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Funny nursery rhymes
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By *og-Man OP Man
over a year ago
somewhere |
Its Friday and it's lashing rain.....give us a laugh with your funny or dirty nursery rhymes
Mary had a little lamb
She tied him to a pylon
10,000 volts went up his arse
And turned his wool to nylon
Your turn |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Beans, beans the musical fruit
The more you eat the more you toot
The more you toot the better you feel
So eat your beans with every meal! "
I got strapped across the hands and had to read it out to an older year class as a punishment in primary school for laughing at a similar one
Beans beans are good for the heart
The more you eat the more you fart...
Ahhh the good old days  |
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Simple Simon met a pieman
Going to the fair
Said simple Simon to the pieman
"What is it you have there?"
Said the pieman unto Simon...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"pies, you bollocks, I'm a fucking pieman, ffs!"  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
Eating his red hot scallops.
One fell down his trouser leg
And burnt him on the knee…
Completely missed his bollocks! |
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Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
.
.
.
.
but she didn't wear that one very often.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Roses are Red
And so are my Lips
Can I sit on your face
And you can guess my Covid weight gain..."
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
*hearing muffled noises....
...from underneath you* |
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Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too...
because he was morally ambiguous and mitched the mandatory freshers' week lectures about consent. |
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Little Jack Horner,
Sat in the corner,
Because he had a square arse…
and
Old King Cole,
Was a merry old soul,
He’d drank 15 pints of lager.
and
Mary had a little lamb,
It’s fleece was white and wispy,
It leant against,
An electric fence,
And now it’s black and crispy. |
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"Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck
She put them on the mantlepiece
To see if they would.....chat  "
Mary had a little lamb
He slept in her back yard
When she took her panties off
His wooly dick got hard
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Jack and Jill went up the hill,
Each had a buck and a quarter,
Jill came down with two fifty."
Jack was nimble
Jack was quick
But Jill preferred
The candlestick |
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"There was an old woman from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seed
in less than an hour
her tits were in flower
but her fanny was covered in s"
All the times it's been posted and I still can't figure out what the last word is meant to be? |
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"There was an old woman from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seed
in less than an hour
her tits were in flower
but her fanny was covered in s
All the times it's been posted and I still can't figure out what the last word is meant to be? "
Oh, I see... The word that could refer to an illicit substance has been removed, leaving the last letter.
W eeds
How did I not cop that sooner? |
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"There was an old woman from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seed
in less than an hour
her tits were in flower
but her fanny was covered in s
All the times it's been posted and I still can't figure out what the last word is meant to be?
Oh, I see... The word that could refer to an illicit substance has been removed, leaving the last letter.
W eeds
How did I not cop that sooner? "
I'm seriously blonde - thanks for solving  |
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