FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Should I cool my meetings off
Should I cool my meetings off
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey all, I normally don't post in here much but just wondered what people's thoughts on this would be, I've got a semi regular meet with a really lovely lady who's married... No issues there at all, but in the past few days she's started messeging me saying she's catching feelings for me and calling me things like "love" ect. When we started it was agreed as casual meet ups and I made it clear that I wasn't looking for more, so I don't want to lead her on or have her believe that we can be more. Guess I'm asking should I tell her we can't meet any more or how would one go about not hurting her feelings. Any opinions welcome and if ye don't want to publicly say, my dm is always open too. Cheers all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How about rather than just cooling off meetings with her you just talk about it with her? Then if you both aren't on the same page you can decide then what to do. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
You should talk to her and explain how you feel mind you if she is on here and reads the forums she will see for herself how you feel. But she probably won't be too happy that it's here.
Meeting someone regularly can't work if you are both on different pages and want different things. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Can't get used to the replies thing. I've talked to her and we made it clear that with or without sex we will be friends from the beginning and said we wouldn't let things get complicated but her recent messeges ect make me feel like she has already. I see her as a dear friend and don't want to hurt her feelings ect |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Cheers to everyone so far. I'm reading all the replies but due to being in work I can't reply to thank everyone at the moment. The general consensus is to cool off things with her and I'm leaning towards agreeing as the sutitation was never intended to be more than mutual fb's |
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"Can't get used to the replies thing. I've talked to her and we made it clear that with or without sex we will be friends from the beginning and said we wouldn't let things get complicated but her recent messeges ect make me feel like she has already. I see her as a dear friend and don't want to hurt her feelings ect"
If she's caught the feels and you don't want to lead her on, then you need to talk to her openly and honestly about not wanting anything more intimate, long term or whatever it is you're not able or willing to give.
If you want to plod along with FWB to get your end of sex and don't give a toss about her possibly believing that there's something more long term in it (though the whole marriage in the background confuses me), then you'll say nothing like the next a**hole who's just in it for the ride with fickle excuses for not having the guts to be honest. She has a right to know, regardless of hurting her feelings so that she can make her own informed decision. She'll get over it, believe me - we always do 
Any relationship, regardless of whether you're friends, friends with benefits, a couple (with whatever boundaries you have set) needs COMMUNICATION and HONESTY.
So do the right thing and speak to her.
Good luck |
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"Can't get used to the replies thing. I've talked to her and we made it clear that with or without sex we will be friends from the beginning and said we wouldn't let things get complicated but her recent messeges ect make me feel like she has already. I see her as a dear friend and don't want to hurt her feelings ect
If she's caught the feels and you don't want to lead her on, then you need to talk to her openly and honestly about not wanting anything more intimate, long term or whatever it is you're not able or willing to give.
If you want to plod along with FWB to get your end of sex and don't give a toss about her possibly believing that there's something more long term in it (though the whole marriage in the background confuses me), then you'll say nothing like the next a**hole who's just in it for the ride with fickle excuses for not having the guts to be honest. She has a right to know, regardless of hurting her feelings so that she can make her own informed decision. She'll get over it, believe me - we always do
Any relationship, regardless of whether you're friends, friends with benefits, a couple (with whatever boundaries you have set) needs COMMUNICATION and HONESTY.
So do the right thing and speak to her.
Good luck "
Obviously you don't *need* to do anything but it's the decent thing to do  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can't get used to the replies thing. I've talked to her and we made it clear that with or without sex we will be friends from the beginning and said we wouldn't let things get complicated but her recent messeges ect make me feel like she has already. I see her as a dear friend and don't want to hurt her feelings ect
If she's caught the feels and you don't want to lead her on, then you need to talk to her openly and honestly about not wanting anything more intimate, long term or whatever it is you're not able or willing to give.
If you want to plod along with FWB to get your end of sex and don't give a toss about her possibly believing that there's something more long term in it (though the whole marriage in the background confuses me), then you'll say nothing like the next a**hole who's just in it for the ride with fickle excuses for not having the guts to be honest. She has a right to know, regardless of hurting her feelings so that she can make her own informed decision. She'll get over it, believe me - we always do
Any relationship, regardless of whether you're friends, friends with benefits, a couple (with whatever boundaries you have set) needs COMMUNICATION and HONESTY.
So do the right thing and speak to her.
Good luck "
This all day long. Cooling things without honest communication between you both would be incredibly shitty |
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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago
Dublin |
"Can't get used to the replies thing. I've talked to her and we made it clear that with or without sex we will be friends from the beginning and said we wouldn't let things get complicated but her recent messeges ect make me feel like she has already. I see her as a dear friend and don't want to hurt her feelings ect
If she's caught the feels and you don't want to lead her on, then you need to talk to her openly and honestly about not wanting anything more intimate, long term or whatever it is you're not able or willing to give.
If you want to plod along with FWB to get your end of sex and don't give a toss about her possibly believing that there's something more long term in it (though the whole marriage in the background confuses me), then you'll say nothing like the next a**hole who's just in it for the ride with fickle excuses for not having the guts to be honest. She has a right to know, regardless of hurting her feelings so that she can make her own informed decision. She'll get over it, believe me - we always do
Any relationship, regardless of whether you're friends, friends with benefits, a couple (with whatever boundaries you have set) needs COMMUNICATION and HONESTY.
So do the right thing and speak to her.
Good luck "
Its not often disagree with you but...
He has already talked to her at the start about not wanting anything more intimate or long term. They both agreed at the start it was just sex, so both of them are only in it for the ride.
OP - if you fear she is going to become a bit of a bunny boiler then sling her. |
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I guess the feelings aren't reciprocated? If not then you need to be really clear to her that this is nostrings and the fair things is probably to cool it so she doesnt develop more feelings that will hurt her more the longer it goes on. If the feelings are mutual then you need to have a serious talk about how this might move forward... because everyone deserves happiness, and it might be that you two are more suited to each other than her existing relationship. |
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"Can't get used to the replies thing. I've talked to her and we made it clear that with or without sex we will be friends from the beginning and said we wouldn't let things get complicated but her recent messeges ect make me feel like she has already. I see her as a dear friend and don't want to hurt her feelings ect
If she's caught the feels and you don't want to lead her on, then you need to talk to her openly and honestly about not wanting anything more intimate, long term or whatever it is you're not able or willing to give.
If you want to plod along with FWB to get your end of sex and don't give a toss about her possibly believing that there's something more long term in it (though the whole marriage in the background confuses me), then you'll say nothing like the next a**hole who's just in it for the ride with fickle excuses for not having the guts to be honest. She has a right to know, regardless of hurting her feelings so that she can make her own informed decision. She'll get over it, believe me - we always do
Any relationship, regardless of whether you're friends, friends with benefits, a couple (with whatever boundaries you have set) needs COMMUNICATION and HONESTY.
So do the right thing and speak to her.
Good luck
Its not often disagree with you but...
He has already talked to her at the start about not wanting anything more intimate or long term. They both agreed at the start it was just sex, so both of them are only in it for the ride.
OP - if you fear she is going to become a bit of a bunny boiler then sling her. "
That doesn't mean that miscommunication doesn't happen along the way, or that she might feel that he's given off signals which she may have misinterpreted.
The easiest way to fix that, considering the OP has obviously picked up on that with how she's now communicating with him, in my opinion, is to set her straight - as well as it being the right thing to do!
He infers they're friends - so treat her like a friend - with respect and remind her that's all it is. Everything else is shitty behaviour and stringing her along!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd say quit fucking married women multiple times it will only get messy, she's straying on her husband because she's not happy and is looking for someone who will make her happy ie you, in future a married woman should be looked at as a once off then move on to the next 1  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Cheers all and to set things straight... She's not on here that I'm aware of and as for the sex, we weren't just meeting up for that, altho it's happened on a few occasions. The problem lies in the face we said from the start that whatever this was gonna be we wouldn't involve feelings and she's done just that so I'm gonna go on everyone's advice and just tell her that we need space and leave things alone and hopefully it won't hurt her. Feelings are a horrible thing when you know your going to hurt someones. Thanks again all for all your inputs and I'll update on the sutitation in time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd say quit fucking married women multiple times it will only get messy, she's straying on her husband because she's not happy and is looking for someone who will make her happy ie you, in future a married woman should be looked at as a once off then move on to the next 1 "
What about married men who play away from home? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd say quit fucking married women multiple times it will only get messy, she's straying on her husband because she's not happy and is looking for someone who will make her happy ie you, in future a married woman should be looked at as a once off then move on to the next 1 "
A little bit harse!!
So technically speaking, being with a married woman, is just for a fuck?? |
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"I'd say quit fucking married women multiple times it will only get messy, she's straying on her husband because she's not happy and is looking for someone who will make her happy ie you, in future a married woman should be looked at as a once off then move on to the next 1 "
I agree and let some other guys have a chance |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd say quit fucking married women multiple times it will only get messy, she's straying on her husband because she's not happy and is looking for someone who will make her happy ie you, in future a married woman should be looked at as a once off then move on to the next 1
I agree and let some other guys have a chance"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"……No issues there at all, but in the past few days she's started messaging me saying she's catching feelings for me …. "
No person man or woman picks feelings from the floor. If she is feeling things for you it’s because you ignited it with the interaction you had with her, I hope you are aware of that. you are equal part of it, be accountable.
"Guess I'm asking should I tell her we can't meet any more or how would one go about not hurting her feelings…… "
It’s very simple really. What would you expect if you were on her shoes? It’s a matter of empathy. So deal with it with Respect and honesty. Both are adults and I’m just guessing but if you ditch her now, would you regret and go back to her later on? Because you like her don’t you? That’s very common and can turn into a toxic circle.
Good luck with whatever you do |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
You have been penetrating her body, and now you need to start penetrating each other's minds, with really honest but not cruelly frank communication.
You might be surprised that an honest exchange could potentially bring your relationship up onto another level; and progress from there.
You need to take the lead and be gently assertive about what each of you want and need.
Go out for meal somewhere if that is possible; but don't let this fester.
It is not necessarily the end, but the beginning of yet another phase!
Best of luck; actually luck has nothing to do with it; use all your skill and experience to resolve the issues satisfactorily, for now! |
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Having the same thing with a girl I've been seeing for a while now , she started saying she loves me nd is always wanting to take more nd more risks , like go out for dinner nd meeting close to her home , I've cooled it off for a while now but I'll probably have to change my phone number to get it to end , mine is getting messy if yours is heading that way I'd say get out quick ,, good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As everyone's said here and rightly so, honesty is the best policy!
However, there is a chance that if she has caught feelings, once you have this conversation, she may down play those hoping to just keep seeing you.
The obvious impact of that on her own relationship is gonna be bad and it all sounds like it could get messy.
Cooling it yourself might be the best option.
Obviously take this and all advice with a pinch of salt as none of us know the ins and outs of your Fwb relationship. Good luck with it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Defo need to chill things. Next thing u will have her husband at your door. Nobody got time for that !
Be straight out with her.
Whatever u do don’t ghost her. That’s the height of ignorance. |
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"You should talk to her and explain how you feel mind you if she is on here and reads the forums she will see for herself how you feel. But she probably won't be too happy that it's here.
Meeting someone regularly can't work if you are both on different pages and want different things. "
both parties have to be on the same page otherwise hurt and disaster beckons !!! |
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