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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
In reality, people are no more inherently lonely at this time of year than any other; but the prevailing urban myth everywhere is that everyone else, except those who are lonely, are part of happy family units who are all enjoying the Christmas and new year festivities in blissful harmony.
This myth needs to be dispelled; some dispersed families who are brought together at Christmas erupt into the most awful rows about unresolved family issues, that seem to surface when drink is taken.
I used to live above a family whose relatives used to visit every year on Christmas day; by 7pm the shouting would start, doors would be slammed; one year glass could be heard braking and the police arrived.
Mercifully, I now live alone; Christmas day as a child, tension-wise, used to be one of the worst days of the year because of family stresses about the big meal, etc.
This is sheer bunkum; |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
In reality, people are no more inherently lonely at this time of year than any other; but the prevailing urban myth everywhere is that everyone else, except those who are lonely, are part of happy family units who are all enjoying the Christmas and new year festivities in blissful harmony.
This myth needs to be dispelled; some dispersed families who are brought together at Christmas erupt into the most awful rows about unresolved family issues, that seem to surface when drink is taken.
I used to live above a family whose relatives used to visit every year on Christmas day; by 7pm the shouting would start, doors would be slammed; one year glass could be heard braking and the police arrived.
Mercifully, I now live alone; Christmas day as a child, tension-wise, used to be one of the worst days of the year because of family stresses about the big meal, etc.
This is sheer bunkum; |
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"In reality, people are no more inherently lonely at this time of year than any other; but the prevailing urban myth everywhere is that everyone else, except those who are lonely, are part of happy family units who are all enjoying the Christmas and new year festivities in blissful harmony.
This myth needs to be dispelled; some dispersed families who are brought together at Christmas erupt into the most awful rows about unresolved family issues, that seem to surface when drink is taken.
I used to live above a family whose relatives used to visit every year on Christmas day; by 7pm the shouting would start, doors would be slammed; one year glass could be heard braking and the police arrived.
Mercifully, I now live alone; Christmas day as a child, tension-wise, used to be one of the worst days of the year because of family stresses about the big meal, etc.
This is sheer bunkum; "
You are not very empathetic are you.
It's like saying. Oh look at that poor hungry person. Let's eat steak in front of them. It won't make a difference. They're hungry most of the time anyways. Just because you thrive in solitude is a far cry from everyone being the same. It's these times of the year that WE emphasise on family and friends. That really shines a huge spot light in those that DONT wish to be alone but are.
Now you sit and eat your dinner for one. Go to bed and have sex for one in your bed most likely made for two. |
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Christmas is one of those times when emotions both positive and negative run high. We see folks all out and about having fun. It's a time of reflection on the last year and also reminds us of those we have lost, for whatever reason. It's a dull dark , cold time so our energy levels are also low. Winter sucks. |
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By *onnrodMan
over a year ago
moira |
"In reality, people are no more inherently lonely at this time of year than any other; but the prevailing urban myth everywhere is that everyone else, except those who are lonely, are part of happy family units who are all enjoying the Christmas and new year festivities in blissful harmony.
This myth needs to be dispelled; some dispersed families who are brought together at Christmas erupt into the most awful rows about unresolved family issues, that seem to surface when drink is taken.
I used to live above a family whose relatives used to visit every year on Christmas day; by 7pm the shouting would start, doors would be slammed; one year glass could be heard braking and the police arrived.
Mercifully, I now live alone; Christmas day as a child, tension-wise, used to be one of the worst days of the year because of family stresses about the big meal, etc.
This is sheer bunkum; "
Just because that's your experience doesn't make the notion of happy families at Christmas 'bunkum' or a myth that needs to be dispelled.
Just cos it comes out of your gob doesn't make it universal.
I would suggest that as rural population becomes more and more migratory that Christmas is one of the few times families can come together.
If you want to help loneliness at Christmas then open your door to someone who needs companionship instead of guilting those who enjoy Christmas for what it means to them. |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
Unsurprising feedback!
Loneliness as a problem exists throughout the whole year, but appears to be latched onto at this time of year, and needs to be addressed all year.
For several years, I tried to address the loneliness issues of a guy whom I knew; I tried everything from every possible angle but nothing worked: there was no movement, no real progression, no desire to change.
For the sake of my own welfare I just had to walk away and leave him to his rigid depressing regime.
I gave it my very best shot! I do not even make any attempt to enquire about him; the recent cold spell may have killed him. |
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By *onnrodMan
over a year ago
moira |
"Unsurprising feedback!
Loneliness as a problem exists throughout the whole year, but appears to be latched onto at this time of year, and needs to be addressed all year.
For several years, I tried to address the loneliness issues of a guy whom I knew; I tried everything from every possible angle but nothing worked: there was no movement, no real progression, no desire to change.
For the sake of my own welfare I just had to walk away and leave him to his rigid depressing regime.
I gave it my very best shot! I do not even make any attempt to enquire about him; the recent cold spell may have killed him."
And this sort of answer is as expected of you.
You decide to impose yourself on someone who YOU decided was lonely when he clearly didn't want anything to do with you and in the classic narcissist's move you even manage to blame HIM for YOUR mental state.
Who are you to decide to judge the way a person lives their day to day, did he ask for help? Offer it initially by all means, but if it's refused then accept that and leave them to it.
And worse still, because he rejected your attempts to turn him into your pet project you decide he's not worthy of life?
Jesus, at least we only have to read your bullshit on here, imagine the misery of putting up with your self centered 'concern' in real life!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unsurprising feedback!
Loneliness as a problem exists throughout the whole year, but appears to be latched onto at this time of year, and needs to be addressed all year.
For several years, I tried to address the loneliness issues of a guy whom I knew; I tried everything from every possible angle but nothing worked: there was no movement, no real progression, no desire to change.
For the sake of my own welfare I just had to walk away and leave him to his rigid depressing regime.
I gave it my very best shot! I do not even make any attempt to enquire about him; the recent cold spell may have killed him.
And this sort of answer is as expected of you.
You decide to impose yourself on someone who YOU decided was lonely when he clearly didn't want anything to do with you and in the classic narcissist's move you even manage to blame HIM for YOUR mental state.
Who are you to decide to judge the way a person lives their day to day, did he ask for help? Offer it initially by all means, but if it's refused then accept that and leave them to it.
And worse still, because he rejected your attempts to turn him into your pet project you decide he's not worthy of life?
Jesus, at least we only have to read your bullshit on here, imagine the misery of putting up with your self centered 'concern' in real life!
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not sure folk have quite grasped how empathy works... it's not reserved for the deserving few that pass your personal idea of worthy.
Glad I'm sitting down as I read these, truly shocked..... not |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"Unsurprising feedback!
Loneliness as a problem exists throughout the whole year, but appears to be latched onto at this time of year, and needs to be addressed all year.
For several years, I tried to address the loneliness issues of a guy whom I knew; I tried everything from every possible angle but nothing worked: there was no movement, no real progression, no desire to change.
For the sake of my own welfare I just had to walk away and leave him to his rigid depressing regime.
I gave it my very best shot! I do not even make any attempt to enquire about him; the recent cold spell may have killed him.
And this sort of answer is as expected of you.
You decide to impose yourself on someone who YOU decided was lonely when he clearly didn't want anything to do with you and in the classic narcissist's move you even manage to blame HIM for YOUR mental state.
Who are you to decide to judge the way a person lives their day to day, did he ask for help? Offer it initially by all means, but if it's refused then accept that and leave them to it.
And worse still, because he rejected your attempts to turn him into your pet project you decide he's not worthy of life?
Jesus, at least we only have to read your bullshit on here, imagine the misery of putting up with your self centered 'concern' in real life!
"
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
Loneliness is awful and I think at this time of year if can be so much tougher than at other times.
I know people can say go for a walk or help others etc or try and ignore the fact it is Christmas but that is easier said than done. Especially when everyone else is so busy and heading off to family and friends.
In the end it is just one day and I hope anyone who feels alone gets through it and finds a way to treat themselves and find some comfort in the day or a friend who can spend some of the day with them at least.
It is a great time of year for some but also one of the saddest for others.
I think a bit of empathy can go a long way and especially at this time of year. |
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There are lots of lonely people throughout the year, for some Xmas can be tough. I was in that boat after I divorced as I could only see my kids for a couple of hours Xmas morning. Thankfully that's changed now.Maybe the OP could show a little bit more compassion for those less fortunate than him. After all its the season to be happy. There's a few elderly people live near me ,so a few of us are popping in to them in the morning just for a chat and to let them know they aren't truly alone. It's not all about ourselves. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"There are lots of lonely people throughout the year, for some Xmas can be tough. I was in that boat after I divorced as I could only see my kids for a couple of hours Xmas morning. Thankfully that's changed now.Maybe the OP could show a little bit more compassion for those less fortunate than him. After all its the season to be happy. There's a few elderly people live near me ,so a few of us are popping in to them in the morning just for a chat and to let them know they aren't truly alone. It's not all about ourselves."
How do you know he is not showing compassion he has stated it is a lonely time of year for some. That doesn't show a lack of compassion at all.And he is right it can be a dreadfully lonely time especially when all you seem to see is everyone else having friends and family around them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Unsurprising feedback!
Loneliness as a problem exists throughout the whole year, but appears to be latched onto at this time of year, and needs to be addressed all year.
For several years, I tried to address the loneliness issues of a guy whom I knew; I tried everything from every possible angle but nothing worked: there was no movement, no real progression, no desire to change.
For the sake of my own welfare I just had to walk away and leave him to his rigid depressing regime.
I gave it my very best shot! I do not even make any attempt to enquire about him; the recent cold spell may have killed him.
And this sort of answer is as expected of you.
You decide to impose yourself on someone who YOU decided was lonely when he clearly didn't want anything to do with you and in the classic narcissist's move you even manage to blame HIM for YOUR mental state.
Who are you to decide to judge the way a person lives their day to day, did he ask for help? Offer it initially by all means, but if it's refused then accept that and leave them to it.
And worse still, because he rejected your attempts to turn him into your pet project you decide he's not worthy of life?
Jesus, at least we only have to read your bullshit on here, imagine the misery of putting up with your self centered 'concern' in real life!
"
 |
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"
I know people can say go for a walk or help others etc or try and ignore the fact it is Christmas but that is easier said than done. Especially when everyone else is so busy and heading off to family and friends. "
It's not difficult to pick up the phone to charities doing soup kitchens on Xmas Day. I've no doubt they'd say yes to an offer of help even at this stage.
For example:
https://www.dublinlive.ie/news/dublin-news/list-soup-kitchens-pop-up-25785195
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"In reality, people are no more inherently lonely at this time of year than any other; but the prevailing urban myth everywhere is that everyone else, except those who are lonely, are part of happy family units who are all enjoying the Christmas and new year festivities in blissful harmony.
This myth needs to be dispelled; some dispersed families who are brought together at Christmas erupt into the most awful rows about unresolved family issues, that seem to surface when drink is taken.
I used to live above a family whose relatives used to visit every year on Christmas day; by 7pm the shouting would start, doors would be slammed; one year glass could be heard braking and the police arrived.
Mercifully, I now live alone; Christmas day as a child, tension-wise, used to be one of the worst days of the year because of family stresses about the big meal, etc.
This is sheer bunkum; "
Not 100% with you but do get the sentiment.
Working over the Christmas period, so miss all the issues.
I'm lucky, as a family living all over UK we do tend to meet regularly except Christmas when we tend to stick in our own homes.
Paul can sometimes be working abroad so I tend to give it a miss until he gets home.
Whatever you decide, hope its OK. |
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"There are lots of lonely people throughout the year, for some Xmas can be tough. I was in that boat after I divorced as I could only see my kids for a couple of hours Xmas morning. Thankfully that's changed now.Maybe the OP could show a little bit more compassion for those less fortunate than him. After all its the season to be happy. There's a few elderly people live near me ,so a few of us are popping in to them in the morning just for a chat and to let them know they aren't truly alone. It's not all about ourselves.
How do you know he is not showing compassion he has stated it is a lonely time of year for some. That doesn't show a lack of compassion at all.And he is right it can be a dreadfully lonely time especially when all you seem to see is everyone else having friends and family around them. "
Apologies , my comment was meant for the 2nd poster not the OP |
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"In reality, people are no more inherently lonely at this time of year than any other; but the prevailing urban myth everywhere is that everyone else, except those who are lonely, are part of happy family units who are all enjoying the Christmas and new year festivities in blissful harmony.
This myth needs to be dispelled; some dispersed families who are brought together at Christmas erupt into the most awful rows about unresolved family issues, that seem to surface when drink is taken.
I used to live above a family whose relatives used to visit every year on Christmas day; by 7pm the shouting would start, doors would be slammed; one year glass could be heard braking and the police arrived.
Mercifully, I now live alone; Christmas day as a child, tension-wise, used to be one of the worst days of the year because of family stresses about the big meal, etc.
This is sheer bunkum; "
For some people, Christmas can be extremely tense.
I will be the first to admit that I used to work, just so I wouldn't have to interact with some people.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Please everyone spare a thought for the lonely people over this time of year.
Are they the saps that seem to spend 24/7 on here?"
Some advice chief...if you have nothing good to say ...say nothing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Unsurprising feedback!
Loneliness as a problem exists throughout the whole year, but appears to be latched onto at this time of year, and needs to be addressed all year.
For several years, I tried to address the loneliness issues of a guy whom I knew; I tried everything from every possible angle but nothing worked: there was no movement, no real progression, no desire to change.
For the sake of my own welfare I just had to walk away and leave him to his rigid depressing regime.
I gave it my very best shot! I do not even make any attempt to enquire about him; the recent cold spell may have killed him."
Keep digging man, keep digging. The verifications be piling up in no time |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Please everyone spare a thought for the lonely people over this time of year.
Sorry OP, my comment wasn't aimed at you. "
No worries. All I was try to get across is that even people who have family around them can still feel lonely. No just people who are on their own. It was just we need to remember to be kind. Sometimes the people with the biggest smiles are the ones with the biggest troubles. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can be part of a big group/family and be the loneliest person in that room.
Loneliness doesn't just apply to the single person.
Johan Hari's book Lost Connections is a good read we are human beings and we need connections with people to help us through life, guide us, teach us the hard lessons, share the good times, cause the bad times, help us up when we need a helping hand, teach us about love, teach us humility, teach us kindness but most of all to show us we are loved.
So to anyone that feels lonely, feels lost, feels like a burden you are not alone and you just need to reach out and if you can't reach out to help yourself, reach out and help someone else xx
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
Thanks everyone for the valuable feedback; I was away all day, and made a specific point of visiting a location where a lot of lonely individuals gather, albeit briefly!
Loneliness, that I never personally experience is an issue of interest to me
Feedback has remotivated me to intensify my reading after the holiday period. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You can be part of a big group/family and be the loneliest person in that room.
Loneliness doesn't just apply to the single person.
Johan Hari's book Lost Connections is a good read we are human beings and we need connections with people to help us through life, guide us, teach us the hard lessons, share the good times, cause the bad times, help us up when we need a helping hand, teach us about love, teach us humility, teach us kindness but most of all to show us we are loved.
So to anyone that feels lonely, feels lost, feels like a burden you are not alone and you just need to reach out and if you can't reach out to help yourself, reach out and help someone else xx
"
Your first sentence is so true. |
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By *apncookMan
over a year ago
Somewhere you aren't |
"You can be part of a big group/family and be the loneliest person in that room.
Loneliness doesn't just apply to the single person.
Johan Hari's book Lost Connections is a good read we are human beings and we need connections with people to help us through life, guide us, teach us the hard lessons, share the good times, cause the bad times, help us up when we need a helping hand, teach us about love, teach us humility, teach us kindness but most of all to show us we are loved.
So to anyone that feels lonely, feels lost, feels like a burden you are not alone and you just need to reach out and if you can't reach out to help yourself, reach out and help someone else xx
Your first sentence is so true. "
Agreed! |
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