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Loneliness as the years push on
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By *enguin1 OP Man
over a year ago
The sticks |
Just after reading Frank's post from a few days back and it's brought something back into my mind.
I'm actually scared sh#tless of getting old.....not the physical issues but the loneliness and isolation. I've no kids and not from a close family so the future could be long and lonely.
Who knows what the future brings but I've definitely been thinking a lot more about this of late.
Wonder do many others feel this way? |
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My biggest problem used to be living in the past and allowing all the things I'd missed growing up to dictate my thoughts so the future was never an issue.
These days I rarely if ever look back and prefer to be more present so whatever happens in 10 or 20 months time doesn't concern me never mind what may or may not happen in 10 or 20 years.
It's a little like living your life through a phone screen and recording everything rather than living and embracing it while you can. |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
I find that as I grow a lot older, and perceptibly so, (the years pass ever more rapidly) loneliness is an emotion that I do not feel, or experience.
The vast majority of the time, I am alone, but not isolated, I I have a wide range of interests; I am exceptionally well read in a wide range of issues, I know how to structure my time and I scrupulously avoid time-wasters, or anyone who might possibly cause me any form of harm, aggravation or annoyance.
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
There is a key issue that needs to be clarified on this topic; is the person who is experiencing a sense of loneliness more accurately described as suffering from depression?
And by depression, I mean serious inherent clinical depression that causes an overwhelming sense of doom isolation hopelessness, etc. Not just feeling down for a couple of days, or reactive depression caused by a death of a close friend or family member.
Depression forces the person into inaction, when medical intervention may be appropriate, or a serious talk with a medical expert, such as a clinical psychologist or professional psychiatrist.
I empathise with anyone who suffers with clinical depression or extreme isolation; appropriate intervention is the key.
Several years ago, I had to intervene to have a friend sectioned, because he was extremely unwell, and I visited him several times in the secure mental hospital.
Another friend has been unwell, mentally, for many years, and I arranged for medical personnel to see him; he refused assistance and after that I just left.
He is proundly isolated, alone and dysfunctional; he will not help himself.
I have to protect my own mental wellbeing; I did everything possible to get him assistance but he refused to act in any way to ameliorate his plight. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the key is to nurture positive connections with others ...through friends, family, work or in your community. That will decrease the risk of loneliness.
I also read an article that said exposure to 'wild places' decreases feelings of loneliness. I dont know how that works but I do understand it
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Its harder to make good friends as we get older. Ive made some choices in my life, which have resulted in me having a large number of ex work colleagues, were very close, but we are scattered all over the world. But when we meet, we carry on the conversation we were having years ago. Ive made some good friends on this site, and we're still in regular touch 5 years later. I dont know what the future holds, as i age, but im glad i have children. I think this might be the dilemma of our century, as less people marry and have children, and more people stay solo. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do whatever it is that you enjoy, it doesn't matter what it is , a person has to have something to look forward to , TV programmes, cards , sports , music , outdoors ,whatever, we are all on the conveyor belt of time , we will all check out at sometime but till then make the most of things, loneliness can creep up unknown to us in many shapes and forms but my advice would be to find something you enjoy and do it . |
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At times of difficulty in my life, ive gone on journeys to wild places, as rubadub suggests. The more challenging the better, to feel truly alive. This self imposed pilgrimage woke me up to appreciate what a lucky life i have, and along the way I've met fantastic people. Those sojourns took me out of myself, out of my head, into my body. I felt more alive, and the future looked rosier. |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
When a person comes to the realisation that they are lonely and isolated and that it is having a deeply negative effect on their life, contact with others is vital, but seems, at the time, an impossible mountain to climb or an obstacle to be overcome.
Reaching out to friends, if they exist, or to an organisation such as The Samaritans, is vital but very challenging.
Extreme loneliness when combined with depression is a very serious illness, that requires professional help, including possibly, short-term medication. |
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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago
Kerry and Dublin |
"and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?"
~Charles Bukowski
Get yourself into practicing meditation lad. Not only will the practice help with feelings of loneliness but there are some very warm and welcoming communities that will be a great source of company. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can relate to the feelings of loneliness. Only lately have I felt them more often. My depression was always covered by being around people, and I longed for years to be away from a toxic family environment.
Now that I am, it amplifies my isolation, so I do find myself at times feeling desperate for company.
But, I know this will subside |
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There's an old saying
"Don't go to the grave with the music still inside you" 
My greatest fear is that the 2 books I want to write just never get written and released. Some people might relate, others won't but that's by far my biggest fear in life...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's an old saying
"Don't go to the grave with the music still inside you"
My greatest fear is that the 2 books I want to write just never get written and released. Some people might relate, others won't but that's by far my biggest fear in life...
"
Write the books  |
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By *inion42Man
over a year ago
minionland |
""and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?"
~Charles Bukowski
Get yourself into practicing meditation lad. Not only will the practice help with feelings of loneliness but there are some very warm and welcoming communities that will be a great source of company."
Interesting quote, as you get older maybe you just realise who is there for you and who isn’t, so called “proximity friends” wither away like the seasons, and I can’t count on one hand who is a good friend.
Also we do need to set out boundaries, as you can become a “caretaker” friend too |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
If anyone in their early middle years genuinely fears isolation then the time to start planning ahead to avoid that dreaded scenario of being alone AND lonely in later life is now: build a large retinue of useful contacts who can provide support, and potential friendship in later life.
Many will die or become severely disabled or unwell which is why I use the term, large, to account for attrition that will inevitably occur. |
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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago
Kerry and Dublin |
"There's an old saying
"Don't go to the grave with the music still inside you"
My greatest fear is that the 2 books I want to write just never get written and released. Some people might relate, others won't but that's by far my biggest fear in life...
"
What's holding you back from writing them? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?"
~Charles Bukowski
"
Excellent quote, I've never heard that. It's very fitting. |
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"There is a key issue that needs to be clarified on this topic; is the person who is experiencing a sense of loneliness more accurately described as suffering from depression?
And by depression, I mean serious inherent clinical depression that causes an overwhelming sense of doom isolation hopelessness, etc. Not just feeling down for a couple of days, or reactive depression caused by a death of a close friend or family member.
Depression forces the person into inaction, when medical intervention may be appropriate, or a serious talk with a medical expert, such as a clinical psychologist or professional psychiatrist.
I empathise with anyone who suffers with clinical depression or extreme isolation; appropriate intervention is the key.
Several years ago, I had to intervene to have a friend sectioned, because he was extremely unwell, and I visited him several times in the secure mental hospital.
Another friend has been unwell, mentally, for many years, and I arranged for medical personnel to see him; he refused assistance and after that I just left.
He is proundly isolated, alone and dysfunctional; he will not help himself.
I have to protect my own mental wellbeing; I did everything possible to get him assistance but he refused to act in any way to ameliorate his plight."
Given research,, depression isn't the same as loneliness.
Chronic loneliness is linked to developing depression ... however on can develop depression without loneliness. Depression can fuel isolation .
They are often linked and stimuli for each other.
At the same time they are different conditions and can occur separately often . Imo |
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"At times of difficulty in my life, ive gone on journeys to wild places, as rubadub suggests. The more challenging the better, to feel truly alive. This self imposed pilgrimage woke me up to appreciate what a lucky life i have, and along the way I've met fantastic people. Those sojourns took me out of myself, out of my head, into my body. I felt more alive, and the future looked rosier. "
Might I ask you to suggest some please? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been suffering a lot from loneliness and depression this year.
The pandemic meant I didn't have much physical touch with anyone and that effects both of those conditions.
All my siblings are married now and I'm still single - never having had a relationship.
I have had 7 different therapists over the years, and tried 4 different meds. My current one is good but I am over the recommended daily dosage.
I feel worthless and have very low self esteem because of decades of rejection. Everyone thinks I'm amazing. And I am. But I get trigger very easily by other people enjoying their relationship.
I feel very deprived.
I've thought about suicide almost every day for months now but I can't do that to my mother.
They say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem - how temporary?
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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
Sinner2729...
Good to see you're still here as I think your expressed yourself in the same way previously
Haven't a clue about medication or therapy...do you ever discuss your feelings with friends to help share the burden in real life
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""and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?"
~Charles Bukowski
Get yourself into practicing meditation lad. Not only will the practice help with feelings of loneliness but there are some very warm and welcoming communities that will be a great source of company."
. Yes it is freedom & lonelyness |
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By *ind PaddyMan
over a year ago
South County Dublin |
"There is a key issue that needs to be clarified on this topic; is the person who is experiencing a sense of loneliness more accurately described as suffering from depression?
And by depression, I mean serious inherent clinical depression that causes an overwhelming sense of doom isolation hopelessness, etc. Not just feeling down for a couple of days, or reactive depression caused by a death of a close friend or family member.
Depression forces the person into inaction, when medical intervention may be appropriate, or a serious talk with a medical expert, such as a clinical psychologist or professional psychiatrist.
I empathise with anyone who suffers with clinical depression or extreme isolation; appropriate intervention is the key.
Several years ago, I had to intervene to have a friend sectioned, because he was extremely unwell, and I visited him several times in the secure mental hospital.
Another friend has been unwell, mentally, for many years, and I arranged for medical personnel to see him; he refused assistance and after that I just left.
He is proundly isolated, alone and dysfunctional; he will not help himself.
I have to protect my own mental wellbeing; I did everything possible to get him assistance but he refused to act in any way to ameliorate his plight."
Both your posts are very good. Sometimes we all need our own space and thoughts. Fair play to you for helping your friends. There are loads of social groups to join. I try to do the local parkruns on Saturday, you can walk them if you want. It gets be out in the fresh air, doing something for myself and you can join the runners for a coffee afterwards.
You can visit museums, libraries, there is men's sheds groups. I follow a league-of-ireland team and have meet some of my old school mates. At the start it is hard to mixed in a group that you do not know.
I've been to socials and met some nice. I have to say that the organisers made everyone feel welcome.
There is a social tonight and the organisers have set up kik group and attendees are getting to know one another. Take care of yourself OP |
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"I think the key is to nurture positive connections with others ...through friends, family, work or in your community. That will decrease the risk of loneliness.
I also read an article that said exposure to 'wild places' decreases feelings of loneliness. I dont know how that works but I do understand it
"
A swing party somewhere along the Wild Atlantic Way.....now that could be a wild place to be.....
But joking aside being outside in nature is definitely good for one's mental health.
Get out and enjoy the scene and the scenery.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have an amazing group of friends and they're very supportive. Many of them suffer too.
I get a good bit if excercise. Cardio 4 or 5 times a week and some weight too.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good thread and some great feedback...
I like the reframing quote freedom or loneliness...
"Start with the end in mind"...I visualise Abudance happiness. Laughter and contentment and fun
Loneliness is a feeling all feeling pass if it's not ....Consider therapy its an Investment in one's wellbeing
Nothing changes if not changes
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Loneliness is part of the human condition. It's probably better to embrace it if you can - try to enjoy your solitude and you won't get lonely as much. If you have any kind of hobby - something like craft-making or even reading can be a really immersive way to spend time on your own. That being said, it's important not to shut the door on society and also to reach out to others if you feel the need. There are lots of ways to get connected online these days (e.g.,meet-up) so these ways can always be tried. |
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