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How to let someone down nicely
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I've been approached by a lady on another site/app. Very nice to chat to, decent bit of banter back and forth etc. We have had some online cam sessions but that's the furthest it went. She knows I'm married and a little hesitant at the moment. She wants to go further, arrange a meeting, but to be honest, I'm just not attracted to her. She's not ugly or anything and I don't want to sound arrogant or mean, but she's just not my type.
Any tips about how to be nice about telling her to cool her jets a bit? I could just be an asshole and ghost her but I don't think that'd right. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been approached by a lady on another site/app. Very nice to chat to, decent bit of banter back and forth etc. We have had some online cam sessions but that's the furthest it went. She knows I'm married and a little hesitant at the moment. She wants to go further, arrange a meeting, but to be honest, I'm just not attracted to her. She's not ugly or anything and I don't want to sound arrogant or mean, but she's just not my type.
Any tips about how to be nice about telling her to cool her jets a bit? I could just be an asshole and ghost her but I don't think that'd right. "
"ive enjoyed our chats, you are a lovely person but im sorry im not interested in taking this further" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You should be careful.
She could be a stage 5 bunny boiler.
I imagine a trip to the doctors and an unexplainable rash might do the trick, or some rash views on the holocaust, something to make her run |
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Pretty simple, just say you're not feeling it, there's no spark or chemistry (use whatever excuse you like) and wish her the best. You've not met in person so I don't feel you'd owe her a major explanation. |
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I guess a little bit of me was flattered by the attention. She would mostly contact me late at night and when you're bored, watching TV, a bit horny, the female attention is distracting. She would have made first contact and contacted me for her own fun I guess. |
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"You should be careful.
She could be a stage 5 bunny boiler.
I imagine a trip to the doctors and an unexplainable rash might do the trick, or some rash views on the holocaust, something to make her run "
and mem wouldn't do this to a woman no, I know you didn't make the phrase 'bunny boiler' up buy uts like only women are bunny boilers.what would you class a mam then? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm sure the advice from the ladies above is correct when dealing with a sane, emotionally stable woman, but I think you should be very careful.
You stated that you are married, does that play into this? Does your wife know that you are playing away? Could this woman contact you in the real world?
I have had some bad experiences in the past and I would be very careful with peoples feelings, especially if the situation changed, people can be weird.
In saying that I could be completely wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess a little bit of me was flattered by the attention. She would mostly contact me late at night and when you're bored, watching TV, a bit horny, the female attention is distracting. She would have made first contact and contacted me for her own fun I guess. "
Honesty is the best policy - it’s never nice to lead someone one just for ur own ego boost. It’s not nice at all |
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"I'm sure the advice from the ladies above is correct when dealing with a sane, emotionally stable woman, but I think you should be very careful.
You stated that you are married, does that play into this? Does your wife know that you are playing away? Could this woman contact you in the real world?
I have had some bad experiences in the past and I would be very careful with peoples feelings, especially if the situation changed, people can be weird.
In saying that I could be completely wrong. "
No none of the above, its not about me actually, I just want to let someone down nicely. If anything I have a soft side to me, just don't like to hurt anyone. This is a woman in her mid to late 40s, no man, no kids, lives on her own, probably a bit lonely coming up to Christmas. I just kind of feel for her. From what she tells me, she doesn't get out much or have a great social side to her life. I'm just trying to be nice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just be honest tell her thanks for the online fun but your not interested in meeting or taking it any further.
Rip the bandaid off. At least she knows where she stands and won't spend the next while wondering what she did wrong.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You should be careful.
She could be a stage 5 bunny boiler.
I imagine a trip to the doctors and an unexplainable rash might do the trick, or some rash views on the holocaust, something to make her run "
We've all met that type !! |
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Honesty is always best policy. Just be kind about it. As Rubadub or a number of others for that matter. Your post shows that you are eloquent with words. I'm sure you can come up with something that won't be hurtful but won't lead this particular woman on any further either.
All the best  |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
Like others have said just be honest with her and the sooner the better . Otherwise she will think you have been stringing her along by continuing to chat of you don't actually want to meet her .The longer you let her think you are interested in more than just chatting the more likely she will take it badly. It's never easy to tell someone you don't find them attractive but it's better to tell someone early. There have been a few good suggestions farther up on what to say .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tell her your kick boxing fanatic wife has found out and is on a mission to find the woman involved 
Just tell her you going out with Katie Taylor "
Katie haunts my dreams .. she's too good |
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By *lameBoyMan
over a year ago
Enfield & Dublin |
"I've been approached by a lady on another site/app. Very nice to chat to, decent bit of banter back and forth etc. We have had some online cam sessions but that's the furthest it went. She knows I'm married and a little hesitant at the moment. She wants to go further, arrange a meeting, but to be honest, I'm just not attracted to her. She's not ugly or anything and I don't want to sound arrogant or mean, but she's just not my type.
Any tips about how to be nice about telling her to cool her jets a bit? I could just be an asshole and ghost her but I don't think that'd right.
"ive enjoyed our chats, you are a lovely person but im sorry im not interested in taking this further""
Perfect 
Honesty from the start and then you have nothing to worry about remembering. |
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"I've been approached by a lady on another site/app. Very nice to chat to, decent bit of banter back and forth etc. We have had some online cam sessions but that's the furthest it went. She knows I'm married and a little hesitant at the moment. She wants to go further, arrange a meeting, but to be honest, I'm just not attracted to her. She's not ugly or anything and I don't want to sound arrogant or mean, but she's just not my type.
Any tips about how to be nice about telling her to cool her jets a bit? I could just be an asshole and ghost her but I don't think that'd right.
"ive enjoyed our chats, you are a lovely person but im sorry im not interested in taking this further""
This for sure. Honest & to the point |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Job done, bit the bullet, hope all is ok. Message has been read so fingers crossed she took it ok"
Fair play at end if day most of us just want honesty, no game playing. We are all adults the initial rejection hurts but it's better than been messed about or lied to or ghosted. |
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"I'd rather be let down here then meeting face to face and seeing the look of dread on there face
Who lets anyone down face to face? Takes a special kinda savage to do that! "
I'm afraid that happens. Not everyone you chat with online, fancy their pics and then meet for a social is necessarily going to be who you want to get intimate with.
In which case, it's still possible to do this in a kind, honest and compassionate way - particularly if the person on the receiving end feels differently. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"I'd rather be let down here then meeting face to face and seeing the look of dread on there face
Who lets anyone down face to face? Takes a special kinda savage to do that! "
Why wouldn't someone let someone down face to face. I don't see anything wrong with doing that if you don't want to go any farther than a social with them .That's the whole point of a social to see if you get on and if there is chemistry.There is absolutely no need for someone to be rude to anyone when saying they don't want to take it any farther but I'd prefer someone to say that than ignore me after. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd rather be let down here then meeting face to face and seeing the look of dread on there face
Who lets anyone down face to face? Takes a special kinda savage to do that! "
I d sooner be let down face to face or in a message than be just completely ignored or ghosted, I have no expectations from a social coffee or meet, it's the only way to know if there's an attraction to take things further. I've met guys that wouldnt have been attracted to by their pics and have been pleasantly surprised. And I'm sure I've been a let down in person but that's the joys of fab |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
Politely, courteously and firmly.
If this approach provokes an inappropriate adverse reaction, thereby confirming your decision, then blocking is the next stage.
A face to face social permits both parties to test the water and assess chemistry; if either doesn't want to take it further-say so with sensitivity-or even better if they still want to take it forward on agreed terms, go for it.
Those who react badly very frequently give off red flags, even during phone conversations.
Trust your gut, but excessive caution and early cutoffs may destroy a relationship that had some potential, given a fair wind and a positive demeanour. |
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