"Sorry I mistyped...
Sounds to me like you're in quite a toxic relationship. She is supposed to care for you and your needs. I'd be getting out."
Everyone deserves happiness.
Starting a new life might seem a little scary, but it's a thousand times more fulfilling than sneaking around partners back. No matter how much you're dissapointed in said partner.
I was in 3 relationships where I just eventually didn't even feel attracted to my partner.
Morning after break up is the best feeling! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m fortunate that my wife understands that I have sexual needs. Her libido isn’t what it used to be, through no fault of hers, so while it is in this low slump she is allowing me to get my kick elsewhere. If anything it’s really made appreciate how lucky I am to have a wife who is so understanding and caring.
I was frustrated but I knew it wasn’t her fault so I never forced myself on her or made her feel bad about it or held it against her and she recognised it and appreciated it and fore that reason gave her permission. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the biggest question is if you still love or actually like each other.
Its not that i didnt want sex when i was with my ex, i didnt want sex with him, because i felt unappreciated and a lot of the time he wasnt very nice to me, but still expected me to put out and enjoy it when he wanted it.
You need to talk about what else is going on too.
Mrs S |
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By *avegood OP Man
over a year ago
Drogheda |
I try to be a good partner and no I would never force myself on her and never asked for fun I told her to make a move when she wants it but she never wants it with me so what should I do just leave and give her the house
Because we are married everything goes to her because I leave |
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"I try to be a good partner and no I would never force myself on her and never asked for fun I told her to make a move when she wants it but she never wants it with me so what should I do just leave and give her the house
Because we are married everything goes to her because I leave "
No that's not how divorces work. Take professional advice
First maybe give counselling a go. There may be a specific issue that might be fixable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was in a very similar situation. My wife gave me permission to play away with only one stipulation. That she never finds out. She was worried what people would think if they knew kinda thing. However I still stayed suffering.
I came on here after we were no longer together.
I'd love to say I done the right thing but it doesn't feel like it. I sacrificed so much for too long and it helped nothing. Sex is important. It's biology. You need to have sex, everyone does. But I'd suggest having the tough conversation. |
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"I was in a very similar situation. My wife gave me permission to play away with only one stipulation. That she never finds out. She was worried what people would think if they knew kinda thing. However I still stayed suffering.
I came on here after we were no longer together.
I'd love to say I done the right thing but it doesn't feel like it. I sacrificed so much for too long and it helped nothing. Sex is important. It's biology. You need to have sex, everyone does. But I'd suggest having the tough conversation. "
Well done. You DO deserve to live a full life. It's worth fighting for! |
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That kind of what happened with myself was with my ex for 7 years and now out of now where she is coming back to me asking to be with me but in a open relationship it's just a mind fuck she was not up for when we where married and now she wants this it had to walk away from someone u love but if its not there is the best thing for u in the long run it will be hard at time but u will start to feel better after time |
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"Not much totally indifferent about we are more like housemates at this stage we never where exactly passionate
Does she understand the effect this has on you? "
I like the fact u asked about the effect it has , so considerate of ye. I am in a marriage where I hxvnt had sex with my wife in over a year. It makes me feel so insignificant, I’m not looking for sympathy, I choose to study cause I hsve 2 young kids whom I adore and don’t want to destroy their worlds. I am willing to forgive sex and a physical relationship so my kids lives won’t b turned upside down. Thank ye for being so considerate in yer reply it’s not always easy to leave a sit like that |
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"Not much totally indifferent about we are more like housemates at this stage we never where exactly passionate
Does she understand the effect this has on you? "
I like the fact u asked about the effect it has , so considerate of ye. I am in a marriage where I hxvnt had sex with my wife in over a year. It makes me feel so insignificant, I’m not looking for sympathy, I choose to study cause I hsve 2 young kids whom I adore and don’t want to destroy their worlds. I am willing to forgive sex and a physical relationship so my kids lives won’t b turned upside down. Thank ye for being so considerate in yer reply it’s not always easy to leave a sit like that |
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The reason I ask that question is because sometimes a wife (or a husband) might be so wrapped up in some issue (like depression or something) than means they can't see or understand the difficulty that not having sex means to their partner. Thats a very different thing to someone who just doesn't care that their partner is having to forego an important part of their lives. I strongly believe that cheating on a loved one is wrong. I believe that if you are in a situation where your partner doesn't care about your needs, then that's toxic and you should get out. I don't believe having children is a reason to stay in a toxic environment, and having them learn that this is what they can expect for them and their relationships. If however she cares deeply about your happiness and if unable to satisfy your needs herself, then she should be able to understand that you will need to fulfil your needs elsewhere. |
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"The reason I ask that question is because sometimes a wife (or a husband) might be so wrapped up in some issue (like depression or something) than means they can't see or understand the difficulty that not having sex means to their partner. Thats a very different thing to someone who just doesn't care that their partner is having to forego an important part of their lives. I strongly believe that cheating on a loved one is wrong. I believe that if you are in a situation where your partner doesn't care about your needs, then that's toxic and you should get out. I don't believe having children is a reason to stay in a toxic environment, and having them learn that this is what they can expect for them and their relationships. If however she cares deeply about your happiness and if unable to satisfy your needs herself, then she should be able to understand that you will need to fulfil your needs elsewhere. "
Firstly can I say I havnt been with a single person r anyone on this so Im trying to explain I appreciated you thought of the person who is unhappy. I don’t R ever want to instill those values in my kids r want them to grow up r b In A toxic environment. I am very respectful to my wife but I am conscious the damage abd trauma that can affect kids now and in the future when a-relationship breaks down abd kids love both mum and dad unconditionally but can’t understand. My point being sometimes u hsve to be unselfish abd thi j of the consequences fir others before making such a big life changing decision |
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Both of us have cheated in the past and have been cheated on. It doesn't feel good. It's doesn't help. Betraying the person who is supposed to be #1 in your life isn't the answer to your problems. The answer lies in communication and honesty, and taking the necessary steps to your happiness and ultimately the happiness of your family too. You all deserve better than going behind your family's back. |
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"Both of us have cheated in the past and have been cheated on. It doesn't feel good. It's doesn't help. Betraying the person who is supposed to be #1 in your life isn't the answer to your problems. The answer lies in communication and honesty, and taking the necessary steps to your happiness and ultimately the happiness of your family too. You all deserve better than going behind your family's back."
I agree with u whole heartedly we all deserve the best in life. Cheating isn’t the answer I’m not saying it is. Unhappiness is a bad poison unfortunately tho!! It breeds contempt in the long term And certainly I won’t go behind my family’s back r no one ever wants to r should b in thst horrible position. Anyway this isn’t about me I was just trying to explain the difficult situations people r n. Its not always as easy as people think unless they hsve those choices to make. thanks fir the honesty. |
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"Both of us have cheated in the past and have been cheated on. It doesn't feel good. It's doesn't help. Betraying the person who is supposed to be #1 in your life isn't the answer to your problems. The answer lies in communication and honesty, and taking the necessary steps to your happiness and ultimately the happiness of your family too. You all deserve better than going behind your family's back."
I agree with u whole heartedly we all deserve the best in life. Cheating isn’t the answer I’m not saying it is. Unhappiness is a bad poison unfortunately tho!! It breeds contempt in the long term And certainly I won’t go behind my family’s back r no one ever wants to r should b in thst horrible position. Anyway this isn’t about me I was just trying to explain the difficult situations people r n. Its not always as easy as people think unless they hsve those choices to make. thanks fir the honesty. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m fortunate that my wife understands that I have sexual needs. Her libido isn’t what it used to be, through no fault of hers, so while it is in this low slump she is allowing me to get my kick elsewhere. If anything it’s really made appreciate how lucky I am to have a wife who is so understanding and caring.
I was frustrated but I knew it wasn’t her fault so I never forced myself on her or made her feel bad about it or held it against her and she recognised it and appreciated it and fore that reason gave her permission. "
lucky you |
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