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Jokes
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Durty mary | |||
"Paddy and Mary decide to try a 69. Paddy's never done one before so Mary says she'll show him. She tells him to lie on the floor and squats over him. As she lowers herself onto his face she farts. Apologizing she tries again but farts again. Paddy jumps up and storms out yelling: "I'll be fucked if I'm hanging around for 67 more of them!!!" Brilliant " | |||
"Paddy and Mary decide to try a 69. Paddy's never done one before so Mary says she'll show him. She tells him to lie on the floor and squats over him. As she lowers herself onto his face she farts. Apologizing she tries again but farts again. Paddy jumps up and storms out yelling: "I'll be fucked if I'm hanging around for 67 more of them!!!" "  | |||
"Paddy and Mary decide to try a 69. Paddy's never done one before so Mary says she'll show him. She tells him to lie on the floor and squats over him. As she lowers herself onto his face she farts. Apologizing she tries again but farts again. Paddy jumps up and storms out yelling: "I'll be fucked if I'm hanging around for 67 more of them!!!" "The durty gowl | |||
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"An old guy sitting in a bar says to his friend, "jaysus,i had a terrible Freudian slip the other day", his friend goes "what's a Freudian slip?"... He says , "it's when you mean to say one thing but you say what's on your mind instead!". His friend, still confused says "i don't understand". Okay, says the first guy, " i was in the airport the other day , dropping the young fella off to fly to Pittsburgh, but sure in work the next day ,when the woman with the huge tits asked me where my son was flying to , didn't i say tits-burgh!" .... Oh says the other fella,i know exactly what you mean " the other morning i was having breakfast with the wife, what i meant to say was, could you please pass me the salt, but what i said was, YOU ruined my life you bitch!" "And shove that salt up ur arse | |||
"What goes up the road,down the road and never touches the road?" Can only be The council | |||
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"2 married women on a night out get caught short on their way home so decided to go into a Cemetery to relive themselves, one uses her panties to clean herself up and the other uses a wreath...the following night the two husbands are in the pub having a drink when one says to the other " l think my wife is having an affair...she came home last night with no underwear on "... You think that's bad says the other guy ...mine woke this morning with a card in her butt .." from all the lads down at the station .. we'll never forget you " " | |||
"What goes up the road,down the road and never touches the road? Can only be The council "correct n right sir, pull ur chair to the top of the class
'Mind you there's more tar in 10 Majors than there is on em now | |||
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"Girl brings her boyfriend home too meet the parents The parents aren’t too impressed by his hair cut and his tattoos and piercings Later Mam says Jesus Linda I’m not sure about this fella he doesn’t seem to be a nice boy Linda replies a stop Mam he’s lovely sure isn’t he doing 500 hours community work " | |||
"Paddy and Mary decide to try a 69. Paddy's never done one before so Mary says she'll show him. She tells him to lie on the floor and squats over him. As she lowers herself onto his face she farts. Apologizing she tries again but farts again. Paddy jumps up and storms out yelling: "I'll be fucked if I'm hanging around for 67 more of them!!!" " | |||
"2 married women on a night out get caught short on their way home so decided to go into a Cemetery to relive themselves, one uses her panties to clean herself up and the other uses a wreath...the following night the two husbands are in the pub having a drink when one says to the other " l think my wife is having an affair...she came home last night with no underwear on "... You think that's bad says the other guy ...mine woke this morning with a card in her butt .." from all the lads down at the station .. we'll never forget you " "hahahahaha | |||
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"A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.” "Lol love it ..nearly spat out my tea | |||
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"I now identify as a donkey. My pronouns are He / Haw" | |||
"A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.” "Piss’n me self | |||
"Girl brings her boyfriend home too meet the parents The parents aren’t too impressed by his hair cut and his tattoos and piercings Later Mam says Jesus Linda I’m not sure about this fella he doesn’t seem to be a nice boy Linda replies a stop Mam he’s lovely sure isn’t he doing 500 hours community work " Winner so far for me | |||
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"A guy walks into a bar and sees a guy at the bar with a 10 inch man in a box playing a small piano by his side. Amazed he asks, where did you get that small man playing the piano? There's a genie out the back granting wishes he replys. The 2nd guy heads straight out the back door. Couple of minutes later he runs back in followed by a load of ducks. That's genie must be deaf. I asked him for a 10000 bucks and got ducks he exclaimed. Yea, I didn't ask him for a 10 inch pianist either says first guy." | |||
"What goes up the road,down the road and never touches the road?" Council workers shovel | |||
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