FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Finding it hard to take first step
Finding it hard to take first step
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey all, relatively new here, myself and husband are looking to add a female to our playtime but are finding it hard to find someone suitable, not confident enough yet to attend any social gatherings but overtime we will, for now I would just be happy to pop my lady cherry and evolve from there, have sent around d a few texts but not much luck...any advice, thanks in advance
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi OP and welcome to Fab.
You're looking for Fab's most elusive creature and 3 weeks is only the blink of an eye.
Getting verified will help for a start. Perhaps think about trying to set up a coffee meet or two til you're ready to attend a bigger social. Until you do, you're asking a woman to take quite the leap of faith.
Perhaps think about the language you're using too. Although it might not be intentional, "female" is a bit dehumanising. Try "woman" instead 
What's in it for the woman joining you? You've no experience and you want the woman to join "your playtime". Again consider how this might sound to anyone prospectively meeting you. What role will your partner be playing? Will he joining in? Just watching? Not every woman is keen on the "putting on a show" aspect.
You say you can't accommodate so think about where you're hoping your encounters to take place.
Are you aiming to go straight for a play meet? A lot of women would much prefer to meet socially first to gauge how you get along and if she feels comfortable in your company.
I'd def recommend getting along to a few organised socials once you're verified. They can be great for demystify the whole thing and really are just like any regular night out
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Socials are definitely the way to go as previously said you can suss people out better I have recently decided that I would like to try and play with a couple but it's very hard to get anyone that is interested as it's mostly only ever the guy that does the talking to me if you are on here as a couple you should chat as a couple plus I find that most women only want to play with another female to fulfil the man's fantasy and aren't really into it themselves then you get the couples who will meet with another female then the guy will try to just meet with the female alone without said wife's permission I just find it much easier to stick to one on one and organised group meets |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hi OP and welcome to Fab.
You're looking for Fab's most elusive creature and 3 weeks is only the blink of an eye.
Getting verified will help for a start. Perhaps think about trying to set up a coffee meet or two til you're ready to attend a bigger social. Until you do, you're asking a woman to take quite the leap of faith.
Perhaps think about the language you're using too. Although it might not be intentional, "female" is a bit dehumanising. Try "woman" instead
What's in it for the woman joining you? You've no experience and you want the woman to join "your playtime". Again consider how this might sound to anyone prospectively meeting you. What role will your partner be playing? Will he joining in? Just watching? Not every woman is keen on the "putting on a show" aspect.
You say you can't accommodate so think about where you're hoping your encounters to take place.
Are you aiming to go straight for a play meet? A lot of women would much prefer to meet socially first to gauge how you get along and if she feels comfortable in your company.
I'd def recommend getting along to a few organised socials once you're verified. They can be great for demystify the whole thing and really are just like any regular night out
"
Thanks for the advice, yes I will update my profile to the changes you suggested and we are verified I hope, we have the green flag and we sent in our photos so I presume that's done.
Will attend socials but wanna build confidence first |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I agree with Butterflies
A fab social is the same as any night out and you can suss people out a lot better irl than on here."
Thank you very much for the advice |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Socials are definitely the way to go as previously said you can suss people out better I have recently decided that I would like to try and play with a couple but it's very hard to get anyone that is interested as it's mostly only ever the guy that does the talking to me if you are on here as a couple you should chat as a couple plus I find that most women only want to play with another female to fulfil the man's fantasy and aren't really into it themselves then you get the couples who will meet with another female then the guy will try to just meet with the female alone without said wife's permission I just find it much easier to stick to one on one and organised group meets "
Thanks for reply, its my decision husband knows I am curious and has been great supporting my decision to explore and will also be present, we come as a team always |
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"Hi OP and welcome to Fab.
You're looking for Fab's most elusive creature and 3 weeks is only the blink of an eye.
Getting verified will help for a start. Perhaps think about trying to set up a coffee meet or two til you're ready to attend a bigger social. Until you do, you're asking a woman to take quite the leap of faith.
Perhaps think about the language you're using too. Although it might not be intentional, "female" is a bit dehumanising. Try "woman" instead
What's in it for the woman joining you? You've no experience and you want the woman to join "your playtime". Again consider how this might sound to anyone prospectively meeting you. What role will your partner be playing? Will he joining in? Just watching? Not every woman is keen on the "putting on a show" aspect.
You say you can't accommodate so think about where you're hoping your encounters to take place.
Are you aiming to go straight for a play meet? A lot of women would much prefer to meet socially first to gauge how you get along and if she feels comfortable in your company.
I'd def recommend getting along to a few organised socials once you're verified. They can be great for demystify the whole thing and really are just like any regular night out
Thanks for the advice, yes I will update my profile to the changes you suggested and we are verified I hope, we have the green flag and we sent in our photos so I presume that's done.
Will attend socials but wanna build confidence first "
Meet verified and photo verified will both carry a different amount of weight for people.
If you can arrange to meet someone for a coffee and they verify you it goes a long way to reassuring people that your both alive and kicking and sound. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hi OP and welcome to Fab.
You're looking for Fab's most elusive creature and 3 weeks is only the blink of an eye.
Getting verified will help for a start. Perhaps think about trying to set up a coffee meet or two til you're ready to attend a bigger social. Until you do, you're asking a woman to take quite the leap of faith.
Perhaps think about the language you're using too. Although it might not be intentional, "female" is a bit dehumanising. Try "woman" instead
What's in it for the woman joining you? You've no experience and you want the woman to join "your playtime". Again consider how this might sound to anyone prospectively meeting you. What role will your partner be playing? Will he joining in? Just watching? Not every woman is keen on the "putting on a show" aspect.
You say you can't accommodate so think about where you're hoping your encounters to take place.
Are you aiming to go straight for a play meet? A lot of women would much prefer to meet socially first to gauge how you get along and if she feels comfortable in your company.
I'd def recommend getting along to a few organised socials once you're verified. They can be great for demystify the whole thing and really are just like any regular night out
Thanks for the advice, yes I will update my profile to the changes you suggested and we are verified I hope, we have the green flag and we sent in our photos so I presume that's done.
Will attend socials but wanna build confidence first
Meet verified and photo verified will both carry a different amount of weight for people.
If you can arrange to meet someone for a coffee and they verify you it goes a long way to reassuring people that your both alive and kicking and sound."
Thanks very much for your advice |
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And if I may be so bold. I haven't been on here long but long enough to have understood that if people are going off of photos they would like to see a bit more of you. A couple of close ups can be great but people do like to see your figures too. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"And if I may be so bold. I haven't been on here long but long enough to have understood that if people are going off of photos they would like to see a bit more of you. A couple of close ups can be great but people do like to see your figures too. "
Yes I agree, once I do make a few friends on here I plan to have photos for that, tbh I think we are shown enough for now |
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