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Women always like bad men
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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago
Based in Kerry, work in Cork. |
"Why do woman always go for the bad men the ones that treat them like crap instead of a nice guy who’d do anything possible for them "
It's easy for a "nice guy" to misinterpret a strong personality who doesn't supplicate to women as being a guy who treats them like crap.
That's not to say there aren't men out there who do treat women like crap. Those are usually co-dependent relationships where there is underlying trauma and the resultant coping strategies, which keep both people trapped in a cycle of unhealthy behaviour.
That's not all relationships though.
The "nice guy" usually acts from a place of neediness which women don't find attractive. The "nice guy who’d do anything possible for them" doesn't have strong boundaries and therefore doesn't exude a strong personality.
Evolutionary psychology means that most women are more likely to be attracted to strong men. |
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"Why do woman always go for the bad men the ones that treat them like crap instead of a nice guy who’d do anything possible for them "
Yeah you’re describing two opposite ends of the spectrum there, I’d probably aim to be somewhere in the middle between bad boy and human doormat. |
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"Why do woman always go for the bad men the ones that treat them like crap instead of a nice guy who’d do anything possible for them
It's easy for a "nice guy" to misinterpret a strong personality who doesn't supplicate to women as being a guy who treats them like crap.
That's not to say there aren't men out there who do treat women like crap. Those are usually co-dependent relationships where there is underlying trauma and the resultant coping strategies, which keep both people trapped in a cycle of unhealthy behaviour.
That's not all relationships though.
The "nice guy" usually acts from a place of neediness which women don't find attractive. The "nice guy who’d do anything possible for them" doesn't have strong boundaries and therefore doesn't exude a strong personality.
Evolutionary psychology means that most women are more likely to be attracted to strong men."
Nice explanation, thank you  |
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Anyone I've come across in my life who called themselves a "nice guy" has been anything but.
Last one who stood out the most was one of my exes who used to do "nice" things for me that I didn't ask for and had no interest in, then tell me how nice they were and how ungrateful I am and remind me about how nice he is for not hitting me like some other boyfriends do (I'm sure many women have come across this kind).
"Nice guys" seem to be obsessed with their own "niceness", can't handle rejection and even moreso can't seem to understand that being "nice" is very subjective.
Dirk is a great man, who is nice, kind, compassionate and attentive.
He's not a nice guy though- he stands his ground, has his own goals and mind.
He tells me things how they are regardless of my feelings and most importantly he would never make me feel guilty for not making a special time to appreciate his niceness.
I much more appreciate a person who treats me as equal and appreciates me for my strong mind than someone who's just being nice to be nice.
Missus |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone I've come across in my life who called themselves a "nice guy" has been anything but.
Last one who stood out the most was one of my exes who used to do "nice" things for me that I didn't ask for and had no interest in, then tell me how nice they were and how ungrateful I am and remind me about how nice he is for not hitting me like some other boyfriends do (I'm sure many women have come across this kind).
"Nice guys" seem to be obsessed with their own "niceness", can't handle rejection and even moreso can't seem to understand that being "nice" is very subjective.
Dirk is a great man, who is nice, kind, compassionate and attentive.
He's not a nice guy though- he stands his ground, has his own goals and mind.
He tells me things how they are regardless of my feelings and most importantly he would never make me feel guilty for not making a special time to appreciate his niceness.
I much more appreciate a person who treats me as equal and appreciates me for my strong mind than someone who's just being nice to be nice.
Missus "
This is worded really nicely. |
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"Anyone I've come across in my life who called themselves a "nice guy" has been anything but.
Last one who stood out the most was one of my exes who used to do "nice" things for me that I didn't ask for and had no interest in, then tell me how nice they were and how ungrateful I am and remind me about how nice he is for not hitting me like some other boyfriends do (I'm sure many women have come across this kind).
"Nice guys" seem to be obsessed with their own "niceness", can't handle rejection and even moreso can't seem to understand that being "nice" is very subjective.
Dirk is a great man, who is nice, kind, compassionate and attentive.
He's not a nice guy though- he stands his ground, has his own goals and mind.
He tells me things how they are regardless of my feelings and most importantly he would never make me feel guilty for not making a special time to appreciate his niceness.
I much more appreciate a person who treats me as equal and appreciates me for my strong mind than someone who's just being nice to be nice.
Missus "
Missy u speak to me |
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By *dfabMan
over a year ago
Dunboyne |
Too many scenarios 
Ireland old days iwas a nice guy, occasional sex.
London I was a bad boy, sex constantly, multiple partners in same day.
Return to Ireland, all expecting nice boy shite!
10yrs later, completely changed 
Wish I was born 20yrs later  |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
Women who have been brought up in abusive and dysfunctional environments will be unconsciously attracted to bad boys who resemble their fathers; they are COA: children of alcoholics.
Naive women are often but not always attracted to men who are potentially abusive. They are often charming at the outset and gradually reveal their inherent malevolence.
Both types of women need to be educated and counselled about how to break this mode of behaviour.
The above scenarios are gross generalisations. |
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I think there's a difference in a bad man and in which a lady is attracted to and a bad evil bollox that is the opposite to what the first one is. The bad guy that I think they all want is someone who is not afraid of anyone and does bad things but has morales aswell as respect |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
A lot of women aren't . And I think especially as you mature you see through a lot of the crap as well and become less tolerant when someone doesn't treat you right.
I like men who are kind and decent guys who have the confidence to be themselves and will say if they disagree with something I say or do .
I don't like men who are doormats and agree with everything or do everything for me ,I usually find them to be clingy and ends up starting to feel claustrophobic being around them after a short while.
And like Missus said above also I find quite a few who self proclaim to be nice are far from it in reality,and they tend expect a certain return for them being nice to you,and if you don't do what they want well their real personality shows through.
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Nearly 40 years ago I was dumped by a girlfriend who told me I was too nice and she went off with the local "bad" boy.
I asked her friend what she meant by "too nice" and she said it was simply down to the fact that I didn't drink and if we went anywhere she had to bring at least one friend along so she didn't feel guilty about drinking alone. Funnily enough that also applied in the cinema.In 3 months together we didn't have one single minute alone because of her mindset.
So the only actual difference between me and the guy she went off with was that he got d*unk with her.
I don't pretend to be someone or something just to please others and anyone who knows me through this site can confirm that I like to speak my mind even when it goes against the popular opinion and I don't blow smoke up anyones arse especially those that expect it.
At the same time no-one could ever say I've sent a nasty message or comment at any stage.
Nice and bad are two very subjective words but actions always speak louder than words and others can interpret them whatever way they want.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think its about individuals matching on their values..which is a miracle if it happens
A lot of interesting points above
.i think.we over look our primal drivers a lot of the time and or dont understand them....this can get us unto trouble at times.
Our conditioning intentional and unintentionally have huge influence over our drivers if we are not in check.
Very early and deep for Saturday morning lol
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Even the so called nice guys can turn nasty and bad too the bone no one man be too nice I don't think so anyways..
I tend to stay away from bad men and go for nice men but in the end they show their true colours eventually...I tend to want to be with a man who's fun and great banter over someone whos quiet and doesn't drink and doesn't wanna go to the bars and clubs...am here to enjoy my life...
Think most women like to meet their equal being nice or bad or both whatever suits them! Surely that's ok too!
Xx cj |
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Agree with Bo above. Experience (and learning from mistakes) helps us to identify and thus avoid the assholes and really appreciate the kind, decent guys who also won't take any bs, just like James |
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"A lot of women aren't . And I think especially as you mature you see through a lot of the crap as well and become less tolerant when someone doesn't treat you right.
I like men who are kind and decent guys who have the confidence to be themselves and will say if they disagree with something I say or do .
I don't like men who are doormats and agree with everything or do everything for me ,I usually find them to be clingy and ends up starting to feel claustrophobic being around them after a short while.
And like Missus said above also I find quite a few who self proclaim to be nice are far from it in reality,and they tend expect a certain return for them being nice to you,and if you don't do what they want well their real personality shows through.
"
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
It's a question of definition. I don't think anyone wishes to be with a 'bad guy' who's abusive in any sort of way.
So if we exclude the above in our bad boy definition, yeah then give me a bad boy every day, I prefer to be fucked rather than arselicked.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Here is my very poorly thought out theory that I came up with in the last 5 minutes.
It’s not really about being a “bad boy” or having a “bad boy” persona. I think it’s more about women liking the personality challenge/clash. Who wants to just be just given everything ? We all seem to like things that we can’t have. I imagine the fun of pursuing a “bad boy” is the chase and the reward at the end.
I don’t know I started this thinking I was smart but the more I typed the dumber it got.
Also most “nice guys” are just weirdos that think they deserve things simply for existing. |
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"Here is my very poorly thought out theory that I came up with in the last 5 minutes.
It’s not really about being a “bad boy” or having a “bad boy” persona. I think it’s more about women liking the personality challenge/clash. Who wants to just be just given everything ? We all seem to like things that we can’t have. I imagine the fun of pursuing a “bad boy” is the chase and the reward at the end.
I don’t know I started this thinking I was smart but the more I typed the dumber it got.
Also most “nice guys” are just weirdos that think they deserve things simply for existing. "
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100% agree
Everyone likes someone who challenges them in some way. Having someone "nice" telling you how great you and fawning over you must get boring very fast
Of course it's okay to pay someone a genuine compliment or be polite but you have to put a value on yourself too 
Just being social, cheeky and charming usually wins the day over "nice" or "bad" Op |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People are strange.
A bit of strange is why I'm here.
Actions show you who the person is, everyone should be nice but being needy is very unattractive. Most nice people are very needy , except for the really nice ones .....
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Nothing to do with about being good/bad guy, people tend to feed of vibes and normally you can tell with personality.
I’ve found that out by being yourself is key in this type of subject. No point pretending to be something you’re not. If you’re just being nice for the sake of it , they only person getting worked up is yourself pretending to be something that ain’t you.
There is no such thing as perfect and good/bad guy thing is a load of balls if you ask me. Maybe am different but much prefer to be me and what you see is what you get, up to the other person to decide.
Wouldn’t be loosing no sleep over what others thing. Well that’s my 2cent on the matter lol who’s next ?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do woman always go for the bad men the ones that treat them like crap instead of a nice guy who’d do anything possible for them "
To my understanding this can be from some type of trauma (possibly childhood) or it can be from very low confidence along with someone brainwashing them. Its really quite sad as I have met some wonderful people both male and female who have been treated badly by there other half |
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By *azirlMan
over a year ago
Marbella |
Why do you even care who you perceive women are going for?
They aren’t innocent victims that need a saviour. They’re adults that come with their own baggage, good/bad traits etc.
Even the ones that complain about being treated bad by the “bad boys” or that eventually the “nice guy” wasn’t that nice after all probably done some pretty bad or not so nice things themselves in the relationship.
They could have been too clingy when one guy was honest about not wanting a relationship so they said he was cheating when he was just doing what he said he was going doing all along. They could have treated the “nice guy” as a doormat taking advantage of him over and over but when he says enough is enough all of a sudden he was “fake nice”.
Life is complicated, lived mostly in the grey area and very context dependent. Men aren’t simply put in bad and nice guy categories just like women aren’t purely sugar, spice and everything nice.
All you can do is focus on yourself and be the type of person you want to be. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"Why do you even care who you perceive women are going for?
They aren’t innocent victims that need a saviour. They’re adults that come with their own baggage, good/bad traits etc.
Even the ones that complain about being treated bad by the “bad boys” or that eventually the “nice guy” wasn’t that nice after all probably done some pretty bad or not so nice things themselves in the relationship.
They could have been too clingy when one guy was honest about not wanting a relationship so they said he was cheating when he was just doing what he said he was going doing all along. They could have treated the “nice guy” as a doormat taking advantage of him over and over but when he says enough is enough all of a sudden he was “fake nice”.
Life is complicated, lived mostly in the grey area and very context dependent. Men aren’t simply put in bad and nice guy categories just like women aren’t purely sugar, spice and everything nice.
All you can do is focus on yourself and be the type of person you want to be. "
What you say is true it's not always black and white and there are more grey areas than anything else.
And the only people who are directly involved know what actually happens in any situation.And it's rare that either one will put their hands up and go yep I was an arsehole there as well,they tend to point the finger to the other person as the one who was wrong.
There are men who act nice when it is just an act,just like there are plenty of women who do the exact same in order to get what they want.
And yes people should be just the person they want to be rather be what others want them to be.
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Nice guys freak me out. Too wimpy or creepy or something. I don’t like “bad boys” either, usually massively egotistical.
The important men in my life are strong confident clever considerate and respectful. They aren’t “nice”. They don’t do anything to be liked, they’re just bloody good men.
Strive to like yourself and be the best version of yourself you can be. The rest will fall into place. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do woman always go for the bad men…. "
That’s not true. Always is too much of a generalisation. Besides, what’s a bad man? Isn’t he just the result of his nurture? Everyone is battling inner demons.
"….. a nice guy who’d do anything possible for them "
Could it be possible that you are kind of a pleaser? Someone who puts everyone before yourself? That’s not nice to yourself. Setting boundaries is crucial in life. You can trust to a certain point and give as many chances as you want, but it is utterly important that you know your value and always add tax to it 
And lastly if they don't appreciate your value isn’t it better to have them far away from you?
Find people who resonate with you. They will show up  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do woman always go for the bad men the ones that treat them like crap instead of a nice guy who’d do anything possible for them "
I don't like bad men OP, i like men who are naughty in a sexually way.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nice guys freak me out. Too wimpy or creepy or something. I don’t like “bad boys” either, usually massively egotistical.
The important men in my life are strong confident clever considerate and respectful. They aren’t “nice”. They don’t do anything to be liked, they’re just bloody good men.
Strive to like yourself and be the best version of yourself you can be. The rest will fall into place. "
perfectly described i love a good modest guy with a streak of naughty but has integrity and isn't fake. |
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"Why do woman always go for the bad men….
That’s not true. Always is too much of a generalisation. Besides, what’s a bad man? Isn’t he just the result of his nurture? Everyone is battling inner demons.
….. a nice guy who’d do anything possible for them
Could it be possible that you are kind of a pleaser? Someone who puts everyone before yourself? That’s not nice to yourself. Setting boundaries is crucial in life. You can trust to a certain point and give as many chances as you want, but it is utterly important that you know your value and always add tax to it
And lastly if they don't appreciate your value isn’t it better to have them far away from you?
Find people who resonate with you. They will show up "
Can I claim tax back if the goods are faulty? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just because women like an adventure be it with a man labled bad or not there doesn't need to be a reason as such. In that moment they might just want to fulfil a fantasy, I think both men and women want or need to feel desired wanted and deep down nurtured. Labels are a generalisation that just fuels negative thoughts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Can I claim tax back if the goods are faulty? "
That would be cheeky and you would need to prove it ….but you can return them in the original package. |
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The bad guy from the wrong side of town,who charmd the women versus the steady reliable, dependable man they might marry. This has been the theme of so many movies and romance novels. Both men are archetypes,.. Who knows why many women prefer to have an adventure with the risky guy. Im sure universities must have libraries of theses on the subject. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Can I claim tax back if the goods are faulty?
That would be cheeky and you would need to prove it ….but you can return them in the original package.
That's gonna be a looking court case "
Lord! Nobody wants that. Will you take a freebie or a refund as a settlement please….. |
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"
Can I claim tax back if the goods are faulty?
That would be cheeky and you would need to prove it ….but you can return them in the original package.
That's gonna be a looking court case
Lord! Nobody wants that. Will you take a freebie or a refund as a settlement please….. "
What kind of freebie? and who paid who tax? And to what value? And who decides the value? I'm confused.com now actually |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
To summarise, the ideal partner, or meet, is a kind considerate person who is respectful, but has a sparkle in their eye, a sense of adventure, and is neither an insecure clingy unassertive doormat, nor an abusive, domineering volatile bully. |
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"Nice guys freak me out. Too wimpy or creepy or something. I don’t like “bad boys” either, usually massively egotistical.
The important men in my life are strong confident clever considerate and respectful. They aren’t “nice”. They don’t do anything to be liked, they’re just bloody good men.
Strive to like yourself and be the best version of yourself you can be. The rest will fall into place.
perfectly described i love a good modest guy with a streak of naughty but has integrity and isn't fake. "
Integrity and smarts. Yep!! |
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"Nearly 40 years ago I was dumped by a girlfriend who told me I was too nice and she went off with the local "bad" boy.
I asked her friend what she meant by "too nice" and she said it was simply down to the fact that I didn't drink and if we went anywhere she had to bring at least one friend along so she didn't feel guilty about drinking alone. Funnily enough that also applied in the cinema.In 3 months together we didn't have one single minute alone because of her mindset.
So the only actual difference between me and the guy she went off with was that he got d*unk with her.
I don't pretend to be someone or something just to please others and anyone who knows me through this site can confirm that I like to speak my mind even when it goes against the popular opinion and I don't blow smoke up anyones arse especially those that expect it.
At the same time no-one could ever say I've sent a nasty message or comment at any stage.
Nice and bad are two very subjective words but actions always speak louder than words and others can interpret them whatever way they want.
"
Well said |
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"Anyone I've come across in my life who called themselves a "nice guy" has been anything but.
Last one who stood out the most was one of my exes who used to do "nice" things for me that I didn't ask for and had no interest in, then tell me how nice they were and how ungrateful I am and remind me about how nice he is for not hitting me like some other boyfriends do (I'm sure many women have come across this kind).
"Nice guys" seem to be obsessed with their own "niceness", can't handle rejection and even moreso can't seem to understand that being "nice" is very subjective.
Dirk is a great man, who is nice, kind, compassionate and attentive.
He's not a nice guy though- he stands his ground, has his own goals and mind.
He tells me things how they are regardless of my feelings and most importantly he would never make me feel guilty for not making a special time to appreciate his niceness.
I much more appreciate a person who treats me as equal and appreciates me for my strong mind than someone who's just being nice to be nice.
Missus "
Brilliant Missus-Both partners feeling equal in any relationship should be paramount.
And knowing your own value and worth is vitally important. When this isn’t respected/acknowledged etc , then cracks can appear in any relationship.
And also it definitely goes both ways.
As regards “Nice guys”? = to be avoided at all costs!
Generally narcissists with their own agenda in my humble view.
There’s a great Twitter page about “ nice guy I’ve been following -some real horror stories there!
Check out @AubryAndrews |
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"A lot of women aren't . And I think especially as you mature you see through a lot of the crap as well and become less tolerant when someone doesn't treat you right.
I like men who are kind and decent guys who have the confidence to be themselves and will say if they disagree with something I say or do .
I don't like men who are doormats and agree with everything or do everything for me ,I usually find them to be clingy and ends up starting to feel claustrophobic being around them after a short while.
And like Missus said above also I find quite a few who self proclaim to be nice are far from it in reality,and they tend expect a certain return for them being nice to you,and if you don't do what they want well their real personality shows through.
"
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"If you have to tell people you’re a nice guy you generally aren’t "
Exactly!
Being a nice guy doesn’t mean being a carpet and saying yes to all in my books.
It’s being respectful and gentlemeny (sometimes  ). It’s being kind and empathic.
My hubby is a nice man… but he has his opinions and stands up for himself, and in bed…. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think it is as simple as people being either nice or bad. It is all about somebody being a good person in another's mind. A 'nice guy' or 'bad guy' can still be either a complete bast*rd or gentlemen.
Thankfully people don't roll off a conveyor belt in a factory all nicely flatpacked and ready to go with each of them being exactly the same. We all have life experiences that shape our characters and what attracts us to others.
At the end of the day, all a person can do is be themselves and you can be certain that whoever you are there people out there who find you irresistable regardless of your perceived characteristic traits. There will be others who will never even notice that we exist at all.
We all have varying tastes, likes and dislikes. You will rarely if ever see a menu with just one dish on it in a restaurant but you will always see people equally enjoying a variety of meals and not everybody orders the same dish every time they are handed a menu either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do woman always go for the bad men the ones that treat them like crap instead of a nice guy who’d do anything possible for them
It's easy for a "nice guy" to misinterpret a strong personality who doesn't supplicate to women as being a guy who treats them like crap.
That's not to say there aren't men out there who do treat women like crap. Those are usually co-dependent relationships where there is underlying trauma and the resultant coping strategies, which keep both people trapped in a cycle of unhealthy behaviour.
That's not all relationships though.
The "nice guy" usually acts from a place of neediness which women don't find attractive. The "nice guy who’d do anything possible for them" doesn't have strong boundaries and therefore doesn't exude a strong personality.
Evolutionary psychology means that most women are more likely to be attracted to strong men."
" The "nice guy" usually acts from a place of neediness which women don't find attractive. The "nice guy who’d do anything possible for them" doesn't have strong boundaries and therefore doesn't exude a strong personality."
Id never thpught about it to that extent but this strikes a chord of truth to me. But its not necessarily that all nice guys act from a place of neediness - rather if it appears to be like that women can be put off. A nice guy who is independent but supportive is a total catch!!!
'Bad guys' with charisma can suck the air from a room though and hog the limelight til you realise the shallowness of them |
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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago
north and south |
"Why do woman always go for the bad men the ones that treat them like crap instead of a nice guy who’d do anything possible for them
It's easy for a "nice guy" to misinterpret a strong personality who doesn't supplicate to women as being a guy who treats them like crap.
That's not to say there aren't men out there who do treat women like crap. Those are usually co-dependent relationships where there is underlying trauma and the resultant coping strategies, which keep both people trapped in a cycle of unhealthy behaviour.
That's not all relationships though.
The "nice guy" usually acts from a place of neediness which women don't find attractive. The "nice guy who’d do anything possible for them" doesn't have strong boundaries and therefore doesn't exude a strong personality.
Evolutionary psychology means that most women are more likely to be attracted to strong men.
" The "nice guy" usually acts from a place of neediness which women don't find attractive. The "nice guy who’d do anything possible for them" doesn't have strong boundaries and therefore doesn't exude a strong personality."
Id never thpught about it to that extent but this strikes a chord of truth to me. But its not necessarily that all nice guys act from a place of neediness - rather if it appears to be like that women can be put off. A nice guy who is independent but supportive is a total catch!!!
'Bad guys' with charisma can suck the air from a room though and hog the limelight til you realise the shallowness of them"
A Rascal with a glint in his eye and thinks outside the box still a gentleman |
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