FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Open for confessions.... Lap it up...
Open for confessions.... Lap it up...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Lap dances can be sultry & sexy or embarrassing disasters. I love both kinds of tale so spill.... tell us all the juicy details
Are you a giver or receiver....
Have you or would you....
What's your signature move....
Your go-to toon.... (Pony anyone...?)
And everyone needs a stage name 
Tell us all your lap dance secrets!!! (I'll not tell, promise) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can eat a whole packet of ginger nuts in an evening. No sharesies"
Sinful... truly
Do you have them with the white stuff....that'd be acceptable 
How'd you manage the crumbs when you're dancing though? The chaffing must be fierce |
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"I can eat a whole packet of ginger nuts in an evening. No sharesies"
I have the grace of a *bull* in a china shop and couldn't carry a tune or move in rhythm to music if my life depended on it...but I'll join you with a giant bag of peanut M&Ms and finish them on my own, gladly  . In fact, don't you dare come near me or my M&Ms cos that *cow* has anger issues  Mrs |
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I've only ever performed, I use that term very lightly, one and it was and will only ever be MsF that has to bear witness to such a thing!
I believe the music was "Pour Some Sugar on Me" and that's about all I'll confess to 
MrF |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've watched every season of all of the Below Deck shows. In the space of about three weeks. Don't judge... "
This is a safe space
I cannot judge....I suffer from a similar affliction
Selling Sunset (shhhh) and an Australian one Yummy Mummies 
Jfc eyes opened  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can eat a whole packet of ginger nuts in an evening. No sharesies
I have the grace of a *bull* in a china shop and couldn't carry a tune or move in rhythm to music if my life depended on it...but I'll join you with a giant bag of peanut M&Ms and finish them on my own, gladly . In fact, don't you dare come near me or my M&Ms cos that *cow* has anger issues Mrs "
I THINK I can dance until I catch sight of myself and then I cringe a tiny bit for about 30 seconds before I think feck it and go balls to the wall...
I wonder what the lady version of that should be called....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've only ever performed, I use that term very lightly, one and it was and will only ever be MsF that has to bear witness to such a thing!
I believe the music was "Pour Some Sugar on Me" and that's about all I'll confess to
MrF"
That is epic
Love it
I shared a snippet of a video of me dancing recently, not a lapdance but I was naked
He's recently regained his sight and the doctors say the laughing should ease with time
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"I've watched every season of all of the Below Deck shows. In the space of about three weeks. Don't judge... "
It's okay @ThelmaandLouis, you're among friends here and we all have guilty pleasures!
So just the original series, or BD Mediterranean & BD Sailing Yacht too?
I hear there's a new Below Deck "Adventures" series coming soon too... |
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"I can eat a whole packet of ginger nuts in an evening. No sharesies
I have the grace of a *bull* in a china shop and couldn't carry a tune or move in rhythm to music if my life depended on it...but I'll join you with a giant bag of peanut M&Ms and finish them on my own, gladly . In fact, don't you dare come near me or my M&Ms cos that *cow* has anger issues Mrs "
You keep your dirty mits off my ginger nuts, and ill keep mine off your m&ms.
(Can't promise I won't try and touch anything else tho)
|
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"I can eat a whole packet of ginger nuts in an evening. No sharesies
I have the grace of a *bull* in a china shop and couldn't carry a tune or move in rhythm to music if my life depended on it...but I'll join you with a giant bag of peanut M&Ms and finish them on my own, gladly . In fact, don't you dare come near me or my M&Ms cos that *cow* has anger issues Mrs
You keep your dirty mits off my ginger nuts, and ill keep mine off your m&ms.
(Can't promise I won't try and touch anything else tho)
"
With stinky ginger hands - ugh, go wash first |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've watched every season of all of the Below Deck shows. In the space of about three weeks. Don't judge...
It's okay @ThelmaandLouis, you're among friends here and we all have guilty
So just the original series, or BD Mediterranean & BD Sailing Yacht too?
I hear there's a new Below Deck "Adventures" series coming soon too..."
Alll of them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can eat a whole packet of ginger nuts in an evening. No sharesies
I have the grace of a *bull* in a china shop and couldn't carry a tune or move in rhythm to music if my life depended on it...but I'll join you with a giant bag of peanut M&Ms and finish them on my own, gladly . In fact, don't you dare come near me or my M&Ms cos that *cow* has anger issues Mrs "
They're really smarties tho |
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"I can eat a whole packet of ginger nuts in an evening. No sharesies
I have the grace of a *bull* in a china shop and couldn't carry a tune or move in rhythm to music if my life depended on it...but I'll join you with a giant bag of peanut M&Ms and finish them on my own, gladly . In fact, don't you dare come near me or my M&Ms cos that *cow* has anger issues Mrs
They're really smarties tho "
Smartiepants is back, I see |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can eat a whole packet of ginger nuts in an evening. No sharesies
I have the grace of a *bull* in a china shop and couldn't carry a tune or move in rhythm to music if my life depended on it...but I'll join you with a giant bag of peanut M&Ms and finish them on my own, gladly . In fact, don't you dare come near me or my M&Ms cos that *cow* has anger issues Mrs
They're really smarties tho
Smartiepants is back, I see "
Did ya miss me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I can eat a whole packet of ginger nuts in an evening. No sharesies
I have the grace of a *bull* in a china shop and couldn't carry a tune or move in rhythm to music if my life depended on it...but I'll join you with a giant bag of peanut M&Ms and finish them on my own, gladly . In fact, don't you dare come near me or my M&Ms cos that *cow* has anger issues Mrs
They're really smarties tho
Smartiepants is back, I see
Did ya miss me "
I think you need new pants, those ones can't seem to stay up |
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"Lap dances can be sultry & sexy or embarrassing disasters. I love both kinds of tale so spill.... tell us all the juicy details
Are you a giver or receiver....
Have you or would you....
What's your signature move....
Your go-to toon.... (Pony anyone...?)
And everyone needs a stage name
Tell us all your lap dance secrets!!! (I'll not tell, promise)"
I can’t say I’d find myself to be successful or in anyway enticing lap dance, happy to receive them of course as I think of it as almost another type of foreplay. While I wouldn’t be able to offer the Magic Mike experience, I am quite good with my hands so instead of a lap dance, I’d be more inclined to offer a massage, bit of nice music playing, a few candles and a lot of massage oil and I’m confident that it would be very well received |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Lap dances can be sultry & sexy or embarrassing disasters. I love both kinds of tale so spill.... tell us all the juicy details
Are you a giver or receiver....
Have you or would you....
What's your signature move....
Your go-to toon.... (Pony anyone...?)
And everyone needs a stage name
Tell us all your lap dance secrets!!! (I'll not tell, promise)
I can’t say I’d find myself to be successful or in anyway enticing lap dance, happy to receive them of course as I think of it as almost another type of foreplay. While I wouldn’t be able to offer the Magic Mike experience, I am quite good with my hands so instead of a lap dance, I’d be more inclined to offer a massage, bit of nice music playing, a few candles and a lot of massage oil and I’m confident that it would be very well received "
Have to play to your strengths  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What's the naughtiest thing you've done at a restaurant table?
Unscrewed the salt shaker top so that the salt pored out over the next persons dinner that shook it  "
 I'm shocked I tell you, shocked |
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"Lap dances can be sultry & sexy or embarrassing disasters. I love both kinds of tale so spill.... tell us all the juicy details
Are you a giver or receiver....
Have you or would you....
What's your signature move....
Your go-to toon.... (Pony anyone...?)
And everyone needs a stage name
Tell us all your lap dance secrets!!! (I'll not tell, promise)
I can’t say I’d find myself to be successful or in anyway enticing lap dance, happy to receive them of course as I think of it as almost another type of foreplay. While I wouldn’t be able to offer the Magic Mike experience, I am quite good with my hands so instead of a lap dance, I’d be more inclined to offer a massage, bit of nice music playing, a few candles and a lot of massage oil and I’m confident that it would be very well received
Have to play to your strengths "
If you ever make it down this part of the country I’d be more than willing to provide said massage service |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's the naughtiest thing you've done at a restaurant table?
Unscrewed the salt shaker top so that the salt pored out over the next persons dinner that shook it "
That was you?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What's the naughtiest thing you've done at a restaurant table?
Unscrewed the salt shaker top so that the salt pored out over the next persons dinner that shook it
That was you? "
No need to get salty...
Sorry couldn't resist, I'll seasalt myself out
Dammit... sorry, grit your teeth I'll be done in a sec |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What's the naughtiest thing you've done at a restaurant table?
Unscrewed the salt shaker top so that the salt pored out over the next persons dinner that shook it
That was you?
No need to get salty...
Sorry couldn't resist, I'll seasalt myself out
Dammit... sorry, grit your teeth I'll be done in a sec"
Yes you bitter leave |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What's the naughtiest thing you've done at a restaurant table?
Unscrewed the salt shaker top so that the salt pored out over the next persons dinner that shook it
That was you?
No need to get salty...
Sorry couldn't resist, I'll seasalt myself out
Dammit... sorry, grit your teeth I'll be done in a sec
Yes you bitter leave "
I'll just head out back for a good seasoning shall I? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ll bite. Once upon a time, I was organising for a lady friend to visit Belfast as she wanted to visit the sites and have a bit of a naughty weekend. I booked a hotel online and shortly thereafter, decided to look for something to make it extra fun. Somehow, this translated to buying rip off underwear and the thought that I would do a sexy striptease. Unfortunately, the male underwear that arrived were slightly see through and didn’t look too manly, seemingly made of some kind of satin material. However, it was too late to look for anything else, so I stuck them on and headed for the airport.
Cue a few hours later, dinner and several drinks (far too many drinks), we found ourselves in the hotel room with things heating up and I decided in my inebriated state to put plans into motion. I’m sure I stumbled quite a few times getting from being fully clothed to the tip off underwear but she was having a great time of it.
Then came the penultimate moment, but, given my d*unken state and not thinking with the right brain, I grabbed for the rip-off underwear and pulled on them as hard as I could. Unbeknownst to me, in that moment, I had grabbed the underwear in both fists exactly where the Velcro was, effectively making them non-rip off underwear when the pull came. The satin material wedgied, ripped, and having moved across skin so quickly, caused something akin to carpet burn right on the whatsits.
Like a response to a kickboxer’s low blow, I fell to the ground and assumed the foetal position, all the whole glancing upwards to see a woman through my blurred vision pointing and cackling…
I’ve never bought rip off underwear since lol. |
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"I’ll bite. Once upon a time, I was organising for a lady friend to visit Belfast as she wanted to visit the sites and have a bit of a naughty weekend. I booked a hotel online and shortly thereafter, decided to look for something to make it extra fun. Somehow, this translated to buying rip off underwear and the thought that I would do a sexy striptease. Unfortunately, the male underwear that arrived were slightly see through and didn’t look too manly, seemingly made of some kind of satin material. However, it was too late to look for anything else, so I stuck them on and headed for the airport.
Cue a few hours later, dinner and several drinks (far too many drinks), we found ourselves in the hotel room with things heating up and I decided in my inebriated state to put plans into motion. I’m sure I stumbled quite a few times getting from being fully clothed to the tip off underwear but she was having a great time of it.
Then came the penultimate moment, but, given my d*unken state and not thinking with the right brain, I grabbed for the rip-off underwear and pulled on them as hard as I could. Unbeknownst to me, in that moment, I had grabbed the underwear in both fists exactly where the Velcro was, effectively making them non-rip off underwear when the pull came. The satin material wedgied, ripped, and having moved across skin so quickly, caused something akin to carpet burn right on the whatsits.
Like a response to a kickboxer’s low blow, I fell to the ground and assumed the foetal position, all the whole glancing upwards to see a woman through my blurred vision pointing and cackling…
I’ve never bought rip off underwear since lol."
Well that’s a night you won’t ever forget, once the laughter was over, did you at least continue on with naughty escapades? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I believe after a good while and some more whiskey to dull the pain, we did, but not to the extent that was planned - she got her fireworks so I think she was happy enough lol. “The one that got away” eh? Lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’ll bite. Once upon a time, I was organising for a lady friend to visit Belfast as she wanted to visit the sites and have a bit of a naughty weekend. I booked a hotel online and shortly thereafter, decided to look for something to make it extra fun. Somehow, this translated to buying rip off underwear and the thought that I would do a sexy striptease. Unfortunately, the male underwear that arrived were slightly see through and didn’t look too manly, seemingly made of some kind of satin material. However, it was too late to look for anything else, so I stuck them on and headed for the airport.
Cue a few hours later, dinner and several drinks (far too many drinks), we found ourselves in the hotel room with things heating up and I decided in my inebriated state to put plans into motion. I’m sure I stumbled quite a few times getting from being fully clothed to the tip off underwear but she was having a great time of it.
Then came the penultimate moment, but, given my d*unken state and not thinking with the right brain, I grabbed for the rip-off underwear and pulled on them as hard as I could. Unbeknownst to me, in that moment, I had grabbed the underwear in both fists exactly where the Velcro was, effectively making them non-rip off underwear when the pull came. The satin material wedgied, ripped, and having moved across skin so quickly, caused something akin to carpet burn right on the whatsits.
Like a response to a kickboxer’s low blow, I fell to the ground and assumed the foetal position, all the whole glancing upwards to see a woman through my blurred vision pointing and cackling…
I’ve never bought rip off underwear since lol."
Awww you win the thread
That's class |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A sad moment in history but one worth sharing for the laughs! I must learn some new seductive dance moves though, but I’ll skip the underwear if ever a next time occurred lol. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Even though I’m not active on Fab I still enjoy taking the odd pic and maintaining my (cough) undercarriage to Fab standards
Will accept any penance administered "
You sound like a very well behaved chap, why would you be due penance.... 
Sounds more like you're due a treat |
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"Even though I’m not active on Fab I still enjoy taking the odd pic and maintaining my (cough) undercarriage to Fab standards
Will accept any penance administered
You sound like a very well behaved chap, why would you be due penance....
Sounds more like you're due a treat "
It must be the boy scout in me, be prepared!!
I watch the post for my treat |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Even though I’m not active on Fab I still enjoy taking the odd pic and maintaining my (cough) undercarriage to Fab standards
Will accept any penance administered
You sound like a very well behaved chap, why would you be due penance....
Sounds more like you're due a treat
It must be the boy scout in me, be prepared!!
I watch the post for my treat "
Don't let the dog get it first |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My guilty pleasure is Helen Mirren .
A night with her would definitely involve a lap dance to your making me high by Toni Braxton."
She's quite the vixen I'd be on your best behaviour too |
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"I've watched every season of all of the Below Deck shows. In the space of about three weeks. Don't judge... "
below deck is my guilty pleasure even Mrs nightlight things it's strange how much I watch it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've watched every season of all of the Below Deck shows. In the space of about three weeks. Don't judge... below deck is my guilty pleasure even Mrs nightlight things it's strange how much I watch it"
What's the draw... the content or a hottie or switching off your brain |
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"I've watched every season of all of the Below Deck shows. In the space of about three weeks. Don't judge... below deck is my guilty pleasure even Mrs nightlight things it's strange how much I watch it
What's the draw... the content or a hottie or switching off your brain "
for me it's a mix of switching off the brain and the hotties |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've watched every season of all of the Below Deck shows. In the space of about three weeks. Don't judge... below deck is my guilty pleasure even Mrs nightlight things it's strange how much I watch it
What's the draw... the content or a hottie or switching off your brain for me it's a mix of switching off the brain and the hotties"
Same
Also why I read lusty thrusty fiction
Feeds the beast and requires zero higher brain function |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Only made an attempt at a lap dance once, to closer by 9 inch nails. Was going ok until I fell over. 4 inch heels and a bottle of wine are not a good combination "
Shades of Jamie Lee Curtis right there
I'd take it |
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