FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > We can’t help who we are in love with.
We can’t help who we are in love with.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Can we help who we fall in love/in love with?.
Do feelings just come over us.
There are some days when I don’t think of my ex and then there are times when I do and I just cant stop thinking of her.
Second question coming out of this and that’s can we be in love with someone when we we”re not thinking of them every day.
For context we were different people who probably were not a good match. I do get butterflies in my stomach when I think of her or see her (and butteries in my pants).
Ok ya, maybe I need help  |
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I'm thinking you're remembering the good parts of the relationship and not the bad. Remember the reasons why you split up in the first place. If she was the right person for you, then you'd probably be together today. Chalk it down to experience and move on for your own sake. Good luck  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it can be the lost future that we mourn when a relationship ends. All the plans and dreams you might have had. It's hard to accept they won't come to fruition even if you wouldn't want them with that particular person any longer. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it can be the lost future that we mourn when a relationship ends. All the plans and dreams you might have had. It's hard to accept they won't come to fruition even if you wouldn't want them with that particular person any longer."
We broke up a long time ago. I think about her quite a lot.
A pic came up the other day and my first thought was “oh my god I love you so much”  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Acceptance is key
Obsessing over them does not help with moving on...(hard I know but as some one said stick to the facts)
Emotions can and will be sexualised if not handled and processed healthy
Chin up
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Its natural to miss the good times, and forget the bad times. It sounds to me like you're grieving the loss of a relationship, and lots of old memories keep cropping up. Do you talk to anyone about what's going on for you? Sometimes, having a neutral observer can give you a different perspective, and help you move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can we help who we fall in love/in love with?.
Do feelings just come over us.
There are some days when I don’t think of my ex and then there are times when I do and I just cant stop thinking of her.
Second question coming out of this and that’s can we be in love with someone when we we”re not thinking of them every day.
For context we were different people who probably were not a good match. I do get butterflies in my stomach when I think of her or see her (and butteries in my pants).
Ok ya, maybe I need help "
It sounds like you've not had a chance to process and grieve your splitting up.
It's perfectly normal to feel longing towards someone. However, if there's no chance of reconciliation, you have to accept it's over and move on with your life.
We don't always get closure. Other people may not reciprocate our love. It's shite, but that's life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can we help who we fall in love/in love with?.
Do feelings just come over us.
There are some days when I don’t think of my ex and then there are times when I do and I just cant stop thinking of her.
Second question coming out of this and that’s can we be in love with someone when we we”re not thinking of them every day.
For context we were different people who probably were not a good match. I do get butterflies in my stomach when I think of her or see her (and butteries in my pants).
Ok ya, maybe I need help "
People are Ex's for a reason , wether it's you or them have ended it , if they ended it , they ended it for a reason , whatever it was , it's not easy at all to try and move on but it has to be done simply because the other person has moved on . |
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By *DSGCouple
over a year ago
That place in |
It's not love any more its caring for them, that you wish them well and hope life is going well for them
They could be thinking the same about you but let them go move on
Enjoy life,be open to new experiences
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bit of 'the one that got away' here too. We've likely all been there, no?
Timing not right, one or other not single at the same time, thinking what might have been.
Best not to let it take root though. Often it's not as you imagined or fantasised it would be. The grass isn't greener, etc. |
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"Haven’t talked to anyone really. "
Talking, and sharing your problems can often lighten the load. Maybe you have a trusted friend, of can find a counsellor? It would be time and money well spent . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks all. I should talk to someone about it as it’s now 9 years.
Today I didn’t think about her until I sat down this evening but I do need to talk it out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks all. I should talk to someone about it as it’s now 9 years.
Today I didn’t think about her until I sat down this evening but I do need to talk it out "
Do.
Even if it's just calling the Samaritans. They're there to listen. Not just for when you're feeling low. But anytime |
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