FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > To FWB Or Not To FWB!!!!!!!!

To FWB Or Not To FWB!!!!!!!!

By *s Lolly OP Woman over a year ago

The pub then supermacs ...

After listening to a podcast over the weekend discussing the above topic by two fabulous fab ladies it got me thinking,what does FWB really mean to you? Can it even work long term without the dreaded catching the feels creep in? Do you just fall into it because you're sleeping with the person regularly or do you sit down and set ground rules?......

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"After listening to a podcast over the weekend discussing the above topic by two fabulous fab ladies it got me thinking,what does FWB really mean to you? Can it even work long term without the dreaded catching the feels creep in? Do you just fall into it because you're sleeping with the person regularly or do you sit down and set ground rules?......"

Think it was just and easy way to brand it plus i understand about the feelings thing ive been there bit i think as we get older we less likely to bring emotions on board x

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By *ux555Man over a year ago

monaghan

If rules are set it should work. Have been doing this with a married lady over 4 years on a weekley basis and it works perfectly for us both.

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By *ustBoWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Fwb means to me friends first and foremost and yes you can care about the other person they wouldn't be a friend if I didn't care about them.The benefits part is just a great added bonus.I think as long as you are both on the same page and discuss things then it can work out great it's only if people don't communicate that it goes wrong.

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By *s Lolly OP Woman over a year ago

The pub then supermacs ...

"If rules are set it should work. Have been doing this with a married lady over 4 years on a weekley basis and it works perfectly for us both."

Wow that's a long time,with sex and intimacy comes some sort of emotional attachment depending on the person how do you keep it in check?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oxytocin is released by sex which is a hormone responsible for bonding, be careful with that one.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I had a fwb for almost 4 years. It was intense and started out as meet as often as possible as sex was amazing and he was my best friend.

But the dreaded 'L' word was mentioned and then he started appearing at places when he knew I would be with no reason to be there...well it had to end.

Shame really as sex and friendship was great.

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By *ux555Man over a year ago

monaghan

Thats the boundries you have to watch. Ruins everything when they are crossed.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's how this profile came about.

Met in November and meeting since..its lovely to have someone to go to socials with..and as _ustbo says obviously ull end up caring about the person which isn't a bad thing.But once both agree to what is OK when at socials it can work..when ur not looking it definitely can happen xxxx

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By *ittlekinks38Woman over a year ago

outside belfast x

It can certainly work long term if things are set in place and yes ofcourse you have to have an attraction to the person but no strings attached fun! Having a fwb for many years made me realise relationships aren't for me...its finding one that's hard enough that'll take time x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have had a good few FWB set ups and they always go the same way. I think the more time you spend with someone, even if it’s just for sex, means you get to know the person and feelings start slowly creeping in. I had a thing with a professional advisor before. She was married but I knew she was falling because it started changing from just sex.

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By *og-ManMan over a year ago

somewhere

"That's how this profile came about.

This for me too.....and whats just as nice is to do things together also apart from just sex.

Last week after a social in a hotel we went to the pictures and had lunch the next day before leaving and both of us going home separately

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By *s Lolly OP Woman over a year ago

The pub then supermacs ...

"That's how this profile came about.

This for me too.....and whats just as nice is to do things together also apart from just sex.

Last week after a social in a hotel we went to the pictures and had lunch the next day before leaving and both of us going home separately

But if it's meeting for dinner, drinks going to the movies or just relaxing together aswell as the the sex is this not a relationship just with no commitment?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It sort of is really. Can two people be just friends?? Can a man (not gay) and a woman (not gay) be just friends??

I don’t think most people can separate sex and feelings that easily. And even more so if it’s an ongoing thing. And if it involves dinners and drinks!

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By *og-ManMan over a year ago

somewhere

"That's how this profile came about.

This for me too.....and whats just as nice is to do things together also apart from just sex.

Last week after a social in a hotel we went to the pictures and had lunch the next day before leaving and both of us going home separately

But if it's meeting for dinner, drinks going to the movies or just relaxing together aswell as the the sex is this not a relationship just with no commitment?"

I don't feckin know....is that not the friends bit

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By *s Lolly OP Woman over a year ago

The pub then supermacs ...

"It sort of is really. Can two people be just friends?? Can a man (not gay) and a woman (not gay) be just friends??

I don’t think most people can separate sex and feelings that easily. And even more so if it’s an ongoing thing. And if it involves dinners and drinks!"

This is it exactly and can you go back to just being friends if the emotional connection gets to much for one or both people involved?

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By *eijaWoman over a year ago

City Centre

Once everyone on the same page it can definitely work but feelings can develop..we are only human after all

B x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don’t think you can. And when friends start having sex (and assuming it’s really good) it confuses and complicates the whole thing. You probably could have a FWB thing with someone who’s not your friend to begin with.

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By *j47Man over a year ago

limerick

Having friends with benifis is great until one or the other moves in another direction because they arent getting what they want from just fwb

No matter what you do the feels as u say creep in you may not notice it until its gone but they do and it hurts just the same as any end to any relationship

Going to cinema and having lunch and dinner thats more than fwb thats a full blown relationship chatting daily all day sharing troubles and worries that ud not normally share with loose friends thats a relationship

It can work but there has to be a degree of seperation until ye both shine the bat lamp in the sky and meet for a bite to eat or a night out knowing ye going to shag before going yer seprate ways

Meeting once a week without meeting others thats a relationship. Meeting every forthnight without meeting others thats a relationship

Being there done that wearing the T-shirt

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By *j47Man over a year ago

limerick

"It sort of is really. Can two people be just friends?? Can a man (not gay) and a woman (not gay) be just friends??

I don’t think most people can separate sex and feelings that easily. And even more so if it’s an ongoing thing. And if it involves dinners and drinks!

This is it exactly and can you go back to just being friends if the emotional connection gets to much for one or both people involved?"

Its fucking hard but u can

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By *ustBoWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

"It sort of is really. Can two people be just friends?? Can a man (not gay) and a woman (not gay) be just friends??

I don’t think most people can separate sex and feelings that easily. And even more so if it’s an ongoing thing. And if it involves dinners and drinks!"

I've had some great male friends over the years so I don't see why you can't just be friends with someone of the opposite sex. I actually find it odd that people can't be just friends without sex being involved.

And I've also had Fwb before who I stayed friends with after we stopped having sex with each other .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It sort of is really. Can two people be just friends?? Can a man (not gay) and a woman (not gay) be just friends??

I don’t think most people can separate sex and feelings that easily. And even more so if it’s an ongoing thing. And if it involves dinners and drinks!

And I've also had Fwb before who I stayed friends with after we stopped having sex with each other .

I think you’re in the minority there. It’s great that you’ve had that but it’s rare enough I’d say.

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By *ealitybitesMan over a year ago

Belfast

"It sort of is really. Can two people be just friends?? Can a man (not gay) and a woman (not gay) be just friends??

I don’t think most people can separate sex and feelings that easily. And even more so if it’s an ongoing thing. And if it involves dinners and drinks!

And I've also had Fwb before who I stayed friends with after we stopped having sex with each other .

I think you’re in the minority there. It’s great that you’ve had that but it’s rare enough I’d say. "

It's not rare at all. I know quite a few women who have the majority of male friends. I have quite a few female friends as well.

Only once has one of those friendships crossed over into a sexual relationship but neither of us wanted to damage the long standing friendship and after a short time we went back to being platonic friends again and there haven't been any issues since.

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By *s Lolly OP Woman over a year ago

The pub then supermacs ...

It's something im looking for on here but after listening to the podcast which made some very valid points and the comments here mabey i need to review exactly what i want from fab.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's something im looking for on here but after listening to the podcast which made some very valid points and the comments here mabey i need to review exactly what i want from fab.....

I think you could find that on fab. None of us are friends in the traditional sense. What I mean is 2 people that are genuine friends for years and they start having sex.

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By *onty_400Man over a year ago

dublin

I think it can work. The only rules are what you both like in bed. Both sides are free to do as they please when not together. If the feels creep in the one of you must of wanted something more to begin with

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I take your point but I think you’re simplifying it. It’s not as black and white as that. Sex is fine if it’s just sex. It can and very often does turn more intimate. Where it’s not just fucking. That’s fine if it’s not with a friend. But much different if it’s someone you’ve been really good friends with for years

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's something im looking for on here but after listening to the podcast which made some very valid points and the comments here mabey i need to review exactly what i want from fab.....

I think you could find that on fab. None of us are friends in the traditional sense. What I mean is 2 people that are genuine friends for years and they start having sex. "

Personally speaking, a friend on fab is different that a friend in real life. If it starts with sex, it will always be a part of it and if not it fizzles out very soon after the sex stops. Both find new friendships etc.

If it starts with friendship and no sex, it also dwindles out as I have found a guy doesnt like to read verifs from other guys and eventually wants the same.

Maybe just my experiences.

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By *cottybear74Man over a year ago

kilkenny

It can work... But rules or conditions have to be made that suit both... Failing that just draw them hehe

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By *3nsesMan over a year ago

Dublin

From my experience for a fwb or even fb situation to work is that both parties need to be clear about what they want. Far too often someone goes into a fwb situation when they don't know what they actually want, or even worse, they do know what they want and it isn't a fwb situation but they enter into a fwb situation hoping the other person will change their mind. Always find that a fairly creepy way to approach it.

I now always set clear boundaries from the start. Very important to have discussions early on in terms of when the benefits come into it and when it's friends. Then a discussion on the intimacy side of things is also essential.

From my experience unless there's a clear understanding of what exactly we expect when we meet for dinner, walk etc then it can become confusing and difficult to navigate. Different expectations around hand holding, touching, kisses etc in these setting can create confusion and frustration.

Labels can be problematic at times but also very useful.

There three I have and use to describe the situations i get involved in. Fuck buddy, friends with benefits and then an open relationship. Basicslly what differentiates the three is the level of intimacy that is invovled.

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By *s Lolly OP Woman over a year ago

The pub then supermacs ...

"From my experience for a fwb or even fb situation to work is that both parties need to be clear about what they want. Far too often someone goes into a fwb situation when they don't know what they actually want, or even worse, they do know what they want and it isn't a fwb situation but they enter into a fwb situation hoping the other person will change their mind. Always find that a fairly creepy way to approach it.

Labels can be problematic at times but also very useful.

I agree 100% with this it's like you said you got to decide which bracket you want to fall into

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By *asual777Man over a year ago

i travel all over

Providing arrangements work for people they don’t have to have a name (relationship vs casual dating vs fwb)

My main rule is non exclusivity . I tend to not do things outside of hotel/house meets plus coffee/food. I suppose within the non exclusive context if there was a film we both wanted to watch for example and timetables aligned I don’t see a huge issue with that. I have done this with work colleagues when away with work I don’t see a reason for excluding a regular fwb from cinema outings but it hasn’t happened yet ….

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Communication here is the key to this working. Be open to what you want and what you don't want. For me it works better with someone in a similar situation as I. I can easily say from the word go to what I really want and have no problem saying it.If they are on the same page then great and if not no harm done. Once everyone is honest about their intentions.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Communication here is the key to this working. Be open to what you want and what you don't want. For me it works better with someone in a similar situation as I. I can easily say from the word go to what I really want and have no problem saying it.If they are on the same page then great and if not no harm done. Once everyone is honest about their intentions. "

Why aren’t we friends?? Hahaha damn anyway

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Fwb means to me friends first and foremost and yes you can care about the other person they wouldn't be a friend if I didn't care about them.The benefits part is just a great added bonus.I think as long as you are both on the same page and discuss things then it can work out great it's only if people don't communicate that it goes wrong. "

Agree with this well said

And to add

Great sexual connection does not mean LOVE a lot of people can get it mixed up ..has happened a few times to myself and has put me off a few times too

Yes care for someone, respect someone, enjoy being in their company .... the L word is a killer of a good sexual.connection..

..communication is key

You can like someone yes loving someone is a horse of a different colour in my book

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Lust and love. One can sometimes mistake one for the other.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why aren’t we friends?? Hahaha damn anyway "

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By *s Lolly OP Woman over a year ago

The pub then supermacs ...

"Lust and love. One can sometimes mistake one for the other.

100%

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By *og-ManMan over a year ago

somewhere

Agree with this well said

And to add

Great sexual connection does not mean LOVE a lot of people can get it mixed up ..has happened a few times to myself and has put me off a few times too

Yes care for someone, respect someone, enjoy being in their company .... the L word is a killer of a good sexual.connection..

..communication is key

You can like someone yes loving someone is a horse of a different colour in my book"

Thanks for writing this post.its exactly how I feel but couldn't get the words together in my brain as well as you did.

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By *xBelMorriganMan over a year ago

Dublin

To me a FWB is first and foremost a friend, meaning that we enjoy each others company and would spend time in non-sexual contexts. The sex is the benefit of that arrangement.

Though I'm polyamarous and ascribe to relationship anarchy and I am friends with everyone I'm intimate with. Tbh I don't understand having sex with someone that you don't enjoy the company of outside of sex.

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By *otorman20021Man over a year ago

East Cork

This sums it up pretty much. I had a fwb and it started out fine and we actually met through here so both of us knew the story and where we stood. We had a conversation about what both of us wanted and both parties agreed. But unfortunately the “feels” creep up on her side and she could not handle that I was still on here at the same time. You kinda have to be able to compartmentalise your feelings with fwb and unfortunately I seem to be very good at that because of my past.

There has to be a “connection” to get into fwb first because you need the attraction but it is a very tricky road to go down if both parties are not on the same page.

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By *ealitybitesMan over a year ago

Belfast

I had a situation on here a few years ago where a woman I had met a couple of times asked me to be exclusive. Within that arrangement though she reserved the right to meet at least two other long term fwbs.

I was upfront and honest from the start and said definitely not as it couldn't be one rule for her and a different one for me. We were either on the same page or we weren't.

She decided to tell anyone who would listen that I had hurt her badly and destroyed her trust in men completely.

Anyone who actually knew me told her to give her head a wobble as she couldn't blame me for not agreeing to her unreasonable demands.

I walked away from the drama and didn't log into my account for a year.

Recently someone who knew us both summed it up when she said that forcing people to read the page you've written and expecting them to agree to it is a recipe for failure.

Far better to find a page that means something to you both and that you both understand.

It also depends a lot on whether you are more interested in the benefits than the friendship or visa versa.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Absoloutly agree, when there is good communication then it takes away any awkward moments that can ruin the moment. I also agree if its with someone in a similar situation its much easier the have that level of communication and also push the boundaries of what you both want to explore. It does however also require a good level of communication with your partner too

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By *ed just RedWoman over a year ago

Dublin City

I havnt read other comments but YES it can happen, absolutely!!! But I do believe you genuinely have to be friends tho. I don’t think you can swan along riding and meeting without knowing you really matter as a friend to the other person.

I’ve a couple of FWB, one for 27yrs, another for 2.5 and one for 1. They’re all fucking awesome blokes and even tho I’m not meeting anyone at the moment for other reasons, I’m still in regular touch and they are good friends.

FWB are brilliant. And YES it can work!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

FWB are brilliant. And YES it can work!! "

27 years?! That’s insane. Not bad. Just impressive ye’ve stayed in contact for so long

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By *ed just RedWoman over a year ago

Dublin City

FWB are brilliant. And YES it can work!!

27 years?! That’s insane. Not bad. Just impressive ye’ve stayed in contact for so long"

Yep. He’s cool AF and we love each other to bits. We’ll never be a couple, but we both wanted it at the same time. We’re just fine the way we are.

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By *antra MassageMan over a year ago

South Side.

"Once everyone on the same page it can definitely work but feelings can develop..we are only human after all

B x"

Whats so wrong with feelings? Isn't that what relationships, even FWB, are all about.

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By *klovedoctorMan over a year ago

Brighton

I have to completely agree with this, as the F in FWB comes first, the whole point is you have already establish some form of relationship by being friends, now with the benifits bit, because you already know each other things should be more comfortable, and you should already have some form of idea of what the pair of you should like and dislike, win win in my book

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By *klovedoctorMan over a year ago

Brighton

I think feelings are a very inportant part of being intimate with someone else, reason being is feelings are what are behind the passion, and quite frankly sex with out passion is two robots fucking

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

this sums it up perfectly Fwb is just a friendship with sexual relationship, one can have feelings for someone and not be in full on in love relationship. One can love without being in love like said above the communication is a key fundamental important element in any friendship/relationship. Honesty and respect aswell and being able to work through bumps in the road such a jealousy etc is nessasary aswell i think especially for fab fwb.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That's how this profile came about.

This for me too.....and whats just as nice is to do things together also apart from just sex.

Last week after a social in a hotel we went to the pictures and had lunch the next day before leaving and both of us going home separately

But if it's meeting for dinner, drinks going to the movies or just relaxing together aswell as the the sex is this not a relationship just with no commitment?"

Fwb lol yup

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