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By *og-Man OP Man
over a year ago
somewhere |
Make someone smile
My friend was telling me about his first parachute jump.
He said, "I was terrified and wouldn't do it. The instructor was a big bloke and took out his huge dick and said if I didn't jump, he'd ram it up my arse."
I asked, "Did you jump?"
"At first when it went in..." |
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A married woman was in bed with her husband's best friend when her phone chimed.
She read the text and said "that was my husband".
"Oh fuck" says your man, is he on the way home? 
"Nah" she replies, "he was just letting me know he's going to be in the pub with you for another few hours"  |
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Man gets €50 note tattooed to his cock,goes home and show it to the wife, she gose off the head why you do that, he goes ok my dear
1 I like to handle my money
2 I like to see my money grow
3 the next time you want to blow a €50 you don't have to leave the house.. |
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I saw a pretty and young homeless lady last night in town. I asked her if I could take her home and she smiled sexily and said yes.
I don't fully understand then why she got so annoyed when I walked off down the street with her cardboard box! |
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So, I've just come back from seeing a guy. After a bit of small talk he soon had me laid back in his chair.
In seconds my mouth was open and he inserted his tool. After a few minutes of him drilling my mouth I was spitting and gargling with his tool in my mouth.
Finally after a few minutes he stopped and the look of satisfaction on his face was plain to see,as I spat out what was left in my mouth.
Never a good experience seeing the dentist.
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My mate is just back from Bangkok.
He met a woman in a bar one night.
She walked, talked and danced like a woman.
It was only when she invited him back to hers and reversed into the driveway first time that he went " Ah now, wait a minute!" |
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A young couple were planning their wedding and went to visit the local priest to arrange a church ceremony.
They met the priest and had a chat. John introduced himself, told the priest a bit of general information about his life and his dreams, etc, and then introduced his bride to be, Mary.
The priest shook her hand.. "so Mary, tell me a bit about yourself"
Mary started off.. "well, I'm from the neighbouring county, I met John through my work, and I'm a pr*stitute.
The priest went pale and fainted on the spot. When he came too he said" oh this won't do at all. It can't happen! I won't allow it, not in my church!"
John was annoyed and started lecturing the priest" look, she may be a sex worker but that doesn't mean she's a bad person.. "
The priest interjected" wait, did you say pr*stitute? Ah ffs, I thought you said protestant! Come on, we'll get the diary and have a look at what dates are available!" |
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By *og-Man OP Man
over a year ago
somewhere |
"Apparently after the merger between the PGA and LIV they've agreed to divide up all golf courses.
The PGA are responsible for holes 1-8, and 12-18.
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The Saudis are responsible for 9-11
  "
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