |
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Those that offer money to meet them. Neither of us is a professional in the adult industry and don't want to be treated as such. Just to clarify we have absolutely no problem with anyone who does sex work |
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By * VaWoman
over a year ago
Dublin |
Wait. Are the women on here saying the Don't love opening messages along the lines of "fanci a ride", "I've got snow wanna go" or "hay bbe u do anl", etc? Really?
Also, I'm adding to the list: blatant dishonesty, the bio and the profile details not adding up, having the veri summary say there are loads and displaying a small handful (hiding the summary is fine in my book as long as there's something recent to read), and all pity parties.
As I was writing this I got two more let's meet right now messages from complete strangers with recently created profiles. Does that ever work? I'm genuinely curious. |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"For me lately....the guys who are way too 'nice' in their first few DMS are now red flags to me....
They're the very ones who get nasty all of a sudden when they don't get what they want.... i.e explicit graphic pics or if I don't meet....
I've many other red flags but that's a whole 3 chapters in my book....;)
Can I ask How do you manage to talk to anyone then.some of us are not stereo typed like that.
Just asking."
I am guessing this is where the message lands with the sense that that the sender is pretending to be something they’re not . |
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For whatever it’s worth here’s my two cents. Think they’ve all been covered already but here’s 3 reasons that can be helpful for guys if they want to change their approach
Pics: Personally I’d keep the pics to just them and be a little creative by not showing all the goods in every pic (towel/boxers etc). We don’t want to see loads of different angles of your dingalings. It can get boring. And pics of women in them instantly lead me to wonder did you get consent to post them even if you state you do unless her username is in the pic and you’ve a nice veri from her. The themed pic forums can be fun to look at so maybe join in those. But if you do upload pics of your goods and with women in the pics then huge red flag is bareback pics.
Opening messages: If they can include a nice mentioning of something in your bio/pics shows you’ve possibly read it. No mentioning of “I want to spit roast you” or “ free now off exit 13” or “want to privately send me some of the pics she’s sent you”
Forums: I’d also encourage fun and respectful engagement in the forums. If we were looking for men there’s a few I’d message solely because of their content in here.
The big problem is the guys who need to read this thread probably won’t. And yes, ratio sucks for you guys so even if you’re “perfect” with your approach you still may not get replies. I do feel bad, just not bad enough to take our filter off and get bombarded with annoying messages.
Good luck guys  |
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The biggest reasons we will ignore mails from most types of profiles are as follows:
Didn't read the profile (seriously easy to tell if you have or haven't especially ours)
Negative status updates (we will jot them down in private notes if we spot them)
Pictures (decent tasteful pics or lack of pictures. We live in a world where you can buy a cheap camera phone for less then €100. There's no excuse)
Meet straight away (not for us random stranger on the interweb. We like our safety too much)
General dickiness (we hate people being dicks for no reason)
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Empty profiles
No pics, or really obscure ones,
In any way entitled,
Turn off when meeting:
Won't get out of car,
Expects you to sit into car,
Anything awkward or dangerous,
Late,
Awkwardly won't buy a coffee or whatever,
Won't approach you and just say Hi.
Doesn't match profile.
Bullpoopers. |
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By *eijaWoman
over a year ago
City Centre |
*Not reading my profile
*Empty profiles - no profile pics and zero bio
*Lack of effort in bio
* Bareback pics with multiple women
*Lots of pics of women but not many of the actual guy and it's a single guys profile (how is that allowed?)
*Profile mentions 420/snow
*Status updates - I always keep an eye on these especially the ones putting down women/drug taking (great for private notes)
*Messages full of c**k pics
*Messages with no effort
*Assuming that if I answer (even though my profile states not meeting new people at moment) I will meet
*The Sydney University cr*p guys you are recovered by legislation even if you do not have that on your profile
*Newbies assuming that every woman is a dial a ride
*Profile full of c**K pics no thanks doesn't say much about your personality does it
I think that's enough for now 
B x |
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Do single guys on here really assume that fab is a resource for them to find an easy ride?
Do they really expect the "hi, how you doin?" message to result in a ride?
Do they assume that every woman (single or in a couple) on here is easy? Always horny?
P is very nervous going to socials & events. The nervousness adds to the thrill and excitement and arousal, but it's still a nervousness. There's still an element of a type of fear. Our interest area in all of this is seeing others openly behaving sexually and being openly sexually active, and doing the same ourselves. We're not necessarily looking to swap or share. I (Mr) suspect that that's the case for many couples on here, at least in the early days of their journey.
Some couples MIGHT be seeking a single guy (for their own cuck / vixen / hot-wife desires), and some women MIGHT be seeking a ride, but surely even the thickest guys out there must know that people need some sort of social or personal connection before there can be sexual attraction?
We specifically mention in our profile that we're not interested in single males. So do plenty of other couples on here. Do singles still message anyway, hoping / expecting that the couple will find them so interesting or attractive that they'll make an exception?
However, we're also going with the flow on this journey - if we're at a social or an event (where we can see & meet someone in person) and a single male takes P's interest IRL / AFK, then we're happy to engage. Again - IF they take P's interest. Is it possible for a couple or single woman suss that out online?
Without reading bios / profiles, single males can't know what a couple's or single woman's preferences might be. So I (Mr) think that for a single male to have an even remote genuine shot at improving his hit-rate (on here, online), his #1 priority has to be to read the bio / profile before he makes contact.
It be hard being a sincere & genuine single male on here.
But it seems it can also be hard for others being pestered by dodgy single guys.
And I (Mr) think that (couples or single women) not being pestered is more important than (single males) not being successful.
In a pub, what woman or couple wants that d*unken pseudo-alpha oaf bouncing off them making smutty comments while spilling drinks on their shoes? Is that guy ever appealing to anyone?
I (Mr) GREATLY resent that guy in a pub. In fact I avoid pubs because of him. If I want to engage with anyone, I'll do it cordially and with respect. I'll present myself as interesting and worthy of your time. And if I sense - or you tell me - that you're not interested, I'll move on without judgement or resentment.
At fab socials or events P & I will happily chat with anyone, but I'll (Mr) be firm in expressing when our interest in chatting has evaporated. And we expect people to recognise this and understand and accept it and move on.
Online, people's bravery and disrespect is often askew from IRL. Single guys - behave online as you would IRL. If you behave like a dick IRL (and / or don't even know or care that you behave like a dick), then you hardly expect any sort of success? |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
Isn't it great that the single guys give us so many reasons to swipe left?  It really helps to plough through all the offers.
We can even be really fussy with our dismissal reasons. 
Imagine the following scenario where every second profile is appealing and the guys behind it have the right attitude. It would be a f?*&ng nightmare. And the forum would be deprived of hundreds of threads.... |
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You look at this thread alone and look at the stuff women have written as to what puts them off, I’m laughing reading it as if the roles were reversed you wouldn’t have men saying anywhere near the same stuff  |
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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
"You look at this thread alone and look at the stuff women have written as to what puts them off, I’m laughing reading it as if the roles were reversed you wouldn’t have men saying anywhere near the same stuff "
But men and women are different ..nothing new there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unless we're actually looking to meet, most messages won't be replied to.
I've little interest in chat for chat's sake. If we chatted to everyone who asks "fancy a chat & see where it goes?" we'd have to give up work. It's completely unsustainable and, ultimately, unfulfilling for everyone. The majority of such chats will go nowhere anyway, not least because we meet others so infrequently.
We're perhaps in the minority of couples. We mostly meet bi guys for MMF meets. We pretty much never do socials with them first. When we post a meet we'll reply/chat with those who reply & match our preferences and then take it from there.
All the other reasons already given also apply and certainly contribute to not being bothered to reply.
Of course there will always be exceptions, however "chat" is difficult to sustain indefinitely
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Excited and Curious well written post is so, so good.
We joined for the chance to explore our sexuality and expand our minds and realised we loved the community the lifestyle had.
Over the last few years this "social lifestyle" has been eroded to where people joining think it's a sex site and nothing else. There is an attitude of if you are not up for the ride then why are you here?. The social aspect doesn't seem to matter to these people. Even those organising socials/parties calling this a sex site does the lifestyle no good either.
So people with that attitude is a no.
People who want to meet really quickly but won't share face pics. Everyone can see us, and we don't do blind dates, if you want that then bring Cilla back from the dead.
Mention of drugs, especially , not for us.
No effort in profile or messages. We had to cut ours down to it being too long, so many people won't even read them, and then ask questions that are answered on it.
Anyway my pennyworth for now. |
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"You look at this thread alone and look at the stuff women have written as to what puts them off, I’m laughing reading it as if the roles were reversed you wouldn’t have men saying anywhere near the same stuff
But men and women are different ..nothing new there "
on the same topic, where the aim is the same, both humans but ye they’re completly different |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Zero time is the big one - I’ve basically stopped meeting anyone outside of socials. Getting messages from people in Dublin / Cork / Scotland wherever - people often assume that they are good for a back of the car / my house hook up. I’m not into that - might have been at one stage but definitely not anymore.
I have clues in my profile and people don’t get it - then some get - ‘put this in your subject…’ and straight away they don’t do that then get thick wondering why I don’t respond.
There are socials for unverified guys - get to them and go from there. I’m very much at the stage where I haven’t the time or energy to babysit newbies even verified ones. Ones with 1/2 verifications can sometimes think they have fond what they need to do and get lazy - so I avoid these as much as I avoid no verifications.
If someone has made the effort to go out to a social and I can see that in their verifications I am much more likely to say hello. |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
Tips 11-20 based on responses
11. If you arrange a coffee , turn up
12. Acknowledge preference of those you’re writing to
13. Acknowledge that those you’re writing to maybe anxious about meeting you .
14. Don’t make people uncomfortable when messaging . Act similarly to how you would in real life
15 some people are not looking for single men.
16. Your profile needs to be consistent in terms of pics , bio, preferences etc
17. Coming across well on the forum can enhance your chances
18. Avoid negative critical or spiteful status updates
19. Try to be patient and build a rapport
20. An entitled attitude won’t get you very far |
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"Tips 11-20 based on responses
11. If you arrange a coffee , turn up
12. Acknowledge preference of those you’re writing to
13. Acknowledge that those you’re writing to maybe anxious about meeting you .
14. Don’t make people uncomfortable when messaging . Act similarly to how you would in real life
15 some people are not looking for single men.
16. Your profile needs to be consistent in terms of pics , bio, preferences etc
17. Coming across well on the forum can enhance your chances
18. Avoid negative critical or spiteful status updates
19. Try to be patient and build a rapport
20. An entitled attitude won’t get you very far"
Ah but Jaysus ... if those basic points need to be spelled out to people then I give up  |
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"Tips 11-20 based on responses
11. If you arrange a coffee , turn up
12. Acknowledge preference of those you’re writing to
13. Acknowledge that those you’re writing to maybe anxious about meeting you .
14. Don’t make people uncomfortable when messaging . Act similarly to how you would in real life
15 some people are not looking for single men.
16. Your profile needs to be consistent in terms of pics , bio, preferences etc
17. Coming across well on the forum can enhance your chances
18. Avoid negative critical or spiteful status updates
19. Try to be patient and build a rapport
20. An entitled attitude won’t get you very far
Ah but Jaysus ... if those basic points need to be spelled out to people then I give up "
I share your despair,
...and make poetry at the same time.
All twenty (so far) of those can be summed up in one... Be decent, like me 
Although to be fair, try as you might, you can never be like me |
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The biggest thing online is patience but there is patience and then there is a stage where it just becomes utterly tedious. I remember my first profile on here. New nothing about forums, I class myself as a decent enough looking lad, no problems in the real world pulling, I used send umpteen profile enducing mails, trying to pick stuff out, not just one liners. Got nowhere for about 5/6 months. It’s not always men’s fault on here. You simply can do all in your power and still get nowhere. An awful lot of single men won’t last 5/6 months on this site getting nowhere. I use it with a long time to pop in. Use a forum etc but the day of bursting a gut to get meets is long gone |
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"Hard truth, interacting in the forums showcases your personality, if ye’ve a bad/negative personality then it’s not going to increase your chances of a meet and will probably be detrimental "
Aaaaarrgh!  |
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"Hard truth, interacting in the forums showcases your personality, if ye’ve a bad/negative personality then it’s not going to increase your chances of a meet and will probably be detrimental
Aaaaarrgh! "
Too bitchy? |
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"Hard truth, being active on the forum does absolutely nothing to improve your chances of meeting and if anything is detrimental. "
I'm 50/50 on this one. It gets you views so if your active, not a total tool on the forums and have a decent profile the forums do get you meets. |
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"Hard truth, interacting in the forums showcases your personality, if ye’ve a bad/negative personality then it’s not going to increase your chances of a meet and will probably be detrimental
Aaaaarrgh!
Too bitchy?"
No, I think it was just my bad/negative personality coming to the fore briefly.
It's all good again. Thank you for asking. Please have a wonderful day.  |
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"Hard truth, being active on the forum does absolutely nothing to improve your chances of meeting and if anything is detrimental.
I'm 50/50 on this one. It gets you views so if your active, not a total tool on the forums and have a decent profile the forums do get you meets."
Damn! |
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* no profile pics
*only profile pics are 500 angles of a dick
*no bio
*no public pics
*don't show verifications ( red flag IMO)
*pics taken sitting on the toilet
*single guy profile with loads of play pictures with females and she is all you can see, no pictures of himself.
*has been preventing told we aren't interested.
* has sent 2 or more messages which haven't been responded to previously. Or we have been chatting and I've not responded as wuick as they like and he sends the double message, or the triple message and sometimes the 4th message to try and get a response
* out of our age preference
*we aren't attracted to them
*men who's profiles say straight but their verifications say diffrent or their message says they are bi ( not that we have a problem with bi but I don't like how what you say doesn't line up with your shown preferences)
* that stupid Sidney University shit
*message addresses only one half of the profile ie 'your missis is banging' 'your a lucky man' or 'you have great tits' etc
I think I'm going to stop now but there's many more  |
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By *oo32Man
over a year ago
tipperary |
"There are so many threads by guys about how unfortunate it is to not be ‘successful’ on fab (essentially fab not being the mythical dial a ride site which had been anticipated).
This thread is largely for women and couples to spell out reasons why they ignore some/most messages .
Is it mostly benign reasons (dance card full, not enough time )?
Or more personal (no attraction towards individual, profile uninspiring , not enough effort , not enough detail )
Or more situational (messages seems to be from an attached individual which you don’t want engage in , message from someone into bareback/420 which you want to keep clear of , age completely unsuitable)..
What primarily makes you not engage with men who contact you ? "
Why should anyone have to spell out anything,they don't respond because they ain't interested,simples
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Single men are a dime a dozen so therefore effort is needed. A clear picture for us is a deal breaker. No pictures then absolutely zero chance.
Then there are the ones that talk a good game, arrange to meet even for a social and their granny’s dog died or their sisters hamster took covid. Therefore we spot the time wasters pretty soon now.
Bareback pics are also a no thanks.
Advice to single lads, be yourself. Be honest and send pics. After that it’s just down to attraction. We aren’t everyone’s cup of tea and we’re ok with that. |
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"No profile pics
Have profile pics but am not in any attracted to what i see
No bio or that stupid sydney university thing
Have obviously not read my profile
Opening message is a pic of cock with hey or id love to pound that etc.
Sometimes theres just too many to answer and ill just bulk delete. Ive probably deleted people who i would be compatible with but it is what it is.
"
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mrs here,
*No profile pic/empty bio "fill in later" but it's been 6 months.
*Outside of my age range, even if they acknowledge it but carry on as normal
*bareback pics (who is it, do you have consent to take it)
*single lads pages who claim to be a couple?? Just make a couples page
*repeat messaging if a response isn't given
*no interest in a coffee/only wanting to meet me for one
*not being curious about rules or boundaries before a meet... it's something we go over anyways but if you're a lad who hasn't considered that there is rules/boundaries how considerate will you really be on the night
*short messages or going straight to the ride or wanting one
*had a lad the other day say mullingar was too far to go for a coffee (I dont drive& close to mr for comfort and safety) and insisted I come to dublin. I declined and he said it better be worth it if hes coming all the way... yeah that coffee isn't happening. You aren't owed anything for coffee
*not reading our bio (seriously cant think it can be any clearer about everything)
*just dick pics or pictures on the toilet/in bed with boxers on your ankles...please can we declare that a crime
*the forum IS A GOOD WAY TO GET engagement/exposure. Often most men I message come from the forum. It gives a chance to see their character.
I'll leave it there but theres so much more
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By *panishRebelMan
over a year ago
Alicante Spain, and Cork City Ireland |
To all you decent men feeling deflated by the red flag on too nice..... Through an odd fuck off in and you may be covered
Seriously however, an interesting thread.
But like no two men are the same, no two woman or couples are either.
I believe there's someone for everyone on here. Met some total contrasts myself.
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I mostly will ignore a message when it is abundantly clear that the person has either ignored or not read my profile. I would like to think my profile is honest and clear in terms of what I am looking for and more importantly what I am not looking for. Messaging still with a complete disregard for that is not a good start. |
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. Can you not just spread your legs? So much easier 
