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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I know this has nothing to do with swinging, but just curious to get some advice from other parents.. so I just found out yesterday that my ex Wife told my youngest child (she's 10) the truth about the big lad with the red suit. I think there was time enough for another year or at least let her kinda work it out herself possibly.. maybe I'm wrong though. Shes very innocent and loves the whole santa and elf on the shelf thing, which I've done myself every year for her. I think it puts a lot of pressure on her to keep it as a secret now because some of her friends are younger than her..Thoughts? |
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I think its hard for us too. My lad is 9 and i think he knows but isn't saying so. Maybe her mam found out much earlier than ten and feels the need to inform her. Tbh i think when a child finds out, it leaves them with a big wtf moment. Probably feels she was softening the blow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's not a case of one size fits all..every child is different and some really want to keep that feeling going for as long as they can
Ours were definitely in 6th Class before the playground whispers, I think (it was years ago!) |
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Talk to your wife about it if you're upset about it. Id guess she had her reasons.
We have five kids between 12 and 2, and we talk to the older ones in vague terms about keeping the Christmas spirit, and making sure everyone experiences the magic of Christmas. We were able to deal with it with a nod and a wink, and think about your younger siblings etc.
Every family is different though and I respect those who choose to tell kids the truth. |
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Unfortunately the joy of santa seems to be revealed to kids younger and younger .
My oldest was maybe 11 I think,
But my youngest was definitely younger, older kids Internet seems to have destroyed the magic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this has nothing to do with swinging, but just curious to get some advice from other parents.. so I just found out yesterday that my ex Wife told my youngest child (she's 10) the truth about the big lad with the red suit. I think there was time enough for another year or at least let her kinda work it out herself possibly.. maybe I'm wrong though. Shes very innocent and loves the whole santa and elf on the shelf thing, which I've done myself every year for her. I think it puts a lot of pressure on her to keep it as a secret now because some of her friends are younger than her..Thoughts?"
If shes still very innocent I'd have preferred to let her get another year out of it. They only get to believe for such a short time that I personally would hate to take that manic away prematurely.
My child is 10 and very innocent too. I'll leave him believe as long as possible. |
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Every child is different. My teen knew by 10 cos she’s like a super sleuth but my 9.5yo is obsessed. My littley is a lot more innocent tho.
It could have been that the child was being teased in class? Or that your ex didn’t want your 10yo finding out from another child.
As a co-parent she probably should have discussed it but, as a primary care-giver, it could have been a serendipitous timing issue.
As an aside, someone slagged my oldest for believing in Santa and she slagged them right back for believing in a God.
That’s my daughter 
Dunno where she gets it from LOL |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think its best they work it out for myself. I reckon my 10yo knows but isn't saying but the pretence suits us all. They have fuck all to look forward to when they are older, leave them with the magic as long as you can imo. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Every child is different. My teen knew by 10 cos she’s like a super sleuth but my 9.5yo is obsessed. My littley is a lot more innocent tho.
It could have been that the child was being teased in class? Or that your ex didn’t want your 10yo finding out from another child.
As a co-parent she probably should have discussed it but, as a primary care-giver, it could have been a serendipitous timing issue.
As an aside, someone slagged my oldest for believing in Santa and she slagged them right back for believing in a God.
That’s my daughter
Dunno where she gets it from LOL"
I'm loving the bit about your daughter slagging the other person back.. she told her because she didn't want her to be told lies anymore.. that was the only reason. Her Mum knows that if she discussed it with me I'd would not have agreed to it.. hence the reason why I wasn't told. She was told about the tooth fairy, Easter bunny and whatever other ones at the same time too  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the comments everyone.. maybe I'm just annoyed that I wasn't told what was going to happen.. in my mind co-parenting means sharing about your kids, but that must only apply to certain things. |
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By *rkkidMan
over a year ago
Cork |
The biggest point of this story that stands out to me is she didn't even mention anything to you before telling her. If co parenting, that is a big event in a child's life up until a certain age.
If it was yourself who told her would mom be impressed? I seriously doubt it..
Major lack of communication on her behalf in mho..
Best thing is to ask why. Better to agree or disagree instead of always wondering why..
I do miss Santa  .. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The biggest point of this story that stands out to me is she didn't even mention anything to you before telling her. If co parenting, that is a big event in a child's life up until a certain age.
If it was yourself who told her would mom be impressed? I seriously doubt it..
Major lack of communication on her behalf in mho..
Best thing is to ask why. Better to agree or disagree instead of always wondering why..
I do miss Santa .."
thank you for this.. I would have preferred to have done it together.. anyway I'm gonna continue doing what I've done every Christmas with her for the last 4 years.. keep the spirit alive some way |
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By *ebelRoadMan
over a year ago
Cork / Wexford |
I have to do it all with my girls.
The Christmas and changing to womanhood talk.
For Christmas my rule is to have them knowing before 1st year of Secondary school.
I just say Santa can't cope.with all the children and that they are now part of the biggest secret in history. They, the child, get to help keep Christmas spirit alive and bring joy to younger children.
Gives them a belief and responsibility that they hopefully love.
Works for my family thankfully.
My belief open honest communication at the right time. |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
Every child is different in terms of their awareness and development.
I was aware from a very early age what the reality was and revealed the truth one day to my cousin who was being taken home by his domineering mother who wanted to maintain the sham.
I can still vividly recall as she swung a punch at my head just outside the old Frontier cinema, long gone, for telling the truth, and bringing her mollycoddled only child into the real world!
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